#corvis luminiferous

“Oh good, you’re awake. I was starting to worry you’d still be asleep when Caithe got here. I could have made it work, naturally, but I don’t think you’d ever live down the humiliation of sleeping through her daring rescue. It’d be another week before Trahearne even let you LOOK outside the Grove.”

“Okay, right.” They shook their head, trying to clear the last clouds of sleep from their mind. They started pulling against the restraints, a cluster of violet brambles wrapped tightly around their wrists, now that they looked properly, but the tighter they pulled the deeper the thorns dug into their wrists. “I need you to untie me, then we can get out of here. How- How many guards are out there, do you think?”

Theitia didn’t make a move to help, just continued to watch them fight against the brambles curiously. “I wouldn’t bother if I were you. You’re outnumbered and unarmed. It would be impressive if you even lasted five minutes against them. Besides, you’re not going to be able to get out of those without fucking up your wrists something awful. Especially if you keep thrashing like that.”

 A slow, sinking feeling of dread began to creep up their spine. “Theitia. I need you to untie me.”

She clicked her tongue. “Now that’s a shame, since I need you exactly where you are. If I didn’t show up again, well, it would take a while for Caithe to come looking, she expects this from me. Especially after that little spat we had. But you Sunshine? Special little perfect sprout Arceidai? If you don’t come home she’ll know something’s wrong. You always were a suck up.”

A small drop of golden sap began to drip from their thrashing, burning wrists and down their coat sleeves, warm, wet, and uncomfortable. They tried not to let the fear into their voice as they kept pulling at their wrists. “Tia, What are you doing?” 

Theitia paused and looked away from them, her self satisfied smirk giving way to guilt. It only lasted for a brief moment before her resolve steeled and she turned back.

 "Have you ever thought about ants?" She asked.

"Ants?" Their struggling briefly stopped as they looked up at her, perplexed. 

"Yes, Arceidai. Ants." She turned on her heel to face them. "The insects. Black, six legs, little antennae?"

"I know what an ant is" They rolled their eyes. "What is your point?"

"You like animals, don’t you? That’s your whole thing? They're a remarkable species. The way they trod, along the same paths, in their straight lines, towards their goal, day after day, somehow knowing what needs to be done, and where they need to be. Each of them is exactly the same, indistinguishable, just a small part of a larger whole. They think the same things, they move the same way, compelled by some unseen force to do the bidding of the hive. Till one day, they die, and another ant fills the gap they leave in their never ending march. They aren’t mourned. There’s nothing to be mourned. They’re just parts in a machine. Each action and decision can be attributed to nothing more than pheromones. And isn’t that interesting? Everything they are begins and ends with their hive. They commit their entire existence to it, never question it, never stray from their little lines, do everything they’re told, and for their trouble all they get is stepped on. The hive doesn’t care about it’s parts, as long as the whole survives.

We’re individuals, we’re people. Yet we're created just to be sent out and die for a world we have never even seen, we’re given a purpose we have not chosen nor understood. How is that fair? How can you claim that’s right? ”

"Tia, this isn't you, please can you just- just stop, let me out so we can talk properly about this, there's still a way to fix this. You haven't gone too far, whatever they've done to you-"

She smirked and shook her head "It's cute how deeply in denial you are about all of this, really it is. It's one of your most endearing qualities. I'm actively using you as a hostage, I could very well be seconds away from killing you, and yet, you just can't quite put it together, can you? You're simply refusing to accept it."

"You're my friend, you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I know you, please, just listen to me. Whatever they said they were lyi-."

"How far are you willing to see me go before you give up, I wonder.” she cut off their protests ”How long does it take that brilliant little brain of yours to realise that I don't need to be saved." 

"Please. Please don't do this." Tears began to burn in the sides of their eyes. 

"Because the thing is you didn't get it Arceidai! You never got it! As much as you refuse to ever shut the hell up, you just don’t listen! The Pale Tree doesn't care about us. She has thousands of children, why would she honestly care about sending two of us to our deaths?"

"We won't die! Stop being melodramatic and come back to the grove already. This isn’t funny, I don't want to be here anymore. We can go home and figure this out together.” They couldn't just leave her here. Not like this, not ever. This wasn't real she wouldn't do this.

Theitia let out a harsh laugh and shook her head. "Why won't we die. What's keeping us alive! Is it our destiny? You think that just because a magic tree told you to do something that it's safe? That your actions matter, that you can make any difference at all? The thing that you don't seem to realise is that it doesn't matter. None of it matters.  Not the elder dragons, not the tree, not the Ventari, none of it. The only thing that does is us. We don't need to be grand heroes, or righteous heroes, the pale trees little pawns. The Nightmare isn't the evil that plagues our kind, the Dream is. Don't fight it. Just trust me."

Arceidai just stared at her, mouth agape. "Right. Excellent. You're insane. You are actually insane Theitia!"

"It's not insane to want a choice." She snarled "If you don't demand one, you're never going to be given one. And I'm not going to sit around and wait to be told who I am. This is MY life. The simple fact is that I choose this entirely of my own volition. You may be happy to live, and die, as a pawn, the dreams perfect little soldier against the elder dragons, but did you actually think I'd follow you to Orr? You thought we were going to defeat Zhaitan together? Hm? Use the power of friendship against a dragon? No, you see, I have the basic self respect to take control of my life. I am not letting an overgrown shrubbery with delusions of grandeur, or some self important firstborn tell me who I'm going to be. That's not fair. If it knows that it can use you, if she knows she can use you, do you think that that will stop if Zhaitan falls? No. Then it's Jormag, or Primordus, or something else, it will never stop! Because that's all we are to the dream. Weapons. Pawns. Nothing. I am a person! Not someone's tool, not part of some grand destiny, I am my own person, and NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO."

It was a long, tense moment as the words settled in the air. Theitia was shaking with barely contained rage. She took deep, shuddering breaths. It felt good. Being allowed to to be angry about it without being chastised for once. It was freeing, almost an exhilarating sensation. In her fervour she hadn’t realised that she had closed the gap between her and Arceidai. They were barely a foot away from each other.

"So what then." Their voice was almost a whisper, even and unwavering. A challenge. "You're just gonna kill me now?"

Theitia leaned in and tilted their head up with her finger, pausing for a long moment to consider them. 

She tilted her head quizzically "Caithe's- Arceidai? Arceidai gave you a letter."

He nodded "Yes, my lady, they…. Infiltrated one of our bases earlier tonight and accosted me with the letter. They got away too quickly for us to catch them, and we assumed you'd want to be the first to read it. Sorry if that was presumptuous-"

"Give me a moment. My deepest apologies are in order, I must have misinterpreted your words somewhere. The situation you have described to me here, is that my sworn enemy, one of the blighted mother tree's most dangerous and valiant warriors against our cause and everything we stand for, entered your camp and gave you a letter. Your first instinct upon seeing this was to deliver that letter for them."

"Well, my lady that's putting it in a very-"

"Not to chase them down?"

 "We tried to but they-"

"To come back basically empty handed with a fancy piece of paper?"

"Do you want it or not?" He brandished the envelope in exasperation.

Theitia stopped talking, distracted from her tirade. After a moment, curiosity got the better of her, and she snatched it from him "... We'll have this discussion later, impertinence isn't a look that suits you particularly well."

He rolled his eyes as he let go. Theitia carefully broke the seal. With every word her eyes seemed more intently fixated on the page, curiosity giving way to a blank intensity. He wondered if she forgot he was even there.

Finally, her gaze rested on a single phrase. 

After what felt like an age, without looking up she spoke in a quiet, indiscernible tone.

"Get out."

"Pardon?"

"Leave. Now. Get out." Her cadence remained controlled, with a hint of some feeling seeping out from beneath. He didn't have time to analyse it, with a flick of her wrist a wreath of fire caught at his feet. The messenger leapt back into the wall, cursing. Without looking back, he bolted out of the room. Obviously he hadn't been leaving fast enough. He didn't want to know what happened if he was any slower.

------------------

Theitia.

Maybe I'm just being sentimental.

Maybe writing this is stupid. You probably don't even care. I'm sure I don't mean anything to you any more, other than a cheap source of entertainment. If, deep down, any part of you still considered me your friend, it probably died a long time ago, and the Theitia I knew is gone. Or that's what Caithe says anyways. I hope she's wrong, though she wouldn't lie to me, no matter what you and your creed think. But I still feel like you deserve to know.

I'm leaving Caledon Forest.

One of the Orders of Tyria, the Durmand Priory, has offered me a place among their ranks. Yes, it's still about the Zhaitan thing, and yes, I know what you would say. I can't deny there's something tempting about forgetting that whole thing. There's something, almost fun in some perverse way, about this whole rivalry. It's simple, I understand the situation and where I stand. It isn't messy and complicated like the real world. You do bad things, I stop you. You're evil, I'm good, but the stakes aren't nearly that high.

Well. That's not entirely true. You're part of the nightmare now, and a knight no less, which means you've done horrifying things I don't even know about. I don't like to think about what you've become. I'd say that I want to stop you, but it's not that simple. It's more that I want you to stop. It's funny really, I still don't think I could actually hurt you, even after all this.

 But the thing is, I'm not content to just stay and play pretend at being the hero and the villain. I can't do this anymore. You know what it feels like to have a Wyld hunt. That insatiable call to action, the nagging in the back of your mind. Telling you to go. It scared you. I guess I didn't get that last time we talked about it. But our Wyld hunt connects me to the world, and calls me to be part of it, it's even given me this opportunity at the priory, which is one of the largest research institutions in Tyria, dedicated to recording and storing history, and using that knowledge to save the world. It's everything I've ever wanted. It's exciting in a way I can't really describe. I'll be able to learn so many new things, and use those things to help so many people. I can be a hero. I can see the world. I can save the world.

 You never got why I wanted that. But I can't stand idle knowing that there's this destruction in the world that I can stop. It's not just because the dream wishes it, it's because people are being hurt and someone needs to do something, before these elder dragons destroy us all. I was created to kill Zhaitan. If I fail to even try, what am I? 

What I'm saying is I can't stay, even if it meant I could save you. I recognize that I can't help you if you don't want to be helped, and I'm not sure I could ever bring myself to kill you. I'll always care about you, even though you hate me. At very least, considering how much you did to torment me, specifically, I'm assuming it was hatred, or at least some kind of cruel spite. You always insisted that I accept that you no longer cared about me. I'm still not sure if I believe you, but you haven't exactly given me a choice, other than to come to terms with the fact that I will never get you back.

You could come with me Tia. If any part of you still cares. I wouldn't even ask that you help me fight or complete your Wyld Hunt. Just that you give up on causing all this suffering. You want to be your own person. Deep down you know that the nightmare won't help with that. You're still just doing what someone else tells you to. The only difference is Faolain has you convinced it's your idea. Please, come with me. You could be away from the Grove, away from the dream, and forge your own path. We could be friends again. We would be together, and that would be all that mattered to me.

I'll be in Lions Arch on the 43rd day of the Season of Zephyr. I know that you won't be there. I have to ask though. An invitation to join me is simply the last chance I feel I need to extend to you. 

This letter will be my final correspondence.

Forever your Sunshine,