#hello-mcfly

Damn has it really been 17 years??

I was 15 years old when I first started this blog. I remember joining because my cousin had an account and I had always thought she was really cool, so I made one, too.

Tumblr became so much more to me than I ever expected it to be. I never had very many followers, but a good majority of my followers were mutuals. It was like my own little community of anti-socialites. (lol) most of my internet friends come from Tumblr.

I remember the memes, the inside jokes, the long rant posts about relationships that would eventually shape the person I am today.

The endless hours of legit actual coding, tweaking it to make the perfect theme. Imagine what we could've done with that knowledge had we stuck with it.

A dozen domain changes until I was FINALLY able to get my current one that was being held hostage by an inactive account for years.

Tumblr was a place for the theater kids, band geeks, neurodiverse, nerds, artists, writers, hopeless romantics, gamers, cosplayers, lgtbq+, -you get the point- to just, be.

Tumblr was a place to exist, unmasked and unashamed (says the one who deletes old rant posts because she thinks they're cringe -though, that's also a therapy tool, so you can't tell me its wrong!)

I am a twin. I am my own twin.

What if I was supposed to be a twin. Over the last several years of adulthood and boundless self exploration, I have come to notice that I have two different faces. Not in a figurative sense. Like I actually have to different faces.

My left face and my right face.

My face is not certainly not perfect, just as no one’s face is truly symmetrical. And I definitely don’t hate my face! Don’t get me wrong! But I’ll look in the mirror and I can see two different people staring back at me. It’s extremely subtle. But it’s almost a perfect line through the middle of my face. Not one single feature on the left side of my face is exactly mirrored or identical to ANY feature on the right side of my face. My left eyebrow is ever so slightly higher and more arched than the right one. The right one even naturally lay a little bit farther from the bridge of my nose than the left one does. My left eye is a tiny bit bigger than my right eye. At the very tip of my nose, the cartilage on the left feels vaguely different to its partner on the right, causing it to tilt just barely to the left. The left side of my Cupid’s bow is a micrometer longer than the right, causing my top lip to pull a tad toward the right - probably to compensate for the tilt of my nose. The right side of my top lip is even a just a little bit plumper than the left side.

My teeth even! My left ear sits higher than my right one. The natural part in my hair. I could probably draw a line from the crown of my head to the tip of my chin between the two faces. The longer I look in the mirror, the more obvious it becomes. Then I start to look not too dissimilar from a familiar Picasso painting.

The two faces are almost identical. Much in a way you’d see with identical twins. It’s like they ALMOST look exactly alike but there’s these extremely subtle differences that you only start to notice once their faces start becoming familiar. Sometimes it’s so subtle you can’t even pinpoint what’s different about their faces, just that they’re somehow different while being the same.

Come to think of it, I’ve noticed a lot of subtle differences in the rest of my body as well. Like one boob is a little bigger than the other. My waistline is slightly higher on one side of my body than the other. My hands are shaped a little bit different, the fingernails even grow a little differently on each hand. I think one foot is even bigger than the other.

But wait. There’s more.

My great grandfather was a twin. So there are twins in my bloodline!

I’m also a Gemini. The twin sign! (I’m not sure if I even believe in astrology or what, I just find it interesting and it seems like good leverage for my theory! *chuckle)

Sometimes I feel like I even have two different brains. And they both want different things although still making decisions cooperatively. It’s like my brain is two different me’s. But it’s still just me. There’s two different parts of me.

One day we were hanging out with a group of people and I told her “omg there’s a bee on your shoulder!”

She freaked the fuck out

I stood there laughing my ass off.

it seem a good movie

10/10