#rough first draft

Adrianne Lenker, Akini Jing, alva noto, Aphex Twin, Ariana Grande, Arooj Aftab, Art School Girlfriend, Astoria, Astrid Sonne, Ativin, AT-XYA, Barrie, Bat for Lashes, BbyMutha, BEA1991, Belén Aguilera, berlioz, Beth Gibbons, Beyoncé, Big Ever, Brimheim, BRONQUIO, The Bug, Burial, Caribou, Cassandra Jenkins, Charly Bliss, Cheekface, Chelsea Wolfe, Coined, Dana Gawanski, Dawn Richard, The Deep, Dexter Colt, DjRUM, Douglas Dare, Drown, Enrico Demuro, Entrañas, Father John Misty, Fennec, FKA twigs, Forest Swords, Fine, Footballhead, Floating Points, Four Tet, Fousheé, Gesaffelstein, Gints Zilbalodis, Ghostly Kisses, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Greg Mendez, Hakushi Hasegawa, Hana Vu, Hannah Elizabeth Cox, Henrik Lindstrand, The Horrors, Horse Jumper Of Love, Hour, Hovvdy, HUNJIYA, illuminati hotties, Ingrid Witt, Jack J, James K, Jane Remover, Jeff Rona, Jessica Pratt, Joan As Police Woman, Joanna Sternberg, Joe Goddard, Julia Holter, Julia Kent, Julieta, Kali Uchis, KAVARI, KAYTRANADA, Keeley Forsyth, KETTAMA, Kim Gordon, Laryssa Kim, Lip Critic, Lisa Gerrard, Lonnie Holley, Loren Kramar, Macseal, Magdalena Bay, Maria Chiara Argirò, Martha Skye Murphy, Masaka Masaka, Masayoshi Fujita, Matthew Bourne, meg elsier, Memphis LK, Meth Math, MJ Lenderman, Moor Mother, Mustafa, Naomi Sharon, Nicolas Jaar, Nicole Miglis, Nilüfer Yanya, Nubya Garcia, Oklou, Oliver Coates, Orcas, Or:la, Orlando Weeks, Otha, Poe, Prins Thomas, Priori, Rafael Anton Irisarri, Ravyn Lenae, Raia Was, Real Lies, Remi Wolf, Richie Culver, Robert Owens, Rosa Anschüts, Rose Gray, Saya Gray, Selvagia, Silly Silky, Skeleten, Smerz, Spencer Zahn, St. Vincent, SUN ORGAN, Susanna, T. Evann, They Are Gutting a Body of Water, Trace Mountains, Tristan Arp, TSHA, Two Shell, Ty Dolla Sign, underscores, Verde Prato, Vitesse X, Waxahatchee, Wishy, Yan Wagner, Yasmin Williams, YHWH Nailgun, Zsela, 1-800 GIRLS

I am a twin. I am my own twin.

What if I was supposed to be a twin. Over the last several years of adulthood and boundless self exploration, I have come to notice that I have two different faces. Not in a figurative sense. Like I actually have to different faces.

My left face and my right face.

My face is not certainly not perfect, just as no one’s face is truly symmetrical. And I definitely don’t hate my face! Don’t get me wrong! But I’ll look in the mirror and I can see two different people staring back at me. It’s extremely subtle. But it’s almost a perfect line through the middle of my face. Not one single feature on the left side of my face is exactly mirrored or identical to ANY feature on the right side of my face. My left eyebrow is ever so slightly higher and more arched than the right one. The right one even naturally lay a little bit farther from the bridge of my nose than the left one does. My left eye is a tiny bit bigger than my right eye. At the very tip of my nose, the cartilage on the left feels vaguely different to its partner on the right, causing it to tilt just barely to the left. The left side of my Cupid’s bow is a micrometer longer than the right, causing my top lip to pull a tad toward the right - probably to compensate for the tilt of my nose. The right side of my top lip is even a just a little bit plumper than the left side.

My teeth even! My left ear sits higher than my right one. The natural part in my hair. I could probably draw a line from the crown of my head to the tip of my chin between the two faces. The longer I look in the mirror, the more obvious it becomes. Then I start to look not too dissimilar from a familiar Picasso painting.

The two faces are almost identical. Much in a way you’d see with identical twins. It’s like they ALMOST look exactly alike but there’s these extremely subtle differences that you only start to notice once their faces start becoming familiar. Sometimes it’s so subtle you can’t even pinpoint what’s different about their faces, just that they’re somehow different while being the same.

Come to think of it, I’ve noticed a lot of subtle differences in the rest of my body as well. Like one boob is a little bigger than the other. My waistline is slightly higher on one side of my body than the other. My hands are shaped a little bit different, the fingernails even grow a little differently on each hand. I think one foot is even bigger than the other.

But wait. There’s more.

My great grandfather was a twin. So there are twins in my bloodline!

I’m also a Gemini. The twin sign! (I’m not sure if I even believe in astrology or what, I just find it interesting and it seems like good leverage for my theory! *chuckle)

Sometimes I feel like I even have two different brains. And they both want different things although still making decisions cooperatively. It’s like my brain is two different me’s. But it’s still just me. There’s two different parts of me.

For context, they’re talking about whether or not they’re going to play the piano at Peggy’s funeral:

“Aunt Peggy loved to hear you play.”

He hums in agreement, but doesn’t say anything. Fine then, you can spell it out.

“I was talking to Sharon about the service. She asked me if either of us wanted to speak. I thought it might be more fitting if we played instead.” His hands clench on your shoulders, just the wrong side of too tight, as he processes what you’ve said.

Tony abruptly lets go, pulling away from you.

You force yourself to let the silence sit. If you’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that forcing words out of him when he’s like this will only cause more harm than good.

Finally, he joins you on the piano bench.

“I haven’t played in public since I was a child.” He says.

You tilt your head over so it’s resting on his shoulder. “I’ve never played in public.” You flex your hands and set them on the keys. It’s too awkward of a position to actually play in, but you’re just looking at the image. “I’d do anything for Peggy though, yeah?”

Tony turns to kiss the top of your head. “Yeah.” His arms come around you. “I’d do anything for Aunt Peg.”

There’s one thing left to ask him. You try to steel yourself without actually tensing up. “Can we play Maria’s song?”

He freezes.

The Stark Foundation (AKA Pepper) had organized a Trick or Treat for some kids to come in and meet the Avengers. They were all wearing their uniforms - Natasha and Clint without their normal weaponry, though she kept her Widow’s Bites and he kept his bow and quiver. Dr. Banner was there as himself - it didn’t seem an appropriate place for the Hulk, and Bruce had indicated that the other guy agreed to stay put.

They stood in the lobby and watched as the kids came in - the littlest ones running, the older ones trying desperately to seem nonchalant at meeting Earth’s Mightiest Heroes in person. It was a sea of red and gold, with a decent amount of red, white, and blue mixed in. She saw quite a few flashes of green and could hear some roaring, which made her mouth twitch up into a smile. There were quite a few kids holding on to Thor’s arms while he pulled them up in a semblance of bicep curls. 

She trusted Hawkeye to keep an eye to confirm no threats entered during the kids’ time.  She was enjoying watching Tony try and count his look a likes versus Cap’s - he naturally had a bet going on who would have more. Clint nudged her while she was doing her own scan. “Three o’clock.” She looked over and then glared back at him. He had found his first Hawkeye - which meant she had lost their bet. He grinned cheekily back at her and went over to meet the little girl dressed in purple.

She shook her head and went back to scanning the room. A few kids came up to her and stared in awe, but ran off when she tried to talk to them. She rolled her shoulders back and tried not to let it bother her. She was the Black Widow - her skillset probably wasn’t the best for children, anyway. She dropped some candy in some buckets and thought about making her way over to Bruce. 

Just as she was going to make her move, she saw a small body running through the lobby straight for her, dressed all in black. The little girl did a cartwheel and landed in front of her. Natasha crouched down. “I see you’ve been working on your agility.”

“I could do more, but there’s lots of people in here. I train really hard!”

“I can tell.”

“I want to take martial arts, but my mom says that girls don’t do that stuff, so she just lets me do gymnastics.”

Natasha crouched down. “Well, girls can do anything that boys can do. And they can do them better. Cap and I spar, and I win. If you really want to learn, I know someone that can help.”

“REALLY!? That would be AWESOME!”

Natasha stood up. “Let’s go talk to Pepper.”

The little girl trotted behind her. “Thanks, Widow. I can’t wait to be a CEO ninja and be like you and Ms. Potts.”