every year I go through this charade. It used to be four weeks, then two, and now I wonder if even one would be too much. The heat and monotony is driving me insane. I have nothing to do, and it’s too hot to do anything. The closest thing to a refuge I have is conveniently also the only room in the house without aircon, and no furniture besides a bed. Every other room is crawling with people who, to be completely honest, drive me fucking insane. Every day is like a day-long meltdown happening in slow motion, and I am only granted a moment’s respite when I sleep. I’m dehydrated, I barely eat, I think I’m losing my mind, and I do this to myself every year, because I am a masochist (my mother even said so). My thoughts are way too loud and way too cruel

I was sitting outside with my mom because it’s summer where I am and we have a nice deck with a portion screened in and we’re both watching tiktok and she was watching some sort of video that had a baby in it but she turns to me and goes “I need a Korean baby! Find a nice Korean boy to share his skin care with us and so I can get a Korean baby” excuse me I’m a minor?… I thought it was funny because it was random and she was obviously fucking with me but it caught me SO off guard. The context for the skincare one is she’s jealous of Felix’s skin

Oh how I yearn to work in the entertainment industry idgaf what it is just get me on stage (minus adult entertainment get that bag twin but I don’t see myself doing it) like it’s the only place I see myself happy in the future

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep because I’m constantly in a state of anxiety lately and idk what to do fuck even the things that used to calm me down don’t so im just always having a panic attack or at the verge of one someone give me tips on how to deal with this no meds or therapy method because I’m a minor with parents who just refuse to get me meds or therapy which I’m not sure if I even need it sometimes

I hate the fucking google verification like broski I’m logged into this email on one phone I’m using this email for an another thing on the same fucking phone it’s most likely me RIGHT GOOGLE? 🫩

I remember for YEARS my parents used to tell me “get off your phone you keep zoning out constantly and not paying attention” turns out I was iron and vitamin c deficient and I just didn’t know so I didn’t get the help I needed because they refused to believe it was a medical issue and not my phone. I’m on meds for the iron deficiency thankfully 🫩

I’m from a very white family but I use AAVE a lot because growing up that’s just what my family did I’m not sure why my mom used AAVE so much she grew up around a lot of rap so I assume that’s why? For my siblings I’m pretty sure they just picked it up from instagram or most likely my mom as well and I know I probably use it incorrectly because of it. I really try not to use it now I’ve learned more on it since obviously being pastier than Casper the ghost and using AAVE probably seems a little weird but it’s SO hard for me since I’ve been doing it since I was young and to clarify AAVE is NOT a bad thing I don’t think that at all it’s a way of speech I just feel like me as a white person it sends the wrong message using it even if in don’t mean it in the wrong way but if anyone has a different opinion on it lmk! This rant was just about how uncomfortable my way of speech makes me because it’s not my culture :(

Thinking about the time my teacher randomly lore dropped about how her cousin is a really famous influencer but we wouldn’t know her because she’s popular in like Brazil, Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, etc and she refused to tell us who and people also have like tattoos of her logo? But she also mentioned refusing to go in public with her because she’s so famous she also refused to give us a name so I’m pretty sure she’s lying but I’m not 100% sure because she insisted about this for like a week? If anyone has any ideas who this could be lmk I wanna try and find out 😭