Hiii, I have a question and I think you're my best bet at a decent answer.
First: The compulsory gushing. Your comics are amazing! I love your stories and art style, and it is so cool to see such an open and public queer (especially aroace) individual as yourself! Your vibe is just so so cool.
Now, the question. How on Earth can you tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings? Like, figuring out I was asexual was easy because it's such a tangible and definable thing (at least for me). But the definition of romance is so confusing, not to mention largely existing solely as a societal expectation/ requirement. I don't know
I'm in this kinda ambiguous relationship with a person I care for very deeply, but I have zero clue in what way. How would you define a qpr in a way that separates it from romantic relationships without saying just "a non-romantic relationship?"
I get it if this is tricky to answer, being aromantic yourself, but I'd appreciate some insight.
Hey! Thank you so much for the kind words and sorry for the late reply TwT No gushing necessary, honestly! 🙈 My art isn't that deserving, I'm anything but cool and I'm legit just very lucky that I've had such a positive reception here overall. But seriously, no need to add in compliments if you wanna ask questions haha, you can ask away!^^
So... My answer is probably not gonna be super satisfying, but... I kinda don't know. I don't understand how romance works, I just somehow know that what I feel isn't that, and how I know can only be chalked up to a gut feeling I get from observing other people and thinking about my own reactions in the past. I know that being approached romantically (and often sexually alongside, most likely, though ig people don't necessarily talk about that that openly and that quickly) brings me distress and gives me an immediate "I can't reciprocate that" reaction, but I also know that when my partner offered to be in a QPR, I wasn't scared, and it just felt like a "normal" development to me. That's just instinctive reactions I can get from my own experience. I don't know if they're satisfying to begin with, honestly. I don't know if they're convincing.
I guess there's other little things. Like, I don't get jealous or possessive when it comes to my partner, I don't feel overly distressed at the idea that what we have might end someday (kinda late to say that now that we're married I guess, but it's not like marriages are always forever either), I don't feel frustrated or distressed being alone away from them for extended periods of time and so are they... And I guess those things are also kinda typically associated with romance. Never had anything resembling "butterflies" or fast heartbeats when it comes to them specifically either – though I HAVE felt feelings that seem to fit that bill related to my life goals, some art pieces that have touched me deeply, or situations I inspire to be in. Make of that what you will.
Again, no idea if any of that is convincing, in my case it's mostly a gut feeling and I guess the whole thing is very personal. I drew a comic about that whole thing in the past to sort of express my confusion, I'd recommend checking out the reblogs and replies if you like, there's been some interesting discussion about it that gives much more specific insights than I personally could!
Anyway... Sorry for that not-much-of-an-answer, and whatever winds up going on in your life, I wish you the best with it! I'll definitely keep pondering on that question myself.
