#rotgweek

“Bunnymund!” she bellowed, for though they’d been working together for nearly two centuries, Toothiana was a Queen and would not become so informal as to call the great pooka “Bunny” as North was wont to do. “It has come to my attention that a great deal of your chocolate is staining the children’s teeth, and they are not taking care of them the way they should. I fear that the stains on the teeth will leave stains on the memories.” She paused, lifting the sword. Around her, the mini-selves mimicked her action with swords as small as tooth-picks. “I am declaring war on your chocolate until something is done!”

The magnificent Queen whirled out of Bunnymund’s Warren as quickly and as viciously as she’d come, head held high. Bunnymund could only peer through his glasses curiously at her; although she had explained her reasons for waging war against chocolate, it seemed absolutely nonsensical to do such a thing against something as wonderful as chocolate. Almost as ridiculous as declaring war against eggs!

Returning to the depths of his Warren, he found the door to his chocolate experimentation lab to be jammed closed and guarded by a large portion of Toothiana’s mini-selves. As he approached, the fleet of fairies pointed their tiny swords at him, murderously daring him to try and distribute chocolate.

“Hmm.”

Yes, Bunnymund remembered.

North received similar treatment from the Queen about a century and a half later.

“This is War!” came the shriek, accompanied by a rather aggressive Sister of Flight. Tooth had dropped some of her formality over time as she stopped leaving Punjam Hy Loo, but she was still just as deadly in battle, a fact that was apparent as she hovered in front of North, translucent wings glimmering in the light of the Christmas trees that decorated Santoff Claussen (not Santoff Claussen the village, Santoff Claussen in the north pole). She carried no sword, but North had seen how much damage could be done even without the sharp metal blades.

North blinked rapidly, uncertain what to make of her declaration. “What you mean?”

Eyes flashing, Tooth shoved a red-and-white striped hook of peppermint at North, her mouth already moving about ten miles a minute. “This is what I’m talking about! Do you know what these are? Do you know what these do to teeth? They’re terrible! They can crack a tooth if bitten down too hard on, and children don’t usually have the self-control not to bite on them. And they’re forgetting to brush! This holiday has so many sweets that…”

North curiously took the hook from Tooth and examined it, tuning out her rant that was rapidly becoming a lecture on tooth care. It was a candy cane, a newer sweet that was often associated with Christmas nowadays. North was rather fond of leaving them in children’s stockings as of late. A story Bunny had told him came to his mind suddenly, about Tooth’s War. So that’s what this was about.

“…must be repaired! Do you understand?” Tooth drifted a little above North as she finished her speech, eyeballing him.

North laughed, missing the way Tooth quivered with rage. “Is no problem Toothy, just spread tooth care information a little-”

POW!!

She began speaking before he had time to recover from the harsh smack she’d delivered to his cheek.

“You will NOT give children candy! You will give them toothbrushes, and make sure they use them!” Tooth fixed North with a glare that reminded him why she was called Queen Toothiana of the Tooth Fairy Army. Trembling slightly, North nodded.

Giving him one last harsh look, Tooth flew out the nearest window, leaving North to revise his Christmas plans.

There was a reason North rarely left any kind of sweets for children, and if he did he was sure to leave both toothbrush and toothpaste (a lovely new invention) to appease Tooth’s wrath.