#roxydiaries.

I cannot believe that we’re going through the same old shit on the same old season with the same old reasons. But here I am cryin’ the same old tears, feeling the same old pain for that same old person. It’s a never ending cycle and I guess this time I know, this has to stop. I am f*ckin’ tired. This  is a battle I have already lost. There’s no more reason to fight for it.

So while he’s delivering his so-called speech, I cut him off and ended things. I turned away and didn’t look back.

I would never dare to look back. Because the moment I turn my head and take a peek, it will pull me back. And all this will be for nothing. I know I will come running back to him.

There goes the silence and that sinking feeling when I finally feel that it’s for real. “Now what?” I ask myself a dozen times.

There goes the darkness. I feel my arms stretch out trying to find something I don’t even know.  I am blind.

But somehow I just have to learn to have a little faith in my self. I have to trust that I am capable of doing the right decisions and that I know this is best for me.

It ain’t easy. It never was. I could say that I’ve been here and I’ve done this before. I think that’s the right thing to say. The pain I feel though still feels new. How weird. You can go through things over and over again but still feel like it’s the first time.