#rowvember 2020

       Either it was meant to be a last hurrah of his brain as it slowly starved of oxygen, maybe it was the last wish of a dying man, but the cliché, the light, the tunnel, a loved one, It was all there. He had been torn then, between this life and the next, Boss pulling him one way, E’esh the other- but she had smiled her smile, and moved on without him, and all he had was the same fucking question to scream into the aether.

          He was sorry he wasn’t stronger, that he had let her down but the thing he was most sorry for, was that he didn’t spend more time with her. He had been so busy, doing shit for the gang, it was what he wanted to do, but if he’d had known that the clock was ticking, he would’ve played everything so so different. It brought a bitter taste to his mouth, and he didn’t think anyone could help him with it, with this. Boss would try, but at the end of the day, when Boss passed out on the sofa, either through exhaustion or drink or both, he was left with these niggling thoughts at the back of his head, trying to find answers that would never come.

Why didn’t you let me go with you?

       He let her down, got her fucking killed and he wasn’t even the one that put a sword through the fucker that killed her.

       Johnny frowned and stepped forward, placing the red, yellow and pink roses on her grave before taking the withered ones away. He stood there, clutching the brittle brown stems in his hands and stared at Aisha’s headstone, the rain beating down on him was oddly comforting, the silence even more so. He was glad he came alone for these, sometimes he swore blind he felt a hand on his shoulder, sometimes he’d even hear her laugh one more time. Sometimes the chaos in his mind would quiet for just a little while and he’d know a brief peace.

       He was here now, but he wasn’t then, and he paid for his mistakes in the worst, most horrifying way he could have, like God himself reached down and took her to Heaven because Johnny didn’t appreciate what he had on this Earth until it was too late.

       No matter where he would go, no matter what happened between now and the day he died, he would always be drawn back here, this was his penance, and one he was happy to pay until he saw her face again, and then he would ask that burning question.

“Mr Vogel, your guests are here to see you.”

“Thanks Jamie, send them in.” Dane replied, but he wasn’t truly paying attention, he had a migraine coming on, the restoration of the church in Saints Row was going to be more expensive than what was first thought, it had been completely gutted. Say what you want about the Boss, but the psychopath was thorough. The door to the office swung open, and Dane looked up from the damage reports to see Dex Jackson and Troy Bradshaw storming in, neither happy to be around the other.

“Whadd’ya want Vogel?” Troy snapped, and Dane spied the wound dressing peeking out from under his hat. He stood, and shook each hand in turn, plastering a smile onto his face.

“Gentlemen! Thanks for coming by.”

“Whadd’ya want Vogel?” Troy repeated, slower this time before he took his hand back and crossed his arms.

“Why? You got somewhere to be Bradshaw?” Dex asked, and Dane’s eyes flicked between the two of them as Troy’s head whipped round.

“How about protecting Stilwater from the Sociopaths you two have pissed off?”

“Why? What’s Shea done now?” Dex asked pointedly, and Troy stared at him.

“I wasn’t talkin’ about Shea, but since you mentioned her specifically, let’s talk. You really thought the Masako were gonna take her out?! Really?!”

“The Masako are highly trained.” Dane interrupted, more to dwell on his train of thought than defend Dex’s plan, and Troy looked round at him.

“Yeah and that bitch doesn’t know how to die.” he answered, before rounding back on Dex, “All you’ve done is piss her the fuck off, and I paid for it.” he said, pointing at his head, and Dex also crossed his arms, eyebrow raised.

“But did you die though?”

“No but Julius did. The man comes to you for protection and you sell him out?”

“He was bad for business. They both are.” Dex sighed, and Dane thought that right there, Dex had a point. Troy however, very much didn’t.

“The list of people you’re screwin’ over is getting’ longer Dex, I don’t like it.”

“I worked hard to get where I am now, I’m not letting anyone get in the way of that.”

“Well congratulations, you’re squarely on her shit list. I’ll tell you right now Dex, money don’t mean anythin’ when you’re dead.”

“Providing she doesn’t get taken out fighting the gang war.” Dex shrugged, and Troy shook his head.

“I wouldn’t count on that.”

“Why not? Johnny’s got laid out didn’t he? Nobody’s untouchable, which reminds me-” Dex paused, turning to face Dane. “-why aren’t you getting your clients on that?”

“What and make a slaughterhouse out of a hospital? That’s the last thing this city needs.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said that I’ve ever agreed with.” Troy muttered, he sighed and began to pace.

“Besides, he’s very protected.” Dane added, he had been told that the Saints leader was there day and night, and when she was called away for whatever reason, some Saints were posted at the door. Nobody got in or out of that room without O’Connor knowing about it. And while Dane was told by the staff at the hospital that they were worried, apparently the Saints hadn’t been any trouble. “Nobody’s getting to Johnny Gat to do him harm.” he said, more to Dex than Troy, and Dex looked at the floor and laughed, shaking his head.

“Of course.”

“Now if you two are finished? How about we get to the meat of the issue?” Dane asked, striding out from behind his desk.

“Yeah, sounds good. So you started makin’ deals with the Brotherhood as well as the Ronin now?”

“Mr Maero came to me with a very lucrative partnership where-”

“You were gonna screw him over, and now the Saints have the guns. You keep edging your bets, and you keep losin’ Vogel.”

“Everything is under control.” Dane snapped, smoothing down the front of his suit, and Troy laughed, which made annoyance burn at the pit of his stomach.

“So you planned for the Oyabun, and Jyunichi’s death right?”

“The Ronin are the strongest organisation in Stilwater apart from Ultor.”

“Right, and the strongest after that are the Saints.”

“Without Johnny?” Dex scoffed.

“It wasn’t Johnny that decimated the Samedi, the Brotherhood and Ronin are through, they just don’t know it yet. Eh Vogel,” Troy said, addressing him, “you always want to be on the winning side? You’re backing the wrong horses.”

         As much as Dane didn’t want to admit it, Troy did have a point, but what was his game? If Vogel went into business with the Saints, he had no doubt he’d be able to curb them. The Saints leader was obviously loyal to a fault, as both Dex and Troy could attest, so she wasn’t a terribly smart woman. The problem was that she had sunk too much into the Ronin, and didn’t fancy burning that bridge yet, not when the money was still coming in.

“No. We are not working with Shea O’Connor.” Dex’s voice broke him from his thoughts, his eyes steely, “believe me, been there, done that.”

“But did you die though?” Troy cut in with a smirk, and Dex glared, and Dane rolled his eyes, they were getting off topic again.

“Gentleman, I’d hate to disrupt whatever this is, but I called you here for another reason. I have no plans to extend a hand to the Saints, now can we please-?” Dane asked, gesturing towards the greenscreen on the wall and tapping a button on his laptop, while the first mock ups of Shivington’s restoration flickered into view.

“Let’s hear it.” Dex said, his eyes travelling across the wall, making sense on what he was seeing.

“Now Shivington-” he began, when Troy’s mobile rang, and Dane glared at him, not that Troy was bothered, he smiled right in Dane’s face.

“Excuse me.” he said, then turned and walked to the other side of the room to look out at the view there, and Dane and Dex waited.

“What the fuck?!” he suddenly exclaimed, “Jesus H fuckin’ Christ!” he pressed the mute button on his phone before he stormed back over.

“What’s happening, what’s going on?” Dex asked, and Troy pointed at Vogel.

“You better reign in those fuckin’ Ronin! They’ve fuckin’ gone and done it! They’ve gone after Johnny Gat!”

        Dane reeled from that, and his mouth rapidly went dry as his heart started to ace in his chest, his suit becoming uncomfortably hot as he lowered his eyes to his laptop and began typing, looking for the news, any news. He didn’t sanction this! God dammit Shogo! I told you you couldn’t get to him! He thought, his hands beginning to shake.

“Yeah?” Troy asked, putting his phone back to his ear, and his face became a myriad of expression, as Dane paused and waited for the next piece of information that would no doubt shake all his plans. And Troy returned his phone to his pocket before addressing Dane again.