— to be king
as ignorant and naive as he may seem, jongdae isn't completely blind. hushed whispers, the gazes they send him while he's walking down the halls and how they completely change when he looks up -- replaces the look of hurt with one of curiosity. he tries not to let it show, he never really lets it show instead he bottles it inside, keeps it hidden but there's only so much one can take before they break.
"honestly," he's by the corridor when he hears a voice -- one of the servants -- and he's not too sure what it is but he decides to stay, unmoving as he listens in on their conversation. "he'd make a terrible king. i worry about our kingdom," he hears movement and jongdae is careful to not make a sound as he slips into the shadows. "he's terrible. i mean i can tell he's a good king but really... the kingdom doesn't need a king like him."
"i worry for our people," comes another voice, "our kingdom is going to fail with him in the throne."
"his broth --"
jongdae decides to step away, slowly making his way out of the corner with his head hung low. his steps are loud and his heart is heavy. immediately the two servants cease their conversation and if jongdae had had the energy to look up at that moment, he would've seen the way they froze, breath halting.
"your highness," one of them says, bowing to him. "is there anything we can help you with?" her voice is shaky and jongdae stops walking, pausing for a moment eyes still downcast.
but it takes a moment for him to plaster a smile on his face, "no," he replies and he keeps his thoughts hidden, as though the words from before hadn't affected him. "continue on. have a good day."
he leaves, silencing out their replies.
it's funny because jongdae had always thought of himself as a good man, noble at the very least and he'd always thought that that was what this kingdom needed -- a noble king, one clear of dirty work. he knew that many weren't comfortable with him being the next ruler, with him being the one to take over the kingdom. but he's always tried to brush it off, as sensitive as he may be jongdae had tried to stay unaffected as possible (because a good king-to-be would've tried his hardest to prove them wrong).
but jongdae is not only a prince, he is human too and he finds himself slowly and softly breaking in between the sobs that seem to escape his lips as he sits by his bedside. he gazes out his window, bottom lip trembling as he tries to find the own voice in his head. "am i --" he begins, whispering to no one but himself, " -- that horrible?"
