There are no rules so get that out of your fucking head right now! Watch He’s Just Not That Into You. The movie proves that there are no rules. However, there are telltale signs that a girl or boy is not into you.

Let’s list them:

1. They’re not calling.

And they’re not going to! So go back and mastrubate in your bed. Well, that’s what I do!

But what if he does? Well, great! How long did you wait? An hour? A year? Depending on when depends if it’s a good sign. Figure that out first!

But what if she does? Great. You have a new potential bangable partner.

2. They don’t want to get married.

This one is bullshit. Every happy couple hopes to get married, eventually.

3. They’re married.

MOVE THE FUCK ON!

4. They’re dating someone else.

Cut the guy’s dick off. Problem solved.

5. They say they love me.

Do you love them? If no, then why the fuck are you asking me this question?

But do I love them?

Girl, do you?

No.

MOVE ON!

YES.

YOU NEED TO GET YOUr PRIORITIES STRAIGHTENED BEFORE YOU MAKE A BIG COMMITMENT!

I think I’m in love with this girl.

Have you had sex?

No.

Buddy, too early to tell.

We did sleep together.

But no sex.

No sex.

Well, that’s progress.

6. They want to move in with me.

Do you want to move in with them?

I’m not sure.

Say no.

Yes, I want to.

Why? It’s time.

THEN MOVE IN!

7. We haven’t had sex in a while.

How long’s a while?

A year.

Move on. He’s no longer interested.

I haven’t fucked my girl in like FOREVER, man.

Buddy, you need to get your dick checked.

My doctor said I’m cumming normally.

You’re an idiiot.

NO MORE QUESTIONS! I’M DONE!

FUCK YOU, HAPPY COUPLES!

Love,