So I ended up taking like. Four months. But if you'd like to pinpoint the exact moment Commander Arceidai developed abandonment issues, have I got a snippet for you!
Arceidai and Theitia's confrontation circa level twenty personal story, regarding the nature of the dream and nightmare.
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Arceidai’s neck was throbbing as they came to. They sat up, not an easy task with the sharp pricks that met their wrists whenever they moved. Or the tired ache gripping their head. Or with their mouth being so dry it almost burned. They were in some kind of … thicket? No. Not a thicket. A cell. They were in a cell, a Nightmare Court cell. That’s right. They were looking for Theitia. She was here. They found her, turned away just for a second. Then there was something sharp, and then they woke up. They woke up here.
Theitia. They were looking for Theitia. The thought hit them like a brick once it fully registered. They found her, she was here she was-
She looked up nonchalantly as they stirred. She looked good. Better than Arceidai had expected considering how long the court had her for. If they didn’t know any better, (Why was her skin so much duller. Wasn’t the purple more vibrant before? It must be the lighting) with the way she was leaning against the cell wall (She had a knife. Arceidai’s bow was gone. How did she get that off the guards?) and the dress they didn’t recognise (She felt wrong. Why did the dream around her feel wrong? It had to be this place, it absolutely reeked of nightmare. They needed to get out of here) they would say she almost looked relaxed.
“Oh good, you’re awake. I was starting to worry you’d still be asleep when Caithe got here. I could have made it work, naturally, but I don’t think you’d ever live down the humiliation of sleeping through her daring rescue. It’d be another week before Trahearne even let you LOOK outside the Grove.”
“Okay, right.” They shook their head, trying to clear the last clouds of sleep from their mind. They started pulling against the restraints, a cluster of violet brambles wrapped tightly around their wrists, now that they looked properly, but the tighter they pulled the deeper the thorns dug into their wrists. “I need you to untie me, then we can get out of here. How- How many guards are out there, do you think?”
Theitia didn’t make a move to help, just continued to watch them fight against the brambles curiously. “I wouldn’t bother if I were you. You’re outnumbered and unarmed. It would be impressive if you even lasted five minutes against them. Besides, you’re not going to be able to get out of those without fucking up your wrists something awful. Especially if you keep thrashing like that.”
A slow, sinking feeling of dread began to creep up their spine. “Theitia. I need you to untie me.”
She clicked her tongue. “Now that’s a shame, since I need you exactly where you are. If I didn’t show up again, well, it would take a while for Caithe to come looking, she expects this from me. Especially after that little spat we had. But you Sunshine? Special little perfect sprout Arceidai? If you don’t come home she’ll know something’s wrong. You always were a suck up.”
A small drop of golden sap began to drip from their thrashing, burning wrists and down their coat sleeves, warm, wet, and uncomfortable. They tried not to let the fear into their voice as they kept pulling at their wrists. “Tia, What are you doing?”
Theitia paused and looked away from them, her self satisfied smirk giving way to guilt. It only lasted for a brief moment before her resolve steeled and she turned back.
"Have you ever thought about ants?" She asked.
"Ants?" Their struggling briefly stopped as they looked up at her, perplexed.
"Yes, Arceidai. Ants." She turned on her heel to face them. "The insects. Black, six legs, little antennae?"
"I know what an ant is" They rolled their eyes. "What is your point?"
"You like animals, don’t you? That’s your whole thing? They're a remarkable species. The way they trod, along the same paths, in their straight lines, towards their goal, day after day, somehow knowing what needs to be done, and where they need to be. Each of them is exactly the same, indistinguishable, just a small part of a larger whole. They think the same things, they move the same way, compelled by some unseen force to do the bidding of the hive. Till one day, they die, and another ant fills the gap they leave in their never ending march. They aren’t mourned. There’s nothing to be mourned. They’re just parts in a machine. Each action and decision can be attributed to nothing more than pheromones. And isn’t that interesting? Everything they are begins and ends with their hive. They commit their entire existence to it, never question it, never stray from their little lines, do everything they’re told, and for their trouble all they get is stepped on. The hive doesn’t care about it’s parts, as long as the whole survives.
We’re individuals, we’re people. Yet we're created just to be sent out and die for a world we have never even seen, we’re given a purpose we have not chosen nor understood. How is that fair? How can you claim that’s right? ”
"Tia, this isn't you, please can you just- just stop, let me out so we can talk properly about this, there's still a way to fix this. You haven't gone too far, whatever they've done to you-"
She smirked and shook her head "It's cute how deeply in denial you are about all of this, really it is. It's one of your most endearing qualities. I'm actively using you as a hostage, I could very well be seconds away from killing you, and yet, you just can't quite put it together, can you? You're simply refusing to accept it."
"You're my friend, you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I know you, please, just listen to me. Whatever they said they were lyi-."
"How far are you willing to see me go before you give up, I wonder.” she cut off their protests ”How long does it take that brilliant little brain of yours to realise that I don't need to be saved."
"Please. Please don't do this." Tears began to burn in the sides of their eyes.
"Because the thing is you didn't get it Arceidai! You never got it! As much as you refuse to ever shut the hell up, you just don’t listen! The Pale Tree doesn't care about us. She has thousands of children, why would she honestly care about sending two of us to our deaths?"
"We won't die! Stop being melodramatic and come back to the grove already. This isn’t funny, I don't want to be here anymore. We can go home and figure this out together.” They couldn't just leave her here. Not like this, not ever. This wasn't real she wouldn't do this.
Theitia let out a harsh laugh and shook her head. "Why won't we die. What's keeping us alive! Is it our destiny? You think that just because a magic tree told you to do something that it's safe? That your actions matter, that you can make any difference at all? The thing that you don't seem to realise is that it doesn't matter. None of it matters. Not the elder dragons, not the tree, not the Ventari, none of it. The only thing that does is us. We don't need to be grand heroes, or righteous heroes, the pale trees little pawns. The Nightmare isn't the evil that plagues our kind, the Dream is. Don't fight it. Just trust me."
Arceidai just stared at her, mouth agape. "Right. Excellent. You're insane. You are actually insane Theitia!"
"It's not insane to want a choice." She snarled "If you don't demand one, you're never going to be given one. And I'm not going to sit around and wait to be told who I am. This is MY life. The simple fact is that I choose this entirely of my own volition. You may be happy to live, and die, as a pawn, the dreams perfect little soldier against the elder dragons, but did you actually think I'd follow you to Orr? You thought we were going to defeat Zhaitan together? Hm? Use the power of friendship against a dragon? No, you see, I have the basic self respect to take control of my life. I am not letting an overgrown shrubbery with delusions of grandeur, or some self important firstborn tell me who I'm going to be. That's not fair. If it knows that it can use you, if she knows she can use you, do you think that that will stop if Zhaitan falls? No. Then it's Jormag, or Primordus, or something else, it will never stop! Because that's all we are to the dream. Weapons. Pawns. Nothing. I am a person! Not someone's tool, not part of some grand destiny, I am my own person, and NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO."
It was a long, tense moment as the words settled in the air. Theitia was shaking with barely contained rage. She took deep, shuddering breaths. It felt good. Being allowed to to be angry about it without being chastised for once. It was freeing, almost an exhilarating sensation. In her fervour she hadn’t realised that she had closed the gap between her and Arceidai. They were barely a foot away from each other.
"So what then." Their voice was almost a whisper, even and unwavering. A challenge. "You're just gonna kill me now?"
Theitia leaned in and tilted their head up with her finger, pausing for a long moment to consider them.
"Now why would I do a silly thing like that?" She decided, leaning back with a grin. "After all, Sunshine, you're my best friend."
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You know, a lot of content between Arc and Tia has ended up as letters somehow, but this was the first one I wrote.
A discussion between the Knight of The Briars and a lower ranked Nightmare Courtier, regarding the delivery a breakup letter.
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Theitia sized up the messenger who had burst into her quarters, lips pursed in contempt and confusion. She was small enough in stature, not cutting a particularly intimidating figure by any standards, but the barely restrained tension on the messenger's face showed he knew exactly who she was and what she was capable of.
"You're here… to deliver… my mail?" She repeated.
"Yes, my lady." he held out an envelope, carefully sealed with a lump of violet wax.
"And who, pray the fuck tell, is sending mail to our lovely little sect of suffering and unholy darkness? And may I enquire as to, why exactly they are sending mail to a sect of suffering and unholy darkness? And furthermore why an agent of said sect saw fit to deliver this mysterious mail, interrupting whatever important business I, an important cog in our dark machinations, the executor of our grand duchess Faolain's every will, may have been attending to at the time?"
He shifted uncomfortably "Well, uh, you see, it's from… Firstborn Caithe's Apprentice?"
She tilted her head quizzically "Caithe's- Arceidai? Arceidai gave you a letter."
He nodded "Yes, my lady, they…. Infiltrated one of our bases earlier tonight and accosted me with the letter. They got away too quickly for us to catch them, and we assumed you'd want to be the first to read it. Sorry if that was presumptuous-"
"Give me a moment. My deepest apologies are in order, I must have misinterpreted your words somewhere. The situation you have described to me here, is that my sworn enemy, one of the blighted mother tree's most dangerous and valiant warriors against our cause and everything we stand for, entered your camp and gave you a letter. Your first instinct upon seeing this was to deliver that letter for them."
"Well, my lady that's putting it in a very-"
"Not to chase them down?"
"We tried to but they-"
"To come back basically empty handed with a fancy piece of paper?"
"Do you want it or not?" He brandished the envelope in exasperation.
Theitia stopped talking, distracted from her tirade. After a moment, curiosity got the better of her, and she snatched it from him "... We'll have this discussion later, impertinence isn't a look that suits you particularly well."
He rolled his eyes as he let go. Theitia carefully broke the seal. With every word her eyes seemed more intently fixated on the page, curiosity giving way to a blank intensity. He wondered if she forgot he was even there.
Finally, her gaze rested on a single phrase.
After what felt like an age, without looking up she spoke in a quiet, indiscernible tone.
"Get out."
"Pardon?"
"Leave. Now. Get out." Her cadence remained controlled, with a hint of some feeling seeping out from beneath. He didn't have time to analyse it, with a flick of her wrist a wreath of fire caught at his feet. The messenger leapt back into the wall, cursing. Without looking back, he bolted out of the room. Obviously he hadn't been leaving fast enough. He didn't want to know what happened if he was any slower.
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Theitia.
Maybe I'm just being sentimental.
Maybe writing this is stupid. You probably don't even care. I'm sure I don't mean anything to you any more, other than a cheap source of entertainment. If, deep down, any part of you still considered me your friend, it probably died a long time ago, and the Theitia I knew is gone. Or that's what Caithe says anyways. I hope she's wrong, though she wouldn't lie to me, no matter what you and your creed think. But I still feel like you deserve to know.
I'm leaving Caledon Forest.
One of the Orders of Tyria, the Durmand Priory, has offered me a place among their ranks. Yes, it's still about the Zhaitan thing, and yes, I know what you would say. I can't deny there's something tempting about forgetting that whole thing. There's something, almost fun in some perverse way, about this whole rivalry. It's simple, I understand the situation and where I stand. It isn't messy and complicated like the real world. You do bad things, I stop you. You're evil, I'm good, but the stakes aren't nearly that high.
Well. That's not entirely true. You're part of the nightmare now, and a knight no less, which means you've done horrifying things I don't even know about. I don't like to think about what you've become. I'd say that I want to stop you, but it's not that simple. It's more that I want you to stop. It's funny really, I still don't think I could actually hurt you, even after all this.
But the thing is, I'm not content to just stay and play pretend at being the hero and the villain. I can't do this anymore. You know what it feels like to have a Wyld hunt. That insatiable call to action, the nagging in the back of your mind. Telling you to go. It scared you. I guess I didn't get that last time we talked about it. But our Wyld hunt connects me to the world, and calls me to be part of it, it's even given me this opportunity at the priory, which is one of the largest research institutions in Tyria, dedicated to recording and storing history, and using that knowledge to save the world. It's everything I've ever wanted. It's exciting in a way I can't really describe. I'll be able to learn so many new things, and use those things to help so many people. I can be a hero. I can see the world. I can save the world.
You never got why I wanted that. But I can't stand idle knowing that there's this destruction in the world that I can stop. It's not just because the dream wishes it, it's because people are being hurt and someone needs to do something, before these elder dragons destroy us all. I was created to kill Zhaitan. If I fail to even try, what am I?
What I'm saying is I can't stay, even if it meant I could save you. I recognize that I can't help you if you don't want to be helped, and I'm not sure I could ever bring myself to kill you. I'll always care about you, even though you hate me. At very least, considering how much you did to torment me, specifically, I'm assuming it was hatred, or at least some kind of cruel spite. You always insisted that I accept that you no longer cared about me. I'm still not sure if I believe you, but you haven't exactly given me a choice, other than to come to terms with the fact that I will never get you back.
You could come with me Tia. If any part of you still cares. I wouldn't even ask that you help me fight or complete your Wyld Hunt. Just that you give up on causing all this suffering. You want to be your own person. Deep down you know that the nightmare won't help with that. You're still just doing what someone else tells you to. The only difference is Faolain has you convinced it's your idea. Please, come with me. You could be away from the Grove, away from the dream, and forge your own path. We could be friends again. We would be together, and that would be all that mattered to me.
I'll be in Lions Arch on the 43rd day of the Season of Zephyr. I know that you won't be there. I have to ask though. An invitation to join me is simply the last chance I feel I need to extend to you.
This has been sitting in my drafts for god knows how long, I wasn’t sure if it was done but I wanted it out before Jormag rising. Thank you for the ask!
“Stay here tonight.” Theitia put a hand on Arceidai’s shoulder, stopping them before they could reach the helicopter. Above the eye of the north, dusk was already gripping the edges of the sky. The days following the frost legions debut had been… long, to say the least. The threat of Jormag’s awakening hung over Tyria like a cloud, and they were no closer to stopping Bangar.
“Tia, I- I can’t.” They huffed. “You know that we can’t. We’ve dropped off those reports, that’s all we came for. You can stay if you want. I know this has been a lot on you, but I need to get back to Drizzlewood coast.”
“What you need is to rest. Crecia has things there under control, if the world starts to end, you’ll be informed. But you’ve been running yourself into the ground these past few days, and frankly, I’m sick of it. So, grand and mighty pact commander, you are going to stop, turn around, and go back to that nice comfy room that’s all made up for you. If you don’t rest, you’re going to get people killed. Namely yourself.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re fine?”
“Yes!” Arceidai insisted.
“Oh dear me, so I suppose the fact that you've been hobbling around like a risen that’s been thrown under a stampede of methed up dolyaks for the past ten hours is just some weird coincidence that has absolutely no relation to the three hours sleep you got prior to that. I’m terribly sorry that I was so dreadfully mistaken. My honest and deepest apologies I will see to reparations at once. It was so foolish of me to assume the reason you look like month old cabbage being sent to dry in the realm of torment was not in fact because you had died yet again, but merely the result of something far more benign like poor exfoliation. Remind me to set you up with a proper skincare routine, I know a lotion that works wonders on leafy skin."
They squinted at her in confusion “I’m sorry, Theitia, what the actual hell are you going on about?”
“Arceidai. Whether you like it or not, you are still hurt. This is your first time out in the field with your new leg. You need to take it easy, because this is exactly how you lost the first one. Unless you want to be entirely brand by the end of the year, for once in your life, you need to stop pushing yourself sunshine.”
“That was... surprisingly heartfelt. What’s your angle?"
She gasped in mock offense "You offend me. Can't a lady just be concerned about her most handsome suitor?"
Arceidai frowned. They had places to be, so if Theitia wanted to play weird passive aggressive games, they'd play weird passive aggressive games. Their entire demeanor shifted, they smirked and leaned in closer, reaching for her hand. "And if I were to stay, what would a ladies most handsome suitor get out of it?"
She raised her brow, sensing bullshit and matching their verve "Oh something well worth your while. I think you'll like it very much."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah" she gently brushed the leaves away so she could whisper seductively into their ear. "You get to keep your other fucking leg."
They pulled back to look at her, not shifting tone "Oh you always know just how to make me blush."
She pushed their shoulder back playfully "Go to bed, Sunshine. I'm completely serious. If it makes you feel better I'll go back to keep an eye on things but-"
They shook their head tiredly "No. No, that's fine, I'm… you've been working just as hard as I have. Everyone has been. It wouldn't feel right to take a break when you're still out there."
I am bitter about literally everything. Including people continually using my life to fill the Angst Quota. Go focus on someone elses angst and let me sit in my bitter hole.
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Our freezer is full of cheese. The whole thing. Is full of cheese. What am I even meant to do with all this cheese. There is too much cheese Jessie. You didn't even have a legitimate reason to do it. I have donated half the cheese you made during that entire... thing. We still have too much cheese. I couldn't even donate all of it because then people at the food banks started getting really concerned at how much cheese we had.
