#rocket4reviews

I am gone in PhD land, but Our Youth was such perfection that I decided to return in brief to express even a fraction of the wonder I felt watching this show. 

From the outset I was thinking we might be getting a Twenty-Five Twenty-One style, start in the sad future, look back at the once joyful past type show (which for the record, I did not watch because I avoid sad endings), but I was hopeful! And as we progressed towards the future I became more hopeful that we’d spend some time in the future, and that that future might not be dark. 

And I was fully rewarded in every way. 

I don’t think I have ever felt so perfectly made whole by the ending of a show. We fully unpacked the causes of the separation, Haruki’s choice was only meant to last till he successfully got into University. Jin held him close the moment he knew he was allowed. 

But we didn't make light of the abandonment, or it's cause.

Even separated, they clung to the memory of each other

Haruki’s film

Jin’s story

I was worried a bit, in ep 10, that we might be going full role reversal and having Jin’s life collapse when Haruki left (with the smoking as the first indicator) but the show didn’t do that to us. He was still a good student, a good friend, he continued on as he always had. Emptier, lonelier, but not broken. 

The atmosphere of this show knew it’s platform and so much of that separation was show don’t tell. 

There were big and small things too, we were shown Haruki’s growth and desire for more so clearly in his smile, and his certain stride and his confident voice, but did anyone else almost hear Jin say “I miss the taste of his kisses” everytime he picked up a cigarette? Or was that just me?

As they were drawn closer and closer back together in ep 10 I was on the edge of my seat, now? Now? NOW? And then yes! NOW 

I could talk about nearly every scene in episode 10, and literally every scene in ep 11 because every single one was full of emotion so loud it took my breath away. Happy, sad, loving, lonely, so melancholic and yet so hopeful.

This show played with the future and the past on a few different occasions, teasing forward and then pulling back to flesh out the how and the when. To me it was meant to be hopeful, we will get there the show kept saying we can make it.

Ep11 really reinforced this so well it brought me to tears. 

We aren’t there yet, but trust, and one day we will be. 

That felt like the message of the show to me more than anything else

No matter how dark our reality 

Keep walking

Keep trying

Keep loving

And the future will come

This show wasn’t about the future that is still to come, the future that will coming, the future that is here already in a lot of ways in Thailand

It was about the past

About Our Youth

About holding on and walking forward 

Out of the dark

And, one day, into the light. 

So having just realised I watched the entire CUT VERSION of this show and now planning to rewatch the entire thing from scratch because it's so good I want my extra minutes DANG IT.

I thought I'd put some thoughts down first because DAMN this show may not have been perfectly polished but it was amazing for a multitude of reasons.

Playing fast and loose with pairings and ships.

Now obviously our main 2 ships were our main 2 ships, we haven't entered a parallel universe, but the amount of tension they threw in anytime ANY two sides were together was delicious. It's fun to not know who will end up with who, the show teased and toyed with possible pairings and I LOVED IT.

(Also main ships may have been main but I was half wondering if we WOULD end up with Way/Babe somewhere in the middle there!)

2. Having fun with personalities and sex dynamics.

Now I have recently run across the understanding that a lot of BL is based of one specific pairing type from a much broader range of couple dynamics present in Yaoi and Shounen-ai (super darling X milquetoast) stories. And while this doesn't really feel like we're distant from that pairing type. The show doesn't strictly fit this and certainly plays with the audience perception by having Babe as the Uke.

3. Omegaverse

OBVIOUSLY

But also introducing lesser known elements of Omegaverse like Enigma's was extra cool.

4. New settings!

Racing BLs aren't exactly the norm.

5. More playing with lanuguage dynamics

Not brand-new but we got a lot of play around language and age, Papa Mama, Loong and Nu, The way Alan switched around his "I" Pronoun so much. BL not leaning so heavily on Pom and Phi or Gu and Mung or even Khun and Pom is fun to see!

6. A lot of casual physical affection

Now this is definitely becoming more common but I still want to highlight how physically affectionate Babe and Charlie (In particular) got to be with each other the whole time

Overall the series was compelling, intense, and well executed. The relationships (Friendships and romantic) were utterly compelling. I love the way so much teasing was done with all the side peeps. I love how it had real stakes, emotions and consequences. I loved how much it played out the background and relationships of the characters, the way that all of Tony's children felt something for him, were compelled to love and hate and feel responsible. I loved how some people got forgiveness and others didn't and how people's very real pain, anger and betrayal got explored so deeply.

The show was not flawless or perfectly executed by any means.

But it was a compelling and interesting plot with utterly compelling relationships played all the way out without rushing or skipping.

And I loved it

I am off to watch the Uncut Version, can't wait.

and I thank it for finishing so perfectly

Got to the Memory In The Letter finale today! I love it so much.

This is a story that got the fantasy perfect for me, the foreshadowing and the destiny of him meeting Aksorn's parents before Aksorn was even born!! I had goosebumps.

Such a perfect little show with a flawless closed time loop. Why Songjam had to wait, the ways he carefully made sure things went the way he remembered. How he waited!!! Seriously, they may not be Amy and Rory but this was just beautiful.

This is going straight in my all time favs, and on my rewatch list.

Overall rating 96%

In brief: I am attempting to understand the growth of Thai BLs by watching ABL’s understand the history of thai bl list on the Thai master post. I’m more interested in the growth and change on screen than the tracking of different actors/directors etc. but I do enjoy reading about those things. I am concurrently understanding the history of All BL by watching the Foundation Syllabus lists as well, I am not planning to review everything, but I adored SOTUS and I’ve started following @waitmyturtle’s journey through oldgmmtv and was surprised by our different initial takes on SOTUS and to a lesser extent the SOTUS franchise so I thought I’d share my own feeling about the shows. Yes I know ‘twas a while ago.

I don’t know anything about the actors as people and have minimal knowledge of the IRL ship drama (just aware that there was drama)

Disclaimers:

THIS POST IS LONG (LIKE LONG LONG), and I cut out so much you wouldn’t believe

Obviously, these are my own thoughts, I am not expecting everyone or even anyone to agree, I’m just sharing.

I only talk about Arthrit and Kong in this post, I enjoyed the side couples but I was much more invested in the main one and that’s what I want to talk about.

Not defending Gay for you as a damaging trope

Not defending blushing maiden and sex negativity as damaging tropes

Damaging tropes suck and being aware of them while viewing content is important for not internalising their message for yourself or your perception of others.

I’m demisexual FYI (My sexuality suddenly felt relevant halfway through my reflection so Imma put it here)

General SOTUS Thoughts

In writing this I have realised my attachment to Arthrit started later in the franchise than I thought but eh still mostly going to write about him.

Bullying/hazing (I didn’t mind this time) – I don’t like Hazing or bullying, but the way it was portrayed here, as a form of relationship building which was openly discussed as damaging and then improved on as part of the arc was fine for me. It was about recognizing the good parts of a practice and removing the bad and I was cool with that.

Kongpob (I’m a fan) – He’s hard working, he’s snarky, he’s clearly got good learning habits and cares about his education, he’s supportive of his friends and he stands up for injustice. I was definitely watching SOTUS for this character in the beginning.

Disparate personalities and positions of power (And the different ways our leads present as authority) (there’s also obvs age dynamics at play)

Arthrit is older but also the shyer and less expressive, his assumption of leaderships feels less aligned with his personality and so he cares more about maintaining his professionalism, first as head Hazer and later as an employee while Kong is an intern. (This does not make him a bad leader I think he’s a good one).

Kong is a natural leader, shown overwhelmingly by his standing up for his peers and their inclination to elect him as the campus star and then as the representative (which he runs away from cause he’s already got enough on his plate). His comfort with his own authority is a part of his pursuit of Arthrit and also his differing experience with Authority. (I think the way he bonds with P’Paga the scary office lady is a great example of this difference, he has good instincts).

This feels important to me as Arthrit is holding onto that authority a lot tighter than Kongpob, he’s working to maintain it because it’s NOT natural.

OKAY Onto Arthrit’s Arc and why I found it so impactful.

First up I can tell you the exact moment I fell in love with Arthrit’s character, it was right…

Here (Please study hard P'Arthrit)

(His eyes my good people, they had me and they never lost me) (I literally learnt how to GIF just so I could keep this moment forever) (Episode 13) (I mean, I found a GIF generator) From this point on I was watching this entire franchise for the way Arthrit emoted with his eyes first, and everything else second.

But let’s back up slightly.

My take on Arthrit’s emotional arc through the early parts of SOTUS was essentially:

Why is the first year defiant-flirting with me?

This first year is incredibly clever and that’s dangerous because it could undermine my authority and I want this program to be successful (He did recommend him as campus star, and comment to himself/his friends about not underestimating Kongpob, we had clearly early signs that Arthrit thought Kongpob was pretty amazing, he just couldn’t show this because of this authoritative position) (also age dynamics = a big deal in Thailand)

Then we had the sleep confession (He’s never really sleeping)

Arthrit’s panic over the fact that his sort of friend, definite nong who is a guy apparently had feelings for him

This manifested as his removing himself from Kongpob to work through and process his own emotions, my personal feelings on this were that Arthrit’s reaction was more confused than disgusted and he was trying to avoid a confrontation so he could figure himself out without hurting Kongpob. (There was also some unresolved feelings in here for his highschool friend that needed to be dealt with).

Not the ideal move and poor Kong was so confused and got hurt anyway but then we got to

“I don’t know you well enough Kongpob… But I want to know you more”

Now I seriously appreciated this because I often feel frustrated when characters emotions just immediately match: like one person confesses and two days later other person is like, oh turns out I am also madly in love with you. Boom. Couple. (This does sometimes make sense in the story, just not always).

Arthrit’s emotional response of: Yes I think I like you but I’m still figuring it out so do keep flirting with me so I can keep figuring it out…

I liked it.

Now immediately after this, Arthrit kisses Kongpob (mutual kisses yay!). I don’t take this as say, a final cementation of their relationship (as the kiss often seems to be treated, especially in K BL) but as an expression of interest.

Kiss = I am interested in you romantically, let’s flirt more/date to get to know each other so our feelings can develop.

Then we got to see Arthrit melt (the eyes conveyed it, I adored) honestly it was their tiny little movements that I liked the most and you can’t see that here but still.  

Also his shy little smiles.

I totally think that the attraction here is not conveyed by Arthrit’s character the same way Kong’s but to me this reflects

Kong’s more straightforward and open personality + plus his self confidence (Seme dynamics definitely factor into this since these are characters not real people)

Arthrit being more uncertain as to his own emotional state, AND his greater shyness with expressing his emotions publicly (uke dynamics obvs - but not too pronounced I think). I like how the actor conveys these emotions. (whether or not it was intentional)

People have different levels of comfort with any kinds of PDA and that’s okay (look I’m not sure if blushing maiden trope arguably comes into play here but to me some people are shyer of affection than others and I personally feel that for Arthrit, this early on, his emotions were pretty clear and his responses makes sense.)

And then at the end of episode 13 we handed over the gear

In episode 14 we had a bit of drama because it’s early days and Arthrit is just realising he likes a popular boy

Jealously thou name is Arthrit

But things get resolved (by accident by Kongpob’s gift, amusing) and so we have the public declaration (like the kiss earlier this is instigated by Arthrit which I appreciate because he’s the one with the boundaries being crossed in this scenario). His little smile and duck down to hide his face felt very authentic because he’s not a PDA person and so he feels a bit embarrassed about drawing attention to himself.

And they had a good convo afterwards too + Kiss etc but I really want to get onto:

SOTUS S

(Because episode 15 of SOTUS is over the time jump it's included here)

Thoughts on the stuff that happens during the time jump (e.g. the end cut scenes of some episodes).

We had 2 scenes which stuck in my mind from this time, the piggyback ride ("you are my faen after all") after Kong hurts himself.

(THE EYES)

AND

Arthrit handing over the metaphorical power to the future head hazer.

I personally felt this scene was super important because it showed us:

Arthrit simping all over his boy being authoritative and flirting back with the same lines Kong had once used, in a public space.

Arthrit’s continued uncertainty, NOT (in my opinion) with the idea of being openly affectionate with his boyfriend (what do you call his face above if not openly affectionate) but with having his professionalism undermined by being asked to kiss said boyfriend in front of a whole group of his peers while he is technically their leader (plus they will tease him).

Look it's dark here, and I know my love of his eyes and their emotions is irrational but to me that gaze says: “you know I love you, but why are you doing this HERE.” @waitmyturtles, this was the thing I found most discrepant about your thoughts and mine, to me Arthrit’s emotions were conveyed so clearly by Krist, even in SOTUS but especially in SOTUS S. I was so absorbed by Arthrit sometimes I got completely distracted from Singto’s (excellent) portrayal of Kong.

Onto the main timeline of SOTUS S

(How many of my images of Arthrit being a simp can i put it here to justify my having them in the first place) (I restrained myself a lot you have to believe me)...it turns out I hit the limit, enjoy!

(I started doing a quick flick through the show to check my continuity but then I wanting to add stuff so I stopped and I'm trusting my brain)

We get an early sign that their relationship is going strong with their mutual missing of each other: Arthrit’s visit to campus and seeking Kong out because he misses him, and Kong telling Arthrit he has a duty to him as his faen and convincing Arthrit to stay the night with him because he misses Arthrit.

(They're both so doting naaaaww)

Later, we have this scene where Arthrit goes to tell his coworkers he has a faen and gets interrupted ("well I…") Now we don’t know this for sure, but he drew himself up and prepared to face it and then sort of deflates when he missed the chance, so I’m projecting and that’s what I think.

There’s some bumps in the road while they navigate their new seperation and Kong hits a boundary of Arthrit’s he clearly didn’t know existed when he showed up at Arthrit’s work. (I think this is again more of a personality thing, Arthrit is still figuring out his position and authority in the company and feels very unsure about having his male faen show up to his office without warning. This is not the university space where everyone around them knows they’re dating, it’s DIFFERENT. Kong on the other hand is the kind of guy who totally would have interrupted everyone at that dinner to be like, actually I cook dinner for my man. All. The. Time.) Anyways, they talk, Kong visits work in a planned way, and things are more settled and physical (have some more photos, justify my having them in the first place)

until…Kong shows up at work, and then after they sort of talk, Kong shows up next door.

Now while writing this I had a personal realization that I need to check in about (detailed in small text below the next photo) but first.

This moment makes everything else in the Arthrit’s arc make sense to me, to me he’s feeling uncertain about fundamental aspects of their relationship, rather than purely being temporarily hurt by Kongpobs actions, he internalises this uncertainty about their communication.

This is then kind of resolved but then made much worse by Kongpob moving in next door. (Yes Kong says it's to be close while giving Arthrit space, but doesn't Arthrit deserve to be part of that decision?) (We don't see how much they communicated prior to this, but it seems to me that Arthrit's point here, about losing faith in their ability to talk to each other is super relevant)

(Personal note, how secure I feel in a relationship directly affects how comfortable I feel physically in the relationship, and I don’t mean ‘I’m sad so I don’t feel like having sex right now’ I mean, ‘the foundation of our relationships feels less stable and as a result my comfort with physical things, especially sexual intimacy feels significantly reduced’

I THOUGHT THIS WAS NORMAL Y’ALL

Having sat and thought about it right now, I don’t think that’s actually the case for the majority? like not all the time at least? This made me think about my personal reaction to watching Nevertheless a few months ago (a kdrama) and I was crazy uncomfortable with the discrepant emotional comfort vs physical desire plot, (I finished it, because I had to, because leaving in the middle would have been worse but just, No.) I mean I get sex without feelings, sure, or with budding feelings, but sex while you’re feelings have moved from stability to instability or are just floundering in instability without resolution?. Possible? Absolutely. Comfortable? No way.

Is this a demisexual thing? (I'm demi if you missed the disclaimer at the top) Is this a me thing? I am going to examine this more but for now you have my facts and perspective and we’re moving on)

(also this relationship being kind of ace has actually been put forth by ABL (here) and most likely others. I had previously read this post and moved on (because I hadn’t seen SOTUS), so I just wanted to say this is not a Tumblr revelation, just a me revelation)

I may be projecting but…

I adored the way the actor continued to show Arthrit’s foundational uncertainty in where their relationship was going/at, through his discomfort with being physical with Kong even after he’d consciously forgiven him. (Okay definitely projecting)

Episode 7, where Kong gets hurt by the door and is forgiven, but Arthrit still seems kind of uncomfortable with the physical side of things both here and in the next episode.

Plus the excellent scenes where Arthrit keeps telling Kong off for giving him food and then ends up yelling, and Kong goes back to being uncertain about where the line is. (Arthrit needs to talk more I'll admit it).

Arthit during the scene where Kong professes his uncertainty, because it's another screenshot I already had. (HIS. EYES.)

BUT because Arthrit realises he's hurt Kong, they talk about it and tada: Arthrits more comfortable physically again next ep, because he’s more certain of his relationship again.

We get beaches

(seriously Arthrit’s little smile, I’m dying) and fun times and kisses

(I have so many screenshots in here everyone, it's concerning)

And then:

Arthrit get’s double shaken again (Dad + Photo) (and he processes things by taking physical space. AGAIN.) (still totally relatable but I’m actually kind of annoyed with him for not saying a word to Kong now that I’m writing it down, I was not at all annoyed when I watched it, for the record)

And then Kong goes “OKAY THAT’S IT” and expresses his (totally justifiable) uncertainty about what is going on, because Arthrit keeps not being clear and can’t they actually talk about things!! So Kong gives him back his gear and leaves. My take on this was basically:

Kong: You need to be sure you want to be with me.

Arthrit: wait what, you’re leaving? But you’re always there? You’ve been hurting? Oh no I’ve hurt you? *cries* *Processes* *Publicly declares feelings* There I fixed it.

To me, Arthrit was never uncertain about whether or not he Loved Kong (Is this in question?, I don't know), he was just navigating the stability of his existing relationship in a new environment with many new revelations. And I believe that, because, even through the uncertainty, Arthrit continued to stare at Kong with such intensity that I couldn’t look away.

Hmm despite that, I think this reflection has actually left me a little bit less obsessed with Arthrit (definitely a good thing, I realized after I finished SOTUS S that I have 48 screenshots of Arthrit’s face staring at Kong with different adoring expressions and that is… too many).

For me, Arthrit’s emotional arc was so captivating because of the way Krist acted throughout, his expressions (HIS EYES) and the links between his emotions and his physical comfort were compelling and I was sucked into his emotional journey above all else. Did the actor intend this? I don’t know, but I had a great time. I almost feel like I need to rewatch SOTUS S just to pay attention to Singto more because he was kind of sidelined for me.  

OUR SKYY SOTUS (the quickest summary because the words are totally out of hand)

(I totally had more pics from our skyy but I've apparently hit my limit oops)

We had some lovely relationship comfort and stability followed by compelling drama and then resolution. I loved it.

The drama is basically just Arthrit going: oh no you’re leaving, what if I make things harder for you, what if things end, how will I live, *get’s bad advice about breaking up* we should take a break because I love you way too much.

Kong: You complete moron, I love you and that’s why we’re supposed to stay together, now I’m leaving tomorrow, and you better prove you love me too by showing up.

Arthrit: *takes time to process* Oh yeah cool cool, I totally love you a lot *shows up and decides to travel with him for a little bit because these boyfriends be clingy*

But with all the excellent acting.

(Tiny note, my understanding is that this performance might be more compelling because Krist is expressing more emotions, but I took that as the first time Arthrit had actually tried to talk about and express his feelings, due to feeling stable enough to do so (all previous space taking was emotional processing). So there isn’t a single scene in SOTUS or SOTUS S where I would have expected this level of emotion (except for when he realized Kong was leaving because Kong was hurt). I would have found it confusing because Arthrits clearly a brooder. So he doesn’t talk to Kong while he’s hurting (an incorrect choice but one he continues to make) and so only the attempt to speak about his emotions here induces this level of physical display.

I cry more when I try to talk about my emotions, anybody else?)

CHEERS FOR READING

Okaaaay I’ve decided this is happening today after all because who knows what the combined power of Only Friends and Laws of Attraction is about to do to my brain.

Full Disclosure: I’m an optimist and I’m easy to please. If I finish a show, that typically means I liked it. This final episode could have been an actual disaster and I probably would have given this show 8/10 and watched it again in the future.

Tagging the people who have been watching along with me, in case you wish to read my final thoughts, getting to be a part of this experience with you has been an absolute delight no matter how late you joined! @shouldiusemyname @thegalwhorants @plantsarepeopletoo @lurkingshan @pandasmagorica @twig-tea @waitmyturtles @benkaaoi @telomeke @dribs-and-drabbles @stuffnonsenseandotherthings @clairificusrex @williamrikers @grapejuicegay @dropthedemiurge @bengiyo

With all that said here goes

Themes that felt unfinished

The whole thing with any and all parents, but especially Piseangs felt somewhat unresolved/glossed over.

I have no idea what the point of the Kwan/Not storyline was??

Themes that felt reasonably resolved but could have been pushed more

Looking back I kind of like that the fighting for rights storyline was most strongly played out through Max. This was consistent all the way through and while I do definitely think this show could have chosen a different direction and taken a stronger stance, I’m not mad about this.

I genuinely think that the fact Kawi tried and then DIDN’T LIKE the rollercoaster after episode 10’s EXTREMELY ON THE NOSE POINTING (apparently this one still invokes strong emotions huh) kind of make’s ace!kawi pretty close to canon, they clearly still have sex which is totally fine in my books but like, my dude is ace.

Where have I landed overall?

Using my unnecessarily lengthy 5 category system of rating and review this show ended up at 92% 21st out of 82 BLs 12th out of Thai BLs, Greater Recommendation  

I want to be clear here, 92% is HIGH and I loved this show A LOT, the ending very much included. Also I normally wait longer to give something a rating so this could waver but likely only by a couple of percent either way

What Was My Takeaway? -It’s about Control

Okay so this is definitely influenced at least in part by my readings of @lurkingshan (here) and @waitmyturtles (here) posts and I loved how the framing of the serenity prayer in Shan’s takeaway (original post by @shortpplfedup here) lined up perfectly with my thoughts so I will put that in here

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  The courage to change the things I cannot accept,  And the wisdom to know the difference

So much of this show was about Kawi learning that control and change isn’t resolved through force but instead through trust and patience. In the first half of the show, Kawi tries again and again to alter things into perfection, and he fails each time. He learns that only his own actions can be controlled, not even his own feelings are entirely within his grasp. He learns to hold on to the things that matter and let go of what can not be.

He father dies but he gets a chance to see him again, and to convey his feelings sincerely building up the relationship before the end.

He learned that even with a second chance, some things can’t be changed, and no matter how hard he tried his dad still died.

He gains a beautiful found family, so different from the family he was trying to build with Pear before he understood himself.

I feel like episodes 10 & 12 dragged my right down into my feels about the things control can change. Because to me, everything that happened in the theme park in episode 12, juxtaposed in my head against everything that happened in the theme park in episode 10 highlighted how much change control can wrought.

In episode 12 we have the shifted perspective, Piseang has come back, Piseang is panicked and fearful and Kawi clocks this immediately, and what does he do, he stays completely calm, in this same time, but in the original timeline (ep10), Kawi is lacking all control. Max has pointed out to him that Piseang probably want’s sex and Kawi is NOT SURE how he feels about that. He tries to regain some equilibrium by taking them out but refusing to ride and ends up more and more prickly and uncertain at Piseangs every nudge.

Opposite this we have our episode 12 timeline where our focus is all different, Kawi is pulling Piseang along with him and encouraging him to accept the future even as they enjoy a lost moment of the past. A moment now filled with much greater joy for both of them because with the pressure gone, Kawi is ready to face anything if it makes Piseang happy.

I have seen some interesting thoughts about Kawi being affected by the knowledge of his possible death, and maybe this is it, but to me this change felt different. For some people it’s easier to be strong when someone else is being weak, because we can’t always be strong for ourselves, sometimes we have to be strong for others. Kawi’s focus in this second timeline was outward rather than inward and it fundamentally changed the experience for both of them.

Piseang hadn’t really been weak much in their relationship, even in the most developed future where they aren’t together, he is there, steady and waiting for Kawi to need him.

In this episode Kawi had to be steady and this put them on more equal footing than ever before because Kawi has grown so much. We have seen his change, his arc was immense and, to me at least, immensely satisfying. Getting to see this Kawi in episode 12, the one who is calm and sure in the face of his partners uncertainty highlighted how these two will work and grow together in the future we had already seen.

It made me like episode 10 more

(I have specific thoughts about consciousness and whether or not the latter scenes in ep10 occur with Kawi’s knowledge of future!Piseang laid out at the bottom of this very interesting thread. In short(ish), my takeaway is that the memories of Kawi’s second day at the amusement day are dormant but present in Kawi’s mind, influencing his actions. To me when he reaches out to Piseang at the restaurant towards the end of episode 10, after Piseang has travelled back to the future

this is an extension of the reaching out we see Kawi doing throughout episode 12

This gif was posted by @wanderlust-in-my-soul as a part of this post which is all the times Kawi and Piseang hold hands in ep 12 (often with Kawi reaching out). Even if Kawi doesn’t consciously know it, he is influenced by the events of episode 12 in the latter parts of epiosde 10, this also makes me feel better about the episode 10/11 sex scene for the record)

It made me like episode 11 more (and I already liked this one!)

It made me glad to have been so wrong about where I thought episode 11 and 12 would go.

Because the finale drew us back in to the core of the show. It let go of the things that could not be finished and brought together the things that could. Making us the audience sit with the very themes Kawi had learned.

@dropthedemiurge actually put it so beautifully that I’ve just stolen (and slightly paraphrased) their words straight out of this post

“the final episode was not here to yell, but instead to speak softly and soothe your worries until you find the courage to live and stay smiling, content with discovering the right way to live”

Alrighty folks I hadn’t decided whether I was going to write this post or not because all of ya'll already know the show is great, but right now I feel like doing it so might as well.

@wen-kexing-apologist @plantsarepeopletoo @thegalwhorants @grapejuicegay @dropthedemiurge you all enjoyed my eclipse journey so tagged in case you want to read this

I already did a much more self-indulgent post of how Akk affected me personally but I wanted to talk a bit about how much the kindness in this show resonated with me.

The Stairs Shot

The first time I was utterly struck by the kindness of the show was with this moment with Khan and Ayan on the stairs

After watching Khan spy Ayan with first Akk and then Thua, combined with his previous warnings to Thua, on how dangerous Aye was, I full expected this confrontation to BLOW UP.

The framing of this initial shot and the power dynamics implied by this difference in height did nothing to temper those expectations

And yet…

It doesn’t blow up, and not just because Ayan keeps a level head, but because Khan never loses his in the first place. He approaches the conversation softly, mostly trying to make sure that Ayan isn’t toying with Akk or Thua’s feelings and then apparently giving him his blessing to date Thua, even as Ayan correctly notes that Khan wishes to date Thua himself (even if he can’t admit that out loud.) This scene also resonated with me for the way, as both parties speak with kindness they move closer onto the same level (literally) as Ayan moves up the stairs.

The kindness makes them more equal.

This got me thinking about the way kindness to used in so many parts of the show to connect our isolated characters in together.

Khan being Bruce Wayne

Khan choosing to reach out to Thua via an anonymous internet friend is a beautiful example of this kindness, not for how it helps Thua (who I’ll get too) but for how it helps Khan. The closeness he gains through anonymity to check in on Thua and try to keep him safe makes him realise how much he wants to be able to do this in person. Which in turn leads to him prioritising Thua over his prefect responsibilities when he goes to the rally and reveals his identity.

Khan choosing kindness once, makes him more able to choose kindness again.

Uncle Dika

It is clear from the beginning of the show that Dika’s presence had a pretty clear impact on the school when he was there, at least for our main cast. Akks visceral feelings of betrayal at his absence come from the belief that someone he trusted has abandoned him for (he believes) no reason.

Dika’s kindness is seen again in the moment in episode 7 when Khan is acting out different characters (specifically the teachers) for his friends to guess and when he acts as Dika his words and actions are unbelievably kind and EVERYONE knows immediately who he is enacting despite the length of time it has been since they saw Dika (it’s also realistic enough to trigger poor Ayan)

Ayan himself is obviously a wonderful example of his uncle’s kindness with every flashback we see of them (and Chadok and Dika as well) is irrevocably altered by Dika’s kindness even though, with Dika’s death, we see Chadok’s regression and fear forcing him back into a space of repression and unkindness.

Ayan

Ayan is undoubtedly the heart of kindness in this show and it was so unexpected to me that, given what he knew from the beginning about Akk and his Uncle’s death, he continues to choose to be kind. This kindness is shown throughout the show to be the means of far greater change and persuasion than any other tactic used (Fear, Anger, Defiance, Hate, Financial Enticement, Neutrality etc.)

We see this with the World Remembers Gang, when he successfully gets them to leave their location with a quiet suggestion that they’ve done enough that day (Leading Akk to even more suspicions whoops)

We see this with Khan in the above conversation and again later with his encouragement to Khan to tell Thua the truth

We see this with Thua and the way Ayan notices he’s not okay and sets up the conversation with his mum. Ultimately, in my opinion, it is Ayan’s kindness that convinces Thua to fight for the change (regardless of what you think of his methods) where all the other pressure he was under only left him to sink down, Ayan’s kindness causes him to rise up.

Akk

Before I talk about Ayan’s kindness with Akk, I want to talk about Akk’s kindness with Ayan, because their entire relationship comes about (in my opinion) because even as they are suspicious of each other, they do remain fundamentally kind. We see this in the early stages most clearly in this moment

And when Akk asks the teachers to be responsible more managing Ayan.

But even before this, the sitting together in class and the volunteering to help train him in the martial arts class weren't steeped in malice. Yes, these things were about keeping tabs (and maybe wanting to be close for unacknowledged reasons) but regardless of complicated motivations Akk takes these things seriously and does not use them as a chance to bully or otherwise make Ayan’s life at school more difficult (think semantic error style) even if he wishes Ayan would just follow the rules already.

Additionally a key moment of understanding and softening between them comes from a moment of pure human kindness, when Ayan see’s Akk feeding the dog.

This friendliness builds up because as Akk remains kind, despite his suspicions, Ayan responds with kindness despite his suspicions (and actual knowledge of Akks actions)

Ayan again

Ayan’s support of Akk through all this is incredibly central to the story so I’m not going to go into it in detail. His kindness towards Akk extends to the point of covering up his wrong doing as he sees Akk for who he is and prioritises Akks mental safety over finding out the truth of his death. But all this came about because throughout their initial antagonism, harm was never Ayan's primary intent.

Another moment

Another moment which struck me on my initial watch through was this moment

Where Akk apologises to The World Remembers gang even as he follows his orders and takes away the things they’re using to protest. (I think it's around episode 10?) The shock and confusion on their faces as he does this, and their immediate relinquishing of their things compared to their loud anger over his removing them on other occasions (when in the past he stepped forward not with apology but instead with anger) highlights to me how he has changed, and how his new kindness de-escalates the situation (in much the same way Ayan’s had some episodes earlier).

Related thoughts on the Isolation of the Characters

The isolation of Akk, Thua and Khan at the start of the show is a grounded foundation. Akk is desperately scared of being perceived as weak (in terms of his authority and management - this later is added to by his fear of being gay), Khan is desperately scared of being perceived as Gay, Ayan is isolated as a newbie and Thua is isolated as an ?out gay person in the school. (Thua’s identity seems to be known by his classmates but not his teachers so not sure on the details here but he is definitely isolated). It is these characters reaching out to each other in kindness, and continuing to reach out to each other in kindness despite the difficulties that arise as their identities shift and grow that results in positive change within themselves and within the school.

Brief mention of Thua

Just to officially state my opinion on the record I am absolutely including Thua as part of this without caveat, he is the most isolated character and his change is wrought by Ayan’s kindness causing him to wish for change. His anger came from a place of hurt and I don’t view his actions as more extreme than Akks, especially as neither the banner or the fire were likely to hurt anyone. His goal of drawing attention to the wrongdoings of the school made sense and though it was NOT driven by kindness, it was pushed on by the desire to have a kind place for all people, (especially LGBTQIA+ people).

Forgiveness

I loved how everyone in episode 11 got to be angry, Thua at Ayan, Ayan at Chadok, Khan and Wat at Akk etc. They were allowed to have these emotions and express these emotions and in doing so they didn’t end their relationships or loose their friends. Everyone’s anger was used to create understanding because THEIR ANGER WAS MET WITH KINDNESS.

The forgiveness of ALL our teenagers in the final episode underlined this theme of kindness with the welfare teachers standing up for Akk and Thua, The World Remembers gang forgiving the boys because they sincerely apologised and were regretful.

And of course Akk coming out to his parents.

Final thoughts

Kindness isn’t perfect of course, in some ways Akks parent’s kindness lead to his own warped self image and Ayan’s kindness to Thua in part lead to some of the not kind choices he made.

Many shows have examples characters choosing not to forgive and that is a valid and healthy choice (one we could all stand to make more often). I’m not saying that always being kind to everyone is the right choice, and it’s certainly not a sustainable one.

Instead I’m highlighting how this show used kindness in defiance of isolation, in defiance of jealousy, in defiance of anger and in defiance of hate.

By watching Restart After Coming Back Home, and it was wonderful.

The engaging story was told with beautiful visuals which encouraged you to just sit and absorb the emotions conveyed. So different from Cherry Magic and yet equally comforting.

Also, as I have been watching Love Tractor, the first 15 minutes gave me major déjà vu.

Plus

He’s never really sleeping! Two shows in a row, though this one was a kiss rather than a confession.

The Japanese section of the syllabus was something of a revelation, the sheer contrast of a movie like Takumi-kun to Restart is mind boggling and yet it shows how things have changed, and how they begun. I’ll be curious to see the contrast in other countries going forward, though given Japan is kind of the origin of everything I don’t think the contrast will be so great.

Next up for FS: Korea!

7. Just Friends? - 2009 + A First Love Story - 2021 

8. The Lover (BL cut) - 2015 

In brief: I am attempting to understand how Thai BL has changed, and just generally catch up, by watching ABL’s understand the history of Thai bl list on the Thai master post. I’m more interested in the growth and change of shows and characters (and tropes) than the tracking of different actors/directors, although I enjoy reading about those things. I am concurrently understanding the history of all BL by watching the Foundation Syllabus lists as well. Not everything has been or will be reviewed. These are my own thoughts, I am not expecting everyone or even anyone to agree.

Also, the only Thai BL I have watched older than 2019 were the earlier parts of those lists (Love of Siam, Love Sick 1 & 2 (BL cut) and SOTUS, SOTUS S + Our Skyy). I have only seen about a dozen younger ones, hency why I am watching these lists. Everything is fairly new.

The Good

This main story, about boys falling in love and leaning into those relationships in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of reality but instead shows what life might look like if young men leaned in rather than out, was GREAT. @bengiyo I really appreciated this lense.

I absolutely want to start here because the relationships of Frame&Book, Tee&Fuse, Yok&Mo and even Rottung&Nine were exciting and engaging stories told across one or both seasons. They were old with a meaningful rawness that @lurkingshan and @waitmyturtles both discuss in their posts about Make It Right 1 & 2. The characters journeys and choices felt real to a world where men aren't as forced away from each other and themselves by societal and peer pressure.

I went in mentally prepared for some of the biggest issues I’d seen mentioned (general cringeyness, alcohol-induced sex, arguably non-consensual sex, and for the second season, depression and suicide). I had skimmed @waitmyturtles post about season 1 and @lurkingshan's post about season 1, and I was looking forward to the show

Some highlights:

The friendships (I absolutely LOVE boys who are besties with some boys and in love with others. The idea that you can’t be friends with members of the genders you’re attracted to is dumb. The idea that boys shouldn’t support each other and talk about their lives with each other is dumb. I love that this show and others are repping it for genuine and meaningful friendhsips.)

The main relationships especially Frame&Book. (see @lurkinshan’s post about season 2 in particular for excellent recaps, I’m not going to go into details).

Actual quotes I sent to @waitmyturtles while watching:

Frame just told Book that he's a beautiful star whether far away or up close and I'm ACTUALLY DYING FROM THE SWEETNESS

Tee set a ringtone just for Fuse RIP Myself

Tee just CHECKED WITH HIS BOYFRIEND BEFORE CALLING JEAN HIS GIRLFRIEND. My man, how obvious can one be!

Frame: if I'm going to open my heart, I want it to be with you, Me: 💀

Tee and Fuse just EXCHANGED METAPHORICAL HEARTS.

You get the idea

Ohm (that’s it that’s the highlight)

Fuse’s chaotic bi-ness. You kind of want to shake him by the middle of season 2, but it’s also just so fun to watch.

The Struggle

What I wasn’t prepared for, was how much I had to work to love this show.

Frequently throughout season 1, and the first half of season 2, I had to keep asking myself:

Why am I uncomfortable? Why am I uncomfortable? Why am I uncomfortable?

And sometimes, it took multiple episodes of discomfort to pinpoint (one of the multiple) reasons I was cringing. It actually got more challenging as I watched, because I’d find a reason, reflect, reframe my thinking (or modify how I watched the show) and get back into it, only to knock into a wall of discomfort again. It was similar to the struggle you might have beginning a good show where something about the start doesn’t quite gel, but over and over and over again.

Investment

investment

investment

investment

off.

Investment

investment

investment

investment

off.

Rinse and repeat.

FRUSTRATING.

(I literally wandered off between episodes 6 & 7 of MIR 2 to go watch all of What Did You Eat Yesterday (before watching tokyo in april is...)(twas great) just to get a break. Then I read some season 2 recaps from @lurkingshan here and @waitmyturtles here and decided that yes, it was worth the effort) - the last 5 or s episodes were totally worth it FYI

So here are some things I struggled with:

(In writing this reflection, I’ve found some had intertwined or central causes I didn’t notice at the time, so hopefully this makes sense.)

Frame’s overt casualness towards sex (Thinking reframed after S1 Episode 6 I think)

Frame initially felt very predatory to my teenage conditioning. I already made a post about it. It got better after episode 6, but I don’t know if that was because I fixed my brain or if Fuse became less overtly sexual since he started pursuing Book.

(Side note, even before I figured out the problem, I was so pleased with his ability to talk about sex with a medical professional in S1 Ep5, and that was a weird discordance in my brain because the reason Frame was comfortable talking about the issue caused by sex, is because he was comfortable having and talking about sex. Whereas, in my experience, there is this expectation that teenagers (and adults) should be comfortable having these conversations regardless of their experience or comfort with sex in other contexts. Which you should be able to talk to a doctor but you can't just switch tracks in your brain so easily.)

I thought I hated all the girls on the show (I was wrong, but that was my original conclusion)

it was this point that caused me the longest discomfort because WHY? What was I reacting to? Jean was meh, Jiang (Fuse’s sister) was fine (this was pre-introduction of Jean’s not a bestie and Tee’s Mum). Christina was great. What was I reacting to??

It turns out that it’s because both Lily and Yok’s mum are adult women acting in ways that felt predatory to me. I actively hated the show anytime one of them appeared on screen, and that was not a fun emotional response to have.

Lily: I am not sure how old this character was supposed to be, but she’s not in school, and she was tricking Wit into giving her his number and then seemed to be stalking him.

Yok’s mum: She comes across a random teenage girl (who she knows NOTHING ABOUT) and approaches her to PAY HER TO SEDUCE HER SON.

Honestly, Yok’s mum was the worst since Lilly was barely in it. The weird storyline with Wit in the second season also felt very odd. Plus, I found it super confusing that she was this dictating overbearing parent and yet when she was injured, Yok just casually started ordering her to stay home and have Wit take care of her, and she just…agreed (am I missing something?)

Jean: To be honest, she didn’t bother me nearly as much. She was a manipulative teenager who wanted the cool older boyfriend while keeping her nice safe boy on the hook, classic 1-dimensional teenage girl, easy to ignore.

I have no idea what happened with Lily or Yok’s mum in the latter part of season 2. I started actively skipping whenever they appeared on the screen. It did wonders for my engagement because hating anytime they appeared on the screen seriously impacted my viewing experience.  

I’d have preferred they didn’t show up at all

The characters are young. (reframed mid season 2)

Shocking the teenagers in high school are, in fact, teenagers who’d have thunk it? But when it turned out Book had had sex two years earlier, my brain was like, WAIT, WHAT? How old are these characters right now? I’d been assuming about 16, which turned out to be accurate (they are in the 11th grade in s2, making them probably 16 at the start of season 2), which means Book’s sex tape is when he was 14. Now do I personally know people who became sexually active at 14? Yes. Does it kind of weird me out on a personal level because at 14 I hadn’t even hit puberty? ABSOLUTELY (seriously, people thought I was like…9).

A father in a story I once read (yes, it was a fanfic) said something like this to his underage son:

“Yes 18 is an arbitrary line, past the point many teenagers are ready, but isn’t it better for the one’s who aren’t ready to be protected by the law even at the cost of you having to wait?”

And my uh ?19? year old self latched onto that idea with a retrospectively concerning lack of nuance.

However, that idea is very black and white on one hand, and patently unrealistic on another. Understanding that teenagers, even teenagers as young as 14/15, like Book was with his first boyfriend, do in fact, have sex is something I still find kind of confusing because of how completely uninterested I was about such things in highschool. (Especially at 14). But that doesn’t make it less true or less okay. Teenagers can have healthy sex lives and that’s okay (is a mantra I repeated to myself…more than once)

Yes it is becoming clear to me that most of my hangups are apparently around sex, hence this reflection.

Sex workers being friends with teenagers and suggesting sex with them (early season 1) - can teenagers have casual sex? (reframed here, now)

I was surprised by this one because I had made a conscious effort to dismantle inherent biases I harboured towards sex workers as a concept some years ago, and it was something that didn’t bother me at all when I watched 3 Will Be Free in May of this year. (Yay for growth)

Yet, when an adult women suggested Frame come back to her apartment, my brain went: WHAT NO! (seriously, my brain when WHAT NO so often it was exhausting)

I think this underlies a lot of the discomfort I felt with points 1, 2, & 3 on this list. While I have little to no issue with ADULTS having casual sex, Teenagers having casual sex, especially with Adults, is something that I’m not okay with being depicted (and I don’t mean consciously but unconsciously). Throw in some romantic feelings and I’m apparently fine (I love my age gap BL), but casual and that’s suddenly not okay?

I haven’t really settled on how I feel about this intellectually one way or another and the ambiguity of it all makes it hard to reframe this one properly. At what point does someone become an adult is not a question I’m suddenly going to be able to answer, especially because my personal experience of being a late bloomer biases me towards the older, the better. Also how I feel about it being depicted on TV is not the same as how I would feel about it in real life. However, the fact that (to my unconsciousness) it’s okay if romantic feelings are involved feels a little hypocritical. (If you click on the link @absolutebl talks about age gap issues in the context of Minato's laundromat (scroll down past epiosde 8, I had previously read this and it helped me when I was thinking this through)

I think this one comes from a place of some realism rather than exclusively sex-negative conditioning, which makes it harder to traverse. Adult’s brains are more developed, and an inherent power balance is involved when one party is relatively independent, and the other is not. I think I unconsciously believe romantic feelings reduce this power imbalance...not totally sure though.

The Crassness of it all (A constant and ongoing reframing of my brain)

Other things that made me cringe: (Shockingly these are largely about sex again)

Sex with strange women in the bathroom (Frame and Book early season 1) (also, they appeared to be adult women, sooo back to point 4)

Hooking up with strangers for sex (Frame and Book early season 1)

The forced sexual encounter (this one’s not on me) (Frame and Book early Season 1)

Lukmo and Yok exchanging numbers while taking dumps in the bathroom (early season 2)

Lukmo and Yok dream sex scene and actual sex scene (I don’t think this one is on me) (late season 2)

Boys watch porn in groups (do they actually this keeps coming up in shows?) (is there anything wrong with this if they do, other than how uncomfy it makes me to imagine…no)

These aren’t necessarily bad things, just things that made it harder for me to watch and that’s what I’m reflecting on so…

The inherent Misogyny

I had the exact same problem with Love Sick, so I wasn’t really fussed about this one. I just thought it was SO STUPID that Fuse was only able to justify breaking up with Jean after she’d been a bad person. Like if she was a good person, he would have to stay with her BECAUSE SHE’S A HELPLESS GIRL.

This was just adding insult to injury.

But real talk, Het relationships ARE often framed this way and it didn’t feel unrealistic to how boys may actually think/feel/have been taught so I wasn’t really mad about it specifically.

Why have I shared all this?

Because I think some people may struggle with Make It Right for more ingrained and complicated reasons than they realise. The obvious answers of non-consent, ‘bad’ humour and general messiness are right there as perfectly acceptable reasons not to watch.

Yet I prepared for that going in and I still had a really hard time watching this show.

I've watched higher heat BLs before, I'm not really sure why this one was so different. @lurkingshan comments on the rawness of the show in her post about season 2, maybe that's part of it? It felt less removed from my life I suppose, previous TV genres I have watched are basically fantasy and anime so I don't tend to watch shows with a strong sense of realism. Perhaps thiis one hit me more because it felt more real?

My hangups aren’t anybody else’s, but there is more societal pressure on girls to be chaste, to be demur, to be careful or wary of sex, at least in Christian cultures (Sex Negativity, it’s not fun). I already knew I internalised those messages more than most teenagers (Something I very much struggled with growing up is that young people are often taught with extreme messaging because ‘it’s the only way to get though to them’ and I’m a very literal person and I was very naïve on top of that so it tended to “affect me more than it was supposed to” (to quote an actual conversation I had with my mum)). (Example of this in a different context was learning about the dangers of alcohol when I was 12 and I went home and cried to my 19 year old brother because I thought he’d die from the occasional parties he went to…it sounds crazy but I was distraught).

But I think an argument could be made for less strong reactions to some of these same problems, negatively affecting the viewing experience for other people, especially a majority audience of young women. I think part of the reason I could identify the causes of my discomfort were because they were so strong. A Low-level buzz of ‘uhh, I don’t really like this’ is much less likely to make someone go: okay, but why?

(Side note, this has caused me to realise how much I haven’t reacted to sex negativity in shows like UWMA, I read about it as a concept later and thought: Oh, yeah, that is bad, but I did not even notice it while I was watching and I did not even notice that my lack of noticing might be a problem until now so…yeah…not good)

Final Thoughts: What did I think of Make It Right?

I adored the relationships.

I loved the friendships.

I enjoyed how much it forced me to reflect on my ingrained biases. It was growth and learning, sometimes more than I wanted, but growing is something I want to keep doing for the rest of my life.

But it was hard work.

Overall, I do recommend it, but only if you’re prepared to think about yourself, your feelings, the WHY of it all while you watch.

(also, you might just not like it for more obvious reasons and that’s okay too).

Rating: Season 1 76%, Season 2 79% Middling Recommendations

Next up: Love by Chance (Thai List)

Or: Wish You (Korea) (FS)