#rob stern

"If you have any photographs of Orcs, Dragons, Monsters, or Dungeon Dwellers of any nation, particularly photos of Dungeon locations, why not share them with us and help make Squadron/Signal's books all the more interesting and complete in the future."

From Down in the Dungeon by Don Greer and Rob Stern, Squadron/Signal Publications, 1981. Squadron/Signal usually published books about historic military aircraft, ships, armored vehicles, or army units, many illustrated by Don Greer. Similar to Osprey Publishing's classic volumes, these were invaluable for history buffs, model builders and wargamers researching specific niche topics. Down in the Dungeon was presented as a similar nonfiction study of dungeon exploration, including that parody of the request for photos included at the beginning of all their historical volumes:

I could spend a long post, complaining about people in "the industry" who have done me some sort of "disservice."

But why?  Why waste the valuable finger-strength and finger-stamina, just to mirror negativity?  

(especially when I could be writing a love letter instead;) __________ __________ And here's the thing:  

nobody is as negative towards us, as we think they are.  

For me to even write the words "mirror negativity" is already saying more about myself, than anyone I could try to criticize.

For the first time in my life yesterday, I read about Hanlon's Razor.

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence." __________ And I think something clicked over, in my brain.  Some sort of lightswitch.  (a much more literal analogy than most of us realize)

IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT

It's not my fault.  And it's not the industry's fault. __________ I could think of myself, as I write this.  But it applies to many others.  

I've thought Rob Stern is a great comic who's gone undiscovered, for way too long.    

I don't know how many times Brian Parise has been on television.  But the number should be tripled, by now.  The joke I linked to is hilarious, and I don't even think it's one of his top-20 jokes.  He shits stuff like that out every week.  Part of me hates him for it.

Matt Willis, down in Austin.  

When I moved to New York 4 years ago, Jeff Wesselschmidt was the only comic I said "That dude is funnier than me.  And I just have to deal with it."

Wesselschmidt is a fascinating case.  I'll go into more detail about him, in a future post.  But I'm on the record:  he's absolutely brilliant. __________

My mother -- a stay-at-home mom in rural America -- has been a huge fan of Aparna Nancherla's for going on a decade.

The industry hasn't figured out how universal her appeal is.  If she did Letterman (which her writing and pacing IS PERFECT FOR),

her career would spike, just like Joe Wong's did during his historic opening 4-year Letterman run, (you can watch those 2009-2012 appearances here). 

I don't think that's "malice," on the industry's part.  

I think it's incompetence. __________ __________ There is a lot "the industry" doesn't understand.  

And that's NOT A CRITICISM of the industry.  

The reality I didn't understand, when I was a somehow

both-young-and-bitter comedian, 

is that "the industry" is basically just "The Wizard" in The Wizard of Oz.  

They seem like some huge, monstrous, terrifying monster of a monstrosity.  Out to get us.  Out to destroy us.  Super secretive.  Super scary.

It turns out:  it's just made up of a bunch of...

wait for it...

people. __________ Yep.  People.  

Like, real people.

The person I've been waiting to "discover me" for this past decade...

has been busy PAYING THEIR RENT.  And TRYING TO GET LAID.

And.  TAKING CARE OF THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE.

Because that's what humans do.  That's what all of us do.  

Just because someone is a part of this undefined blob that we collectively refer to as "The Industry"  -- that doesn't change them into robots.  They have the same issues and problems that comics do.  They just happen to be pursuing a different career.

So I'm letting it go.  I'm letting go of the bitterness.  And focusing on my life, and the people around me that support me.   __________ __________

My fiance' e-mailed Bill Simmons, yesterday.  

She sent him a link to my open letter to him, 

in which I wrote a post-game analysis of this past weekend's Ravens-Steelers playoff game.

I wrote the post-game analysis during the 3rd quarter of the game.  I posted it during the 4th.  

Everything I wrote came true.  Which was cool.

My fiance' (Miss Butterfly Starfish, to all those fans of my love letters to her, or our co-written blog Do or Why)

wants me to become a sports writer.  And I have to admit:

I'm thinking about it. __________ __________ The best part of becoming a sportswriter -- if I start heading in that direction -- 

has also been the best part of becoming a motivational speaker:

I can say whatever I want to

about "The Industry"  

(sound of thunder outside, flash of lightning, and obligatory "DUNH--donh--DUNNH" sound effect) __________ Fuck the Industry.

Memo to comics:  That's not a defiant exclamation.

It's advice. __________ "The Industry" is like Facebook -- when you're plugged in, you feel like you can't live without it.

Then you unplug -- and realize it's been slowing you down, the whole time.  

And it's not "their" fault -- whoever "they" are.  

It's our fault, for expecting them to do the work for us.

I don't know what I expected, the decade I was waiting for "the industry" to make me happy with myself.  But I know if someone as successful and brilliant as Robin Williams never found it,

I can officially flick that "happiness switch" in my own mind -- from external to internal. __________ __________ __________

bryson turner is a motivational speaker for high school students, in brooklyn, the bronx, and other parts of New York and New Jersey.  He will be writing for grantland.com by mid-2015, when he will be -- not coincidentally -- marrying Miss Butterfly Starfish.  

He remains an independent stand-up comedian.  And he loves snow.