#rm.journal

But , everything went well & now the restraining order is in effect. I don’t know how I’m going to tell mom I’m not going to the reunion if Kristy is there. I know she’ll come up with excuses like “oh we’ll put you in separate rooms”. Or the grand ol “but we’re family you have to go!!”

I just can’t risk anything. If a room full of strangers didn’t stop Kristy why would family?

My mom still wants too meet Frank too though. Maybe we can figure something out.

On a better note Frank showed me where he grew up the other day & we were at this amazing diner. Overall it was pretty cool too see him just reflect on everything.

When she called me though she was crying & said how she felt terrible about what happened with Kristy & felt it was her fault. Then she just went on about how she shouldn’t of burdened me with my sister & went on about how it wasn’t right for her to blame me for my sisters issue. She’s felt like this ever since the outburst on tour. Then she went on to say she was happy I found someone like Frank & wishes the best for us. She said she wanted to meet him at the reunion. I told her we’ll see.

I’m not sure if he’d want to go but it would be nice to have him there at least. Overall I don’t really know how to fully process everything because it’s just so sudden & as much as I want to be close with my family again I’ve been through all of this before.

Every time something seems to going right it all does a 180 & I get hurt all over again.

I’m wary & I’ve given so many second chances to my family…I just don’t know.

I still need to talk to Kristy about rehab , I planned too in New York but she decided to drink until she was passed pit drunk. I know she’s trying to avoid it…but..I’m not letting that happen not this time.

I’ve only been having a meal a day prior to jersey , I’m afraid of eating to much & not being able to work out.

It’s so stupid , I shouldn’t feel like this about myself.