#rmsoulmate

Even now, as my feet lead me through the airport here in Seoul, I can’t quite believe that this is actually my life. Even now, three years later, the feeling of disbelief mingled with the thrill and fear of it all lingers.

To anyone here, I simply look like another tourist. Headphones in, not a care in the world except for keeping my backpack on my shoulders and taking one step at a time. I pass a group of girls loitering by the stairs, completely decked out in BTS merch. I smile at them, my action going unnoticed by my mask and hat low on my head. Am I a tourist or celebrity?

Neither. And yet, in some twisted way, both.

To my eternal horror and delight, six of my closest (and weirdest) friends await me at the baggage claim, welcome signs held up high.

All of them are from either here in South Korea or Japan, yet despite our differences we just click.

It’s something that I’m still not used to.

Their loud squeals can be heard bouncing off the walls of the airport the second I come into view, and I thank the heavens above for the mask and hat I’m wearing which shields my bright smile from the rest of the world. They would never let me hear the end of it if they knew just how excited I was to be back.

“You’re back!”

“Finally, you’ve kept us waiting long enough.”

“Wow, look at you. You look like a whole celebrity.”

“Since when did our little B grow up so much?”

I roll my eyes lovingly at them, unable to hold back as we all rush toward each other in a fit of excitement. A year was way too long.

“You’ve made it look like I’m coming back from military service or something.” I joke with my closest friends, laughing as Minsuh pokes my ribs in defense.

“It feels like it, too. You look like you’re coming out of a battle or something.”

I feign offense. “It’s called jet-lag, thank you very much. Wow, some people never change, do they?” I accept a hug from Aera, and only when I set my chin on her shoulder do I notice the two cameras trained on us.

Ah yes. That is one thing that I haven’t missed. Aera silently attaches a mic to my sweatshirt, clipping it on with a conspiratorial wink. She knows just how much I despise our ongoing documentary.

The cameramen are kind enough, shadowing us constantly in an attempt to compile enough content to someday show our soulmates. However I can’t help but feel like it’s a bit hopeless at times. I highly doubt our boys will ever watch the material, they seem busy enough. And we’re not that entertaining.

But who knows? The most famous band in the world tends to surprise me.

“Is it the balloons? It’s all the balloons, isn't’ it.” Kyung-Soon fiddles with the balloons in her hands, the mass floating above her in an attempt to block out any light from above. The sight pulls a giggle out of me, tired as I may be. I waddle over to her, one of the girls easing the backpack off of my shoulders and grunting at the weight.

I wrap her up in a hug, knowing just how much she tends to stress and over think. “The balloons look great. You know me, I just get embarrassed easily. But I love them.”

“I wonder how you would react if it was Namjoon holding the balloons instead of Soon-ah.” My head swivels to my best friend, glaring strongly. Himari only returns the look, her smirk growing. “You get embarrassed so easily, I’m just wondering what that would be like.”

The mention of my soulmate has my cheeks burning, and I offer up a silent prayer of gratitude for the mask I still have on.

The other girls take up the conversation, wondering aloud how I would react if it was my soulmate picking me up from the airport instead of his band member’s soulmates. Himari’s Japanese accent cuts clear through the rabble, making me feel right at home even as I secretly plan to embarrass her later on. Usually a well placed comment about j-hope’s latest concept photos will leave her reeling and red-faced.

The cameras edge closer, and I leap up grabbing my luggage before I can be embarrassed even more.

“Time to go!” I shout, ignoring the snickers from behind me. “Himari, since you’re so keen on helping me today would you mind bringing my backpack?”

“Yeah, got it.”

“Ha, just like you Beth. Way to avoid the conversation.” A less noticeable Japanese accent greets me, and I turn to see Ichika already by my side. I raise my eyebrows at the girl only a year my senior.

“Your Korean sounds great, Ichika!” She smiles at me, her delicate features reminding me of a flower. Ichika looked like a piece of art, which I guess made sense considering that she had a soulmate who would probably recognize that same fact immediately upon meeting her. At least, I’ve heard that Taehyung has an eye for art. Or maybe he just has an artsy personality? I can’t remember. Probably both.

“Thanks,” she replies, giving me a firm high five. “I missed you!” I breathe out a sigh of relief. It’s always been so refreshing how honest Ichika is.

“Missed ya too,” I mumble out, suddenly disoriented in the humid air as we exit the airport. By now we’ve attracted our fair share of strange looks and even a few stragglers, who follow us solely because of our small camera crew.

Once outside, Aera gently herds me in the direction of a couple of black cars. I nod to the managers the BigHit sent us as they open the car door for us and help to put our things away. I can see one eyeing the mess of balloons that Kyung-Soon still clings to, calculating how on earth to fit seven girls and seventy balloons into two small cars. (Ok, maybe not seventy, but it feels like it)

I turn to help Kyung-Soon, but find Minsuh already there. The sweet girl, only six months older than me, is always quick to help. Typically her and Aera are inseparable, but I’m glad to see that Minsuh has slowly been pushing herself to mingle with the others. It’s another thing that makes sense, seeing that Minsuh’s boy is Jungkook and Aera’s is Jimin. As far as I know, those two are pretty close as well.

Minsuh smiles shyly at me, sidling over to give me a quick hug before going back to her work. The cameraman makes sure to catch the sweet action, never one to miss a candid moment.

Was that cute enough for you? I silently ask Bang Si Hyuk. There’s no doubt that these will be reviewed and only the kindest, funniest, and cutest moments will make the cut.

Pity for Namjoon, but that means I will probably only be featured in a little bit of the documentary. Oh well, if he’s curious he can come find me himself. I’m done waiting. Or caring.

“What are you pouting about?”

Himari’s voice drags me out of my stupor, and I shrug my shoulders in response. Her happy demeanor doesn’t falter as she looks into my eyes like she can read them. There’s an underlying seriousness that few get to know, but I’ve been lucky enough to see it several times.

“Just tired,” I bump her hip with mine before we get the ok to all pile into the car. She doesn’t press the matter, but I can count on her slipping it into the conversation again once we’re alone. Once the pressing matter of the cameras watching our every mood is lessened and I feel more comfortable.

Sliding in, I collide with another body that has already taken the far seat. Both Seohyun and I burst into laughter at the sudden collision, her eyes turning into crescent moons.

“Well hello to you too,” she manages to say between giggles. Himari slides in next to me, shaking her head at the both of us. A couple of cameras in the car automatically focus on us, but I pay them no mind.

“I like your sweatshirt,” I say, gesturing to the homage to her soulmate. Sure enough, Yoongi’s new mixtape “D2” cover is printed on her shirt. Funnily enough, out of all of us, Seohyun is one of the most showy when it comes to her soulmate. Constantly buying merch, listening to his music, and gushing about him.

I know she’ll make Yoongi very happy. If she ever gets to meet him.

If any of us ever get to meet them. Or if they’re ever informed of our existence. Not for the first time today, I curse Bang Si Hyuk again in my mind.

The house is oddly quiet, and I lay there for a lot longer than I thought I would be able to. I eye my shopping bag at the foot of my bed, eager to get ready. Like Himari said last night: we’re going to look good today.

It isn’t until a light knock sounds at my door that I realize I’ve been dozing off again. Ichika peeks inside, her face lighting up in a grin when she sees my bedhead.

“Good morning,” she chimes before padding over and flinging herself onto my bed. We lay there for a long while, quietly chatting about the day and how we’re going to get ready and style our hair.

Next comes Aera, her bedhead even more impressive than mine. She doesn’t say a word, simply sliding in under the covers.

Minsuh and Seohyun appear later on. My bed isn’t nearly big enough to accommodate us all but I don’t mention it, opting to bask in the lazy morning that feels like the calm before the storm.

It’s nearly noon by the time Himari and Kyung-soon show up, the two of them cracking up at the scene.

“Wait, let me grab my phone!” Himari runs to get her phone and snaps a photo of the five of us buried on my bed.

“Alright,” Kyung-soon sighs, a light in her eyes that I haven’t seen there before. “Let’s eat. We can’t be hangry when we meet our soulmates.”

It’s like she said the magic word, because soon enough my room is empty with only Himari left behind.

“Wow, they only wanted me for my bed. How rude,” I joke, earning a light laugh. “Are you ready for today?”

Himari smirks at me. “You know, I’ve had three years to prepare but somehow this morning I woke up feeling just as unprepared and giddy as I did three years ago. Isn’t that strange?”

She slings her arm around me and we make our way downstairs to the chaotic kitchen. “No, I get what you mean. I feel really chill right now, but it’s like I can feel the storm coming.” A couple of the other girls hear my comment and are quick to agree.

Seohyun lets out a shaky breath, the girl showing the first signs of nervousness. She says something that surprises me a bit, seeing how she’s always been the most vocal about her soulmate. “Well, I guess that no matter what happens today, everything will be alright. At the end of the day, we’ll still have each other.” She smiles at us as she takes a bite of her toast. “That’s more than enough for me.”

“Aw, so sentimental, Seohyunie.” Aera coos.

“Yeah, you’re not allowed to get us all emotional this early in the day.” Ichika says.

“It’s literally already the afternoon,” Seohyun fires back, her cheeks red.

“Well, bicker all you want, but I’m going to go get ready!” Minsuh has already devoured her breakfast, the excitement prominent on her face. I’m glad to see that her worries from the other night have subsided.

“Minsuh!” Himari shouts after the fleeing girl.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll pay for your meals for a month if you wear your pajamas to meet Jungkook!”

“Not a chance!”

↔

5 pm has come all too soon.

I fidget in my room as I take one last look in the full-length mirror. My hair falls around me in long curls; the time it took to perfect them definitely paid off. There’s a bit of rain falling, so I don my new trenchcoat in preparation for the cooler weather.

I smile at my reflection, amazed at the power a beautiful (but cozy) outfit has on my mood. My reflection portrays a young woman who looks like she’s ready to take on the world.

I only hope that confidence doesn’t abandon me.

It’s currently 4:45, the van should be here in 15 minutes. I take the moment of peace to close the door to my room and settle down on my bed, hesitating before picking a song to listen to.

I pluck up the courage and click on the song. “Forever Rain” from Namjoon’s playlist “Mono” plays, the light pitter patter of the rain from outside creating a surreal atmosphere.

Closing my eyes, I allow the song to wrap around me. Namjoon’s soothing voice both calms me and makes my heart race as I wonder for the fiftieth time today what he’s doing right now.

As the song comes to a close, I open my eyes and take a deep breath.

“I can do this.”

With the final boost of courage, I double check that I have everything I’ll need (which is really just myself, purse, and phone) and head downstairs. Kyung-soon is already down there, standing by the window in the living room as she cranes her neck to see if the van is coming. She looks beautiful, the simple sweater and jeans only bringing more attention to her delicate features. Her long black hair is lightly curled, and her berry-colored lips turn up in a nervous smile when I enter the room.

“You look amazing,” she says. “Seriously.”

“You do too, Soon-ah. Absolutely stunning. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who went with a more casual outfit. We’ll have to stick together.” I wink at her, and she laughs before turning back around to look out at the street.

Himari enters the room, the queen of casual style that she somehow manages to pull off like she’s at the red carpet. She carries a jacket in hand, prepared for the rainfall.

“Hey,” she greets me. “Looking good.”

“Right back at ya.” Himari stands beside me, resting her head on my shoulder. She’s unusually touchy today, no doubt due to the nerves. I don’t mind the extra contact, it helps to soothe my own nerves.

“Are the vans here yet?” Seohyun lights up the room in her yellow skirt, another queen of casual style. “Wow, you were right Himari. We do look amazing today.”

“We do, don’t we? No, no vans. They should be here any minute. Do you have everything?”

“Yeah, ready to go. I’ll go check that the others are ready.”

Soon enough Seohyun returns with Minsuh, Aera, and Ichika. All three look amazing, Aera’s professional background in design and fashion showing through as she is definitely the most well-dressed out of all of us. Minsuh looks adorable, her jean skirt making her look more youthful than me. Ichika reminds me of Taehyung, her layered top bringing out the artsy vibe she always has.

“Oh, oh!” Kyung-soon looks like it’s Christmas morning. “I think that’s the van, coming down the street!”

We all rush over to the window, honing in on the large black van that makes its way down to the apartment. It comes to a stop outside, and a man in a black suit and earpiece steps out.

“Wow, I feel like we just became famous,” Minsuh whispers.

“Alright, does everybody have everything?” I pipe up. The last thing we need is to forget something important. Everybody double checks, and by some miracle we’re ready. Just in time. A knock sounds on our door.

“You get it, Beth.” Himari nudges me.

“How did I know you’d say that?” I open the door, the bodyguard waiting for me outside with his umbrella up and ready to shield us from the rain.

“Hello everybody, Bang PD sent me. Are you ready to go?” I nod, my stomach doing flips. “Alright. I’ll escort you to the car, go ahead and step under my umbrella.” With my head in the clouds I step out, remembering at the last second to tell the other girls to lock the door behind them. I double check my purse, making sure I have the house key.

Before I know it all seven of us are packed into the van, and we’re off. Ichika sits on my left, holding my hand so tightly I think I’ll lose feeling in it before long. On my right is Kyung-soon, her arm looped through mine.

Our chauffeur is kind enough to play some music so we don’t drown in the heavy silence. None of us say much, each too lost in their own world to focus on a conversation. With each passing block my heart pounds faster and faster, and I fight against the tears that are pricking my eyes. I don’t want to cry. I can’t cry yet, but my inner whirlpool of emotions threatens to take over.

It’s already been a long day. And now, we’re just getting started.

What only feels like five minutes turns out to be thirty, because we’re suddenly pulling up to the BigHit building.

I manage to croak something out before we come to a complete stop, speaking for the first time the entire drive. “I’ll hold your purse while you go run laps, Kyung-soon.”

We laugh a bit, easing the tension. “How kind of you.” We begin to pile out of the van, and we’re escorted to a side door by the kind bodyguard. In a blur of movement we’re inside the building and led to an elevator. It’s only when we’re passing the fourth floor that I even realize that Ichika is still holding my hand.

“You alright?” I whisper to her, even though everyone can hear me in the small space of the elevator.

She looks at me, her eyes wide with anticipation and the anxiety that comes with it. “What was the code word for if we think we’re going to pass out?”

Aera’s voice pipes us from behind us, I can hear the grin in her voice. “It’s ‘holy cow’, isn’t it Beth?”

I can’t help but laugh, the ridiculousness of the entire situation making everything funnier. “Yeah, that’s it.”

Ichika squeezes my hand again. “Well, holy cow Beth. Holy cow is pretty much the only thing I’m thinking right now.”

“Are you telling me that you’re not even thinking about Taehyung?” I raise my eyebrows at her, the teasing making me feel better. Less likely to throw up, at least.

“Oh, shut up.” Ichika rolls her eyes, but the nerves seem to lessen a bit at the banter.

The doors slide open and the bodyguard ushers us out. “Alright, right there is Mr. Bang’s office. He should be inside waiting for you.” He points out a door just down the hall.

I make my way to the door on shaking legs, unsure of what to expect. Surely the boys aren’t inside the office, right? No, it’s way too small to fit all of us in there at the same time. That would just be cruel.

A quick glance over my shoulder shows everybody else trailing behind me. Himari gives me a thumbs up, prompting me onward. I level with a look that says ‘why must I do everything’ before I knock on the door.

A few seconds pass and then the door is swinging inward and Mr. Bang’s smiling face greets me.

“Well hello! I’ve been waiting for you all!” His eyes sweep over us, doing a mental count. “I’m glad you could make it. Come inside.”

The inside of Mr. Bang’s office is filled with photos, awards, and a leather couch with a few chairs. I all but collapse into one of the chairs while everybody else chooses their seats. Nobody speaks, but I notice them looking to me, Mr. Bang included. Clearly he’s waiting for my usual sarcastic remark.

“Well, here we are.” I say, struggling to even think straight enough to come up with a decent comment. “What’s on the agenda for today?”

Mr. Bang leans back in his chair, observing us. “Let’s get right down to it. There’s a lot we need to go over today, some can be done now with just the seven of you, the rest will have to be done with the boys.” My heart skips a beat at the mention of our soulmates. For some reason I’m surprised that we are actually going to meet them today. Maybe part of me simply expected a meeting with Mr. Bang. At least I didn’t buy a new outfit for nothing, right?

“Ok,” I nod slowly as though to clear the fog in my head. Right now I’ve got tunnel vision and I know I won’t be able to retain much information. “That’s fine. What do we need to know?”

“First off, are you all doing alright? Breathe. I can tell you that the boys are just as nervous as you are, so just breathe and try to relax. Today is meant to be enjoyed, and I promise that my staff and I have tried to make this day as calm and normal as can be.”

I almost laugh, wondering what part of normal includes a bodyguard and meeting the most famous band on the planet. I guess we’re playing by Bang PD’s rules now, though.

“The boys are nervous?” Minsuh pipes up, sheepishly looking down at her shoes.

Mr. Bang chuckles, nodding his head. “Extremely. I nearly had to give Jungkook a paper bag earlier because he was so close to hyperventilating.”

This merits a laugh and a sigh of relief from everyone, especially Minsuh as she blushes thinking about her soulmate.

“Anyways, I’ll try to get through this so you can meet the boys.” He now has everyone’s full attention. “I first wanted to thank you all for being so patient over the past three years. I know this hasn’t been easy, and you’ve had to sacrifice a lot of things. You’ve handled yourselves with grace and dignity. Even without the soulmate tests confirming your bonds with the boys, I would have been sure that you are meant to be simply by observing you over the years. I cannot thank you enough.”

He smiles at us, an adoring look in his eyes.

“Thank you,” Kyung-soon mutters.

“Now we’ve finally made it. It’s been a long journey, and this may seem sudden, but I believe that the timing is right. Today there will be a couple of doctors on hand who specialize in soulmate bonding, as these first meetings can be draining on both your emotions and energy. Don’t be afraid to ask for a breather if all of this is too overwhelming. There is no shame in that.”

My stomach turns to rocks hearing that. I’m reminded of my conversation just a couple of days ago with Aera. If meeting my soul sisters, who I’m not directly bonded to was so intense, what will this be like? Namjoon is only one person, whereas I have six soul sisters.

I voice my thoughts aloud. “I understand that this will be more...intense than it was meeting the girls. Will it really be that bad?”

Bang PD smiles at my question. “That bad or that good?” A blush creeps up my cheeks. “It will definitely be much more intense than your first meeting with the girls. Direct bonds are powerful. There is also the fact that you will be indirectly bonded with the other boys, like you were with the girls. Not quite as intense as the soul sister bond, but similar to it since they are your soulmate’s soul brothers.”

I exchange looks with Himari. This is news to us. It makes sense, and I’m happy about the fact that I’ll be gaining a lot of new friends today.

“Due to the fact you’ll be going through various levels of bonding today, we have taken precautions. You each will first meet your soulmates privately, and given sufficient time to bond and recover.” My stomach grows more and more uncertain as Mr. Bang explains the process. “After that, each individual couple will meet a different couple one at a time until you’ve all finished meeting. Like I said, doctors will be there to support you and we encourage you to take a break if you’re too exhausted. However, I’ve been told by the specialists that your soulmate will be the best support to you. So don’t be afraid to rely on each other. Understood?”

Mr. Bang smiles as us like he’s suggesting a place to grab lunch, not explaining the details of soulmate bonding. I give him a weak smile in return, a couple of the others grunting in acknowledgement.

“Wonderful.” Mr. Bang stands up from his seat, the simple action making my heart begin to pound again as I know that can only mean one thing. “Let’s get to it. I hope you don’t mind, but I discussed this with the boys earlier and asked them what order they would like to go in. Surprise, surprise: they’re going in order of age. That means that Jin and his soulmate will go first.”

I turn to look at Kyung-soon, who looks deathly pale. I wonder if the first thing she’ll say to Jin is a string of curse words for making her go first. Better first than last. Poor Minsuh will have to wait a long time for her turn, only making the nerves worse.

“Well, shall we?” Kyung-soon has gotten a hold of herself again, rising from the couch and smoothing out her sweater. “I’ve got to give my soulmate a piece of my mind for making me go first.”

Bang PD bursts out into laughter, having never seen the feistier side of the normally docile Kyung-soon. “Oh, I have a feeling the two of you will get along great.”

↔

I feel like I’m at the waiting room in the doctor’s office. Kyung-soon just entered a room at the end of the hallway, waving at us as her eyes lit up with that same light I noticed earlier today. I can only pray that I’ll be just as good at masking my nerves.

Seohyun paces in front of where we sit, awaiting her turn. We were told that we would each be given about 5 minutes of initial bonding before they would clear the room for the next pair. Apparently after the first five minutes the intensity starts to wear off, and then each couple is escorted to a recovery room on the same floor somewhere.

My blood is humming in my veins and I can practically feel Namjoon, wherever he is. Probably just on the other side of this floor. I fidget in my seat, desperate to just get it over with but dreading it at the same time. In my head “Forever Rain” is echoing, and I can’t tell if that’s helping or not.

5 minutes pass. Seohyun is waved over by a friendly looking doctor who pokes her head out the door.

“You’re Min Yoongi’s soulmate?” The doctor asks, her smile unwavering as Seohyun prances down the hall.

“I am, yes.” She waves at us. “See you on the other side!” I can hear the shaking in her voice, but she looks excited. We wave back, calling out words of encouragement.

Himari stands up, stretching. “Do I look alright?” She’s up next. Just a few more minutes before she disappears through that door.

I nod. “You look perfect. How are you feeling?”

“Like I could run a mile in 3 minutes flat but also like I might throw up at any second. You?”

“Pretty much the same. Not sure I could do 3 minutes though, maybe 4.”

Himari laughs, fiddling with her shirt and making sure it’s tucked in correctly. I stand up, helping her in the back where she can’t see.

“Everything will be perfect,” I reassure her, hoping that my smile looks the part. She sighs, wrapping me up in a hug. I’ve received a lot of those since I landed in Seoul.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Suddenly it’s been five minutes, although I have a sneaking suspicion it’s been less. Leave it to Seohyun to bond quicker and more efficiently than anyone else.

“Gotta go,” Himari salutes us as she makes her way to the door where the same doctor awaits her. I hear her voice as she confirms that she’s Jung Hoseok’s soulmate, but it sounds distant and quiet as the din in my head turns up to full volume.

5 minutes.

I remain where I was before, staring at the wall as I sway from one side to another. It’s so loud in my head, “Forever Rain” is on repeat and I swear my heart is trying to break out of my chest.

“...ok?”

I blink, looking at Aera who has concern written all over her face.

“Did you say something to me?”

“I just asked if you were going to be ok.”

I swallow heavily. “Y-yeah,” I manage to get out. “I’ll be fine. Just freaking out a little bit.”

“Ok,” Aera doesn’t look convinced.

“Do I look alright?” I fidget with my necklace.

“Bethany,” Aera’s voice cuts through all the noise in my head. “You are absolutely gorgeous. You’re also the most courageous, capable person I know. You can do this.”

I can do this. I think of Namjoon, so close by. We can do this.

“Bethany?” The door at the end of the hallway opens up, the doctor peeking outside.

I look back at Aera, and she offers me a thumbs up. Minsuh and Ichika smile up at me, words of encouragement spilling from their lips.

“That’s me.”

“Kim Namjoon is your soulmate, correct?” The doctor’s kind eyes are assessing me as I walk over on surprisingly steady legs.

“Yes,” I nod. My eyes focus on the doctor’s name tag as she gently ushers me inside the room. It says her name is Dr. Kim, which must be a good sign, right?

“Ok, Bethany. How are you feeling?”

I nod, the nervousness must be written all over my face so I don’t try to hide it. “I’m fine, I think. Just a little nervous.

Dr. Kim smiles at me. “That’s completely normal. If you need anything, I’ll be right here.”

I’m about to thank her when another voice interrupts my thoughts.

“Oh,” it comes out as a gasp, and my head feels like it’s swimming through concrete as I turn to look who it is. Even though I already know. I’ve heard that voice countless times.

Kim Namjoon is already looking at me by the time I drag my eyes to his face. I hardly register Dr. Kim’s nudge as I start moving forward, a male doctor on the other side of the room watching us intently.

Namjoon looks how I feel- struck by lightning. His eyes are alight with something akin to adoration and curiosity, and I can feel my heart skip a beat as I realize that look is for me.

He takes longer strides than me, but he stops just a step away from me. I take a moment to take in his appearance. The denim jeans he’s wearing nearly steal all of my attention before I manage to look up at his shirt, a simple white button down.

Perfect is the only word I can think of as I finally look back up at him. Once again, his eyes are already on mine and I jump at little at the sudden eye contact. His mouth opens, another little gasp leaving it.

His cheeks are flushed when he finally speaks.

“I-can I…” He stops, eyes drifting to his feet before looking back up at me again. “Can I just hug you?”

I nearly sob at his sweet question, and I silently step forward to press myself into my soulmate’s chest. He reacts immediately, his arms wrapping around me like a starving man. And it’s there, as my head nestles into his neck, that I feel the bond.

Namjoon holds me steady as what I imagine what lightning feels like courses through my body. With it comes a flurry of emotions, each one passing so quickly that I hardly have enough time to identify it before another comes. A pang of sadness hits me, and I can tell Namjoon feels it too because his already impossibly tight grip grows tighter. He rests his cheek on my head, and I nearly melt at the touch. With it the sadness fades, a calming balm coursing through us. Love, joy so tangible I nearly reach out to touch it, giddiness and trust wrap themselves around us.

By the time everything subsides, a single thread of the bond hangs invisible between us that I can almost tug it. I feel like I’m coming up for air after being submerged in water for too long.

We separate as a final shock hits us, both of us panting even as we wince at the loss of contact.

Dr. Kim and the male doctor make their way over to us, Dr. Kim attaching a blood pressure cuff to my arm before I even realize what’s going on. I notice the other doctor doing the same to Namjoon.

Namjoon sneaks a glance over at me, his cheeks still a deep red. My mind is still spinning and trying to understand what just happened. And the fact that I’m literally 5 feet away from my soulmate.

“Are you ok?” I flush as Namjoon asks me the question, Dr. Kim grinning up at me knowingly.

I nod. “Y-yeah. I think so. Are you?”

“Feeling great,” he responds even as he glares down at his blood pressure cuff. My eyes trail down to it too, before I decide against it as his bicep tends to make my giddiness grow. “I’m Namjoon, by the way.” He gives a sheepish grin, his dimple just showing up.

I return it, and his eyes drift down to my mouth. “I’m Bethany.” I chew on my lip for a second, my blush only growing stronger as I watch Namjoon force his eyes away from my mouth and red color his cheeks. Good to know I’m not the only one struggling. “You can call me Beth, though.”

Before we can continue our small talk, the cuffs are released. “Ok you two, feeling alright?” The male doctor asks us. We both nod. “Great. I know it’s intense and you might be feeling a little weak, but don’t be afraid to rely on each other. Namjoon, go ahead and hold Bethany’s hand while we take you to the recovery room. It will help to steady you both.”

Namjoon looks at me hesitantly, clearly embarrassed, but he slowly extends his hand out to me. So slowly that it looks like he’s trying to not scare away a skittish animal.

His hand engulfs my own, and the doctor was right. I feel much better already, more steady. Namjoon gives my hand a squeeze, looking down at me. I nearly swoon, a giggle escaping me at the situation.

“What are you laughing about?”

Hearing him speaking to me only makes me laugh again. “I just can’t believe how freaked out I was before.”

“Oh, me too.” My surprise must be evident at his confession. Was he really nervous too? “I don’t think I’ve slept for the past three days.”

We’re led out of the room to another room with a couch and some water and snacks. Just before the doctor leaves I remember to ask him something.

“Excuse me?” Namjoon grins at my politeness, not releasing my hand as he grabs water and offers it to me.

“Yes?”

“How long did we take?”

The doctor smiles. Everybody is smiling, me included. How could I not?

“Do you have a bet going on with the others or something? I hate to break it to you, but you guys are dead last. The bonding lasted six minutes.” My eyes widen. It certainly didn’t feel that long.

“How long did Seohyun take? She’s with Min Yoongi.”

“Oh, yeah, how long did they take? They were fast.” Namjoon mumbles by my side.

The doctor chuckles at us. “They only took 2 minutes and 42 seconds.” With that he leaves us alone in the room.

“Wow,” I whisper, sipping on my water. Namjoon still holds my hand, his fingers interlocked with mine. I try and fail to not let the small point of contact take over my senses. “I should have known Seohyun would be quick. She was by far the most prepared out of all of us.”

“And you were the least prepared.”

It isn’t a question, and I glare at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Namjoon laughs as I yank my hand from his, feigning offense. I collapse on the couch and he follows after me.

“I watched the docufilm,” Namjoon explains, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. I groan, hiding behind my hands.

“Like, all of it? Everything over the past three years?”

He chuckles, growing more comfortable by the second. “Yep. Everything.” His dimple reappears and I admire him from behind my hands. “I’m just glad you didn’t go to Antarctica.”

I laugh, pointing at him accusingly. “So you were watching the Facetime a couple of nights ago!” Namjoon has the decency to look flustered. “How dare you?”

“We-I just-” he stutters, “Can you blame me?”

I assess him from where he sits a respectable distance away. I still hardly even know the man, but I already know I could never harbor a grudge. Not that he needs to know that right now. I get up, heading over to the snack table again before deciding on a bag of chips. Now I’m starving, after hardly being able to eat over the past couple of days. Namjoon sits in silence, awaiting my response. I almost laugh again at the whole situation, until I realize that we are very much alone in this room. I shake off the tension I feel, taking a deep breath to calm down.

“I was freaking out the entire call,” I admit, settling back down on the couch. “I kept thinking I could hear people in the background, but I thought that I must be going crazy. So I definitely blame you.” I open the bag, offering some to Namjoon. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of his smile. “Now tell me. What was your favorite part of the docufilm?”

Namjoon ponders for a second, the red coming back to his cheeks. I wonder what he’s thinking. He finally settles on something, his face going serious as he looks back at me. I find it hard to breathe beneath his gaze.

“My favorite episode,” I had no idea they broke the film up into episodes, “was when you got lost at the night market.”

He doesn’t crack his serious expression, and I get up and move as far away from him as possible, settling for a chair on the far side of the room. If he’s seen all the episodes, he must know how much the others make fun of me for that night. Evil man, I think even as I fight the grin on my face.

Nearly thirty minutes later Dr. Kim knocks on the door before entering, finding Namjoon mid-sentence about how I obviously tried to hide my face from the cameras most of the time and how the boys would make fun of him because of it.

We look up at her from the couch to see her looking pleased. (Namjoon dragged me back to sit by him about fifteen minutes ago when I was accusing him of making me wait for three years, the bold action making him obviously embarrassed. His excuse was that he felt like he had to yell at me from across the room, but I think there might have been more to it.)

“Looks like you two are doing well.” Dr. Kim observes, jotting something down on her clipboard. “Ready to meet the others?” I jump up from the couch, Namjoon observing me with an amused look in his eyes. It’s not everyday I get to meet all of BTS in one day.

“Let’s go!” It’s my turn to drag Namjoon, tugging him out the door. When we leave the room I go to remove my hand from his, the intensity of the bond having faded and my awkwardness has returned full-force. He doesn’t let me, though. Instead he intertwines his fingers through mine, refusing to look at me when I looked up at him with my eyebrows raised.

Following the sound of several voices from up ahead, my soulmate and I go to meet the rest of BTS.

Previous - Next

Get ready to meet the rest of the boys! It’ll be fun, I promise. Remember that the taglist is open for whoever wants to join, just let me know! Thanks guys!

As if on cue my stomach growls. Our last meal was this morning, and the granola bars have only held up for so long.

“Yeah, we’re finishing up with the food now. Guess what we’re doing tonight, though?”

A few voices can be heard in the background. It sounds like utter chaos at the house. The sound of it brings a smile to my face.

“What? What are we doing?”

“Production team just finished editing the final episode! We’re going to project it on the side of the house and watch it!”

I nearly choke, Kyung-soon turning around and staring at me in horror. Namjoon chuckles, patting me on the back while I recover.

“That was...fast.” I mumble. The production crew must have been working overtime in order to finish up the final episode so we could watch it on our trip.

Kyung-soon is in the middle of involuntarily cringing. “Oh no, this is going to be horrible. So cringey.”

I nod in agreement, Jin reaching over to grab Kyung-soon’s hand. The houses pop up in the distance - we’re almost there.

“Just pretend that it’s somebody else,” Jin tries to reassure his soulmate. “I promise, it’s really not bad. We were thoroughly entertained.” He grins at Namjoon through the rear-view mirror.

“Yeah, and besides, you guys have seen plenty of weird content from us. Consider this an even playing field.” Namjoon adds.

“Ok, I’ll see you - huh? Oh, Ichika says hi. Alright, see you in a second.” Taehyung cuts the call.

↔

The side of the boys’ house has turned into a temporary movie screen. Taehyung is in the process of popping popcorn while Jungkook and Jimin are giving a detailed overview of three years worth of episodes.

I think they’ve forgotten that we were very much a part of those three years. After all, it is a documentary about us.

Aera sits beside Minsuh, the two of them grinning like cheshire cats at their soulmates. They look like they’re thinking the same thing that I am.

“Yah, so where did the last episode leave off?” Aera questions, raising her eyebrows at Jimin.

“What, you don’t remember what happened two weeks ago?” Himari asks, chuckling.

Aera shrugs her shoulders. “It’s been a busy week for all of us, I can hardly remember what happened two days ago.”

Namjoon emerges from the house, a couple of blankets in hand. His eyes scan the small crowd before landing on me where I stand beside Seohyun. I’ve been trying to get a feel for how her and Yoongi’s conversation went earlier, but I don’t dare ask anything too direct with Yoongi right there. He holds her hand, looking content as she explains how she tried and failed at painting.

“Where did the last episode leave off, Joon-ah?” Hoseok asks when Jimin and Jungkook have a hard time remembering the finer details. Namjoon is in the process of spreading a blanket out on the ground, motioning for me to come over.

“Umm…” He chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment before snapping his fingers. “Aera had just pitched her new designs, and everybody made dinner for her when she got home. Then they were just getting Beth’s room ready for her to come back.”

Aera blinks as though just remembering that she has an actual job. A job she’s really, really good at.

“I can’t believe you forgot about that!” Aera feigns offense and Jimin freezes in his spot, eyes wide. “That’s my whole career we’re talking about, Jimin!”

Jungkook gives his friend a pat on the shoulder before walking over to plop into the seat beside Minsuh.

“I-I remember it now…” Jimin pouts, looking at his soulmate with puppy eyes. Aera glares at him, never one to give in easily. In fact, Aera is the fiercest when it comes to these kinds of things.

If I remember correctly, I’ve heard the boys state on several occasions that Jimin is absolutely terrifying when he’s mad.

“Hey,” Namjoon grabs my attention from the show up front. “Wanna sit? I got us an extra blanket for if we get cold.”

“Perfect.” I settle down on the blanket, laughing as Jimin tries his best to escape Aera’s wrath. She’s currently moving his chair to the opposite end, as far away from her as possible.

Minsuh turns around to look at me, her eyebrows wiggling mischievously. “Are you ready for this cringefest?”

Namjoon chuckles, settling down beside me. The butterflies in my stomach kick things up into high gear just from sitting beside him. He checks the time on his phone, his new background pulling my attention away for a moment.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I sigh. Namjoon places a comforting hand on my knee, smiling at me when he realizes that I’m looking at his lock screen.

“It really is that bad usually. I swear.” I roll my eyes, knowing a lie when I hear one. “Hey,” he nudges me. “Let’s see your new phone background.”

I excitedly fish my phone out of my pocket, already chuckling at the thought of our candid photo. Showing it to Namjoon, Minsuh and Jungkook wander over to see what we’re laughing about.

“Oh my gosh, that’s so cute!” Minsuh gushes, laughing at me. “I’m guessing you learned today that Beth is terrified of heights?”

Namjoon nods, shooting me a pitiful look. “I sure did. I’m pretty sure she bruised one of my ribs in the process.”

Jungkook proceeds to ask Namjoon about the hike, sounding like he wants to venture out there tomorrow. Jin and Kyung-soon come back out with Tae and Ichika, all of them carrying a couple of bowls each filled to the brim with popcorn.

“Movie time!” Jimin shouts from where he and Aera disappeared around the house. A moment later he appears with his chair in one hand and lugging a disgruntled Aera along with the other.

As soon as all the popcorn is distributed Yoongi flips on the projector from the back. A moment later the song “Psycho” by RedVelvet blasts through the speakers, and the episode begins.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe they actually made that the theme song!” Seohyun shouts, already laughing as she and Minsuh appear on screen. Little title cards appear above their heads from where they study in the library, lost in their textbooks. I grin, all of this appearing a little surreal.

“I can’t believe we actually have a theme song!” Himari says. She’s the next one in the opening credits, trying and failing to flip a pancake. “Oh, come on, that’s how they introduce me?” Hoseok laughs beside her, his eyes darting from the screen back to his soulmate.

Next is Ichika, and I notice Taehyung scooting a little closer to her and she hides behind her hands. She’s opening the door to the apartment, her lopsided smile greeting the cameraman as she invites the cameras inside.

“This is the best part!” Jimin shouts.

The cameras follow Ichika inside the apartment and catch their next victim for the opening credits: Aera.

She’s clearly in a rush, probably running late for work. Careening down the stairs she freezes once she sees the camera, quickly pushing her hair out of her face as she waves before rushing out the door.

“See, told you it was the best part,” Jimin mumbles, Aera dissolving into a fit of giggles beside him.

Namjoon scoots closer, adjusting so that his right shoulder is just behind me. “Ready for the next part?” I can hear the smile in his voice.

Kyung-soon and I appear on screen, and I can hear my friend groaning from where she sits with Jin. We share a look across the way.

We’re sitting on the couch in the living room, locked in an intense game of rock, paper, scissors. Kyung-soon wins, and she throws her hands up in triumph right as our title cards appear. I get up wordlessly, walking straight out the door.

Despite how strange it is to be watching the documentary after all this time, I find myself shaking with laughter. Maybe we are kind of entertaining to watch, after all.

“Do you remember what we were playing for?” Kyung-soon asks me.

“I think it was over who had to call the takeout place.”

She laughs, returning her attention to the screen. I find myself avidly watching as well.

Episode basically from here until just before the end, enjoy! (actions/dialogue in real time will appear in as normal text, whereas the documentary is in italics)

Himari and Aera sit in the kitchen, both of them staring down at their breakfast. Himari glances up at Aera, noticing her worried expression.

“I’m sure they’ll call you soon. Anybody who turns you down is a complete idiot.”

Aera nods, not saying anything. Jimin reaches out to hold Aera’s hand. Minsuh comes in from down the hall, stretching.

“Morning,” she says around a yawn. “Any news A?”

Himari answers for her friend. “Not yet. What do you have going on today?”

Minsuh reaches for a bowl, waving at the kitchen camera like she does every morning. “Nothing much. I think Seohyun and I are going to study for a while, she’s going to help me prep for an exam I’ve got coming up. What about you guys?”

“Ichika and I have lessons. Want to join us, Aera? Brush up on your Japanese?”

“No,” Aera shakes her head. “I’m going to start getting Beth’s room ready.”

“Oh!” Himari grabs her phone from her back pocket. “That reminds me, I have to call that little punk.”

I gasp at Himari, my friend giving me a shy smile and shrugging.

Himari places the phone on speaker while the other two girls quietly eat their food and wait for me to answer.

“Was this the day before I flew out?” I ask no one in particular.

“Yeah, I think so.” Himari responds. Suddenly my voice cuts through the audio, and I physically cringe. Namjoon chuckles, reaching a hand up to steady me as I rock back against his chest.

“I knew you were going to call me,” I say, and Himari rolls her eyes while Minsuh snickers. “What’s up?”

“Are you all packed and ready to go?” Himari asks.

“Yeah, I think so. My flight leaves in...six hours. I’ll start heading to the airport in a couple of hours so I get there on time.”

“Hey, when’s the last time you logged anything?”

It’s silent on my side of the line for a while. “Er...a while.”

“Do I even want to know?”

“No, probably not.”

“Well this is me calling you and telling you to do your log before you leave. BigHit sent us some of those questions, answer them if you don’t know what to say.” My voice starts to cut in but Himari cuts me off. “I mean it! If you don’t I’m making sure you sleep on the couch when you get here.”

My sigh is audible, Aera looks up at Minsuh with the ghost of a smile.

“Ok, will do. I’ll log it as soon as I get off this call. How is everybody?”

Minsuh pipes up. “Hey Beth! We’re good!”

“Am I on speaker? Hey Min! Who else is there?”

“Just me,” Aera says, leaning closer to the phone. “I’m about to clean up your room so there aren’t any cobwebs. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, B. I miss you.”

“Aw, I miss you too A. You don’t have to worry about my room...but make sure nobody has stolen my Jeju Island photo. Where’s everybody else?”

The camera jumps to another location, answering my very question. Kyung-soon is walking up to a nice looking apartment, double checking some files before kindly greeting a couple. She must have had a client.

Again the camera jumps, this time to a different continent where I’m settling down before my camera as I record my first log in months. I’m sitting at my kitchen island in my apartment back in the states, a picture of all the girls and I hanging on the wall behind me.

“Hello camera, it’s me again. Sorry for not logging in a while, I’ve been busy. And now I’m about to leave in a couple of hours to catch my flight to Seoul.” I look at my phone before me, reading something off of it. “This will be pretty quick, but I’ve got some of the questions BigHit sent me, so I’ll try to answer a few before I have to leave. Sound good?”

I scroll through the list of questions, eyebrows furrowed as I try to find a good one. “Hmm, it looks like these have gotten more and more personal over the years. I guess I’ll go with this one: ‘what do you look forward to the most returning to Seoul?’”

Shuffling in my seat I bite my lip as I stare down the camera. “I think I just get excited to be back with everybody. I know I don’t usually say anything like this, but I really miss them when I’m gone. I’m kind of stranded out here in the states. It’s hard to be here and know that all six of them get to stay together while I jump around from place to place. At least I’ll get to stay for a solid six months this time around, maybe more. Just depends.”

Namjoon fidgets behind me until he’s directly behind me. Slowly he pulls me back against his chest until I’m laying with my head tucked under his chin.

“Wow, this one’s intense. Should I just answer it? I doubt anybody will actually ever watch this. I feel like my logs are pretty boring. It says, ‘if you could go back and say anything to yourself three years ago, what would you say?’”

I lean back against my chair, pushing my hair out of the way. “I’m not sure I would really say much. There was just so much going on, it was information overload. I remember when I woke up the next morning, I thought everything was a dream. My sister had no clue, so I just left her a note and left our hotel to go on a run.” I laugh a little, recalling the memory. “I probably looked so crazy! This white girl running around Seoul like a maniac. I finally got to a point where I stopped, and finally was starting to calm down. Then, ha! Oh my gosh I remember this like it was yesterday, seriously. I checked my phone and saw that I had a notification from Weverse. It said ‘RM commented on so and so’s post’ and I lost it. Right there in the middle of this random park I started bawling. I was so overwhelmed.”

Namjoon’s grip tightens on me, and I take a deep breath. I’d honestly forgotten that I’d even done this log, I really didn’t think they’d put it into the documentary.

“So if I could go back to three years ago, I think I’d go to that moment and just give myself a hug. I was so terrified and had nobody to talk to. I’d hug myself, and say, you figure out how to keep moving forward. Just enjoy the ride, because it’s a crazy one.”

The screen fades out, my voice still narrating as I talk over the others girls’ actions. Kyung-soon is helping that couple to sign some paperwork.

“It’s definitely been crazy, but I’m better because of it.” I narrate and Kyung-soon gives an award winning smile to the couple, saying her goodbyes before heading back to her car.

Now we’re watching Minsuh laugh about something with Himari in the kitchen.

“I don’t want to think about where I’d be without my soul sisters, they mean so much to me. I really never thought I’d meet people as amazing as them in my life.”

Aera is in my room, sweeping and straightening my photo of Jeju Island.

“Sometimes I still wonder if there’s been a huge mistake and I’ll get a call from BigHit saying that I don’t actually have a soulmate. Things are so good that I think they may be too good.”

Seohyun jogs in a park, making faces at the camera each time she passes in front of it.

“But I’ll just keep living this dream for as long as fate will let me.”

Ichika struggles up the stairs to the apartment, grocery bags all over the place. The camera shakes as it’s set on the ground, and the cameraman assisting her.

“And as for the last question for this log… ‘if you could say a single sentence to your soulmate, what would you say?’”

Suddenly we’re back in my apartment, where I give a side smile to the camera.

“Hey Namjoon, wanna go out sometime?” Winking at the camera I lean up and turn it off.

The screen goes black, and then words cut across the screen.

Final Installment- Episode 132 “Finally.”

Everybody comes back to life as the introduction to the final episode ends and the rest of the episode starts up. Namjoon leans down to whisper in my ear.

“I’m sorry for making you cry in the park that morning.”

I shake my head. “I can’t believe you’re apologizing for that and not for trying to kill me earlier.”

My body shakes with Namjoon’s laugh, and we settle down to continue watching the documentary before us.

Kyung-soon stands in the living room with a huge mass of balloons before her. Minsuh comes up behind her, staring in awe.

“That’s a lot of balloons.”

Kyung-soon nods, biting her bottom lip. “Do you think it’s too much?”

“No, I think it looks great. Just, how are we going to get them into the car?”

“I have no idea.”

The two of them discuss possible game plans as Himari wanders in looking at her phone.

“Ok everyone! She’s over the ocean between us and Japan. We should probably get going. Wow,” she finally notices the balloons. “Looks good, Soon-ah. Don’t fly away, though. Seokjin would be so upset.”

Footsteps sound as the other three girls come in, each one’s attention going straight to the balloons.

“Ha! That’s amazing.” Ichika says. “She’s going to die when she sees that.”

The scene cuts to the airport, the girls anxiously waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Himari once again checks her phone for my flight information.

“It says that the flight landed fifteen minutes ago, she should be here any second.”

Aera nudges her. “Yah, you’re acting like your long lost lover has finally returned.”

Himari raises her eyebrows. “And?”

“Oh, there she is!” Seohyun shouts, and sure enough I appear on camera. Hat down low and a mask on I wave at everyone. A few people pause to look at all the commotion before continuing on.

Namjoon whispers to me again. “You look like a celebrity with your hat and mask.”

I chuckle, watching my reunion with the girls that only happened earlier this week. “I felt like one, too.”

My soulmate lets out a breathy laugh when the girls start teasing me, asking me what my reaction would be if he were the one to pick me up from the airport.

“You know, I’ve noticed that you’re really good at avoiding teasing.”

“I’ve had lots of practice.”

The documentary skips to our apartment, the girls hanging out in the living room debating whether or not to wake me up or let me sleep.

“I’m going to wake her up, she’s probably starving.” Aera says, and Minsuh follows her out of the room. The other girls remain in the room, Seohyun talking about one of her classes.

I nearly fall asleep in Namjoon’s arms, it’s so comfy. What brings me out of my stupor is the distinct sound of Seohyun’s rendition of “Mic Drop” and everybody laughing along with her.

I watch as we enjoy the show, Kyung-soon announcing to everyone that we’re going on ahead. Suddenly I jolt up, Namjoon jumping at the sudden movement. I remember what comes after this.

“What’s wrong?” Namjoon asks. “Did you see a bug?”

“No…” My attention is pulled into the documentary as Kyung-soon and I quietly converse. “It’s just - that was a hard night for me. That’s all.”

I can feel Namjoon’s eyes assessing me but I refuse to look at him for fear of him seeing right through me.

“If you’re uncomfortable we can go inside,” he offers.

Finally I look over to him. He calmly returns my gaze, awaiting my answer.

“I think I’m fine for now. Just, don’t judge me, ok?”

Namjoon nods fervently. “Never.” Extending his arms out, he pulls me back into his chest. “Let me know if you want to leave, and we’ll go.”

Kyung-soon and I appear on the balcony of our apartment, where we both study the stars above us.

“I can’t-”

“You have to. Beth, please don’t lock us out and keep all of these feelings to yourself. You don’t have to tell us every little thing, but you need to talk about it. Just because you don’t say it out loud doesn’t mean that you won’t feel scared or worried anymore.”

The tension is palpable as my sobs cut through the silence. I’m pretty sure Namjoon stopped breathing.

“I look at our boys, and I feel like they’re already complete. They have each other, they have ARMY, they’re complete. They have no idea that soulmates are even a thing, let alone that they have soulmates. There’s a part of me that’s mad about that. Mad that for the last three years I’ve been waiting for a man that is already happy without me, that is already more loved that he can even fathom. Mad at freaking Mr. Bang, because he refuses to tell them until the ‘time is right’. It’s been three years! And I’ve picked myself back up and tried my hardest to continue on in my career, and it’s fulfilling. I have the most amazing friends in the world, my family is so loving and supportive, and I love my job. So why do I feel so lonely?”

Namjoon wraps his arms around me tightly, and I feel that strange ache in my chest again. This time, though, it aches and aches until it cracks. With it, come the tears.

Like a dam come undone the tears flow from my eyes as the echoes of my sobs from the documentary cut through the night. Namjoon holds me tighter, tighter until he’s all I can feel.

“You know what, come here.” Namjoon says, his voice thick. He stands, pulling me up with him. We’re near the back, so nobody really notices us as Namjoon pulls me away. He leads me around my beach house until we’re completely blocked from view. The audio from the documentary follows me, and I keep my eyes trained on the ground as the tears blur my vision.

Namjoon finally comes to a stop, his hands resting firmly on my shoulders. I can’t bring myself to look up at him, thoroughly humiliated at one of my most vulnerable moments being on full display.

“Beth, look at me.” I shake my head, angrily wiping away my tears. He reaches up to catch a tear as it rolls down my cheek. “Look at me. Please.”

Again I shake my head, completely mortified at the situation I’m in. Wasn’t this supposed to be a fun trip? Worry-free?

“Ok, that’s ok. You don’t have to.” Namjoon moves to grab my shoulders again. “I just need you to listen to me. Can you do that for me?”

I clench my teeth as I nod, trying so hard to keep in my sobs.

“Alright. I am so-” his voice cracks and he takes a moment before speaking again. “I am so sorry, Beth. For all of it. For making you feel that way. I wish - I just wish we could have avoided all that heartache and pain. You were so strong, for so long. You still are, I can see that. From the second we first met I saw that you are strong and the most incredible person to ever walk the earth. I might be a bit biased,” I croak out a laugh which seems to spur him on, “but nobody can change my mind about you. I was lonely, too. Did you know that? Even with all the love I receive every day, I’m still lonely. Do you know how infuriating that is?”

Steeling my nerves I peak up at him. My heart twists further when I see the tears running down my soulmate’s face. He continues on, paying them no mind.

“I felt like there was something so wrong with me, but I learned with time that it’s normal. Everybody feels lonely. It’s a horrible feeling, and confusing sometimes. Especially when it feels like you have every reason to be happy. But we’re human. This is part of our human experience, as much as it sucks. Beth,” Namjoon rests a hand under my chin when my eyes fall again, gently urging me to look up at him. “I don’t feel alone anymore. That’s because of you. Just seeing you, I feel like everything is going to be alright. Do you see how amazing that is? I’m not lonely anymore. Please, Beth.” He releases a shaky breath, the earnestness in his eyes bringing a fresh wave of tears to my eyes. “Let me try. I don’t want you to feel alone anymore. Let me in,” Namjoon gestures to his heart, “and I swear I’ll never leave.”

Staring up at him, I know he’s telling the truth. I can tell he means every word he’s saying. But I have to know. I have to ask.

“You’ve been promising a lot of things,” I mutter, inhaling sharply as the tears rush down my face. “Are you sure you can keep all your promises? Please, Namjoon. Please don’t promise me something you can’t keep.”

Gently brushing the tears from my face, Namjoon leans in. Slowly, and close enough that I can see the light reflected in the tears still on his face. My heart, limp and weak as it may be, jumps at the close proximity.

“Do you mind if I make another promise?” Namjoon whispers before his lips brush up against my cheek. I freeze as he licks the salty mixture from his lips before moving to the other side.

“N-no,” I mumble.

Just there, the only warning I have is the feeling of his warm breath before he sweetly kisses away the remaining tears on my other cheek.

He pulls away just enough to look into my eyes. “I promise that I will never make you a promise that I cannot keep.”

Eyes drifting down to my mouth he tilts my head up ever so slightly. My eyes drift shut of their own accord, the only thing keeping me tied to the earth being Namjoon’s hands that hold me like I may break at any moment.

The first brush of his lips takes my breath away, the feeling so light that I wonder for a brief moment if this isn’t all just in my head.

Slowly he deepens the kiss, just enough for the salty tang of my tears on his lips to seep into my senses. The bittersweet taste has me reaching out to him, hands fisting the material over his chest. I cling to my soulmate as he clings to me, and even the world slows for a moment in order to accommodate this moment. Fate has never been my friend, but in this sliver of time I feel that it has been uncommonly kind to me.

By the time we pull away, resting our foreheads together, the ache in my heart has subsided. Namjoon’s hands slide down to my waist, holding me in place. As if I’d go anywhere.

I look up at my soulmate only to find his eyes still shut, drinking in the moment. Taking the precious seconds fate has given me, I study him out. Bliss suits him.

As though feeling my gaze, his eyes slide open. A small smile crosses his features, and the word that I have come to associate with Kim Namjoon over the past couple of days reappears in my mind’s eye, hanging over us like the stars in the sky.

Perfect.

Previous - Next

Taglist is open! Happy Halloween this weekend everyone! Thoughts? They finally kissed! (lol, finally. they’ve known each other for what, two or three days?) I love these two. Stay safe and healthy! 

 “Hey Ji-hoon. Can I borrow your computer again? My editing program crashed, and I really want to get this done.” I hold up my laptop for emphasis. 

Ji-hoon’s eyes trail over to his screen, nodding absentmindedly while he no doubt gets the program up and running. “Uh, yeah. That’s fine...let me just…” He snaps his fingers when he finishes. “There you go! Just don’t go in and mess up my stuff, alright?” He teases me.

 I’m quick to promise him I won’t do anything of the sort. “Are you going somewhere?” I ask as Ji-hoon grabs his jacket. He nods, edging his way toward the door.

“Yeah, meeting up with some friends for dinner. I just stayed a little later so I could get ahead on some stuff. When you’re finished just save everything and shut it down, alright?” With that, Ji-hoon disappears from sight. 

I sigh, settling down into his chair. My eyes grow wide, getting into the zone as I try my best to get back to the point I was in the editing process before my program decided to kick me out. 

 The hours tick by, and I jump up with a shock as I glimpse the time. 

“Oh no,” I groan. “Jin is going to kill me.” I was supposed to help him with our unit song tonight. He’s probably been waiting for over an hour. 

 Quickly, I save and am in the process of trying to send myself the edited video when something catches my eye. On the bottom right-hand corner of the computer is a sticky note. Clearly in Ji-hoon’s writing, which says, “fix opening credits for ep. 64”. 

I furrow my brow. “What episode is he talking about?” It’s been a while since the 64th episode of Run! BTS. I quickly send off my edited video, leaning back in the chair and rubbing my eyes. 

Editing is a kind of twisted hobby of mine. It’s exhausting, but it’s also the most calming thing in the world to me. Once I manage to sit up again I go to power of the computer. A thought pops up into my head. 

 “Ji-hoon seemed like he was in a rush earlier...I should probably help him fix the opening credits for episode 64 so he doesn’t have to worry about it later. That can be my thanks to him for letting me use his stuff all the time.”

Mumbling to myself has long become a habit, and it’s in moments like these that I completely forget I don’t have an audience to narrate every little thing for. 

Rolling my neck and sending Jin a text apologizing for showing up late, I get to work. Jin will understand, he’d do the same.

It doesn’t take me long to bring the files back up, quickly finding the video again. I double click on it, turning the volume down low and double checking that Ji-hoon isn’t about to barge in here demanding to know what I’m doing. 

 The screen is black for a moment, just the words, “Insert opening credits” showing up before big bold letters spill across the screen. 

 Episode 64 - “Back to school” I hum in acknowledgement, we’ve certainly had plenty of school-related episodes in Run! BTS. However, when the scene that first appears is inside a kitchen that I’m sure I’ve never seen before, I’m wracking my brain, trying to place the episode. 

 Quickly pausing it, I pull up the calendar on my phone. If this was episode 64 of Run it would have been in… February?

“We didn’t film anything in February…” I mumble. “Was this already recorded?” I shrug, pressing play. Maybe I’ll remember it once I watch it through. Shaking off the strange feeling in my stomach that forces me to the edge of my seat, I watch with wide eyes. 

 “Soon-ah?” A whisper comes from the audio, although the owner of the feminine voice is nowhere to be found. “Soon-ah? I’m so sorry, did I wake you up?” Indecipherable mumbles respond. “Oh, ok. I was just wondering, could you maybe help me with the map one more time before I leave? I’m scared that I’ve got it all backwards, and I don’t want to be late for my first class because I’m lost.”

Some more grumbling and loud thumping happen before a girl appears in view. She’s chewing on her lip, clearly nervous about something. Heading toward the kitchen she reaches up for a bowl, map tucked under her arm. Looking directly into the camera she gives a cheery wave despite her obvious nerves. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the ability to breathe. Or formulate sentences.

“You...you…” The words fall from my lips without my consent. “This is…what is this? Where - who…”

I know who that is. Even though she remains nameless to me for the moment, I know exactly who that is. The girl in the screen continues on, completely clueless to my current predicament. She’s humming to herself, pouring a bowl of cereal. I find myself leaning closer, nearly falling off my chair in the process. 

“Wha- what’s the map for? Where are you going? Is there a map I can use that will lead me to you?” The questions dive off my tongue even though I know the chances of the girl before me turning back to the camera and answering them are slim to none. 

 “Do you want me to bring you food, Soon-ah?” The angel asks, eyes looking down the hallway. I’m pinching myself, fighting the urge to cry out and beg her to turn around again. Look at the camera. Look at me. 

 The girl shrugs when she receives an answer that the audio doesn’t pick up. That’s when I notice the microphone clipped to the girl’s clothes. Somehow, these girls are aware and participating in some sort of show… Why didn’t I know about this? 

 Wait, why am I upset about this?

It’s almost as if she hears my thoughts, because the girl is quick to turn around and remind me of exactly why I should be upset about not knowing about her existence earlier. She returns the box of cereal to where it must be resting beside the camera. Looking into the camera again as though it’s an everyday occurrence, she winks. 

 “I’m starting my first day at the university, so if you’re watching this Jungkook, wish me luck. I’ll do my best not to get lost,” she holds up the map to emphasize just how hard she’s trying to not get lost.

 “You...this is for me? I- good luck!” Too many thoughts are rolling around my head now to really get anything straight, but there is one thought that sticks around. I breathe it out. 

 “I never got my results back.” 

 Hand running through my hair at lightning speed I gulp down as much as my lungs will allow. Suddenly the floor has disappeared from beneath me as I remember with a start going in for soulmate testing. The procedures lasted about a week, and we were told that we would be given our results within a couple of months. Counting in my head I strain to remember when that was. Definitely more than two months. 

 More like three years. 

 While we were told beforehand that most results come back as inconclusive, we were actually never told that’s what happened with our tests. I guess I just assumed as much when we never heard back about it. 

 But there’s this girl in a kitchen hunched over eating cereal and studying a map out with such precious concentration that I can’t help but curse myself for being so young and naive and stupid. I should have demanded an answer. 

 A moment passes before another girl hops into the kitchen, the two of them smiling. “Are you excited? I see you’re back to studying that map.” The new girl asks, stuffing her hands in her hoodie as she begins studying out the contents of the fridge. 

 It’s a BTS hoodie, that much I can see. However, when she finally turns her back to the camera I chuckle. More specifically, it’s a Suga hoodie. 

 “Yeah, I think so. It feels nice to take this next step instead of just…” the girl with the map; my girl, sneaks a look at the camera. My heart stutters at the indirect eye contact. “You know. Waiting.”

I jump as my phone suddenly sounds, hardly able to tear my attention away from the scene in front of me. Quickly pausing it I see Jin’s contact photo taking up the screen of my phone, and I answer it.

“Where are you?” 

 I don’t bother to answer his question as a sob I didn’t realize I was containing rips through me. “Hyung! H-hyung you won’t believe this.”

“Kook where are you? Is everything al-”

“Soulmates, hyung! We have soulmates! And they never told us, they’ve kept them from us, but they’re real and...and mine is going to the university and she’s so nervous and-”

“Jungkook,” Jin breathes out in wonder. “What happened? Where are you?”

I’m already a step ahead of him, quickly exporting the video and sending it to my personal email. There’s no way I’m losing this, not now that I finally know. 

“I’m still at work, I’m on the bottom floor.” My voice still wavers, but it’s growing steadily harder as the fire within me threatens to set everything it touches alfame. Starting with Bang PD. “Just, wait for me, ok? Meet me in the conference room on the second floor. I have something to show you.”

I don’t even wait to hear a response before I’m up, reluctantly closing out of the computer before bolting out the door and up to the second floor. Holding my laptop close to my chest I dial another number, the tears already flowing as I hear his voice. 

 “Hey Kook, what’s-”

“Joon,” I croak out, the tears making my throat close up. “I need you to listen to me, this is important.”

“Are you alright? Have you been crying?” Hoseok puts his hands on Jungkook’s shoulders, steering him into the conference room so that they can speak privately.

“Have you told any of the others?” Jungkook promptly ignores both of their questions, opening his laptop on the table. His head is still spinning from his phone call with Namjoon; the leader of the group was silent for a long time on the phone before he made a muffled excuse to cut the call.

Jin sits and then stands, starting to pace. Hoseok watches both of them with wide eyes.

“No, I haven’t. Just Hobi - but what do you mean by soulmates?” There’s a frantic tone in Jin’s voice as he struggles to remain calm.

“Hyung,” Jungkook nods to Hobi, “Can you call up Tae and Jimin? Tell them to clear their plans for the rest of the night.”

“Jungkook!” Jin stops, eyes growing ever wider. “Just tell us what’s going on!” His chest rises with shallow breaths, and the maknae finally gives in.

“Sorry- I...wow.” Jungkook settles down into his chair with a thump, running a hand through his hair. Tears prick at his eyes again as the weight of his discovery careens into him for the third time in less than thirty minutes.

Hobi is on the phone with Jimin, Taehyung is apparently with him. “I think Jungkook just...found something out about our soulmates? Well...yeah, I know. None of us knew. No, but I think we’re going to figure it out right now. Just sit tight, ok? We’ll be back soon. Is Yoongi there? Tell him, too. Ok. Bye.”

Silence falls into the room, but Jin feels that if there’s another second of silence he’s going to actually combust. With deadly restraint, he whispers out his request for what feels like the tenth time that night.

“Jungkookie, please.”

His hyung’s quiet plea is what finally clears the fog enough for Jungkook to begin quietly explaining. He explains how he just wanted to help Ji-hoon by editing the episode, but he quickly found out that it wasn’t their own episode. He has to pause to take some stabling breaths when he explains how he just knew that the girl on the screen was irrevocably connected to him.

“I believe you, but…” Hoseok has definitely been the most composed throughout the story, Jin’s breathing patterns have become sporadic as he clenches and unclenches his jaw. “How can you be sure?”

So Jungkook explains how the girl waved to the camera and addressed him by name. How there was another girl who was very clearly Suga’s intended.

“They’re obviously aware that they’re being filmed. She seemed used to it.” Jungkook leans forward, eyebrows furrowing as he struggles with an explanation. “It’s hard to explain, but...I just know that she’s…” Jungkook looks up pleadingly at his hyungs, the sincerity in his eyes enough to make Hoseok hesitate.

“C-can,” Jin stumbles over his words as he clears his throat. “Can you show us?” All Jungkook can do is nod as he brings the file up on his laptop. Both boys crowd around the small screen as Jungkook scrubs forward to where he left off.

“See, she’s studying that campus map like nobody’s business,” Jungkook’s laugh rattles out of his chest. “She’s starting up the university. But this was a while ago...so I guess now she’s got the hang of it.”

Hoseok wraps an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, a curious grin on his face as he watches another girl enter the frame.

“Is that Yoongi’s…?” Jungkook nods at Hobi’s question. “Do you think we all have soulmates? What if it’s just you two?”

Jin looks up at Hobi’s unexpected query. The probability of all seven of them having a soulmate is extremely slim, but it’s a thought that leaves Jin’s stomach dropping to his toes.

Jungkook shakes his head, immediately rejecting the idea. “I bet we all do, hyung. Just keep watching…”

Jungkook skips forward a couple of minutes until another girl enters the frame. She’s small and looks like she’s in a rush, her perfectly styled hair framing her grinning face.

“Morning!” She trills, grabbing a drink from the fridge. The other two girls grunt in response.

“How much do you want to bet she’s Jimin’s soulmate?” Jungkook pipes up. The other two boys only smile, already knowing deep down that it’s no use betting on it. She definitely is.

“Minsuh, don’t forget to breathe.” Jungkook’s soulmate looks up from her map long enough to shoot the other girl a knowing smile.

“That’s her name!” Jungkook shouts, jumping up from his seat and accidentally elbowing Jin in the ribs.

“Watch it!” Jin shouts, but he can’t help but laugh at the look of pure elation on Jungkook’s face.

“Minsuh...I should’ve known.” Jungkook speaks reverently of his soulmate, looking adoringly at the screen where she’s returned to her studying.

“Where are you, where are you…” Jin mutters under his breath as he settles down into Jungkook’s vacated chair. Jungkook doesn’t mind, opting to grab his phone and dial a number. He hesitates for a moment, looking at his hyungs.

“I’m going to call Mr. Bang…” Jungkook looks at them like he’s challenging them to stop him; it’s a look they rarely see from the youngest.

Jin just nods, not even bothering to look up at him. “Good. I’ve taught you well.”

Jungkook wanders to the far side of the room while Hobi and Jin continue watching. There’s a shout of elation when another girl enters the frame.

“There! Right there!” Jin yells, pointing at the screen as though Hobi’s eyes weren’t already glued to it.

“Did you two want a ride to campus?” A beautiful young woman stumbles into the kitchen, eyes half-closed. She’s an odd contradiction; she’s fully dressed for the day, but she’s clearly still half-asleep.

“Oooh, yes please.” Yoongi’s soulmates blows the other girl a kiss. “Kyung-soon, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re a woman after my own heart.”

Jin falls back against his seat, a heavy sigh working its way through his system. He’s clenching his jaw again, and Hobi gives him a pat on the back.

“You alright?” His friend asks.

Jin nods his head, then shakes it. “Jungkook, did he answer?” When Jungkook shakes his head, Jin fishes his phone out of his pocket. Keeping his eyes glued to Kyung-soon, who’s in the middle of a sleepy yawn, he puts his phone up to his ear.

After a couple of rings, Bang Si Hyuk answers the phone with concern in his tone. It’s not very often that he receives multiple calls from BTS in one day. Something must be seriously wrong if he wasn’t even able to return Jungkook’s call before Jin was ringing him.

“Seokjin! Is everything alright? I just missed a call from Jungkook.”

Jin has to put some effort into unclenching his jaw enough to speak properly. Both boys watch on in awe; it’s a rare occasion indeed to see the oldest in such a state.

“I have a soulmate.”

It’s not a question. The silence stretches on the other side of the phone before Mr. Bang speaks up.

“How do you know that?”

“I don’t care where you are or what you’re doing right now,” Jin says, his tone threatening. “I deserve - we all deserve an explanation.” His voice breaks a bit, but he manages to keep himself together.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m so sorry, you weren’t supposed to find out yet-”

“I’m heading home now, and I want a full explanation ready for them by the time I get there. Got it?”

When Mr. Bang agrees, Jin tosses his phone, running his hands over his face. Hoseok sighs along with him, still watching the screen. Both boys know that he’s looking for his soulmate who has yet to appear.

When nobody else comes into the frame, Jungkook gently nudges the older. Hoseok hardly responds, but manages to give him a pleasant smile.

“Hyung...we should get home. The others are waiting for us.” Jungkook looks a little afraid of what the older boy might answer, but Hoseok nods, closing the laptop.

“Sure, let’s go.”

“Are you alright?” Jin asks, knowing full well that Hobi is great at hiding his feelings. Hoseok just shrugs, making his way to the exit. With a knowing glance shared between the eldest and the youngest, they head home to where their bandmates anxiously await them.

↔

Min Yoongi was having a fairly normal day when he made it home. Most of the boys had a separate apartment, but they all shared the tendency to stay over at the main apartment on the weekdays. So when Yoongi went inside and saw Taehyung and Jimin watching some show on TV, he simply said hello and headed up to his room.

He had barely set his things down and laid down when a shout from downstairs had him jolting up and out the door.

Jimin’s voice could be heard all throughout the large apartment. “What? What is that supposed to mean? H-how do you know?”

Taehyung was listening in beside Jimin, his mouth wide open as he took in the new information.

“What’s going on?” Yoongi asks. Neither boy answers him.

“Yeah, he’s here. Hurry!” With that, Jimin hangs up the phone and turns his face up to Yoongi, who’s halfway down the stairs at this point.

“Anybody gonna answer me?” Yoongi asks again. Jimin shakes his head as though trying to come to his senses, and the look on his face makes Yoongi’s blood run cold. What happened?

“Tell him,” Tae nudges his best friend. Jimin opens his mouth to speak, but a half-hearted sob is all that breaks through.

Now Yoongi is really worried.

“What’s going on! Who was on the phone? Is everyone alright?” Yoongi prattles off as he descends the rest of the stairs. Taehyung finally does him the kindness of answering him.

“Everyone is fine. Hobi hyung called, he said something about soulmates? I didn’t catch it all, but he’ll be back soon to tell us more...I think.”

Where Jimin looks like he’s about to throw up, Tae is beaming. Yoongi doesn’t know who to look at, but he realizes that he may have bigger problems once he begins to process Tae’s words.

“Soulmates?” Yoongi mumbles out. He walks right past them and onto the balcony, the other two following him. He’s leaning against the railing and looking out past the trees as though he could see all the way to wherever his prospective soulmate might be.

Taehyung settles in beside him, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. He’s the only one who appears to be in such high spirits, but it makes sense. Taehyung was born to love and be loved.

At least, that’s what Jimin has always thought.

Jimin finds himself clutching the railing for dear life, his heart pounding as he replays the conversation over and over again in his mind. Hoseok didn’t sound all that certain about anything, and Jimin isn’t sure whether he should laugh about possibly having a soulmate or dissolve into a puddle of tears right there as the possibility of coming so close only to have misheard or have some miscommunication get his hopes up.

Whatever it is, Jimin knows more than ever that he is going to fight. If his soulmate is out there, he’s not going to go another second without knowing them. Seeing them, holding them. While so many things have gone right in his life, this is one thing that has never quite aligned for him.

Love has always been hard. Maybe this is why.

Jimin excuses himself from the balcony, listening as his two friends mumble out a befuddled conversation.

“I always wondered…” Taehyung muses. Yoongi still has his mouth wide open as though trying to inhale as much oxygen he possibly can.

“Really? I never really thought about it.”

Their voices fade out as Jimin clambers his way inside the house, finally shutting the door shut behind him as he falls to his knees in the guest bathroom on the main floor. Turning the faucet on to drown out the sounds of his sobs that have finally broken through, he hovers over the toilet unsure if he’s about to cry his weight in tears or throw up his lunch.

“Please be real, please be real…”

Nearly forty five minutes later Taehyung quietly unlocks the door from the outside to find a sight he hasn’t seen in a couple of years. Anxiety is no stranger to any of them, and Jimin used to struggle with it a lot in their younger days.

Jimin lays curled up on the floor, his head in his hands. He’s so lost in his head, mumbling out something that sounds like, please love me, please love me.

Taehyung crouches down on the floor beside his best friend, his self-proclaimed soulmate. He knows better than anyone that in times like these it’s best to just have someone there to catch your tears.

“Jiminie,” he mumbles, pulling him into a tight hug. It looks like Jimin is just about out of tears although his eyes are still red-rimmed. “C’mon, they’re home.”

↔

Namjoon had to cut his call with Jungkook because he didn’t want to frighten the maknae. He’s well aware of just how much the youngest looks up to him, and he was about to lose his mind.

So after Jungkook calls Namjoon with panic and sobs going on about soulmates, Namjoon sits there in silence before he says that he has someone coming but he’ll call him later. A couple of texts exchanged with Jin and Namjoon can breathe easy knowing that Jin and Hoseok will help to sort this out.

For the first time in a long time, the constant weight he feels on his shoulders from being the leader of one of the biggest and fastest growing bands in the world lightens a little. Then Namjoon does something that he hasn’t done in a long time.

He turns off his computer, and powers off all his equipment. His scribbled notebook is closed and put off to the side, and he cuts the music he was listening to last of all.

For the first time in what feels like years, Namjoon sits alone in his studio in complete silence.

And he just breathes.

At first the breaths are choppy and labored as adrenaline courses through his veins. He gets up from his chair and walks to the window, resting his forehead against it as he observes the city. At last, he closes his eyes and lets everything wash over him.

Soulmate.

The idea of soulmates has always made sense to him from a primitive standpoint. There’s a reason that soulmates have become less and less common through the ages. Back in the day, it made sense for soulmate bonds to occur often. It ensured the survival of the community or family line.

Now soulmates are quite rare. Not rare enough that they’ve been entirely dismissed, but only about 3% of the world’s population can claim having a significant other that fits them like a glove.

Namjoon had long come to the conclusion that having a soulmate could be more of an option. If he were to fall in love with someone, then he would choose them. They could become his soulmate, and he their’s.

And yet...somehow he’s able to breathe easier in the past five minutes since the likelihood of him having a soulmate has increased tenfold. Deep down he must have known that it would never be as simple as just choosing to fit with somebody. Deep down he’d always known that the chances of him finding someone who understood him in all his strange habits and needs were slim to none.

But now, as Kim Namjoon watches people wandering around the Bighit building and staring up at it in awe, he releases a breath and a smile.

For the first time in his life, Namjoon believes with all his heart that everything is going to be alright.

↔

“Guys?” Jungkook shouts as soon as he enters the house. Yoongi appears, his eyes wide. Hoseok and Jin follow behind Jungkook, Jin furrowing his brows as he reads something on his phone.

“Alright, everyone in the living room,” Jin instructs. Everyone heads there immediately, Taehyung pulling a shocked-looking Jimin behind him.

There’s an air of expectancy as Jin stands in front of everyone. His ears a little red from having everyone’s undivided attention.

“Where’s Namjoon?” Jimin croaks out. His voice sounds raw, but he looks better than before.

Jin looks back down at his phone. “He said he'll be home soon but to start without him. I forwarded him the email anyways.”

“Email?” Yoongi asks, clearly the most confused out of everyone present. Jin nods, diving in.

“Let me try to get through this...basically Jungkookie found a video that has our soulmates in it, and he was freaking out-”

“I wasn’t freaking out!”

Hoseok laughs at Jungkook, his tense expression loosening up a little. He was still itching to watch the full episode, he was a little miffed that he’d seen nearly everyone’s soulmate except for his own.

“Shhh. Anyways, we called Mr. Bang and this is the email he sent to me. Ready?” When he’s met with several head nods around the room, Jin takes a deep breath and begins to read. It’s hard for his eyes to swim past the image of his soulmate which is now permanently printed into his brain to see the words on the screen, but he manages to do it.

“‘You will all remember that you were tested about 3 ½ years ago, going through the standard procedures in soulmate testing. You will also recall that you never received your results.’”

A wave of grunts echo around the room, Jungkook in particular looking quite livid. Jin continues on, goosebumps rising on his arms as he realizes that all this time he’s had a soulmate been none the wiser.

“‘Within the span of six months we had received your results - all of which returned positive - and located all seven of your soulmates. I wish there had been a better way to do this, but I as well as the rest of the Bighit staff felt that it would be best for both parties to continue on in their lives. All seven girls have done just that; pursuing education, careers, and preparing themselves to deal with the stress that comes as a result of living in the spotlight.’”

It’s Yoongi who speaks up, the expression on his face even more confused than before. “Wait, so you mean to say that they’ve been hiding them from us for three years?” Jin just shrugs, getting back to the email with the beginnings of an excited smile.

“‘We will discuss the matter of your meeting tomorrow, for now I have attached an episode of the documentary our team is working to refine and edit for your viewing. Please bring any questions you have to our meeting tomorrow. Thank you.’”

It’s silent for a moment as Jin examines the attachment before projecting it onto the TV. Taehyung leaps up from his seat to turn the lights off, settling back down beside Jimin with his trademark boxy smile.

Hoseok doesn’t dare to blink as he watches the screen, Yoongi’s skeptical expression beside him doing little to ease his nerves. Although the email just stated that all of them have soulmates, he still is waiting to find out that he doesn’t. That somehow, out of all of them, he’s the only one who will have to go on soulmate-less.

Hoseok made it a goal at the beginning of the year to find love. Looking back he realizes that it was a silly goal- you don’t just stumble upon love when you’re locked up in a studio 24/7. The only thing he’d managed to stumble upon throughout this year is deep-set disappointment that is gradually becoming more difficult to hide from his brothers.

However, right before his eyes is the promise of something more. His heart only truly allows itself to actually beat when a chipper young woman crosses the screen, her title card telling him the only two things he needs to know at the moment.

First, her name is Himari. Her title card appears as she tries - and fails - to flip a pancake. Her pout that dissolves into a laugh goes straight to his heart.

Second, Jung Hoseok has a soulmate. Somewhere, somehow, fate decided to give him a chance. Somewhere along the way it saw just how much he’s been dying for someone to love and it gave him an opportunity.

But what if she doesn’t want this?

Hoseok wouldn’t say he has many destructive habits, but he is guilty of at least one. He doubts himself. It’s something that he keeps locked away and so far down into his heart that it’s fairly easy to ignore most of the time. It’s only when he is halfway through pure joy that he realizes that while fate may be acting kind toward him, Himari may not feel the same way.

Hoseok is happy that Taehyung turned the lights off, because he hates it when the rest of the group sees him cry.

↔

Jin has decided that if Jungkook squeezes his hand any harder, it may fall off.

Even though the two of them have already seen who their soulmates are, they turn into kids in a candy shop the second they appear on screen.

Kyung-soon is the most beautiful person Jin has ever laid on, and he has a sneaking suspicion that he would think the same whether or not she was his soulmate. But there’s so much more going on in Jin’s mind when watches as his soulmate assists Jimin’s (who he thinks is named Aera but he’s scared to ask because if he gets it wrong Jimin may well claw his eyes out judging from the boy’s intense stare), and he realizes immediately that Kyung-soon may be beautiful, but above all else she seems kind.

She seems like she knows what she’s doing, and wants to do it in the kindest, most uplifting way possible.

Jin admitted to himself a long time ago that as long as he ended up with someone kind, he’d be happy. As long as he ended up with someone who would be content snuggling up at home and playing with the pets, he would be beyond grateful.

There've been a long of unexpected surprises in Jin’s life; BTS being one of the most prominent. So, while Jin may not have set out into the world in search of a soulmate that he could love and gift fuzzy socks and ridiculously expensive sunglasses to, he knows that he’s going to.

Kyung-soon won’t know what hit her.

↔

Jungkook eventually gets up to pop some popcorn. He’s definitely in the binging kind of mood, especially as Mr. Bang keeps sending them episode after episode. They still haven’t finished the first one, but he already knows that they’re going to be up late tonight.

He’s trying to hurry as fast as he can when he hears Minsuh’s voice cut through the audio when Yoongi comes in to assist him. One look at his hyung and Jungkook already knows what he’s thinking.

“Overwhelmed?” Jungkook asks.

Yoongi leans against the counter, nodding. “I had to come in here for a second...it feels like my heart is actually going to burst if I see Seohyun for one more second.” Jungkook raises his eyebrows, not expecting such a candid response from the elder. Yoongi looks like he’s speaking to himself, his eyes have a far-away look to them.

“Happy, though?”

Yoongi nods emphatically. “Yeah, happy. Really happy. She’s hilarious, isn’t she?” Jungkook nods along, not bothering to tell Yoongi that he hasn’t really been paying much attention to anyone other than Minsuh. He only knows for sure who Jin’s soulmate is, and that’s because he was sitting right next to him and every time Kyung-soon came on screen he mumbled what was either a prayer or a plea under his breath.

The popcorn beeps, and Jungkook throws it into a bowl before hurrying back. Yoongi hangs back a little while longer, clutching his chest. He has to take a moment to breathe and bring down his heart rate before heading back. He’s brought a bottle of water with him, which he hands off to Hobi without a second glance.

There’s no need to tell his friend that he knows he was crying. His reasons are his own. If he’s honest, Yoongi felt a little like crying, but that was because he was laughing so hard with Jimin as their soulmates attempted a rendition of Yoongi’s rapping part in “Spring Day” and completely botched it.

Even though his heart is practically beating out of his chest, Yoongi must admit that he’s more than happy with who his soulmate is. She’s hilarious, but also extremely hardworking. She’s back in school pursuing her second degree.

Easing back into his seat with a grin already growing, Yoongi sighs. It’ll all work out just fine, he thinks.

↔

Namjoon races up the stairs to his apartment, confused when he sees that most of the lights are off. Aren’t they all supposed to be home by now?

It had taken a bit of inner convincing for him to leave the peace of his studio and venture home. Along the way he’d read the email Mr. Bang sent out, and nearly started to watch the video. He decided against it, though. He didn’t want the driver to have to pull the car over if Namjoon started hyperventilating or something.

If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t think he’d have the energy or strength to go up the stairs to his apartment if he started the video right then. He’d probably just end up sitting at the bottom of the staircase all night, watching his soulmate.

Taking one last deep breath, Namjoon opens up the door to the apartment and trudges inside. It smells like popcorn, but that’s not the only thing that hits him as he kicks his shoes off and makes his way to the living room.

The boys are watching the documentary. The sounds of female voices pull Namjoon closer as though in a trance, and he wonders for a brief moment if one of those voices belongs to his soulmate.

He’s just rounding the corner and about to say something to let everyone know that he’s home when he hears a voice say, “say goodbye to Namjoon!” Then he sees the TV.

More specifically, he sees her.

There’s a girl, and she’s just turning around to wave at the camera. There’s a smile on her face that reeks of sarcasm, but in her eyes it’s clear to see that she’s a bit sad. She’s waving, and there’s a flurry of hands in the room that wave back.

Namjoon gives a little wave that turns into him reaching out for her like a lost child. He watches with bated breath as she walks away, taking his heart with him. He wants to scream at the camera, tell whoever is manning it to follow her. Don’t let her get away, because Namjoon just got here and she’s leaving.

Namjoon walks forward on unsteady feet, reminding himself to breathe. The boys notice him, and Jimin tells Taehyung to scoot as Namjoon settles down. He notices Taehyung’s huge smile immediately, the sight easing the panic that was rising as he watched his soulmate walk away.

“You look happy.”

↔

Namjoon is the first to suggest they start from the beginning.

“Bang PD just sent us the whole first season! Let’s start from the beginning.” He hardly waits for an answer before jumping up to switch episodes. He had been a bit sulky anyways since he hardly got a chance to see his soulmate before she was out of the episode.

Nobody protests as Namjoon sets everything up, Jimin taking the opportunity to rush off to the bathroom. Taehyung gets up to go after him, but he’s assured that it’s just a bathroom break. Taehyung doesn’t look convinced until he realizes that Jimin seems much happier now.

He’s still chuckling to himself as he runs out of the room, no doubt replaying something from the episode in his mind.

Jungkook pops even more popcorn, Jin leaving to help him carry all the bowls. Yoongi starts up a hushed conversation with Hoseok, who still looks a little uncertain.

Namjoon is tapping his foot impatiently by the time everyone makes it back, and hardly anyone gets a chance to settle down before he begins the episode.

The first thing the boys notice is the date that pops up at the bottom of the screen. It’s overlooking a familiar place: Jeju Island.

“Wow, three years. What were we doing three years ago?” Jungkook muses aloud before shoving popcorn into his mouth. Nobody bothers to answer, each one thinking the same thing: three years is too long.

This episode has no opening credits with title cards, it instead jumps to a familiar office where Bang Si Hyuk sits behind his desk with his glasses pushed up on his nose.

“Hello Bangtan! If you’re watching this, then you probably know about your soulmates. The following episodes are part of an ongoing documentary that we have been creating in tandem with your soulmates in order for each of you to get to adjust to your new situation. I’m not sure when exactly the time will be right to show you this, but I hope that you are all in good health and high spirits when this documentary finds you. Enjoy!”

One by one, each girl sits in front of a camera. They all have varying degrees of concern or awkwardness; but they look happy.

One by one, they introduce themselves.

One by one, each boy sits up as his soulmates comes onto the screen. The girls look a little younger here, and there’s also the overwhelming nervousness that is rolling off of them. The only one that doesn’t appear to be swimming in doubt and general anxiety is Hoseok’s soulmate, Himari.

“How are you feeling?” The cameraman asks. Himari looks down at her hands, a smile that’s enough to have Hoseok burying his doubt deep down as he leans forward to get a better look.

“Happy.” She states as she twiddles her thumbs. “Just happy.”

Yoongi gives Hoseok’s shoulder a squeeze as he lets out a shaky breath.

Maybe it’ll all work out after all.

Watching as his soulmate’s smile fades and is replaced by another fidgety but smiling girl, he makes himself a promise. Himari should always have a reason to smile, and soulmate or not, he will never stand in the way of that.

↔

It’s well into the middle of the night by the time the boys turn off the documentary, but by this point they’ve learned that Himari and Beth have begun the prank war to end all prank wars. What they haven’t learned yet is that Ichika actually orchestrated the whole thing.

That won’t be revealed to them until episode 15.

Jin stands up, stretching before pointing to Hoseok and Namjoon. “You two have got your work cut out for you.” With that he heads up to his room, Hoseok following suit. The other boys sit in silence for a while longer before someone speaks up.

“So…” Jungkook says, looking around the room.

“Should we watch another one?” Taehyung finishes his sentence.

It’s a unanimous decision, and the five of them spend the rest of the night watching their soulmates. Eventually Hobi comes back down, only to fall asleep on the couch as he listens to Himari and Ichika’s Japanese lesson.

By the time Jin heads back down the stairs the following morning he huffs a laugh at the sight before him.

All six boys lay in various positions throughout the room, completely passed out. Only Namjoon remains awake, but he’s staring up at his phone rewatching an episode with his earbuds in and looking like a zombie.

Jin shakes his head, heading outside for a run. The morning sun greets him cheerfully, and Jin can’t help but smile. It’s a good morning.

He’ll never tell anyone, but he was up all night as well. Up all night calling different staff members and pestering Bang PD until he was given a satisfactory answer.

Soon. He’ll meet her soon.

And then he can finally give her all the fuzzy socks and scarves and the cute hat he was up all night buying for her online in between phone calls.

Kim Seokjin begins a steady jog, completely unable to wipe the grin off his face. Hoping the sentiment will be received somewhere on the other side of Seoul, Kim Seokjin wishes his soulmate a good morning. 

Jin shoots Namjoon a death-glare, and Namjoon hesitates a moment before plucking up enough courage to go against his brother. “No, he was nearly in tears because he was so scared.”

If it wasn’t chaotic before it definitely is now. Jin nearly launches himself at Namjoon, but he’s caught between that and defending himself from Kyung-soon’s wrath. The rest of us simply drink in the moment, finally not so nervous as before.

Namjoon looks at me pleadingly from across the table as he evades Jin’s verbal attacks. “Are you not going to help me?”

I shake my head no, my cheeks starting to hurt from laughing so hard over the past few minutes. “It isn’t my problem that you just threw Jin under the bus!”

Jin is in the process of fiercely agreeing with me when Namjoon stands up from his seat and drags it over to my side of the table. I’m suddenly not laughing anymore when he settles down beside me.

“Oh Namjoon-ah, so bold today!” Hoseok says, his heart-smile on full display. Neither one of us says anything, instead choosing to attack our food.

“Yah, who’s next?” Himari comes to our rescue. “Oh, Seohyun. What happened with you two?”

Yoongi looks up to Seohyun with wide eyes. No doubt he doesn’t want the finer details to be discussed, but I can also tell that he won’t stop her if she wants to talk about it.

“Nothing much,” Seohyun shrugs. “We just bonded. That’s all.” She shuts down any further questions, and I hope that she catches the small smile of gratitude on Yoongi’s face.

“You two are a nice match,” Jimin points out. “It’s cool to see it, from this perspective.”

Yoongi coughs. “Alright, Hobi. Take it away.”

“I see what you did there,” Himari jokes. She looks to Hoseok expectantly, the two of them already chuckling at the memory of their bonding.

I glance at Namjoon to find him already looking at me again. This is turning out to be a habit of his.

“This should be good,” I whisper to him as Hoseok starts. Namjoon nods vigorously.

“Definitely.”

“Well, as you all know,” Hoseok gestures to the boys, “I was so excited that I nearly bumped Jin out of his spot as first to go.” This merits a pointed cough from Kyung-soon which Jin blatantly ignores. “Apparently Himari was too, because we couldn’t even make it through the entire bonding process without having to take a seat!”

“Wait,” Taehyung interrupts, “You couldn’t stand through it?”

Hoseok laughs, shaking his head. “No, how could the rest of you?!”

“Only you, Hobi. That’s amazing.” Taehyung giggles, looking over to Ichika. “I wish I could do it again.”

Ichika raises her eyebrows at the boy. “Speak for yourself, I thought I was about the throw up. I can’t believe you weren’t nervous.”

Taehyung shrugs. “I’ve seen the docufilm, haven’t I? That helped a lot.” The other boys nod in agreement.

“Did it actually help?” Minsuh speaks up for the first time since we entered the room. “We didn’t even take it that seriously, we weren’t sure you guys were even going to find out about us.” From the look on Jungkook’s face I’m guessing that she hasn’t spoken a lot today, and he’s taking in every single word. Minsuh is definitely one of those people that takes a while to open up. When she does though, she goes a million miles an hour.

“I think that it was better that you didn’t take it seriously,” Hoseok says. “That way you seemed more natural. It definitely helped to not just be walking into this blind. Although I can’t say the same for Namjoon.”

I turn to look at him, but he keeps his attention on his food. His brow is furrowed, making it look as though he’s angry at his meal.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Namjoon says. No doubt he can feel my gaze, his ears are slowly turning red. “We still have to watch the last episode!” His head shoots up to look at me. “Do you know when it will be edited and ready to go?”

It’s my turn to furrow my eyebrows. “What are you talking about? I don’t know anything about it.”

“It’s the last episode, it covers the last week. So when you come back to Seoul and find out about meeting us.”

“Namjoon is an avid fan,” Jin teases. “I think he’s watched it three times over.”

“Not true! Just twice.”

“Twice by yourself maybe, but then there was the time we all watched it together! So yes, three times.” Jimin jumps in on the teasing, and I laugh at the accusations. “Leave it to Namjoon to have to study it like a textbook.”

“No way, you watched it three times?” I stare at him dumbfounded before folding my arms on the table and burying my head in them. “That’s so embarrassing. I really didn’t think you’d watch it all.”

The room bursts into yet another fit of laughter at my behavior, but all I can think of is the horrible first impression I must have left on Namjoon. I rarely played along like the other girls, made it a point to avoid the cameras, and didn’t try to really keep up on my logs like I was supposed to when I was back in the states. He probably hated me when he watched them.

I feel a gentle pressure on my arm from Himari, which is followed on the other side by Namjoon. Instead of the comforting words I was looking for, I can practically hear the grin in Himari’s voice.

“I told you to show your face on camera more often! May this serve as a lesson for you. Always listen to me.”

I glare but realize she can’t even see me. Slowly I raise my head, Namjoon assessing my face with a worried look that only subsides when he realizes that I’m not that upset. Just embarrassed.

“You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Not a chance.”

Jimin has moved on to a different topic now down the table, explaining how awkward he used to be in front of the camera. I almost don’t notice Namjoon leaning in closer to whisper something to me.

“You know, I really didn’t think it was that bad. They were just making fun of me because I watched it almost constantly over the last few weeks.”

I turn to him, trying and failing to glare. “How long have you known?”

He looks down at his hands. “3 weeks.”

My eyebrows raise on their own accord. “Only 3 weeks? And you guys were ok with meeting us already? That’s hardly enough time to...wrap your mind around having a soulmate.”

Namjoon shoots me an incredulous look. “Well, yeah, I guess it’s hard to get. But we all knew that it was a possibility when they ran the tests a few years ago. Why wouldn’t I want to meet you as soon as possible? If I’d had it my way I would’ve had you flown out 3 weeks ago.”

I don’t even know what to say in response to that. Especially not when Namjoon still hasn’t dropped his gaze. I wait for a moment longer to see if he’ll go back to his typical embarrassed state but he doesn’t. I can’t read what’s behind those eyes of his.

“Namjoon-ah, let the girl breathe!”

We both jump at the comment from Jin and turn to find everybody’s eyes on us. Himari gives me an amused smirk which I can’t return since I’m still reeling from a second ago.

“We’ve been waiting for you guys to tell us about your bonding, but if you’re busy…” Himari starts, and I’m quick to jump up.

“Nope! Nope, not at all.”

“Korean, please,” Seohyun hums and I realize with a start that in my flustered state of mind I couldn’t even come up with the right response.

“Right,” I mumble, sinking back into my seat.

“May I just say, I’m not surprised that Beth took the longest.” Seohyun continues, eyes glimmering as she looks at me. “Your maknae is the fastest? Ours has a losing streak.” The other girls chuckle, and I don’t miss the wink Seohyun sends my way.

“Alright alright,” Namjoon cuts in. “What do you want to know? I feel like there’s not a whole lot to say.”

“What did you do? Who initiated? What were your first thoughts of each other?” Yoongi says, clearly not at all opposed to hearing every little detail even after being so clearly closed off about his own experience.

Namjoon sits quietly for a moment, and is just about to speak when a soft knock sounds at the door. Mr. Bang pokes his head in, eyes scanning the room until they land on me.

“Beth, I’ve got Webtoon calling me demanding to put you on the phone. Sorry to interrupt, but could you take the call?”

I frown but stand up. “Sure, that’s fine. Where’s the phone?”

“Your phone is still in the recovery room from earlier.”

“Gotcha,” I turn back to everybody. “I’ll be back in a second.”

Namjoon is halfway out of his seat, looking unsure of his role here. “Do you want me to come with you?”

The thought of him coming with me and it suddenly being just the two of us seems like too much. Especially at the train wreck speed everything is going already. I shake my head, giving him a smile that I hope masks my thoughts.

“No, you stay here. Tell them about what happened. Make us sound cool!” I yell over my shoulder as I head out the door. I can hear the echoes of everybody’s laughter as I make my way down the hall and eventually follow a little sign taped up on the wall that points me in the right direction.

↔

The call doesn’t last long, I just had to confirm a few last minute decisions before next week’s webtoon episode is released. Normally I wouldn’t mind one bit, happy to chat with my editor Ji-hoon Gwan. He’s the same that was there the day I found out about Namjoon being my soulmate, but as far as he’s concerned I’m part of BigHit’s translating team.

I can’t help but notice the feeling that comes as a result of putting distance between my soulmate and I so shortly after our bonding. It’s not painful, but I can literally feel the pull of the bond working to shorten the distance.

It’s easy to find my way back to the conference room, this time with my phone. I’ve grabbed Namjoon’s as well from where he left it in the recovery room. Following the tug from the bond, I’m just outside the door when Namjoon’s phone lights up with a notification drawing my attention.

“Oh my gosh,” I breathe out, nearly dropping his phone in the process of trying to adjust my hold on it to be able to see the screen better.

There I am. Right there, on his lock screen. It’s a screenshot from the documentary, taken just over a year ago at the airport. I’ve got my suitcase trailing behind me, a cheery smile on my face as I wave goodbye. I remember the moment clearly, Himari had just told me to wave goodbye to Namjoon, meaning the camera. I did so a bit sarcastically, completely aware of the fact that I was decked out in sweats and a baseball cap. I look happy though, the camera crew did a good job of finding a good angle.

I let out a shaky breath, trying my best to get a hold of my emotions before I go back into the conference room. I lean up against the wall, resting my head against it as I take a moment to calm my racing heart.

The flurry of emotions subside after a moment, but I can’t set aside the fear that Namjoon may have created a version of me in his head that doesn’t match up with who I actually am. I want to be everything for him, but I’m not foolish enough to entertain that thought for long. I gave up a long time ago hoping that Namjoon would be open and happy about the idea of a soulmate, but now that it’s looking like he might be...I don’t even know how to begin with any of this.

I’m absolutely clueless and still terrified. My heart is trying to leap out of my chest, because all it sees is the fact that I want him. All of him. Anything he’ll give me, I want it. I’ve wanted him for years now. And judging from the evidence I hold in my hands, judging from his comment earlier about how badly he wanted to meet me, he wants me too. But it’s that wanting that terrifies me, because really, deep down, I know that I don’t know him at all. And he doesn’t know me.

It takes a long time for me to reach the surface again, my thoughts are heavy and weigh me down as I swim through them. Slowly I can start to pick out snippets of the hushed conversation inside, and I realize with a start that it’s Namjoon who’s speaking.

“...I’m telling you guys, I haven’t slept in days. I kept thinking that I would wake up and it would all be a dream. But suddenly today happened, and I saw her, and she was real. Can you believe it? I have a soulmate, and I can already tell that she’s incredible.”

I choke back the tears that threaten to spill over as I hear Namjoon’s reverent tone. Clutching his phone to my chest, I breathe in deeply. Oh boy.

“That’s so sweet,” Kyung-soon’s voice drifts through the door. “Trust me, Namjoon. Beth is happy too. She hasn’t allowed herself to really be happy with this whole soulmate thing, always keeping herself in check. I don’t know why, but that’s just the way she is. So don’t be discouraged if it takes her a while to open up. I mean, she finally opened up to me just this week, the day before we found out about meeting you all. It was hard for her-”

I roll my shoulders, trying to make it look like my whole world isn’t spinning too fast for me, and barge inside before Kyung-soon can start going off about how lonely I’ve been feeling. The last thing I need is my soulmate looking at me like I’m a pity case.

Gliding through the door I notice the solemn looks over everyone’s faces. “Please tell me that you made us seem cool,” I say, everybody turning to look at me. Namjoon gazes up at me innocently, his cheeks a little red. No doubt from his heart-to-heart.

I mean, I leave these people alone for 10 minutes and they’re already starting a group therapy session.

He smiles a little, and I force back the sense of fear that rises up in me again. I just want to love you, I think, but I’m so afraid.

“Our spot as the cool ones is secure,” Namjoon reassures me. His smile falters a little as I take my seat. “Now it’s Jiminie’s turn.”

As soon as everybody’s attention is turned to the opposite end of the table, Namjoon places a light hand on my shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He whispers. I sigh. Of course he would have picked up on my change in stress levels. That change going from being chill to contemplating how far away I could run away before anybody noticed my absence.

All I can do is nod, the close proximity finally soothing the pull of the bond but doing nothing for the strange ache in my chest.

Namjoon doesn’t settle for a meager nod. “You sure? Is everything ok with work?”

Right, I’d nearly forgotten the point of my absence in the first place. Which reminds me of what I hold in my hands.

“Oh! I-I brought our phones back from the recovery room.” Inwardly cursing myself for my stutter, I pass Namjoon his phone. “And yeah, everything is fine with work. Did you feel something when I left? The bond?” I quickly try to change the topic as Namjoon’s eyes land on his phone which lights up with the movement.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I could feel it. It was...strange.” He keeps looking at his phone, or more specifically, me. He clenches his jaw in thought.

“Beth, you didn’t happen to notice…” he trails off for a moment, looking guilty. I remain silent, trying to talk myself into telling him the truth instead of feigning ignorance. “Um, my lock screen? Is that what this is about?”

I put my guard up a little too late, and Namjoon scrambles to explain himself upon seeing my expression. Which I’m sure reflects the uncertainty swirling inside me.

“I’m so sorry Beth, that was probably so weird for you. I just-I don’t know…” I can tell that he wants to say so much but he quickly realizes that we’re not alone in this room. “I swear, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I guess I don’t have a valid excuse. I’ll change it-”

“No, don’t change it.”

Namjoon looks puzzled as he had already opened his phone to change the lock screen. It makes me feel a little better to see that his home screen is a photo of a concert, the sea of army bombs looking beautiful.

“You don’t want me to change it?” He cocks his head, trying to look into my eyes which I keep firmly pointed to his phone.

“You don’t have to. It’s cute.” Biting my lip I sigh out my nose, still avoiding his eyes. “I just wasn’t expecting it, I guess. I’m so sorry to make you feel bad. Everything is just happening so quickly today. It’s my bad, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

I turn back to the rest of the table before Namjoon can launch himself into another string of apologies. He huffs out a sigh at my side, locking his phone again, thus keeping me as his lock screen.

Jimin and Aera are in the middle of explaining how Aera got the hiccups during their bonding. He reenacts how his body shook with each hiccup, bringing about a round of laughter.

Namjoon doesn’t speak again, instead choosing to scoot closer. I feel a little tug on my sweater sleeve, then Namjoon is grabbing my hand and slipping it under the table where nobody can see.

He doesn’t say a single word, just holds my hand as he runs his thumb over my knuckles. Slowly but surely, I begin to relax. Somehow without communicating a single word, he’s managed to soothe my worries. At least for now.

When I finally pull my focus away from Namjoon’s hand in mine I realize that we’ve moved on to Taehyung and Ichika.

“So cute,” Taehyung gushes. Ichika gives him a lopsided grin which he returns with a boxy one. “Sorry I cried on you.”

Ichika chuckles, shaking her head. “I’m just glad that we made it. Nobody appears to be too scarred from the experience.” From the look they’re giving each other I can tell that they must have already had a good conversation earlier. It’s clearly being continued silently, and Taehyung gets up to stand behind Ichika’s chair, resuming his position from earlier and wrapping his arms around her.

“Your turn Jungkookie,” Taehyung states before leaning down to hum a melody that Ichika closes her eyes to enjoy.

Jungkook fidgets about in his chair, Minsuh looking no less awkward. Jin gives the younger boy a nudge.

“You two were the fastest,” he says, trying to give Jungkook somewhere to start. “Did it feel fast?”

Jungkook shakes his head at the same time Minsuh nods. They look at each other a little startled.

“Did it go fast for you?” Jungkook asks, and I can’t help but swoon a little at the kindness in his gaze.

Minsuh nods. “It felt like I barely had enough time to blink before everything hit.”

“Huh. It felt like a really long time for me. It was pretty intense though, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was.” The two of them are looking at each other like they’re the only two in the room. It would appear that the intensity of their bond has yet to fade.

I’m desperately racking my brain to come up with something to say to break the growing silence, but the door swings open before I get a chance to come up with something.

Bang PD slips through the door, laptop in hand. A couple of managers trail in behind him, greeting us as they head to the front of the room.

“Everybody doing alright?”

“Oh, we’re great. Did you come for food?” Jin asks, resting his chin on his hand. Mr. Bang smiles at the eldest member of the group.

“No, I already ate. I’m actually here to discuss everybody’s plans for the next few weeks. And yes, I know what you’re thinking, Beth.” I straighten up when he mentions me. Mr. Bang observes Namjoon and I, his eyes drifting to where both our hands disappear beneath the table. “Don’t worry, I’ve been in the process of figuring everything out with Webtoon. You’re on official BigHit business for the next few weeks.”

“Are you trying to rid me of my job?” I raise my eyebrows at him. Bang PD only smiles at me, already used to my personality.

“Absolutely. Really, Mr. Gwan didn’t seem too sad to lose a few weeks with you, maybe you should look into that.”

The boys audibly gasp, Namjoon’s grip on my hand tightening as he looks at his boss with something akin to horror. If only he knew that we’re just getting started.

“He probably knows better than to go against you. After all, we all know just how much you’ve missed me. Wasn’t it just a few months ago that you were lost in the states and I had to come pick you-”

“Alright everybody, let’s get down to it!” Mr. Bang turns away from me and I smile in victory. A few months ago Mr. Bang came to the states on vacation, but his car wasn’t available at the airport. I had to come pick him up, which led to an eventful afternoon involving lunch and an angry pigeon.

One of the managers heads over to the white board, mapping out a rough itinerary. It takes me a second to translate the writing in my head, but I get the general gist. If anything, I understand the wide-eyed expressions of my soul-sisters and the boys as they wait for our reactions.

“Wait, what?” Himari whispers, but everybody hears it.

Hoseok smiles sheepishly at her from across the table. “Is this ok?”

I turn to look back at the itinerary, looking past Namjoon as he turns to assess my reaction.

Okinawa Island, Japan

4 days

4 episodes

“We’re going to Japan?” Ichika asks. She looks hopeful, it’s been a while since she’s gone back.

“Only if everybody is ok with it,” Taehyung says, squeezing her shoulders.

“I’ve been discussing this with the boys ever since they found out,” Mr. Bang shoots a glare to Jungkook and the boy smiles innocently back at him. There must be a story there. Come to think of it, I still don’t know how the boys found out in the first place. “And I really feel like we’ve always done things a certain way and we shouldn’t stop that just because there’s suddenly seven new faces around here.”

“What are you getting at?” I ask. I’m pretty sure Namjoon can feel my rapid heart rate through our joined hands.

Mr. Bang takes a deep breath. “You shouldn’t be a secret. You already have been for 3 years, and I’m sorry that you had to hide for so long. However, you will no longer be kept in hiding. Of course, when you decide to share your...relationships with the public is completely up to you. For the time being however, we’ve decided to go about this in a certain way.”

He pauses, allowing us a moment to let everything sink in. I look over at Kyung-soon, who’s viciously chewing her lip. Jin has his eyes trained on her, clearly terrified she’ll veto any idea that comes up.

Ichika once again speaks up. “It says 4 episodes...are you meaning to film us in Japan? Like some sort of Bon Voyage?”

Bang snaps his fingers. “Exactly. BTS has always been content oriented, geared toward the fans. We’ve been over this many times before, but you will have to share the burden- and joys- that come with being in the spotlight. In order for your relationships to have a smoother transition for when you decide to go public, we’ve decided to provide some content for the fans. This is our proposal. 4 days in Japan on Okinawa Island. There will be separate quarters for the boys and girls, and we will have a variety of activities for you all to do. Not only for the content, but also to allow you all some time to further bond before you’re thrown back into real life.”

It’s silent in the room. Namjoon takes up running his thumb along the back of my hand again, an action I didn’t even realize he’d stopped.

4 days. All the soulmates, on a beautiful island in Japan. Sure, there will be cameras, but isn’t that something I’ve anticipated? I’ve known for a while now that where Namjoon is, cameras will be sure to follow.

Once again, the girls slowly look to me. I’ve never understood our dynamic that we have, but somehow I manage to pull my thoughts together and answer Bang PD’s unspoken question.

“When do we leave?”

It’s like the breath of life has been breathed back into the room, all the boys letting out a sigh of relief. Namjoon gives me another squeeze, grinning slightly at me. I give him a look that says, Remember how I said this was all moving so quickly? Yeah, still feeling that. You’re going to be the death of me.

Bang PD grins at me, and I can already feel my stomach drop before the words even leave his mouth. “How does tomorrow sound?”

Previous - Next

Taglist is open! Any predictions for what’s going to happen next?

taglist: @mae-musicbitch @taylorroe3 @heartblackerthancoffee​

A hushed conversation is what eventually pulls me out of my slumber, although I try my best to ignore them.

“I just feel bad waking her up, she must be exhausted.”

“Yeah, but she won’t be able to sleep tonight if she sleeps much longer.”

“True. Ah, do you think she’ll notice if I steal her photo from Jeju Island?”

At this I finally drag myself to consciousness, ferociously protective of my photo. “You touch it and you die,” my threat comes out sounding not quite as threatening as I had hoped, and the fact that my exhausted brain only managed to get the threat out in English doesn’t help.

I turn to see Minsuh and Aera standing guiltily in the doorway, the former with an embarrassed smile.

“Did you just threaten us?” Minsuh asks tauntingly, knowing that it always takes me a few minutes after I wake up to completely switch into Korean mode. I simply nod as angrily as possible.

“Of course,” Aera snorts at my predicament. “It was easy to tell from your tone of voice. You know, for being the youngest, you aren’t very respectful of your elders.”

I completely ignore her, this being a common point of teasing between us all. Although I am the youngest, and the last out of the seven of us to find out about this whole soulmate mess, they still tend to look to me when it comes to making leadership decisions. I’ve never questioned it much, having always felt most comfortable leading, but I can’t help but wonder if it has something to do with who my soulmate is.

I check my phone to see that it’s already nearly 9 pm, and I shoot them a glare at the same time my stomach growls. They simply skip out of my room, but not before Aera peeks back in to tell me to freshen up.

“We’ll go out to eat in fifteen minutes! Are you sure you don’t want takeout instead? It’s been a long day for you.” Aera takes all of my possible needs into consideration, a trait that I’ve always admired. It’s also the reason why we’ve often had to tell her to slow down, breathe, and focus on taking care of herself. I hope Jimin will understand that too.

Long story short, I have a lot of hopes for my fellow soul-sisters and their soulmates and very, very little for myself.

“No, I want to go out. It’s been so long since we’ve all gone out together. What are we getting?”

Aera smiles at me, pleased with my decision. She’s one of the most social, always aching to get out and go do something.

“Ichika was going on about getting some udon noodles, does that sound alright?”

My stomach rumbles at the mere mention of the Japanese noodles, and we both take that as a yes.

↔

When Bang Si-hyuk decided that it would be best if the seven of us had an apartment together in Seoul, our only condition was that it be close to good food. He might have thought it strange or immature, but I’m still grateful for our foresight back then.

I currently wander beside Himari, our arms slung around each other's shoulders. Ichika leads the way with Kyung-Soon, the two of them rubbing their bellies as we all talk about the good food we just devoured.

If I try hard enough, the cameras that are capturing our every move fade away into the blackness of the night.

Minsuh, Aera, and Seohyun bring up the rear, singing “Mic Drop” at the top of their lungs.

“Himari! Himari!” Seohyun giggles like a maniac. It’s no secret she’s a sucker for Mic Drop. I’ve heard her sing it more than I’ve heard the actual song at this point. “C’mon, help me with the ‘mic mic bungee’ transition, from j-hope to Suga.”

Himari wastes no time in jumping back there, the two of them looking absolutely insane as they go all out. It leaves the rest of us with tears running from our eyes at the sight.

“You look drunk,” Kyung-Soon points out, trying and failing to look serious. “Did you drink?”

Both girls giggle in response, still trying to perfect the transition. “No, of course not. We’re drunk on life, Soon-ah!” Seohyun blurts out, and we all groan in response.

“You know how we get when we’re all together,” Aera interjects. I note that Minsuh has taken her phone out of her pocket and is filming the show. I have no doubt that she’ll find a way to use the footage against them in the future.

“It’s been sooo long,” Ichika adds, smiling warmly at me.

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry that I had to leave for so long. I know you all missed me.” I smirk at them, and they roll their eyes at me. Nobody denies it though, I have hundreds of text messages stating how much they missed me to prove it. I swear I received at least one every day.

Kyung-Soon links her arm in mine, and we continue walking. “We’ll see you weirdos at the house,” she calls over her shoulder. One camera breaks off to follow us from a distance, the other staying behind to watch the show play out. Sure enough, Seohyun and Himari hardly even notice our absence, they’re too busy trying to remember choreography.

With only a couple of blocks left to go before we make it back to our apartment, Soon and I fall into a companionable silence. It’s a while before she breaks it.

“How’s everything going with your book?”

I smile at her, touched that she thought to even ask. She’s always been good at that, though. “It’s...going.” I shrug, and she gives me a knowing laugh.

“You’ve said that about every book. Is this one no different?”

Kyung-Soon is one of the quieter ones, but she’s also one of the people I trust the most. We’ve spent countless nights over the past three years talking late into the night, bouncing book ideas off of each other as well as discussing our deepest fears.

“Well, it was going great for a while. Right now I’m struggling with a bit of writer’s block. Or it’s not even writer’s block. I’m just…” I sigh, craning my neck to look up at the stars far above me. “I’m just tired.”

Kyung-Soon hums in acknowledgement. That’s another thing that I admire. She rarely jumps in with a solution. If she asks a question, it’s because she wants to listen to the answer, not because she’s waiting with a counter-attack.

I wonder for a brief moment if Jin, her soulmate, does the same thing. I entertain the thought for all of two seconds before shaking it off.

Our apartment can be seen at the end of the street, the balcony light still flipped on from earlier.

“Why do you think you’re tired?”

I look at Kyung-Soon, my oldest soul-sister also looking at the balcony light with a small smile on her face. With that expression on her face, I release a shaky breath. The exhaustion from my flight, the pressure of my book deadlines as well as current Webtoon updates and meetings that I have coming up all settle in.

“Soon-ah,” I whisper, and I lower my gaze until it falls on the microphone clipped to my shirt. “Am I doing the right thing?”

She waits patiently for me to continue, even as she gestures something to the cameraman. He mumbles a quiet “goodnight” before retreating into the shadows to set up his camera in a new position.

Kyung-Soon unlocks the door, quietly ushering me inside as I take deep breaths. It doesn’t take long before I’m led out onto the balcony, and I realize that she must have told the cameraman that we would be up there, thus allowing him to capture more footage without having him impose on our conversation inside. I’m grateful for her kind thought, I usually hate when the cameras have to follow us inside.

“It’s just, everytime I come back to Seoul, I start questioning myself all over again.” I wrap myself up in a spare blanket, offering another to Kyung-Soon which she accepts. “There’s just so much uncertainty. Not just in my job. I’m kind of used to that by now, everything can change in a rewrite or an editorial meeting and turn my whole book upside down in a matter of seconds. It’s frustrating, but I can handle that.”

Soon sits quietly, looking up at the night sky. I mirror her movement, hoping it masks the tears that are threatening to spill over at any minute now.

“What’s the other uncertainty?”

We both already know what it is, although I rarely speak about it. I’ve never really even known how to open up and talk about how even though I should be the most happy girl in the world knowing that Kim Namjoon is my soulmate, I have to stop myself from fleeing to Antarctica at the mere thought of actually having to face him.

“I can’t-” I start, but Soon cuts me off.

“You have to.” I look over at her face, which is now completely serious. “Beth, please don’t lock us out and keep all of these feelings to yourself. You don’t have to tell us every little thing, but you need to talk about it. Just because you don’t say it out loud doesn’t mean that you won’t feel scared or worried anymore.”

Sometime during her little speech, the tears started falling. I fall into Soon’s embrace, neither one of us acknowledging the fact that this is the first time I’ve openly cried about my soulmate since that first weekend in Jeju Island. And, if I remember correctly, all of us cried a bit that weekend.

We stay there for a few minutes, and I close my eyes tight because every time I open them they stray to where the cameraman sits in the shadows, eating up the sentimental moment.

“Please tell me,” Soon whispers, and I nod even as a broken hiccup leaves me. I chuckle at the random hiccup, and it helps me to breathe easier as the load I’m bearing is already starting to feel lighter.

“I look at our boys,” I begin, clinging tightly to my blanket and looking up at the stars for the strength I need to say what I need to say. “And I feel like they’re already complete. They have each other, they have ARMY, they’re complete. They have no idea that soulmates are even a thing, let alone that they have soulmates. There’s a part of me that’s mad about that. Mad that for the last three years I’ve been waiting for a man that is already happy without me, that is already more loved that he can even fathom. Mad at freaking Mr. Bang,” Soon chuckles, knowing how much I love and hate the man, “because he refuses to tell them until the ‘time is right’. It’s been three years! And I’ve picked myself back up and tried my hardest to continue on in my career, and it’s fulfilling. I have the most amazing friends in the world, my family is so loving and supportive, and I love my job.”

I stop, nearly panting as my anger fades into something sharper, jabbing at my heart as hot tears spill out onto my cheeks. Soon squeezes my shoulder, bringing me back to the present.

“So why do I feel so lonely?”

I lose the ability to go on speaking, the words too heavy to push out anymore. Instead I simply stare down at my knuckles that clutch the blanket so hard they’re white.

“Oh, Beth. I’m so sorry. Here I was, thinking that it was physically impossible for you to miss Namjoon. Turns out you’re just like me!” Kyung-Soon chuckles even as she wipes the tears from my eyes. “And I know what you’re thinking. How can I miss someone I’ve never met? Easy.” She holds a hand to her heart, and for a moment I can see through my tears enough to see the faraway look in her eyes, mingled with pain and adoration. “Jin has my heart. The idiot doesn’t even realize it, but he’s got it. So I just hope that he returns it to me soon, and in person. That way I can give him a taste of his own medicine and steal his heart. See how he likes it.”

I can’t help but laugh at the evil wink Soon sends me.

“He’ll probably fall in love with you the second he sees you, Soon-ah.”

“What’s that word you taught me again? When I want to say the same thing back?

Another chuckle falls from my lips. “Ditto?”

“Yeah, that. Ditto, Beth. Namjoon won’t know what hit him.”

Dr. Kim goes in before us, announcing our presence to everyone. Right, there’s still a bit more bonding to be done. I take a deep breath, Namjoon locking his jaw in concentration.

I have no idea where to look when I first enter the room, Namjoon leading the way. He looks a bit protective, and I almost snort at his behavior. I can feel the other bonds clicking into place, they don’t require physical contact to be triggered. I rest my other hand on Namjoon’s forearm for extra support which he readily gives me, leaning into my body.

Kyung-soon stands just in front of Jin, his hand resting on her shoulder. His ears are bright red, but he makes no move to change his position. The two of them make a striking pair, my jaw nearly drops to the floor at the sheer amount of beauty in the room.

Seohyun is who I see next, her blinding smile drawing in my attention. Namjoon gives her a polite smile back, his eyes drifting to where Yoongi stands at her side. Yoongi is clearly just as drawn in by her as everybody else is; he only gives me a small nod before turning all of his attention back to Seohyun.

Himari breaks from where she was leaning against Hoseok, leaping forward.

“Good news, I didn’t pass out!” She exclaims, causing laughter to fill the room. Hoseok follows after her, his heart smile making an appearance.

“She was pretty close though,” he tells me and then dodges Himari’s death glare. “You’re Bethany, right?” I nod, reminding myself that Hoseok is simply another human being. No need to freak out, right?

“She goes by Beth, though.” Namjoon pipes up, looking at me for confirmation. I squeeze his hand.

“Yeah, I do. It’s nice to meet you guys.” I say, and Yoongi comes out of his trance enough to mumble something under his breath that sounds like ‘nice to meet you too’. Seohyun glances at him, and his eyes quickly turn away from her to avoid being caught staring. She grins back at me, completely aware that she’s got him wrapped around her finger.

“Where’s everybody else?” Namjoon asks, reluctantly letting go of my hand as Himari pulls me in for a hug.

Another doctor who I just noticed answers his question. “They’re all still in recovery, Jungkook and Minsuh just completed their bonding. They’ll be brought out when sufficient time has passed.” The doctor rattles off the information like he’s reading from a book. “Is everybody feeling alright?”

I nod, glancing at Namjoon the same time he looks at me. He’s clearly more embarrassed in front of his fellow members, because his face goes red and he fidgets for a moment. Hoseok quickly wraps an arm around his shoulders, masking his embarrassment with a question.

“So, how did it go for you guys? According to Dr. Choi,” he nods to the doctor standing beside the door. “You two took the longest time.”

I huff out a sigh of defeat. “Oh, no. You guys are keeping times? Seohyun’s never going to let us hear the end of it if she wins.” Himari hums in agreement, and I notice Jin and Kyung-soon sharing a sweet look. It makes me happy, seeing her so happy. No doubt she’s already stolen his heart.

I look back at Namjoon who’s stumbling to explain why it took us so long, and wonder how long it will take for me to steal his heart. Heaven knows he’s had mine for the past three years.

Himari whispers in my ear. “Can you believe how smitten Yoongi looks right now?” I chuckle at the pair.

“I wonder what happened when they bonded.”

“They haven’t said much, but it sounds like it was pretty intense. They still feel the shock every time they touch. Seohyun about jumped out of her skin a second ago when his hand brushed up against hers.”

I chuckle again, looking at my friend in adoration. Himari has been my closest friend throughout this entire journey, but our friendship somehow feels more complete now. The look in her eyes returns the sentiment, her arm slipping around my shoulders like Hoseok did to Namjoon earlier.

“What are you two giggling about over there?” Kyung-soon raises her eyebrows at us. She somehow seems bolder with Jin by her side.

We shrug, looking every part the conspirators we are. “Nothing, just catching up.” I say, winking at her. I see Namjoon’s eyebrows go up at my wink, which wasn’t even directed at him. Hoseok bursts out into laughter.

“She didn’t even wink at you,” he says, only making Namjoon go more red and hide his face. I get second-hand embarrassment just watching him. Poor guy. Thankfully Dr. Choi cuts in, announcing that Aera and Jimin are on their way.

I drift back over to Namjoon, needing a bit more strength from him in preparation for meeting another soul brother. His eyes are closed, still fighting the red that has taken up permanent residence on his cheeks. I take a chance, gently wrapping my arms around his waist. I’m worried for a moment that he’ll feel too embarrassed to return my embrace, but he releases a shaky breath that goes straight to my heart and wraps his arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on my head.

I hear Seohyun cooing over us. “Aw, look at them.”

“Seohyun,” I warn. I can feel Namjoon’s laugh rumble through his chest, making me melt more into the embrace.

I turn so that I’m leaning against Namjoon, facing the door. A second later Aera peeks her head through the door, smiling as she sees us.

“Hello everybody,” she says cheerily. She steps in, Jimin trailing in behind her with their hands firmly connected. He has a goofy smile on his face.

“Somebody looks pleased with themselves,” Jin says. Jimin laughs in response, growing a little shy.

He shrugs, looking around at all the new arrivals and waving. “It’s a good day.” Aera practically glows at his side.

Seohyun comes forward, and I grin as Yoongi looks uncertain whether or not to follow her. He takes a step and then decides to simply wait for her to return. I can almost hear him inwardly reminding himself that he’s not a lost puppy, but a respected member of the music community.

“You look surprisingly calm,” Seohyun says. She hugs Aera, who returns the hug with one arm and keeps her other hand in Jimin’s. Jimin notices her decision, his eyes turning to crescent moons as he smiles even brighter. “Everything went well?”

Aera nods. “Everything went well. Quick, what was everybody’s time?”

Oh, this is definitely turning into some sort of competition. I groan, burying my face into Namjoon’s shoulder. Everybody laughs at my reaction.

“I’ll just say it,” Namjoon says from above me. “We were just over 6 minutes. I know, I know.”

“Ah-ha! I knew you were taking longer! Jungkookie wouldn’t believe me!” Jimin exclaims, pointing at us. I want to die from all of the attention.

“Knowing Namjoon he probably had to give a speech before bonding,” Yoongi adds from the back of the room. Now it’s Namjoon’s turn to groan, and I smile up at him. He holds my eye contact for a little longer than what would be deemed normal, and I decide to turn away before I get too lost in his eyes. We’ve already embarrassed ourselves enough today.

“Glad to see you’ve found your voice again, Yoongi,” Hoseok chimes in, causing the other boy to promptly close his mouth as Seohyun chuckles.

“Oh, what did Namjoon say to you, Beth?” Aera giggles at my discomfort as I remember Namjoon’s sweet words. ‘Can I just hug you?’

“Well first we had tea and then we discussed literature.” I fire back. “You two didn’t?”

Jimin and Aera exchange a glance, a lopsided grin forming on Jimin’s face. Neither one of them respond, which only makes me more curious.

“We took almost exactly 5 minutes,” Himari says, keeping the conversation flowing. “What about you guys?”

“4:32.”

Next Jin gives their time. “Ours was 5 as well.” His voice is quieter than before, clearly his mind is preoccupied with the beautiful girl in front of him. Kyung-soon pretends to not notice.

Seohyun glances back at Yoongi sheepishly. Now I really want to know what happened between them. “2:42, wasn’t it?” Yoongi nods, only able to hold her gaze for a moment before dropping it.

“Wait, why does everybody have exact times?” I ask. Dr. Choi glances at his clipboard, scanning for our names. “Does the time really matter that much?”

“Your exact time,” Dr. Choi says, “was 6:50. The time doesn’t hold that much significance, however it does tell us a bit more about the kind of bond you have.” He catches my worried look and rushes to reassure me. “Trust me, it doesn’t have a negative effect. There is just a different emphasis, if you will.”

I nod, trusting him and the other doctors to go over everything in more detail later on.

“Oh-ho!” Kyung-soon laughs out loud. “That’s nearly 7 minutes you guys! What book were you discussing, again?”

We continue the banter, drinking in the different dynamics of each pair. It fills me with excitement. That excitement only triples every time Namjoon adjusts his hold on me, getting as close as possible. It’s surprising, I’ve seen enough BTS content to know that Namjoon is definitely not the most touchy. I can see from the looks of the other members that they’re also surprised, but I bask in his touch for now. Maybe it just had to be with the right person. I know that’s how it usually is with me.

By the time Taehyung and Ichika make their appearance I’ve learned that Kyung-soon did indeed call Jin out for making her go first, Yoongi started working on some new music the second they got into the recovery room (Seohyun got to help him, which was a dream come true for her, although she denies the fact that she’s the inspiration for the music), and Himari and Hoseok were so excited to finally meet that they ended up having to sit down mid-bond because their legs were giving out.

Taehyung holds nothing back as he hugs Ichika from behind, chin resting on her shoulder. When the other boys ask him if he cried he nods. “I cried a little,” he admits. Ichika smiles down at her shoes, and he steals an adoring glance at her. The look makes me sigh, they’re so cute. They look like they were made for each other.

Well, I guess that they were.

“I may have cried, but I doubt I cried as much as Jungkook probably did.” Taehyung defends himself, and everybody chuckles. No doubt the maknae of the group was a mess if he was on the verge of hyperventilation earlier according to Mr. Bang.

“How long did you two take?” Namjoon asks, joining in on the competition. Maybe they took longer, if they were crying. One can hope, at least.

Ichika looks at Taehyung, confusion clear on their faces. “I’m not sure,” she mumbles. The two of them were so lost in the moment that they didn’t hear or ask for their time. “Is it important?”

Dr. Choi explains the times again before checking their time. “You two took...3 minutes and 38 seconds.”

I huff everybody whoops and hollers. “You two are definitely the slowest,” Himari teases. “Only one opportunity left. You’d better hope Jungkook was bawling his eyes out.”

Almost as though summoning them, Dr. Kim and the male doctor who’s name I have yet to learn enter the room, informing us that Jungkook and Minsuh are on their way.

It’s Jungkook who enters first, checking behind him as he waits for Minsuh. They’re careful to stay close, but not touch. Almost like Yoongi and Seohyun.

“Oh, our little Jungkookie finally made it!” Jimin exclaims from where he’s standing beside Taehyung. Jungkook ignores him, and I notice that his eyes are red and puffy.

Taehyung wanders over to him, his boxy smile on display which Ichika clearly appreciates. “Are you ok?” Jungkook falls into his embrace, and I notice Minsuh’s shaking hands as Ichika hugs her.

“We’re alright I think,” Jungkook says, eyeing us all sheepishly. “Are you ok still?” He questions Minsuh quietly, and she gives him a little nod.

Jin breaks the awkward tension. “Alright, what was your time?” Then, he looks over to Namjoon with a prideful smirk on his face. “Prepare to lose, Joon-ah.”

“Uhm, what was it again?” Jungkook asks Minsuh.

She ponders for a second, looking to the doctors. “What did you say it was? 2:39 or something?”

I can hear Seohyun’s intake of breath as the doctor confirms the time as 2:39...3 seconds faster than her and Yoongi.

“I can’t believe this!” Seohyun exclaims, her laugh joining the rest of us. “For once in my life, I was winning! How could you do this to me, Min?”

Yoongi looks like he desperately wants to reach out to her, but he doesn’t move. I remember what Himari said earlier about the two of them still feeling the shock of the bond each time they touched.

“Yeah, welcome to our lives,” Jimin speaks up. “He’s the golden maknae, what did you expect?”

Namjoon nudges me, and I turn to face him amidst the chaos in the room as everyone starts bickering over the importance of the times. “You know,” he begins, leaning down to whisper, “The way I see it, we’re the real winners here.”

“Oh really?” I raise my eyebrows at him, chuckling at how self-conscious he becomes as he ponders touching me and goes against it, settling for just being close.

“Yeah, of course. We got to enjoy our...bonding, everybody else’s was over too quick. Don’t you think?” He looks at me with a hint of a smile, even as his ears turn an impressive shade of red.

I grin up at him, a startled laugh leaving my lips. “You’re right!” I say, the words coming out a little louder than I intended. I glance around, but nobody besides Himari seems to have noticed; they’re all too busy teasing each other. Himari just shoots me a smile before returning her focus on Hoseok.

Dr. Kim, who appears to be running the show, speaks up. It’s a good thing, too. Jungkook looks like he might pass out if he gets teased much longer.

“Everyone, we’re going to give you something of a debriefing now. If you’ll follow me to the conference room just down the hall we’ll begin.” She turns on her heel and walks out the door. Jungkook and Minsuh are closest to the door, so they follow after her first. Like before, they’re careful to stay close but not touch. A glance behind me shows Yoongi and Seohyun doing the same thing.

Indeed, the only pair that are walking hand in hand down the hallway are Taehyung and Ichika.

Before we enter the conference room I notice a bodyguard at the end of the hallway, guarding what looks like a door to the stairs. Another stands before the elevator.

“Are they blocking every exit or something?” Seohyun wonders aloud.

“They’ve blocked off the floor for us today, so nobody wanders up here.” Yoongi gently explains.

Bang Si Hyuk greets us upon entering the conference room, a couple of other people that I recognize as BTS’s managers by his side. One of them is still in the process of signing a paper, and I recognize it as an NDA, similar to the one I signed 3 years ago.

“Hello hello,” Mr. Bang says, his eyes roving over us all as though checking for injuries. He turns to Dr. Kim. “Everything went well?”

She nods. “Yes, everybody is doing just fine. Are we all set in here? I’ve got a few things to go over with everybody.”

Mr. Bang gives us the ok to take our seat, and Namjoon leads me to the front. Before we can take our seat, however, Dr. Kim stops us.

“I think it might be best if we have the girls sit on this side and the boys take the opposite side of the table.” I notice her smirking at Taehyung, who has yet to relinquish his hold on Ichika. “It will help everybody to focus better if they’re given some...space.”

Namjoon is quick to slip into leader mode, taking the initiative and settling down in the seat opposite me. I shake off the feeling of disappointment, content to just be seated in the same room as him.

Himari takes her seat beside me, Hoseok making sure he’s across from her. They grin at each other like school children from across the table.

“All settled? Great. Let’s get started. First off, you all did wonderful. There were no major hiccups in the bonding process, and despite all your nerves, it’s paid off. So take a moment to breathe, the worst is over.”

Hoseok takes her advice literally, sighing loudly and collapsing against the back of his chair. Himari giggles at the action, rolling her eyes.

“Now, I know that you’ve all been comparing times.” Seohyun uses this opportunity to glare at Minsuh, who appears to have gained back some energy and sticks her tongue out at her. “We’ll take some time to explain what we can learn from this, however we will leave up to each pair to learn through their own experiences together how to best mold their relationships.” Everybody in the room blushes at the implication of Dr. Kim’s words.

Behind her, Dr. Choi takes up a marker and begins writing on the white board. I wish that I had my notebook on me right now. Or my phone, which I just realize I left in the recovery room.

4:00 or less: Eros, Ludus

5:00: Eros, Pragma

6:00 or more: Pragma, Eros, Ludus

I stare at the board in confusion, my mind whirring as I try to translate the unfamiliar words. I can tell that Himari and Ichika are trying to do the same thing. There’s only one that I think I recognize, but I may be wrong.

Namjoon speaks up, his brow furrowed and I can practically see the thoughts bouncing around his head.

“Aren’t these types of love?” He asks.

Dr. Kim looks at him appraisingly, and I shrug off the defensiveness that rises in me. “Yes, exactly. Do you know what each one means? In total there are eight, however these three are typically reserved for significant others.”

Namjoon looks across the table at me as though waiting for me to help him. I merely shrug.

“If you can translate them, maybe I could help. But we’re not going to be much help to you, sorry.” I gesture to the three of us foreigners, and everybody hums in acknowledgment.

“Oh,” Namjoon says sheepishly. “Right. I’m not sure I know what these translate to. Sorry.” He returns his attention to Dr. Kim. “I think that eros has something to do with more...romantic love, doesn’t it? The other two I’m unsure of.”

She nods, looking around the room for any other answers. She continues on when nobody offers up an answer.

“Eros does have to do with romantic love. Ludus is playful or flirtatious love, and pragma is enduring love.” My eyes drift back over to the white board. “First off, it’s important for you to know that each of you have and will have to develop all three of these types of love. However, the amount of time you took while bonding does say a lot about the kind of role each type will have in your lives.”

Yoongi speaks up, his eyes firmly on the board even as I’m sure he can feel Seohyun’s gaze. “So does this mean that for those of us who took less than 4 minutes, eros and...ludus will be more prominent?”

“In a way. If I may use you as an example?” Yoongi nods hesitantly, biting his lips nervously. I can see Seohyun fighting against the urge to coo over him. “You and Seohyun had a very intense bonding, which can be attributed to the prominence of eros there will be in your future.” Oh, now Yoongi’s definitely nervous. He looks like he might just take his chances and make a run for it. “However, it was quick. This tells us a couple of things. One, that you feel things on a deep emotional level, and can process those feelings quickly. Ludus on it’s own can reflect infidelity or not taking things seriously,” everybody stiffens at the mention of infidelity, “however when it’s paired with eros it can lead to a deep and meaningful relationship, without missing out on all the fun.”

I sneak a look at Seohyun down the table only to see her barely holding herself together. A gigantic smile is threatening to break through any second now.

“Typically we see that these kinds of couples need to set plenty of time aside to simply be together. So this goes for…” Dr. Kim looks off of Dr. Choi’s clipboard for a second. “Not just Yoongi and Seohyun, but also Taehyung and Ichika, and Jungkook and Minsuh.” Each couple straightens up, listening carefully. “The presence of ludus is an indicator that each couple needs to work on being open with each other. Some of you may be rather closed off,” the boys share a knowing look, “however you will need to work carefully to be open and enjoy your time together. Does that make sense?” A quick nod from around the room.

“I’m surprised jhope doesn’t have this...ludus thing,” Taehyung says. “Isn’t he playful?”

Dr. Choi jumps in. “Yes, and that brings us to the next category.” I feel like I’m on a gameshow. “Those right around the five minute mark are focused on eros and pragma. This isn’t to say that ludus isn’t a factor, however if you look at these couples it’s something that they may already have and don’t need to focus on so much. Instead, they need to focus on longevity. Working together and spending quality time are crucial here.”

I can almost feel the invisible trickle of sweat going down the back of my neck as everybody talks amongst themselves. What is our time supposed to mean then?

“Did you hear that Taehyungie? We’re already fun enough.” Jimin teases, earning himself an elbow to the ribs.

Dr. Kim is quick to correct him. “That’s not exactly what that means. It simply means that those who need to focus on a healthy balance between ludus and eros need to realize that they aren’t a burden to their significant other. You’ll each receive a packet with more information on the soulmate bond later today, we encourage you all to study it together with your partner and separately.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and I take the moment of silence to jump in with the next question. “So...what does this mean for us?” I gesture between Namjoon and I. “Do we just have to work on everything?”

Kyung-soon leans in front of Himari, gripping my hand in hers. “Yes, darling. Long story short, you two are a complete mess.”

I snort out a laugh, and I notice Jin’s look of pleased shock at his soulmate’s behavior. I already know that these two are going to wreak havoc together.

“Pragma is enduring love, which essentially means: practice, practice, practice.” My eyes grow wide. Will we struggle loving each other? I can’t imagine having an issue falling in love with the man across the table from me. Dr. Kim sees my look of fear. “Not to worry, these relationships tend to be very successful and fulfilling. Hence the prominence of the three types.” I ease back a bit, still not convinced.

Dr. Choi picks up where Dr. Kim left off. “I’m sure that during your bonding the two of you felt a myriad of emotions, correct? Some were positive, and maybe there were a few negative or sad ones as well.” Namjoon visibly winces across the table as he remembers the pang of sadness. I can still feel it like an electric shock, but with it comes the memory of Namjoon holding me tight, and the calming feeling after.

Everybody looks a little concerned as they stare at us, but I keep my eyes on Dr. Choi. Apparently they didn’t have the same experience.

“Do you remember, when you felt those...unhappy emotions, what was it that helped you through it?”

I’m not sure if it’s a rhetorical question or not, but Namjoon mumbles out an answer almost as though he’s thinking out loud. “Ah, Beth.”

Dr. Choi nods vigorously, apparently Namjoon is onto something. “Go on, Namjoon.”

Namjoon’s head shoots up as he realizes with a start that he was indeed thinking out loud. “What? Oh, oh. Well,” he fidgets around in his seat uncomfortably, not daring to look up at me. I, on the other hand, can’t look away from him. “When I felt the sadness Beth must have realized it, and she...um...shejusthuggedmetighter and I felt better.”

My eyes go wide while the poor boy is nearly the same shade of a tomato, his eyes glued to his lap. “I did?”

Namjoon only nods, his eyes flicking up to mine and back down so quickly that I almost miss it.

“No, you did.” I say. “You did and then a second later I felt really calm and-and happy.” I mumble out the last part, Namjoon’s embarrassment transferring to me. I await the laughter of everybody else in the room, but it’s deathly quiet. I wonder if the boys have rarely seen Namjoon in such a state.

“You’re both right,” Dr. Choi interjects. “Which is what I’m trying to tell you: the two of you have to rely on each other. This kind of bond reflects the amazing love, support, and joy that the two of you can have, however you must rely on each other. And I know that’s scary,” Dr. Choi raises his hands up in innocence when both Namjoon and I turn to look at him. “You’re both independent people, perfectly capable of handling life on your own. However, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. So, like Dr. Kim said: practice. Pragma is all about working together. Think you can do it?”

He shoots the question at us, and I want to shout out a yes. Yes, of course we can. But my eyes drift back over to Namjoon, silently asking him the same question. Do you think we can do this?

Namjoon’s eyes are filled with a determination that I envy. I realize that I shouldn’t be surprised, this man can do anything he sets his mind to. So really, it’s not a question of if we can, but if we want to. If we want this.

If we want us.

And I do. Without speaking a single word, I try my best to relay that information over the table through the bond that if I focus hard enough I can still feel pulling us together. Namjoon looks into my eyes a moment longer, and I can see the moment it clicks. Message received. Now it’s up to him. I won’t stand in his way. Despite these 3 years of wanting, loneliness, and dream-filled days, I won’t stand in his way. But if he wants, I will stand beside him.

Namjoon gives a slight nod, and turns back to Dr. Choi. “Absolutely.”

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