#roommatesfromhell

So there is a video online of a pet store owner picking up a dog by the neck and throwing it. So then my roommate jokes he’s going to do that with my dogs if they are being annoying. Then, the landlord’s stepson came over to do some maintenance, and he told him that he could just kick them out of the way.

The first time I was like, bro that’s not funny, the second time I was like I’ll pick you up and throw your ass, and the third time I just got effing pissed and left. He’s also keeps reminding me of when Whistler ran away and imitates how I reacted.

I think he might be trying to bond with me using bro/frat boy humor but it’s starting to piss me off so I wrote him the following letter:

Hi_______,

I didn’t want to talk to you about this in person because I was afraid you would make a joke out of it, or I would blow up at you, or both. So you might think that things are going great so far, but they aren’t. I’m sure that in the past, that you had a roommate that appreciates your childish humor, but I don’t. I would like a roommate with a more mature sense of humor, but even though you are not that person, we are stuck in this situation together, so we have to make it work.

The first thing that I need you to do is save the digs and pushing buttons for your friends. We are not friends, and if you continue this inappropriate behavior, we will never be. So here are my limits and I expect you to respect them:

1) No more digs at me. In the last few days, you have insulted me by correcting my grammar and making comments about what and how much I eat. NOBODY talks to me that way, and you won’t be the first. I don’t bond with people who bust my chops, and I won’t bond with you that way either.

2) No more insulting my dogs or joking about hurting them. No exceptions.

I have gone through a lot in the last few months to move into this place. In my old apartment, I’ve had people threaten me, try to break into my place, steal my items, you name it. I have worked long and hard to try and find the perfect home for my dogs and I. They are the thing that I love the most in the world, which is why I won’t tolerate you joking about abusing them. The last thing that I want in this house is tension, but if you don’t do what I ask, then there will be plenty and it won’t be fun for either of us.

So once again, please save the digs and frat boy humor for your buddies. I don’t want it in our relationship as roommates. I’m hoping to put all this behind us and label it all a misunderstanding. I hope that we can form a relationship based on understanding and trust however long we stay in this fabulous house. Otherwise, I will only talk to you about bills or rent and nothing else. So hopefully you will respect what I’m saying and we can move past this with an understanding that it will not happen again.

Thanks for listening--