Yay! Iâm so happy you sent me this one. Asha/Cullen for @dadrunkwritingâ
If youâre not up on Ashaâs canon: she told Cullen how she feels a couple of months ago, and he pushed her away in favor of focusing on the Inquisition. She wanted to get over him, but⌠things happen.
Asha presses her tongue tentatively against her swollen lip and hisses at the pain that radiates from the wound. She should have hesitated long enough for Dorian to heal her before she spoke to the Empress, but she wouldnât. The future of Orlais was more important than a split lip, and now she canât find him or Henry, and she has to deal with it herself.
After Florienne was arrested, Asha slipped away. She stands now, silent, on one of the balconies circling the ballroom. Itâs empty, and she relishes the quiet after so much chaos and fighting during the eveningâs festivities.
She bends at the waist, as much as her armored corset will allow her to, and leans against the balcony railing with her forearms flat against the stones. She takes a deep breath and peers deeper into the gardens, trying to figure out whatâs happening in the shadows that cloak almost every flower and shrub from her view.
She doesnât hear when Cullen comes up behind her, doesnât realize anyone is with her until he leans against the railing next to her.
She hides her surprise, turning slowly to gaze at him with green eyes red around the edges.Â
âYou did well tonight,â he says, voice pitched low so that no one else will be able to hear him. âI couldnât have asked for a better outcome.â
She stares at him, so resplendent in his dark Inquisition formal wear, his curls carefully controlled, his scar begging for her attention. She wants nothing more than to turn into him, to release the pain sheâs been holding in the weeks since he turned her away on the battlements, to tuck her head under that strong chin and let him hold her.
âThank you,â she says, voice sounding strangled even to her own ears, and then she turns away, staring back out into the gardens as Cullen continues.
âYou⌠look lovely tonight,â he says, voice halting at each word like he isnât sure of what heâs saying.
Asha doesnât respond. Her head bows between her shoulders, dipping down towards the railing between her shoulders as she continues.
âYou stabilized Orlais. Now Corypheus wonât have as strong a foothold when he makes his next move.â His voice is quiet, accent beautiful, quietly rumbling through Ashaâs chest. Every word makes her shoulders rise higher around her head until she just canât hold back her words any longer.
âCullen.â She sighs his name, cutting him off. He falls silent mid-sentence, amber eyes turning toward her to see what she has to say.
She doesnât look at him.
âI canât do this.â Her voice breaks, and she hangs her head even lower. âI canâtâCullen, I know you donât want to be with me, but I need time.â She covers her face with her hand and doesnât see Cullen turn to fully face her. âI need time to get over you, Cullen. You know how I feel. I just⌠I just need some space.â
Sheâs almost begging. Sheâs exhausted from fighting the Venatori and the Harlequin, exhausted from running across Thedas to close rifts and put the continent to rights, exhausted from pretending seeing Cullen almost every day does nothing to her.
Cullen is silent for a long moment, just watching the way Asha stands. Her head is hanging low, each of her breaths sawing in and out of her chest, left hand closing convulsively around the Anchor. He canât see her tattoo under her green dress, but he knows itâs resting between her shoulder blades, ready to tease him.
The dress she is wearing is much more modest than the original, safer, hiding basic armor, but it still looks beautiful on her.
She shudders, and he looks more carefully at her face. Sheâs turned away from him, but he can still see when a tear slips from her eye to fall from her cheek into the gardens below.
âAsha,â he breathes, and she looks up at the sound of her name. Heâs called her nothing but Inquisitor since that day she foolishly told him how she feels, and nowâŚ
He takes a step back. âWill you dance with me?â Heâs holding one hand out for her to accept, a small smile on his face.
She takes his hand instead of speaking and steps into his embrace, allowing herself this one moment. His free hand settles at her waist, drawing her a step closer before his feet begin to follow the tempo set by the band.
They move together through a simple box step, following the beat well enough if not the actual steps of the dance, but still Asha refuses to look at him. She studies one of the decorations on his collar, staring at it stubbornly as they turn together through the dance.
âAsha.â His voice is deep, beautiful, tantalizing. She canât help it when she begins to curl in on herself, ready to give up for the evening if Cullen wasnât holding her. âAsha.â His voice breaks a little, just enough to pull her attention from his jacket up to his lips, and finally to his eyes.
His beautiful eyes, brown and gold and amber, the kind of eyes she would happily drown in.
Of all the words she expected him to say, Iâm sorry didnât even make the cut. She raises her eyebrows and stares at him, waiting for more of an explanation.
âI⌠I shouldnât have sent you away when you came to⌠to talk to me that day.â Thereâs no question of what day. Thereâs only one he could mean. âIâm sorry.â
She doesnât respond, just lets him hold her through the dance until he speaks again.
âCan you forgive me?â His hand leaves her waist to find her chin, tipping her face up so sheâll meet his gaze again. âAsha, Iâm sorry. Please forgive me.â
She huffs and looks away. âWhatâs to forgive?â she demands. âI shouldnât have approached you like I did. Iâm the one who should be sorry.â
Cullen shakes his head, dropping his hand back to her waist. âI shouldnât have turned you away when⌠when I feel as strongly for you as you do for me.â
Itâs impossible. Thereâs no way his feelings run as deeply as hers.
She looks up at him, eyes full of new tears. âCullen?â
He meets her eyes without shying away.
âYou once asked if I could care for you as you cared for me, and I ran away. I was weak, afraid of my own feelings. Iâve cared for you as long as you have for me, and I canât⌠I canât let you face these threats alone. I⌠I want to be with you, Asha. I do.â
Asha blinks, letting his words sink into the places of her heart she never thought would be touched again. The parts she walled off after he turned her away that day on the battlements, the parts she walled off when she saw him speaking to the serving girl who always seemed to be there when Asha arrived for their appointments.
She trembles in his grasp, fingers shaking where theyâre clasped in his and where they rest against his shoulder. He can feel her weakening and pulls her just that much closer, ready to support her should she fall.
âYou⌠you have feelings for me?â Even Ashaâs voice is shaking when she asks him, eyes wide and watery when she looks up at him.
Cullenâs smile is small and sad, stretching his scar a little as he looks down at her. âI do,â he repeats, echoing his words from just moments earlier.
Asha glances away then back up at him. âYouâre not just saying that?â
He shakes his head. âOf course not, Asha. I want to be here. I⌠I want to be with you, if youâll have me.â With the way his cheeks are turning pink, Asha has no doubt that he would be rubbing at the back of his neck if he could.
âIâŚâ If sheâll have him? Would she have him? After everything that happened? After he turned her away, left her crying alone on the battlements? After he chose the Inquisition over his own happiness? Over hers?  âYou want to⌠to be with me?â
She wonât look at him now, but he answers honestly. âYes.â Nothing has changed since their talk on the battlements save the depth of his feelings. He saw the way he hurt her, saw the unexpected depth of her feelings for him. He thought she would get over them right away, but the way she acted the day before they leftâŚÂ âI donât want anything more.â
Silence reigns between them. They move together until the end of the song, but even then Cullen doesnât release her. If she had stepped away, he would loosen his grip immediately, but⌠she doesnât.Â
âAsha?â he asks, voice very quiet, tentative, afraid of what she might say.
She swallows hard. âOf course, Cullen. I l⌠I want to be with you too.â Her cheeks heat at whatever work she trips over, but Cullen beams, pulling her the half step clsoer to crush her aganst his chest in a hug.
They stand like that for a long moment, tangled in each otherâs arms, before she speaks again. âThis isnât some kind of joke, is it?â
Cullen laughs from deep in his chest. âNot that I know of. It would be a particularly cruel one, if it were.â
Asha hums. Ainât that the truth?Â
She still has no idea where to go from here. She doesnât know what lies before them, waiting for their attention in the weeks to come. All she knows is that she has her man, her templar to herself for now.
She isnât going to argue with that.
When she finally pulls away to look up at him, he tips her chin up to hold her the rest of the way.Â
Their eyes meet again, and she smiles in silent consent to what heâs thinking. He bends down, closing the distance between them to press a kiss to her mouth.
She allows the contact for a moment, her toes curling in the lovely shoes Josephine picked out for her, before a sharp pain reminds her of where they are and what theyâre doing.
She whines and pulls away. Cullen obeys, following suit even before he sees whatâs wrong.
âIâm sorry,â he breathes, looking down at the blood now smeared across her chin. Asha shrugs, reaching up to smooth away the bit of blood now against his lip.Â
âItâs fine,â she mutters. âI just⌠I need to get this healed before⌠before anything else happens.â Her cheeks are red again, but Cullen ignores it in favor of smiling brighter and pulling her closer.
âOf course,â he murmurs, and somehow, somehow, he makes her toes curl again. âI will speak to you later, Asha.â
He releases her, and she steps away, smiling up at him.Â
âGoodnight, Cullen,â she says, head cocked to the side, fingers pressed against her split lip.
He grins. âGoodnight, Asha.â
He turns and disappears back into the crowd, and Asha waits several minutes before following after him to find a mage to heal her lip.
She has a lot of making up to do.
[Asha Trevelyan master post]