#s2ma

43. “YOU DID WHAT?!”

Bucky fumed.

“So, probably not one of my better ideas,” Steve admitted after a few minutes of his pointed silence.

Bucky almost strangled him then and there. “Not one of your better ideas? Not one of your better ideas? Steve, we were arrested. Arrested! I am once again in a cage, Steve.”

“I know you’re trying to make me feel bad but rest assured that when you say bullshit like ‘once again in a cage,’ I do not feel guilty at all,” Steve informed him, putting his hands on his hips.

Bucky seriously considered strangling him. Then he saw Sam walking toward their holding cell, and he seriously considered strangling himself. “It wasn’t my fault,” he said immediately.

Sam looked unimpressed, but then he noticed Steve pretending very hard that he was not there. “Hmm. With a face like that, I’ve got to believe you.”

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed, scowling. “Just because he’s your boyfriend and you think he’s cute–”

“I was talking about your face, Steve,” Sam deadpanned. “Believe it or not, you always get a certain expression when you’re trying not to be noticed when you’ve gotten in trouble.”

“I do not!” Steve snapped, and then frowned. “Wait, is that how Tony always knows when I’ve broken the furniture?”

“Tony knows when you’ve broken the furniture because he’s got cameras everywhere, stupid,” Bucky scoffed.

“Sam, Sam, you have to bail me out too, please, I’ll pay you back, please don’t let Tony pick me up from jail,” Steve said hurriedly. “I need to give him time to cool down or else he’ll actually kill me.”

Sam turned to look at him. “Sorry, bud,” he said, not looking sorry at all. “But he gave me a ride here.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!” echoed throughout the holding cells. Probably the entire precinct.

“Oh,” Steve said, looking sad and slightly terrified.

Bucky grinned, gleeful. “This is the best day of my entire life.”

Tony stormed back to the holding cells, looking livid. “STEVE.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said immediately.

“YOU PUNCHED A CIVILIAN.”

“He put his hands on me first!” Steve exclaimed defensively.

Tony lunged toward the bars, holding them in a white-knuckled grip. Steve skittered backward in terror. “He shoved you after you took all of his pamphlets and threw them in the trash, Steve!”

“They were pamphlets against vaccinations!” Steve snapped, crossing his arms, apparently too incensed to remember who he was talking to.

“Just because you don’t like anti-vaxxers doesn’t mean you should get into fights with them, Steve!” Tony snapped back. “Just because their opinions are stupid doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to have them!”

“I HAD POLIO!” Steve bellowed, throwing his hands in the air in angry exasperation.

“Oh, here we go again,” Bucky sighed. “Sam, please bail me out, I really can’t listen to this again–”

“Why are you inside the holding cell?” Sam asked him, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“Because I was trying to stop the fight and one of the anti-vaxxers threw a punch at me so I threatened to cut their heart out and eat it,” Bucky admitted, fidgeting. “And I guess threatening them like that was… not the right thing to do…”

Sam pursed his lips. “Hmm. And you think you deserve bail.”

“Please don’t leave me here with Steve and his righteous indignation. I’ll pay you back. I’ll rub your feet every night.”

“Promise to rub my shoulders, too,” Sam ordered, reaching in to poke his forehead. “And make me soup whenever I want it.”

“–SPREADING LIES AND KILLING PEOPLE WITH THEM–”

“I’M NOT SAYING I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS STEVE I’M SAYING YOU CAN’T JUST ATTACK ANTI-VAXXERS–”

“I’ll rub your shoulders and make soup whenever you want it,” Bucky agreed hurriedly. “And! I’ll get up and get you coffee in the mornings Sam please.”

“Alright, I’ll tell them to let you out. Tony paid your bail already–he just also paid extra to be able to yell at you guys,” Sam said, shrugging.

“Sam please hurry before Steve tries to get me on his side I don’t want Tony to be mad at me,” Bucky pleaded as Sam turned to go get an officer to let him out.

Apparently he didn’t even need to do that, because after a shout of ‘well maybe I knocked the stupid out of him,’ Tony grabbed a set of keys from his belt and very ominously said, “I’m coming inside the cell.”

Steve skittered to the back corner in terror.

Bucky waited for Tony to clear the door before he scampered out. He caught Sam around the waist as he was joking with one of the officers and said, “We need to leave right now immediately.”

“Oh, Mr. Stark opened the cell for you,” the officer said, smiling a little. “I’ll just go get the keys back from him–”

“Because you have been so nice, I am telling you this from the bottom of my heart–please do not do that,” Sam told the officer kindly. “Take it as an order from the Avengers if your boss gets upset about it.”

The officer frowned, confused, but sat back at his desk.

“For someone so tiny, he sure can be scary,” Sam commented as they left.

“Their anger is compacted into their tiny bodies,” Bucky replied.

Sam let out a bark of laughter. “Wow! That was real fucking ominous!”

“You don’t know until you’ve been dragged into a fight with seven other guys and they’re all bigger than you,” Bucky explained, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I legit thought Stevie might get killed but his teeny tiny body was just so full of rage. I don’t like to remember that night. It was just my luck that that would be the thing I remember about him when the programming started to fade.”

“How mad do you think Tony would be if we took his car?” Sam asked. “I’ve always wanted to drive a Bugatti.”

Bucky shrugged, already circling the car to get in. “That sounds like Stevie’s problem. Will you do me in the back seat when we get home? I’ve always wanted to have sex in a Bugatti.”

Sam laughed but climbed into the car as well. “We can have sex next to the Bugatti. Tony would kill us if we stained his seats.”

“We could do it on the hood and just promise to wax the car for him,” Bucky suggested, and got a playful punch in the shoulder for it. He took the spare keys out of the glove compartment and handed them to Sam. “Please let’s leave before Steve escapes and Tony comes tearing out after him.”

“Alright, alright,” Sam replied, even though he did take another moment to admire the interior.

Clearly the solution is to have more legs so both cats can have a leg pocket ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yes, I shall become...SPIDER-SAM

rsfcommonplace replied to your post “Are you open to people sending you odd mustards? And, related, what...”

How do you feel about powdered mustard or mustard seeds?

I like both! I have a tin of Coleman’s handy usually, and I’ve made my own mustard before from dry seeds. I do have some wholegrain mustard, but the kind that is JUST seeds sometimes needs a little help, it’s not very flavorful to have solid seeds, they gotta be cracked a bit. 

madqueencrafter replied to your post “Are you open to people sending you odd mustards? And, related, what...”

Sam, you need to come to the Mustard Museum in Middleton

I’d like to! I did peep into it when it was in Mt. Horeb, I think they’re the same one...

gritsinmisery replied to your photo “Gluten-free almond and chocolate chunk cookies and rhubarb muffins as...”

I was all set to ask for a flex-head beater for Christmas, then went to the link you provided and... all the good reviews admitted they'd received compensation of some sort, and the non-compensated reviews talked about the silicon weeping goo and cracking, no matter how carefully hand-washed and immediately dried, or how seldom -- or often -- used. What are your experiences? How long have you had yours?

Oh, how interesting! I haven’t had either of those problems. I’ve used mine on a more or less weekly basis, mostly for cookie dough but also for a couple of quick breads and I think for mashed potatoes at one point. I usually leave it to soak for about an hour or two after use, then scrub it with a brush and leave it to dry on my drying mat. I haven’t noticed goo at any point, and it definitely has not cracked, but I’ve only had it about five weeks.  

I had a look at reviews on Amazon, not on the Kitchenaid site, and I did notice a lot of the people who are complaining about breakage there a) dishwash their beaters, which you’re not meant to do, and b) apparently don’t know how to adjust the mixer up and down so that the beater fits the bowl properly. If your beater is pressed too deep into the bowl then the fin definitely will crack just from the pressure. But it may also be that there’s a manufacture issue -- like my Mum was going to get me a second bowl for it, they have some nice glass ones, until she found out apparently the glass ones are prone to exploding. 

facialteeth replied to your photo “Grandkat (aka my mum) sent us an aerating water fountain for the...”

Does it make a loud water trickling noise or is it a motor noise? I'm looking to get one for my kitten and wouldn't mind the first but not the second.. I was actually just looking at this one in a pet store too

Well, I am possibly Doing It Wrong so I’m going to try it again tonight, but it’s the water trickling noise. It’s just SO LOUD, like a faucet constantly running. But having a higher water level may fix that. 

jinjeriffic reblogged your photo and added:

Well, I would have gone with Grandmew purrsonally…

HAHAHA OH MAN YES. I just use Grandkat because it’s what Mum uses. 

s2ma replied to your post “Rafael. Hey, Rafael. Rafael, I need you to listen to me. Just listen...”

It was actually Ted Cruz.

Isn't it amazing how someone thinks "no hate" after saying something shitty makes saying something shitty okay.

NO ((sheee yesss so much sshhh don’t tell S caseu I LVOE YHERshhh) it s asecret but no never no i ado not