#robinchicklets

Thanks for the ask! Here are the boys + Bruce with a S/O during a stressful college week. - Sky

Bruce

It makes Bruce uneasy to see you in distress. It’s in his nature to protect you from harm’s way and that includes stressful situations. As a man of his status, power, and wealth, it is entirely possible for him to shield you from the stress of school. Making a substantial donation to your university in your honor could probably solve most of your problems. However, he knows that abusing his influence like that would undermine your hard work and independence. This is a challenge you need to overcome on your own, so he opts to help you manage your stress symptoms instead.

When you’re stressed out, it might be easy to forget about the basic necessities so Bruce brings you meals and snacks throughout the day. Sometimes it’s food Alfred prepared and sometimes it’s from your favourite restaurant. Since you’re too busy for date night, Bruce tries to bring date night to you. If you’re living separately and he physically cannot visit you to make sure you are taken care of, he has food delivered to your doorstep. He also likes to surprise you with care packages filled with your favourite snacks and items for a well-deserved self-care moment. He often sends flowers to your home or workplace to lift your spirits and remind you that he’s thinking of you. If you’re not fond of flowers, he sends something he knows you’ll appreciate i.e., a deluxe edition figurine of your favorite fictional character.

On the flip side, stress might make you eat excessively or crave junk food more often. Deviating from your regular diet might cause feelings of guilt, which might add fuel to your stress. If this happens to you, Bruce reassures you that a couple days of “messing up” on your diet is normal and everything is going to be okay. Besides, you deserve to treat yourself when you’re working so hard. If you want, Bruce will stock up on some “healthy” alternatives that satisfy your junk food cravings.

If you’re ever so stressed out that you can’t even drag yourself out of bed, Bruce cancels his plans for the day and wordlessly gets into bed to comfort you. He won’t talk unless you initiate a conversation, but you’re probably too wearied to talk anyway. With the utmost tenderness, Bruce pulls you into or onto his chest, softly kisses your forehead, and slips a hand under your shirt to rub soothing circles on your back. He’s so warm and his touch is so gentle that sleep quickly claims you. When you wake up, you are pleasantly surprised to find that he’s still in bed with you and he’s still lovingly stroking your back to keep you relaxed. He slowly tries to ease you out of bed and back up on your feet by encouraging you to do little things like brush your teeth or wash your face. He might even suggest a bath or shower and he happily joins you if you want. By the end of the day, you feel refreshed and ready to face tomorrow.

Dick

Dick supports your education and he wants you to do well, but he doesn’t want you to take it so seriously that it causes you debilitating stress. He tries to make you laugh whenever you’re having a rough time. Whether you’re feeling irritable, depressed, or anxious before an exam, he swings by your place to give you a motivational pep talk. One time, he came dressed in the iconic High School Musical Wildcats basketball uniform and performed Now or Never, the overly dramatic musical number that Troy et al. sang during the State Championship basketball game. If you’re a HSM fan, you probably joined in on the singing and dancing with him.

Another time, you were doing some last-minute exam review to calm your nerves, but the more you reviewed, the more you forgot and the more you panicked. Noticing your state of distress, Dick gently took your notes away from you and placed his hands on your shoulders as he played Eye of the Tiger in the background. Taking on a boxer’s cornerman’s/trainer’s voice, he fake-aggressively reminded you that you’d studied for hours, you knew the material and you just needed to trust yourself now. Dick brings such a playful energy that you can’t possibly take him or anything else seriously in that moment. By the end, you’re always howling with laughter and your unpleasant emotions are all but forgotten.

Do you remember making a coupon book for your mom/dad for mother’s/father’s day when you were a little kid? Well, you can expect to receive an adult themed coupon book from Dick with every exam season. He likes to be creative and provides new activities and services in each book. There is a wide variety of cute, romantic, and not-so-innocent ideas to choose from. It never ceases to amaze you what this man can come up with. He even goes as far as giving you a loyalty card, where you get a stamp each time you redeem a coupon and once you collect 10 stamps, you receive a free bonus gift of your choice. Feel free to let your imagination run wild because Dick will most likely indulge you so long as it’s safe.

Dick likes to surprise you after you take an exam, and boy oh boy is he a sight for sore eyes. You could be in the middle of a mob of students fleeing the exam centre while everyone discusses their answers and all you want to do is hurry home and forget about the brutal exam. But then you spot Dick. He’s standing in front of his car with a delicious treat in hand, a smile to light up the world, and a kiss waiting for you – the most heavenly sight in the world. This, of course, does not require a voucher.

Jason

During finals week, you practically live in the 24hr Gotham University library. On occasion, you might stay overnight so you don’t have to spend time commuting and so you can study all night without disturbing your roommate. The library even has private study rooms that you can reserve, so it’s perfect for camping out all night. The first time you did this, Jason nearly had an aneurism when he didn’t find you safely tucked into your bed. Since then, he insists on accompanying you on your overnight library escapades because this is Gotham and he is overprotective as heck. Plus, Jason just really loves libraries. He walks up and down the stacks grabbing books left, right, and centre. He’s like a kid in a candy shop and it’s absolutely precious. Jason always snags a plush armchair and drags it into the study room so he can fully immerse himself in book.

When you’re tired and in need of a nap, Jason lets you crawl onto his lap and sleep in his arms. Just snuggling against his chest with your head tucked into the junction between his neck and shoulder provides enough warmth and comfort to lull you into a relaxing sleep. Sometimes he reads aloud to you if you’re interested in his book. You can feel the vibrations in his chest and hear the deeper tones in his voice, which is quite possibly the most soothing experience in the world – it just melts away the stress. Most of the time Jason stays awake with one arm wrapped securely around your frame and a book in the other hand, though he just might drift into some much-needed rest if you drape an arm over his torso as if you were hugging a giant teddy bear.

Before Jason goes on a mission, it has become a ritual for you to give him a passionate kiss, tell him how much you love him, and incentivize him to come back to you in one piece. Jason basically does the same for you before you write an exam. This close to an exam, you’re probably anxious and trying to do some last-minute review which means you’re probably distracted and forget to collect your good luck kiss. Jason tugs your wrist and brings you to a stop before him. With both hands, he cradles your face and kisses you senseless until you have all but forgotten about the exam. When he finally pulls away, he promises you a celebration when you come home, shoots you a playful wink, and gives you one last kiss because he can’t help it.

And when you get home, Jason certainly delivers. He has all your favorite comfort foods laid out on the coffee table with the tv running an episode/movie on your watchlist and a fluffy throw blanket on the couch. There will probably be lots of cuddling, massages, and other relaxing activities to follow. All in all, Jason makes this week of hell much more bearable.

Tim

Between running Wayne Enterprises and running around Gotham at night, Tim is always having a stressful week so he can sympathize with you. Relaxing is a foreign concept to him, so he doesn’t actually know how to help you. But that’s okay because at least you can be stressed out together and commiserate with each other. There have been many long nights spent in the study room at Wayne manor with your textbooks and Tim’s case files strewn about on the desks and even spilling over to cover the floor. You might find solace in having company while you spend the night studying, especially if you’re pulling an all-nighter since it can feel isolating when you’re awake at 4am and the rest of the city is sound asleep.

Tim hypocritically worries about you when you when you start adopting bad sleeping habits. If you have a lot of work and studying to do, you might end up substituting quality sleep for a couple of cat naps throughout the day and drinking ungodly amounts of caffeine. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. You make a deal with him that you’ll start practicing better sleep hygiene if he does as well. You’re both hard-working and dedicated so this agreement ends up being more challenging than you expected and you probably catch each other cheating. Maybe you need a midnight snack to get you through the night so you make a quick dash to the convenience store and Red Robin happens to spot you while on patrol. He scolds you for putting yourself in danger when you should be safely sleeping at home. You remind him that he’s supposed to be sleeping, too, and that shuts him up. After that incident, you decide to hold each other accountable by spending the night together. That’s probably how you end up sharing a bed for the first time. You probably hold each other in some way, whether it be holding hands, linking pinkies, or wrapping an arm around the other, as a way to ensure that the other behaves and stays in bed throughout the night.

Dealing with stress in a healthy way is a learning experience for the both of you. You motivate Tim to want to be healthier for your sake and his. It probably strengthens your relationship, too. Tim probably enrolls you both in a variety of relaxation activities such as yoga and couples’ massages.

Tim helps you study if you need a buddy. If he doesn’t know the material, he reads up on it so that he can be useful. He doesn’t mind because he values knowledge and wants to learn as much as he can. By the end of your program, you’ll probably joke that Tim has also earned the degree/certificate/diploma and should convocated with you. If you have a practical exam that requires a human subject, Tim gladly allows you to practice on him. Whether you’re in a healthcare program and need to practice drawing blood or you’re in an art program and need to practice drawing human anatomy, Tim is very cooperative. He just wants to help in any way that he can.

Damian

Damian is a practical person. He’ll do a lot of little things to make your life easier. Maybe you’re more forgetful and disorganized when you’re under a lot of stress. Maybe on the morning of your exam you have to forgo all the inessentials, meaning no breakfast, no personal hygiene or grooming, and you’re rocking your pajamas or an outfit that was due for a wash two weeks ago. When you find a seat in the exam room and started to unpack your test materials, you’re pleasantly surprised to find some granola bars/other travel friendly foods of your liking, a canteen of water, and an encouraging note. He also restocked your pencil case. You know those stubby pencils that were too short to sharpen? Yeah, he recycled those out and left you with some new sharpened No. 2 pencils, spare mechanical pencils, and blue and black inked pens. It makes you wonder what he has in his utility belt. He probably carries around a small army surplus store.

Damian is an expert at walking you through a hot moment of stress/anxiety/panic. For example, you might have 20 hours worth of reading and only 10 hours to get through it. Just thinking about the overwhelming mountain of work ahead of you might paralyze you, preventing you from accomplishing even the simplest tasks such as opening your textbook. Procrastinating probably stresses you out even more because now you have less time to do the same amount of work. When you get into that vicious cycle, Damian is be there to help you find your way out.

First, he takes you away from your work and lead you to somewhere comfortable and safe, most likely the couch or bed. He asks you what you’re thinking and lets you talk as much or as little as you want. Damian calmly challenges some of the thoughts you’re experiencing. “My professor already thinks I’m stupid because my presentation was the worst in the class. I need to do well on this exam otherwise they won’t write me a good letter of recommendation.” In response, Damian asks, “Did your professor say you’re not smart or that your presentation was the worst?” You pause before responding, “No, but I know what a good presentation is, and mine wasn’t good.” To this, Damian tells you, “Well, Beloved, that’s only your opinion. You don’t know what your professor thinks until they tell you.” Hopefully that eases some of your anxious thoughts so you can focus on doing your work.

Summary: How you met Jason, aka a little meet-cute moment.

“Step right up and try your hand at the Shoot Out The Star game! Only $5 to play!” you said to carnival goers walking past your booth in the midway. It was your job as a barker to grab patrons’ attention, draw them in, and take their money (legally, of course). “We’ve got giant prizes to be won and I want you to go home with one of these plushies!”

“Don’t be shy. Come on down and test your skills! All you have to do is shoot the red star out of the paper.” You downplayed the difficulty of the game when in reality, it was one of the most challenging games at the carnival. Most people mistakenly aim at the star while aiming around the star is more effective. However, knowing the winning strategy is only half the battle – executing it is another story. The pneumatic machine gun was only loaded with 100 bullets and it would take at least 95 perfect shots to make a circle around the star, leaving only a small margin of error.

“We’ve got lots of machine gun fun here!” you exclaimed.

It was then that a tall, dark figure approached you. He was dressed in a black t-shirt, fitted enough to hint at the well-developed muscles beneath the fabric, and a brown leather jacket over top. With a cigarette held between his lips, he wordlessly fished out a bill from his wallet and handed it to you. His ruggedly handsome features left you in a trance for an embarrassing moment. Heat rose to your cheeks as you came to your senses and took the man’s money.

It was a 50 dollar bill. You dug into your cash apron to make change but came up short. Your boss had come by just minutes earlier to collect your money and left you with just a few bills and coins. “Um, sorry, sir. I only have 40 bucks in change. You can check with the booth next-door and see if they can break your 50 or you can buy two games if you want,” you suggested.

“Two games? What makes you think I’ll need two games,” he asked, flashing a micro expression of cockiness.

You couldn’t help but nervously stumble over your words. “I – I, uh, sorry, it’s just that most people don’t win on their first try.”

“Hm,” he hummed, a lopsided smile on his face. “Tell you what – if I don’t win on my first try, you can keep the 50, but if I do win, you give me your number and we call it even.”

Was this incredibly attractive man flirting with you? Or was he just teasing you for fun? Your brain was short circuiting trying to comprehend what was happening. You decided to play it safe and answer as professionally as you could. “I don’t think I’m allowed to accept bets. But there’s a gambling table over there if you’re interested,” you said as you pointed across the midway, but his intense gaze never left yours.

“But the only prize I’ve got my eye on is at this booth,” he replied without missing a beat. “So, what do you say?” He extended his hand out for you to shake on it. You bit your lip to stifle a smile that tugged at your lips and shook his hand.

The man took his place at the counter and began unloading the clip without pausing even once to assess his progress. When he set the gun down, you called the target up to the front and examined the paper. There wasn’t a trace of the red star left on the sheet. That was an impressive feat. You’d never seen someone with such precision before. If you hadn’t been there to witness it, you would never have believed it.

“Still got a few bullets left, too,” the man said smugly. Dumbfoundedly, you handed him his winning target sheet but he shook his head. “Keep it,” he told you. Then he pulled out his phone and handed it to you.

You shook your head in disbelief as you typed in your contact information with a giddy grin on your face.

“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll call you.”

He had already taken a couple steps away from the booth when you called out to him. “Wait! You forgot your prize!” You began to pull a giant teddy down from the ceiling.

Hi! Thanks for the ask :) I really hope this is okay.

“Okay, babe, I won’t be gone long,” assured Jason as he packed some gear into a canvas utility bag.

You frowned, unable to disguise your worry. “Please be careful.” No matter how many times you watched him leave, it never got any easier.

In response, Jason set down his Red Hood helmet and gave you a deadpan expression that said, really? He stepped away from the table and came to stand in front of you. He pointed a mock accusatory finger at you. “You need to be careful, baby.”

You flashed him a sheepish smile – an admission of guilt. Due to your hypersensitivity to various sensory inputs (i.e., sights, sounds, smells, tastes, touches, etc.) you regularly wound up in a state of distress caused by some seemingly innocuous event. For example, the tag on the back of a shirt might feel scratchy but most people quickly habituate to it such they don’t even notice it after a minute. For you, the tag might feel like a cheese grater scraping against your back with every infinitesimal movement you make. Over the years, you’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing your triggers and avoiding them, though sometimes your reactions are unpredictable. You could enjoy the rhythmic sound of rain pelting against the roof today but be retching up your guts tomorrow when suddenly every drop feels like a percussionist taking a mallet to your eardrum.

Even your proprioception (awareness of your body’s position and movement) was affected and left you as an accident-prone butterfingers. Luckily, you had Jason to tend to your every bump, bruise, and scratch. He was attentive to your body language and often knew what you needed before you knew it yourself. Jason was the only person you trusted enough to let touch you. He had surprisingly good bedside manner – only for you though. On more than one occasion, you’d seen him throw a roll of gauze at his brother’s head, remind him he's a moron, and call it a day.

“I want you to be in one perfect piece when I get home. Got it?” Jason leaned down to look directly in your eyes for confirmation.

You bit your bottom lip innocently and nodded.

“Good,” Jason said. He beckoned you over to the couch. “Sit right here and don’t get up until I’m back, okay?” Your knack for getting yourself into trouble made him anxious to leave you alone.

“Jason,” you whined.

“Hey, I can’t take any chances. You’re too precious to me.”

You had to admit that his overbearing concern was kind of endearing. “But I already had two panic attacks today. I’ve hit my quota; I’m good for the rest of the night,” you joked.

Jason apparently didn’t find your comment humorous. “Y/N,” he chided. Figures. He’s allowed to joke about his death, but you’re not allowed to joke about your sensory issues.

“Okay, okay,” you grumbled as you rolled your eyes and took your place on the couch.

Jason dropped to a knee in front of you and smiled. “That’s my boy/girl. Do you want a kiss before I go?” He always asked for permission to touch you.

“Yes, please,” you said shyly.

Summary: Another favorite trope - reader patches up a wound. Warning: mentions of blood. 

The window opened behind you and you felt a cool summer night breeze brush against your neck. You didn’t bother to give the intruder any attention because you knew that Damian was the only person who could disarm the alarm and crack lock mechanism with ease. You thought the whole system was overkill but it pleased Damian to have it installed so you didn’t complain.

“Hey, Damian,” you greeted him robotically with your gaze still transfixed to your laptop screen and your back to the window. You were watching the events of the latest episode of your favorite show unfold.

You heard Damian land in your room with a grunt. He was usually quite graceful, however you guessed that his ribs and hip were still sore from the last sparing session he had with his brothers and sisters. That family took everything to a whole other level.

You heard Damian shut the window after himself. The sound of the latch being secured came next. Then you heard electronic beeps as he reactivated the alarm. “You –” he let out a sharp exhale. “You took home economics, right?”

“Yeah,” you replied, nonchalantly with a mouthful of popcorn. You didn’t take your eyes off the screen, but you heard the sound of his heavy boots carry him across your room.

“Good,” he said. A shaky breath infiltrated his normally self-assured voice. “And you remember most of it?” The bed springs creaked under his weight.

“Uh, yeah, I guess so.”

“Great,” he said. “What grade did you receive?” This wasn’t all that out of character for him. Damian was competitive in all aspects of his life. You wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to compare home economics grades just so he could vaunt his skills.

“I don’t know, Damian,” you said honestly. You turned up the volume, hoping that Damian would get the hint that you wanted to watch your show in peace and quiet. “I think it was a good mark.”

Damian let out a heavy sigh of relief. “Excellent.” His voice sounded less troubled than before.

“Jon did most of my assignments,” you admitted unapologetically.

Damian was quiet for a moment. “Okay, but you attended the classes, correct?”

You didn’t answer right away. You were too focused on the climax of the episode. “Oh my goodness,” you muttered under your breath to yourself as the plot twist unveiled. “Um,” you said, remembering that Damian had asked you something. “Yeah, yeah, more or less.”

“Do you remember how to sew?”

“Sort of,” you told him. You had sewn on a button once. It didn’t look great, but it definitely wasn’t going anywhere.

“Well enough,” he said. “I need you to suture a laceration.”

“What?” you choked out. He said it so nonchalantly that you weren’t sure if he was serious or not, because a sane person would not be so stoic. You whipped around to find Damian lying on your bed in his Robin uniform. It was soiled with a layer of black, like he had been charred. It was so dark that it masked the staining of his blood and you wouldn’t have known he was bleeding if it weren’t for the pool of red soaking through your white comforter. He was holding his side with his hands at an awkward angle.

You had seen him with cuts and bruises and even broken bones, but never with the life bleeding out of him. “Oh my goodness!” you shrieked as panic filled your lungs. Your face contorted into a horrified grimace as you tried to stifle an expression of disgust. The strong stench of metal made your stomach churn and your head woozy.

You immediately felt horrible for not paying attention to him sooner. “Damian, why didn’t you say something? Holy crap! What the hell happened? You need an ambulance!” You turned around to reach for your phone.

“No,” Damian choked out. “Secret… identity,” he said with his eyes squeezed shut.

“What about your brothers and sisters? Your dad? Alfred?”

“On their way. No time to wait. First aid kit,” he implored weakly.

You ran for the bathroom and tore into the cabinet to find the massive first aid kit that Damian insisted you store. You had opened it once or twice to grab a bandage for a paper cut but you never touched the majority of the contents. You didn’t even know what half of the kit was for. You guessed that you might find out today.

When you returned to your room, Damian was moving slowly to unbutton his uniform. You helped him with the rest, trying to do it quickly without jostling anything. You tried to ignore the squishy wetness of the uniform, but your hands came away covered in a layer of crimson blood. Beneath the outer coat, his white undershirt was seeping with blood. There was a large tear in the fabric and a bit of the raw wound peeked through.  

You didn’t have a fear of blood, really. You had no qualms about donating blood or seeing it on TV. This, however, was completely different. You were more terrified than you had ever been in your entire life. You had no idea what to do - everything you knew about CPR and standard first aid had inexplicably disappeared from your brain. Silent tears began to spill from your eyes as your breaths tore in and out of your throat, ragged and shallow.

“Y/N,” said Damian, firmly. Through your blurry, wet vision, you could see him straining to make eye contact with you. “Breathe. Everything is going to be fine. Just follow my instructions.”

Normally you trusted Damian, but this time his reassuring words didn’t have any kind of soothing effect on you. Your whole body was shaking now. You couldn’t find your voice. Instead, you shook your head.

“Yes, Y/N. It is going to be fine, but you must listen to me. Do you understand?”

You tried to take a deep breath, but an uncontrollable sob cut it short. If Damian could lie there halfway to death and still be composed, then you could at least pretend to be calm for his sake. You nodded your head this time, trying your best to even out your breathing. It was no use though. You couldn’t remember how to breathe.

“Thank you. Cut it,” he said, motioning to his undershirt.

You did as he ordered and cut a line right down the centre of his shirt. It was warm and wet and clung to his skin, so you peeled it off to reveal the full extent of a nasty looking wound. Even through your distorted, teary vision, you saw enough to know it was not good.

You felt faint at the sight of his insides. Or maybe it was your hyperventilating making you dizzy.  

“Breathe, Y/N. Breathe and then get the sterile solution to irrigate it.”

You returned with freshly washed hands, a pair of gloves and a jug of irrigation solution. Following his instructions, you squeezed the syringe and expelled the liquid over his wound. It ran down his side and carried even more blood into your comforter.

“Okay,” he breathed out. “There should be a small white packet with a curved need and thread and a pair of suture holders. They look like scissors but without the blades.”

Your trembling hands had a difficult time picking out the items. Once you collected the materials, you looked at Damian for further directions.

“It’s a bit deep so you’ll need to close the layer under the skin first. Can you see it?”

You shook your head. His side was a giant red mess. You couldn’t make out anything except for blood and jagged skin. It was nothing like the clean and clear-cut diagrams you’d seen in class. “This is crazy! I can’t do this,” you cried. People spent years studying and training to do procedures like this. Stitching up a body was not something that a person should wing, and definitely not on their best friend, lying in an unsterile room.

“You can,” he assured you. “Pretend like you’re sewing some fabric. Start with this layer here.” Damian pulled at his skin and pointed to the inside with a pair of suture forceps. You couldn’t help but turn away and shut your eyes as he prodded himself. “Y/N,” he called your attention back. “Make sure the needle goes in like this and comes out like this,” said Damian as he demonstrated.

You were shaking your head. “You are absolutely insane! Sewing fabric is nothing like sewing a wound! Can’t we just wait for your dad or someone?”

“No time,” he said.

“Please, Damian,” you begged. “Let me call EMS.”

“No,” he asserted with what little strength he had.

“Please! I…”

“No,” he repeated. You could tell his patience was wearing thin.

“I understand you have to protect your secret identity, but Damian, come on. There won’t be an identity to protect if you die.”

“Batman…Nightwing…” he said weakly.

“They’ll understand!” you argued with desperation.

“No,” he mumbled. He shook his head.

Without any thought, your next words came flooding out straight from your heart. “Damian, I love you and I don’t want you to die!” Oh. That came as a shock to you. You’d never said anything like that before. In fact, you’d never even had a thought like that, but you knew it was the truth. Your hands almost flew to cover your mouth in regret, but the blood dripping from your hands stopped you.

Damian didn’t seem to notice your confession, or if he did, he didn’t acknowledge it. Had you not been utterly distracted by the emergency before you, you might have run away with embarrassment from your sudden proclamation.

“Please try for me, okay?” His eyes were starting to close, but you could see him struggle to keep them open.

You searched his eyes, to see that his once vibrant green eyes had a dull, hazy colour to them. Seeming to find what you were looking for, you conceded. You swallowed a lump in your throat. “Okay.”

It was the worst experience of your life. Damian walked you through the process, but nothing could prepare you for the nauseating feeling of piercing his skin and pulling the nylon thread through the thickness of the tissue. Seeing the inside of his body made you want to vomit but his life was at stake, and you had to be brave for him. Besides, he was the one who should be worried, not you. Your technique was obviously non-existent and you were certain that you were hurting him a hell of a lot more than he was letting on. He hissed and groaned and you apologized profusely but he insisted that you continue.

“Thank you,” said Damian after you tied the last knot. His eyes were heavy and lidded and you could tell he was barely hanging on to consciousness. “Knew you could do it.”

You had no response. Now that the worst part was over, the adrenaline had left your system and you were in shock. His hand lolled out in an attempt to offer you comfort, or maybe to seek comfort for himself. You weren’t certain which is was, but nevertheless, you instinctively clasped his hand in yours.

Then he said something that caught you off guard. His voice was so faint that you barely heard him. “For the record, I love you, as well.”

Hi there!

Thanks so much for the ask! I hope you enjoy this 😊

-Sky

Bruce

When you and Bruce first start appearing in public as an official couple, Bruce’s public relations (PR) manager will probably voice their concerns about your relationship. His PR manager might feel that you are not good for his public image. “If Y/N has a fit of laughter at the gala, you’ll be the laughingstock,” argues the PR manager. Bruce will fire them on the spot. It’ll probably blow up into a big scandal in the tabloids.

If you happen to read the stories, it probably plants a seed of doubt in your mind. You might start to feel like you don’t deserve to be with Bruce. However, don’t bother trying to be noble and break up with him to preserve his public image. He won’t let you go unless you truly don’t want to be with him.

Bruce doesn’t like it when you use self-deprecating humor. If you say something like, “Your PR manager isn’t going to be happy with me. You’ll probably have to give them a raise for all the damage control they’re going to have to do,” Bruce will immediately shut that down. He refuses to let you talk about yourself as if you’re a burden, even if you are half-joking. He reminds you that, “laughing isn’t something you can control and that’s okay.”

If you’re nervous about attending an event, Bruce helps you prepare by scoping out the building and figuring out where to stand and mingle so that you always have a quick escape if you start to feel overwhelmed or need to take a break.

If people are gossiping about you, Bruce will confront them. He doesn’t use threats. He’s composed and professional when he insinuates that they’re insolent ignoramuses for being judgmental. That usually leaves them feeling embarrassed and Bruce is satisfied with that.

Dick

Dick is a former entertainer so he enjoys making people smile and laugh. He doesn’t see your uncontrollable laughter as a negative trait. If you need some cheering up, Dick will tell you how much he adores your laugh and how lucky he is to hear it. Of course, he understands how uncontrollable laughter might cause you distress, so during those times, he will likely hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.

Dick won’t force you to go out in public if you’re anxious about having an uncontrollable reaction in a social setting, but he will strongly encourage you to try. He doesn’t want you to miss out on life and he also just really loves your company. Some days are good and you challenge yourself to get out in public while other days are harder and you don’t feel up to doing anything outside. Dick will let you know that it’s okay to take the day off. If you’re skipping an event (e.g., graduation, a concert, a party), Dick will do his best to bring the event to you. He’ll decorate your home appropriately for the festivity and make sure you have a great time.

If an episode of laughter occurs in public, Dick will find you a safe and comfortable place to calm down. If people are sincerely concerned for you, Dick will politely explain if you are comfortable with him telling people. If people are being obnoxious to you, Dick will tell them to mind their own business. If you are getting harassed, Dick will pull out his badge and become Officer Grayson. He’ll give the douchebags a warning and will make arrests if necessary.

Jason

When Jason witnesses your laughing fit for the first time, he’s genuinely worried about you. He doesn’t know what to do and feels useless. He’s not sure if you want physical contact or space so he just hovers around, waiting for a hint. If you want comfort, he will hold you in his arms and rub soothing circles on your back. If you want alone time, Jason will busy himself by making you your favorite snack so you have something to eat when you’re feeling better.

Jason absolutely hates when you feel ashamed of your emotional reactions. If you put yourself down and say, “I laugh like the f*cking Joker! I’m as screwed up and damaged as him!” he will immediately tell you otherwise. “You are nothing like the Joker. You’re kind and compassionate and selfless. Living with inappropriate affect doesn’t change any of that. And I don’t want to hear you say you’re damaged ever again. There’s nothing wrong with you. Got it?” he says sternly.

If someone else dares to compare you to the Joker, Jason will go berserk. Even if he doesn’t intend to seriously hurt the person, he will by accident because his strength multiplies by tenfold when he’s beyond furious. Sometimes Red Hood’s foes will mock you because it never fails to get a rise out of Jason. Anyone who knows Jason’s story knows that the depraved clown is still a major sore spot for him. Having been mercilessly beaten and murdered by the supervillain and being forever haunted by his maniacal laughter, Jason’s hatred for the Joker is probably justified. Jason refuses to let others disrespect you like that.

Tim

If you are distressed by your inappropriate emotional reactions, Tim will do everything he can to help you manage them. He will suggest therapy and doctor’s appointments and will offer to take you there. He will even ask to attend a meeting with you so he can learn how to best support you. If your therapist recommends using an emotion chart to practice labelling your emotions, Tim will constantly remind to use it throughout the day. He’ll even print out the chart and hang it on the fridge so you have the option to share your feelings with him if you are comfortable. If your doctor prescribes medication, Tim will make sure you take it properly (e.g., at the right time, with/without food).

If you are feeling down about yourself, Tim will use logic to try to convince you that you shouldn’t be ashamed because it’s not something you can control. “Would you tell a person with allergies to be ashamed of themselves? No, that would be ridiculous because they have no control over it.”

Tim, like the rest of his family, is treated like a celebrity in Gotham. Naturally, the public is interested in his dating life which means you are also a target of the paparazzi. If you are worried about experiencing a laughing attack in public and having it captured on camera, Tim will get you “anti-paparazzi” clothing. It’s made out of a reflective material which causes the flash from the camera to reflect back and completely ruin the photo. It’s common for celebrities to wear an anti-paparazzi jacket, but Tim will get you all sorts of custom-made clothing pieces so that you can still be stylish. For example, if you are attending a gala, he will have some fancy clothes designed for you.

Damian

If kids at school are cruel to you, Damian will stick by your side and act like a personal bodyguard. He’s witty and often has a snappy comeback for the taunts and teases that you endure. You might be hysterically laughing and a passerby shouts at you, “You sound like a donkey!” and Damian will retort, “Your native language, I presume?” He won’t engage in physical fights unless it’s necessary for your safety. For example, he will intervene if someone is shoving you around or stuffing you in a locker, but only using enough force to stop their harassment.

Damian is overprotective which can make things worse for you. He’s always fighting your battles and that’s just one more reason for bullies to pick on you. They prey on you when you’re alone, “Hey chuckles, you going to man/woman up and fight me like a big boy/girl today? Or should I wait for your nanny to show up?” If you mention this to Damian, his first impulse is to confront the bully about their behavior. You have to remind him that would only prove the bully right. Damian will grumble something about injustice but will leave the situation be as per your request. He makes an effort to respect your independence and let you stick up for yourself, but he often slips up because it’s his instinct to protect you.

Hi there!

Thanks so much for the ask. I hope this is okay :)

-Sky

Bruce

As a person living with paranoid personality disorder, you might be terrified that people are out to harm you. Your place of residence, Gotham city, does nothing but exacerbate your paranoid thought patterns, since criminals run rampant through the streets. It’s hard to distinguish between paranoid thoughts and substantiated concerns. Is that sketchy person with the full face covering one of Black Mask’s False Face Society members sent to abduct you, or are they just a conscientious citizen taking extra precautions to avoid contracting or transmitting the COVID virus? Being in a state of constant fear prevents you from living your life to the fullest. Luckily, your S/O happens to be Batman in his free time.

Bruce eases your mind just with his presence. He’s probably the smartest, strongest, and most resourceful person you know and being with him makes you feel safe. Bruce is the kind of person who you’d blindly listen to during an emergency – if he told you to jump out of a burning plane, you’d do it without a second thought because he’s never let you down in the past and you’re confident that he never will in the future. If you’re feeling fearful in public, Bruce will grab your hand or put an arm around you securely and soothingly whisper in your ear that he’s right here and there’s nothing to worry about. Having paranoid thoughts means that it’s difficult to reason with you, so you probably aren’t convinced that there is no threat, but you do experience some relief from his soft touch and gentle words. He’ll ask if you want to leave and he’ll take you to your safe space. If you’re feeling fearful in private, Bruce will hold you close and rub your back to reduce your anxiety. If you’re by yourself and start to have those racing, panicked paranoid thoughts, you can always call Bruce. He’ll drop whatever he is doing and come take care of you.

Bruce will teach you self defense to help you feel more comfortable around people. He won’t arm you with any dangerous weapons because he doesn’t want an innocent person to get hurt if you get spooked. Bruce will ask if you want to move into the manor since it has strong security and comes with several vigilantes. If you would rather stay at your own place, Bruce will install a variety of safety systems to make you feel protected. He’ll even spend most nights at your place so you can sleep peacefully. Overall, Bruce is like your lifeline. He’ll know just what to do to help you through your difficult thoughts.

Dick

Dick is a social butterfly who’s had his fair share of romantic partners in the past so it’s natural for you to feel jealous when he spends time with other people. Dick will adamantly declare that he’s with you and only you. At first you might try to ignore the prickly feeling of jealousy because you don’t want to come off as a possessive S/O, but the clues accumulate and suggest that he’s cheating on you. For example, he’ll rarely spend the night with you. You’ll catch him sneaking into bed at ungodly hours of the morning. When confronted, he’ll make up an excuse that he just went to get a drink of water or use the bathroom. You’ll spot bruises scattered over his chest knowing you definitely did not leave those there. He’ll play it off as a gym injury.

When you raise your suspicions, Dick is hesitant to explain. You take this as confirmation of infidelity and you’re ready to walk out. At that point, he has no choice but to come clean about his secret identity as Nightwing. That sounds farfetched and you likely think he’s a pathological liar. Finally, Dick proves it to you and explains that he didn’t want you to be dragged into his dangerous nightlife. While you accept that as the truth, you’ll always wonder if he’s hiding more secrets. Furthermore, you’re probably pissed that he was gaslighting you. Dick will do everything he can to make it up to you. He’ll apologize profusely and in extravagant ways, be more transparent, and shower you with excessive love and affection. It might take a long time, but eventually Dick will worm his way back into your good graces.

It doesn’t take long for the green-eyed monster to rear its’ ugly head again. Now that you’re in the know, you’re hyperaware of the attractive vigilantes that Dick works with and it’s emotionally draining to be jealous all the time. You don’t want to be the type of person who tries to control their partner’s life, but when the suffering becomes too much to bear, you might ask him to stop seeing certain people. Dick will calmly assure you that there isn’t anything going on with any of his vigilante friends. If that doesn’t appease you, he’ll suggest that you hang out with the team and get to know them. He hopes that you’ll see that there aren’t any romantic feelings between them. Whatever you do, please don’t force him to choose between you and his hero life. It will tear him apart.

Jason

Trust is very important to Jason. He doesn’t trust many people as it is and needs a S/O who he can trust wholeheartedly and who will trust him in return. He believes that this relationship will fail if you don’t have confidence in each other. He’ll take it personally if you distrust him. Jason will get defensive and frustrated if you accuse him of being unfaithful, especially if you don’t have a shred of evidence to support your claims. He’ll be offended and deeply hurt that you think so negatively of him but once he’s had some time to cool off, he’ll be able to process everything more objectively. He’ll accept that you can’t control the way you feel. You’d explained it to him once that you do trust him, but there’s a separate voice in your head that tells you otherwise. Jason won’t give up on you though. He’ll come up with a proposition - he’ll agree to install a tracking app on his phone so you can monitor his whereabouts if you’ll promise to work on learning to trust him, whether it be via professional psychotherapy or reading self-help books.

On the other hand, if Jason is one of the only people you trust, he’ll be elated to know that you two have built such a strong connection. It’ll be easy to confide in him because he’ll gladly listen to your worried thoughts with no judgement. At first, he’ll reassure you that nothing bad is going to happen to you – he’s Red Hood and nobody is going to pull anything on you if they value their life. Eventually he’ll realize that trying to reason with you isn’t helpful so he’ll stick to active listening when you’re experiencing paranoid thoughts.

However, if Jason is fresh out of the pit and emotionally unstable, you two will probably bond over your mutual distrust and cynicism about the world. Although you and Jason will get along exceptionally well, it’s possible that your irrational thoughts may feed each other’s paranoia and exacerbate the feelings of mistrust and suspicion. If you find yourself unable to let things go, feel free to vent away when you’re with Jason. He is the king of holding grudges, so he’ll probably support you and even join in on trash talking that person with you when you’re angry. Learning to forgive and forget is something you and Jason can work on together. In a way, it brings you two closer together since you understand each other on a level that others can’t begin to comprehend.

Tim

Tim very compassionate and patient; however, he’s afraid of triggering you so he’s often walking on eggshells around you. He just wants to be the perfect supportive S/O for you and doesn’t want to mess up the relationship. His worst offense (in your eyes) is using ambiguous language that lends to multiple interpretations. For example, he might innocently compliment your clothes/hair/makeup and you might assume that he only likes you for your appearance or that he’s implying that you’re vain for wanting to look nice. The moment you shoot him daggers, he’s realized his mistake and starts to furiously backpedal. He tries to explain himself, but he usually ends up digging himself a deeper hole. Eventually, he gets better at expressing his thoughts carefully so that they can’t be misconstrued.

Tim diligently tries to learn your other triggers and how to help. When you’re stuck in a cycle of paranoid thoughts, Tim will get you to focus on what’s real instead of trying to make you see sense. He’ll help you relax by walking you through breathing exercises, playing soothing music, or whatever strategies you find helpful.

Tim isn’t proud of this, but he’s resorted to deceiving you when necessary. For instance, if you’re experiencing paranoid thought patterns and want to be alone, Tim will hesitantly leave, but he’ll probably secretly monitor you only because he’s worried about your safety. If you’re afraid that others are reading your mind, he might pretend that he invented an anti-mindreading helmet to ease your suspicions. He knows you would feel betrayed if you ever found out about his dishonesty, but he reasons that your safety and comfort are more important in the moment.

Damian

Arguments with Damian are brutal. No matter how insignificant the disagreement is, Damian refuses to back down when he believes he’s right. Paired with your own stubbornness and contentiousness, these quarrels generally result in an impasse. Eventually your anger subsides and the depression sinks in. You might assume that Damian doesn’t love you anymore and that fight was the end of your relationship. Maybe you start packing your belongings to move out right away. Damian comes up behind you and asks what you’re doing. When you tell him that you’re leaving because he doesn’t want you anymore, he’s instantly remorseful. He takes your bags out of your hands and proceeds to pull you in close as he tells you how much he loves you. He assures you that two people can disagree and still love each other.

Damian doesn’t want to argue with you and he certainly doesn’t want to see you upset so he’ll always excuse himself before the argument becomes too heated. He hopes that some time apart will allow you both to calm down and come to a compromise, but it’s never that simple. Most of the time, you’ll need a third-party mediator, like a therapist, to resolve your dispute. The act of seeking out a therapist will be a huge accomplishment for your relationship. Damian likes his privacy and doesn’t want someone else in his business and you might be afraid to share intimate information with a stranger in fear that it will be used against you. Nevertheless, you both want to make this relationship work, so you’ll continue to seek help.

Summary: Damian pays you a visit at night ft. the one bed trope.

It was a typical eerie night in Gotham and as usual, you spent it alone in your room. You were completely engrossed in the murder documentary streaming on your laptop, the game of Tetris on your cell phone, and the barbeque potato chips you were shoving into your mouth. You were so unaware of your surroundings that you jumped right out of your seat and yelped when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Relax, Y/N,” said Damian, casually. “It is only me.” He was dressed in his Robin uniform. It was clean which meant that he was probably unharmed.

You scowled at him as your felt your heart beat wildly against your ribcage. Your eyes traveled to the open window. You were certain that you had secured the latch, added the anti-lift bar and activated the alarm not twenty minutes ago. Your newfound interest in murder mysteries kept you awake a night, so you amped up your security to give yourself some peace of mind. It should have been impossible for anyone to break in, but here Damian was, standing inside your apartment bedroom.

“Stop abusing your power like that,” you scolded.

“Stop leaving yourself vulnerable,” he countered, without missing a beat.

“I didn’t! Did you not see the steel bar and alarm?” you said with indignation. You had to wonder how he managed to slip in. In another life, he could be a magician, you thought.

“Indeed, I did notice,” he said. “It is quite the cute little system you have.” His smirk was as condescending as ever.

You rolled your eyes and huffed. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of getting a big reaction out of you.

Damian’s expression softened. “I am glad that you installed that, though. Now I do not have to worry so much about you when I am away.”

You had no idea how to formulate a response to a comment that was not an insult or sarcasm. You awkwardly changed the subject instead, “So… you need something or…?”

Damian looked at you expectantly as if he was waiting for you to continue. “Do not end your sentence with a conjunction,” he chastised you. “Proper grammar is imperative for effective communication.” You rolled your eyes again. Sometimes he was insufferable.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said. And sometimes he was almost sweet.

His gloved finger gently tipped your face upwards so he could inspect it thoroughly. You found his concern rather considerate until he opened his mouth again. Damian’s face contorted into an expression of disgust before he said, “You are beginning to look like Drake.” Although Tim was very attractive, you knew how Damian felt about his adoptive brother. His statement was not to be mistaken as a compliment.

You pulled away and rolled your eyes again. “Got it. You came here to annoy me. Mission accomplished. You ready to leave now?” You pointed to the window.

“I am being serious, Y/N, you look unwell…” He looked around your desk space with a horrified expression. “And I can see why. When was the last time you slept?”

“Uh,” you blew a raspberry as you thought about it. “Yester…today?” you said, but it came out as a question. Damian looked unimpressed. “No, today. Definitely today,” you stated with more confidence.

You could tell Damian didn’t buy it. “What day is it today?” he challenged.

Your eyes roamed around the room in search of clues. The date and time weren’t visible on your electronics. You took a stab in the dark. “Saturday.”

Damian crossed his arms over his chest. “It is Sunday night.”

“Oh…” you pursed your lips sheepishly. Sometimes the days blurred together.

“That is it,” he said with finality. He closed your laptop. “You are banned from watching murder mysteries videos at night.” He went for your phone next. He raised it up for you to see your game of Tetris disappearing as he powered it off. “I am confiscating your phone every evening from now on.”

“What?” you whined, lunging out for your phone. Damian tucked it away and out of reach in the inner pocket of his uniform.

“You are getting time limits. Blue light disrupts your circadian rhythm - no laptop or phone after 10 pm.” He grabbed the crinkly chip bag. “And these, well, you really should not eat these ever. Do you know how much sodium is in this bag? Your arteries will know.” He tossed the half-empty bag into the trash can beside your desk.

“No!” You protested. He had no right to order you around.

“Yes,” he asserted. You watched him fluff up your pillows, tuck the sheets firmly under the mattress, and smooth out the bed spread. “You are going to bed now. Get in.” He lifted the covers for you.

“Yeah, no thanks,” you chuckled humourlessly. You just wanted to finish watching the unsolved mystery of the Gruesome Gotham Murders of 1902 and be so terrified that you can’t sleep for the next three days.

“Y/N,” he said sternly, indicating that he wasn’t in the mood for an argument.

“Fine,” you grumbled. You knew Damian was stubborn and wouldn’t take no for an answer. You figured that you would get in bed to appease him and get rid of him, then you could resume watching your video.

You stomped extra loudly across your room to make a point. You huffed loudly as you crawled into bed. He pulled the covers up to your chin and tucked you in as if you were a little kid.

“Good night,” said Damian.

“Yeah, bye,” you replied impatiently.

Your eyes following Damian as he flicked off your lamp. Once your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you realized that Damian was taking off his Robin uniform. He stripped down to his undershirt and hung the tunic over the back of your chair before sitting down. “What are you doing?” you asked, raising yourself up on your forearms.

“I am going to stay,” he said, like it was the most normal sentence in the entire world.

“Um, come again?”

“I know you are afraid to go to sleep, so I will stay and make sure you feel safe… even though it is self inflicted fear and I ought to leave you so you learn your lesson. I do not know why you insist on watching murder mysteries knowing that you are going to be frightened.”

“While that’s a very nice offer, it’s also super unnecessary. I’m okay,” you lied. You couldn’t let him stay overnight in your chair just because you had an overactive imagination.

Damian raised a hand to silence your argument. “It is not up for debate. I will stay right here and you will get some sleep.”

“But you need to sleep, too,” you reasoned.

Damian shrugged. “I will make do here.”

Your throat was suddenly dry as you prepared to make a compromise. “You could… sleep… here… in my bed?” You prayed that he wasn’t repulsed by your invitation to share your bed. You and Damian were just friends but somewhere along the way your feelings changed. You caught yourself noticing things about him that you found attractive… like the way his eyes were so expressive and always told you what he was thinking… or how he carried himself with strength and confidence, even if it could be annoying sometimes.

You held your breath in anticipation. The last thing you wanted was to scare him off. “Okay,” he casually accepted. While you were relieved that he wasn’t mortified by the thought of sharing your bed, you were a nervous wreck now.

You shuffled over to the very edge of your twin sized bed to make room for Damian. As he lay down, the side of his warm arm brushed against yours. You skittishly scooted away but tumbled out of bed.

Damian peered over the edge of the bed and his brows knit together in confusion. “What on earth are you doing?” he asked.

“Nothing,” you said, too quickly to sound normal. You tittered nervously as you climbed back under the covers. This time you lay on your side and faced away from him to put some distance between you two and to hide your embarrassment.

“Come closer, Y/N. I do not want you to fall off again.”

You shifted infinitesimally closer.

“Closer,” instructed Damian.

You inched towards him but left a good distance separating you two.

“There’s plenty of space here,” he encouraged.

You quickly came up with an excuse. “I toss and turn in my sleep. I don’t want to hurt you by accident.”

Damian let out a hearty laugh.

“What?” you asked with indignance. You rolled over onto your back so you could see him.

“Nothing,” he denied, stifling his mirth.

“Tell me,” you demanded.

“The thought of you, in your footie pajamas, thinking that you could injure a highly skilled assassin, is quite comical. Don’t flatter yourself. Now, come here and go to sleep.” Damian patted the empty space beside him.

This time you listened and moved towards the centre of the bed. You were so close to Damian that you could feel the heat radiating off his skin. The warmth was drawing you even closer to him but you reprimanded yourself and forced yourself to remain eerily still to avoid another accidental contact. Damian turned his head and you felt his eyes on you. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Y-yeah,” you squeaked. You bit you lip anxiously. Your hand played with a loose thread on the blanket.

“Are you certain?”

“Yes,” you said, this time more confidently although you weren’t fooling him.

“You need not be afraid of the dark, Y/N, especially when I am here.”

You knew that already. You always felt safe when you were with Damian, even before you knew he was Robin. There was something comforting about his self-assurance that made situations less scary. But that’s not what was making you jittery.

“Why do you bother watching murder mysteries? They always overlook clues and never investigate thoroughly. Besides, you have a real detective right here,” Damian said, with a tone of umbrage.

You shrugged and tilted your head. “They’re fun,” was your simple answer.

Damian cocked an eyebrow. “Being so petrified that you cannot sleep alone is fun?”

“I don’t know. I guess I admire you for being Robin.” You don’t know why you said that. You really shouldn’t be feeding his ego. It’s big enough as it is. You kept talking, against your better judgement. “Watching you solve mysteries and fight for justice got me interested in true crime.”

Damian only hummed in response. He was quiet for a while and you thought that maybe he had drifted to off to sleep. Finally, he said, “Would you like to know who committed the Gruesome Gotham Murders of 1902?”

You gasped and turned on your side to face him. You were only a few inches away from him now, but you didn’t even register his proximity. Your anxiety was long forgotten and replaced by curiosity. “You know who did it?”

“Of course,” he confirmed.

“How?” you breathed with skepticism. The case had been undertaken by several of the most high-profile detectives and private investigators over the decades and none were able to solve it. In fact, no new leads had been uncovered in the last eighty years.

Damian rolled his eyes. “Batman and Robin are, without a doubt, the best detective duo in history. Not to mention, that case was child’s play.”

You scoffed. “I don’t believe you. Show me some proof,” you said, calling his bluff.

“Very well, then. I will show you the file the next time you visit the manor.”

“If you’ve solved it, why don’t you tell the authorities then?”

“We have. It is connected to several active cases so the GCPD is not able to release any information to the public yet.”

You scrutinized his face, looking for any signs of a fib. He didn’t waver under your intense stare, but then again, he was accustomed to the batglare so your measly glare was probably ineffective. You decided to trust him. “Who did it?”

Damian turned on his side as well and propped up his head with his arm so that he could look down at you. He pretended to think about it, building up the suspense. “If you go to sleep now, I’ll tell you tomorrow morning,” he said, almost playfully.

“What?” you exclaimed.

“Better get to sleep right away,” he warned.

You couldn’t believe he would tease you like this. There was no way you’d be able to sleep knowing that the answer to the city’s most enigmatic mystery was lying right beside you. You huffed angrily and flopped back down onto your mattress.

Damian let out a deep laugh in response. You grabbed a spare pillow and tried to whack him, but he anticipated your attack and caught it. “Damian Wayne, you are the absolute worst.”