#s7e09

There is something weird with this town from the moment you stepped foot into it. People have been so chill here that it concerns you. You needed to meet up with the rangers in charge of the case, but even he is proving to be useless. Ranger Rick acts like he doesn’t have a care in the world, and Ranger Phil is missing. You’re at Biggerson’s Sizzlin’ Grill and Bar talking to Rick, hoping to get something useful out of him. This place is definitely creeping you out, especially the posters on the wall. They all say the same thing: Pepperjack Turdunken Slammer only for $4.99. Your dad is at the morgue looking at the most recent deceased person, and you’re here to grill the ranger.

“So, Ranger Evans,” Dean clears his throat.

“Oh, uh, you can call me Rick. Ranger Rick,” the man chuckles.

“Uh, you were the one who found Mitchell Rayburn, correct?”

“The human burrito.”

“State police have it down as a bear attack,” you say.

“Yeah, I read what the state police says. That was no rogue brown,” Rick laughs.

There’s something off about him… you’re not sure what.

“Apparently, some others reported seeing something a little, you know, weirder.”

“You know, I've been a ranger for twelve years. Tell you the truth, we have no idea what's out there. Tell you this, though. You got to respect Mother Nature. You respect her, or she's gonna string you up, and she'll eat your ass right through the Gore-Tex.”

“So, you’re telling us, it’s Mother Nature?” you ask, raising one eyebrow.

“See, me and Phil, we've been finding something's leftovers for weeks--deer remains, badger, and even missing pets.”

“Who’s Phil?”

“Assistant Chief Ranger. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Phil in a couple of days. He's supposed to call from whatever station he's checking off.”

“So, you think maybe your assistant chief ranger might be missing?”

“I should probably report that,” he mutters.

He doesn’t have a care in the world right now, and that’s messing with you just a little bit. Your dad enters the restaurant, and you gladly get up at the thought of getting away from Ranger Rick here.

“Oh. Excuse us. Well, you, uh... enjoy your lunch... Ranger Rick,” Dean stutters. You three head over to your dad. “So?”

“Well, I took a look at the cadaver—what's left of it. Not a happy camper. Don't have any stats on a Jersey Devil, but the bite radius on the vic's wounds is too small for a Leviathan. And he's still got a ventricle and some change, so I doubt we're talking werewolf. And wendigos don't leave no scraps.”

“That is a tough one,” you sigh.

“Lunch?” Dean asks nonchalantly.

“Starving.”

A waiter with the name tag “Brandon” passes by, and Dean stops him with a quick touch to his shoulder.

“Hey! Uh, Brandon. Can we grab a booth?”

“Hey, uh, douchewad, a hostess will seat you. Do I look like a fucking hostess?”

You immediately hand Jo to the nearest person next to you before stalking over to Brandon. He’s much taller than you, but you’re not intimidated in the slightest. Your eyes flash blue to scare him, and it seems to be working… only slightly.

“Hey, watch your fucking mouth. That is my husband you’re talking to.” Brandon just walks away, and you smirk before turning to face the group. They all stare at you, and you just shrug without a care. “What?”

“I sure hope we don't get Brandon's section,” your dad comments.

A hostess greets you and takes you to a booth happily. Everyone already knows what they want to eat, so they don’t need to waste time trying to order. You’re not hungry so you don’t order anything. Though, Joanna is. You have everything you need to feed her here. The hostess takes the orders and places them in the queue before leaving to tend to other customers.

Sam holds Joanna in his arms, and as much as you love to see her bonding with her uncle, you really need to feed her before she screams her head off.

“Are you hungry, my angel?” you grin.

She makes a cooing noise as Sam passes her over to you. The baby bag is by your feet, but the bottle is already made. You grab it from the smallest pocket and get her comfortable to where she can eat carelessly. You place the tip of the bottle to her mouth, and she goes to town. This case is definitely a head scratcher, so you have nothing left to do but sit in silence.

Just then, out of the corner of your eye, you see Brandon head over to your table with everyone’s food. You hold back an eye roll, hoping he has a better attitude than before. Brandon sets a plate in front of San first with a deadpan look on his face.

“Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird.”

He sets the next plate in front of Dean.

“TDK slammer to Ken Doll.”

Next, he sets the last plate in front of your dad.

“A little heart-smart for the creepy uncle.” Since there is nothing for you, he just turns to you and looks down at Joanna. “And nothing for the mother that’s clearly trying too hard.”

“What the fuck did you say?” you state angrily.

“What is your problem?” Dean asks as he holds you back from socking this guy in the face.

“You are my problem!” Brandon yells before walking away.

“Yeah. There goes his eighteen percent,” Sam scoffs.

You turn your head and spot Brandon picking up another tray of food. Your eyes flash blue, and your magic envelopes his feet, causing him to trip into the waiter passing by him. The food goes everywhere and all over Brandon. He curses and shouts angrily, but you just smirk. That’s what he gets for being an asshole. You turn back to the three men, not registering their bitch faces until minutes later.

“What? He deserved that.”

“Anyway, chief ranger—I don't think he believes in the Jersey Devil,” Dean gets back on track as he eats.

“Oh, by the way, did he seem a little stoned to you?”

“Ranger Rick? Yeah. Definitely growing his own on the back forty and smoking all the profits.”

“He did seem to think that there was something—”

Dean interrupts him by moaning with his mouth full.

“Oh, that is a good sandwich.”

“What the hell did you get?” your dad asks, slightly disgusted.

Dean turns a card on the table advertising the special—the same thing that’s on the walls of the place.

“The new Pepperjack Turducken Slammer—limited time only.”

“A bunch of birds shoved up inside each other. Shouldn't play God like that.”

“Hey, don't look at me sideways from Chinese chicken geezer salad there, okay? This is awesome. Like the perfect storm of your top-three edible birds.”

“Anyway,” you clear your throat. “The ranger did seem to think there was something out in Wharton Forest.”

“Well, then I'd say it's safari time.”

“She’s big-boned!” A man shouts at Brandon from across the small restaurant.

Everyone looks toward their way, but they don’t seem to care about it.

“Look at her! You're telling me she's not fat?”

“Hey!” another waiter says, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Up yours, Mike. Shove it right up yours!”

Brandon rips off his apron and leaves the restaurant in a hissy fit. Man, whatever is shoved up his ass needs to come out.

“Well, anyway, back to bigger and better things,” Dean declares.

He continues eating his sandwich, content with just sitting here and stuffing his face.

After Dean was finished with his sandwich, and the second, and the third, you three headed to the woods where most everyone has been disappearing to. It’s pitch black, it’s cold, and all you want to do is slide into bed and cuddle up to your warm husband. Joanna is sleeping in the swaddle close to your chest.

“Are you sure it’s safe for her to be here with us?” Dean asks in a whisper as you three troll the dark woods.

“What, you expect us to leave her alone in a motel room with someone we don’t know? You and I both know she is much safer out here with us than in some motel.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he grumbles.

You, Dean, Sam, and your dad are all walking together carrying packs and rifles. Yes, you have a rifle despite having your magic. You’re using it to protect Joanna since you have no idea what might be in these woods. Your dad stops suddenly and stares at a tuft of hair on a bush.

“Couple of bucks. Head-butting over turf probably. Pretty sure the other fella won.”

“I guess I forgot. Before you were a hunter, you were actually a… hunter,” Sam chuckles.

“Yeah, well, we shot our dinner when I was a kid.”

“Remember you used to take us hunting?” you chuckle at the memory. “John would have a case, and he’d dump us on you. Shit, you must have taught us most of the outdoor tracking we know.”

“Yeah, what I could get to stick. I never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer.”

“Can you blame me? They’re so cute,” you jut out your bottom lip.

“Yeah, you’re talking about Bambi, man.”

“You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother.”

You look around the place and notice a bloodied arm hanging from the tree right above you. You sigh and point your rifle at the arm because there is a spot light on top of the gun, so everyone is able to see the body part.

“Well, looks like we found Phil,” you sigh.

Sam takes out his phone to call Ranger Rick so he can deliver the news. You’re not sure how he is going to take it, but you do know you have to stay here until he gets here. You’re worried because the longer you stay out there, the more you’re in danger of whatever killed Phil. Luckily, you don’t have to wait long because Rick is quick to respond.

“Special agents,” Rick says as he exits his vehicle. “Listen, I got your call, but I'm not sure I got what you were saying.”

Dean uses his rifle and light to shine it on the arm so Rick can see what you stumbled upon. “Hey. I think we found Phil.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Uh, I should probably call this in.”

Rick is probably more stoned than he was before. Something is going on in this town, and you’re not sure if you want to know.

“Yeah, yeah. Solid move, Rick,” Sam comments.

Ranger Rick approaches his car when you hear the sound of a creature moving and breathing heavily. Your eyes turn blue as you’re ready for anything that comes your way. Ranger stick picks up the CB radio and talks into it to the other officers.

“Guys, there’s something here,” you whisper.

“Uh, this is Ranger Evans up at Acher's Point. Come in. Uh, repeat. This is Chief Ranger Evans.”

“Chief Ranger, go ahead,” a woman says on the other end of the line.

“I have a situation out at Acher's Point.”

“Ranger, I think we've got company,” you state loudly.

“Yeah? Who's that?” the ranger laughs.

Suddenly, something grabs at him and pulls him into the trees. His screams of agony and pain is enough to wake Joanna up. She isn’t scared of the noise because the first thing she sees is you, the first thing she feels is you, and the first thing she hears is your heartbeat. She knows she is safe from whatever is out there.

“Ranger! Ranger Evans! Ranger!” Sam yells, but it’s no use.

Whoever or whatever got him already killed him. The creature is up in the trees, making as much noise as it can to taunt you, saying, “You can’t catch me”. You and the three men point your rifles to the trees.

“It's got him up in the trees. Lights off,” your dad orders.

Your dad turns off his spotlight, but the rest of them stay on.

“What?” Dean asks, lowering his rifle.

“Wait, Bobby, you think that's really a good idea?”

“Shut up, shut off, and listen.”

You don’t argue with him and do as he says, all three lights turning off. You can hear the creature snacking on Phil. It’s making your stomach churn.

“Damn thing’s eating Rick,” your dad gasps.

“Man, I liked Rick,” Dean comments.

You three look at Dean in confusion, but you don’t dwell on it. Your dad closes his eyes as he aims in the trees. He fires upon the creature once, and a humanoid figure falls from the trees holding Ranger Rick’s arm. Your mouth falls open at the sheer talent your dad has.

“Wow. Nice shot, Bobby,” Dean says, impressed.

“We all got our gifts.”

“What the hell is it?” you ask and peer at the creature.

“What about the rest of Ranger Rick?” Dean asks at the same time as you.

“Ranger called in his 10-20. His own will find him. We got shit to do.”

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