#rrrrrant

BOYS AND GIRLS AND FRIENDS AND ROMANTIC INTERESTS ARE SO DUMB EVERYTHING IS PAINFUL AND EMOTIONAL AND MAYBE ITS ONLY BECAUSE IM A TEENAGER AND TEENAGERS HAVE EXTREME EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES BUT I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING STABBED IN THE STOMACH WITH A KITCHEN KNIFE AND I CANT TELL ANYBODY ABOUT IT AND I HAVE TO SMILE WHICH MAKES IT WORSE

wearing my black wig, and missing having long(er) hair so so so much... even my mum said she wants me to grow it back to long lengths... mrrghhh... *cuddles with her wig* iihhp

Story time: While I was doing my drive time, as I started up the car, my instructor says,"Let's do it to it." Although I was joyous that he said it and at the same time tried to contain my laughter, it wasn't the same as ending it with "mah dudes." Ya dig? Someone has to get the Ben Wyatt reference, I mean c'mon. Except he was so Jerry, I almost fell asleep at the wheel.

i feel so disconnected from everything. i don't want anything to do with anything around. i go through waves of wanting to eat everything in sight to eating nothing. i get sad. and i get numb. real numb. i don't smile enough. when i do there's a good chance it's fake. i don't want to talk to anyone. i don't want to meet people.

All of my shows are over now and it's actually quite sad and now I have like nothing to do because it happily took over most of my days and nights. I got to know a lot of people through doing the shows and they're all really lovely, it's a shame I won't see much of them anymore. I had the after show party last night at my best friend's Dad's house and all the crew went and it was great. Me and my best friend got really drunk and made complete fools out of ourselves but that's the fun in being young. Today I woke up to find a foot long dildo on the radiator. It was the most hilarious thing I have ever witnessed and we rolled it down the stairs and waited till her Dad saw and I was dying of laughter. We've got pictures with it and everything and I just can't put into words how fucking funny that was. Oh my life. Oh and I got a kitten the other day, he's a gorgeous blue/grey colour and he's so small and cuddly. I've named him Harry after Harry Styles of course ;-) I actually have so much dislike for my Mum's boyfriend at the moment, they've just gone to Felixstowe without even inviting me. Wow. He's so disguisting, just has his bare feet out all over the joint. Like, fucking get out my house. ANYWAY