sometimes I feel like I’ve changed so much and sometimes I feel like I haven’t changed at all

its been six years and im still lonely LOL

i think when I go on my trip I will try to post pictures here!!! I’m excited!!!

i have so many memories here and so many friends have deleted their blogs

turned 27 today. I miss my best friend more than anything but I’m learning that I’m still capable and worthy of love. I have a lover waiting for me to get better giving me time and space I need to grow. I have friends who just recently came in to my life but make me feel special and accept my flaws whilst holding me accountable for my actions and words. I have a family that loves me and supports me no matter how many times I have failed. I have one grandparent left that always gives me unconditional love and care and vouches for me and my character. Things are okay and they will get better. Thank you to everyone who’s ever given me a fraction of love and thank you to the people who aren’t here anymore in my life that made me into who I am today. I am 27 and I don’t want to die. I want to live and get married and have a successful career. I want to be happy. I want to come back to my lover and tell him I’m okay now I’m ready to be with you forever. May Allah grant me and my loved ones those here and those gone and those that are far away a beautiful life and a beautiful akhirah inshaAllah 💖

I feel like bipolar disorder has taken so much away from me. I no longer feel like the person I used to be. I’m not sure what direction I should be going in. I just feel like a ghost of who I was before. I don’t know how to fix anything anymore.

things are going to be okay.

my grandpa passed away. i spent a lot of my childhood with him. abu… i hate that you won’t be here to see me graduate or get married. i really wanted you to see what i’d accomplish. so far i haven’t accomplished much at all, at least not worldly things yet. but i think i am becoming as kind as i can be again. main aapko bohot yaad karngi abu. please protect me and meet me again in jaanat. i love you, i wish i got to kiss your hand and cheek one more time, i wish i massaged your feet for you one last time. i’m sorry you were in so much pain, i wish i made sure you knew you were loved but i was young and stubborn sometimes too, stupid, as well. love you abu