#rowers

Skiffeurs , from OK ad Amstel - Ellen Davidzon , 2015

Dutch , b. 1971 -

neil perry and todd anderson are supposed to hate each other, right?

Rowers Pavilion Moto Guzzi, Mandello del Lario, Italy - Act Romegialli

I am a rower. I enjoy rowing. I love rowing. I want to row competitively, maybe forever, I want to go for a rowing scholarship to my dream uni (McGill), I see a future with rowing. I love it. It’s my sport. but I’m also trans. and I always thought if I ever came out to my fellow rowers, to my club, then I would not be able to row anymore because clearly I am a boy so I cant row with the women but I’m not cis so I cant row with the men. I could hide my identity, row with the women, but I would never want to do that. So I told myself that I can row, and I can have fun, whilst I’m still in senior school. but I would always, always, know that someday, as soon as rowing got serious, I would have to pick between the sport I love and my ability to be myself. I would have to choose between two parts of my soul, and I would have to rip one of them off. and I always knew, that when the choice came, I would give up rowing. and it hurt so much to think someday there would be a day I would have to leave the blades behind simply so I can be myself, but unfortunately that’s the reality of being a trans athlete. Equality doesn’t even come into it, I see lots of people saying trans men shouldn’t be allowed to play men’s sports and trans women shouldn’t be allowed to play women’s sports, and i see people saying that trans men should be allowed to play mens sports and trans women should be allowed to play women’s sports. Whilst the first statement is in most cases coming from a place of bigotry, it is correct. It shouldn’t come from a place of bigotry, even though it does, but regardless of whether or not it is a transphobe saying it, it is correct.

I will never be able to compete in men’s rowing. That is a very sad reality that I have to accept.

I will never be able to be my true self and row in the same space

Or so I thought

I discovered Harrison Browne when I was on Pinterest. He doesn’t play anymore, and he’s an actor now, so someone was pointing out the cameo he made in one of the scenes of Heated Rivalry. I looked at the comments, and i saw he was an ex pro-hockey, so I decided to look more into him. I’m so glad I did because it changed my life.

He came out as trans whilst he was still professionally playing hockey. He had been out to most members of the league beforehand, just not publicly. He continued to play after coming out. He could never go on T whilst still playing, but he could still play. And he did still play. And whilst people judged him, sure, there were also people who supported him.

Harrison Browne taught me you do not need to give up your sport to be trans. There will always be limitations and difficulties, but you do not have to choose. You can be yourself and compete professionally. You can be a trans athlete.

And whilst I don’t feel ready to come out to my rowing club yet, Harrison Browne reminds me that someday, I can. and when I am in the women’s changing rooms, feeling awkward and out of place, I think of him and he reminds me that I am possible. I may not be able to row in men’s leagues, but I can be one part of myself without throwing away another.