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Chapter 4 - Part 6/6

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Nell was holding on to her phone, waiting for Mathias’ answer. She felt like that’s the only thing she did on her free time, cling to the phone in hopes that he would reply. They had been together for five years, but she had never minded until a few months ago, at the start of summer. He hadn’t changed; he was still hanging out with the same people, together all day, drinking all night, wasted all morning. She had never minded. She had loved him since forever ago, and not once did she think any of it was bad. When he had declared she loved her back, she had been the happiest person on Earth. But five years later, she could feel the frustration and the anger clawing at her soul, at her heart, shouting something she couldn’t understand. 

‘Can’t come, sorry. Got caught up with the guys.’

She leaned her head against the wall. She wasn’t surprised. After all, it was the usual. She felt like making plans with him consisted on waiting for him to tell her he wasn’t coming, and then looking for a plan b. No, he hadn’t changed.

Chapter 4 - Part 5/6

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“You have a cat” was the first thing Lennox said when he took a step inside Nollaig’s house. She had insisted in the car, and had finally convinced him to go up with her, to share a cup of coffee with her, or tea, or whatever he’d like. He seemed less tense now, but Nell knew there was something going on behind the surface. 

“I have three of them” one of them meowed as if she had heard her owner’s words. 

“So crazy cat lady is your actual goal in life” he smiled. “And here I was believing you really wanted to be a shrink.”

She raised an eyebrow, her smile growing in her lips. 

“And a guitar” he whistle. “Do you play?”

“I... let’s leave that conversation for another day” she rubbed her forearm. 

“Why? It’s cool that you like music.”

“Because I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of a famous rock star” she declared, nibbling her lower lip. “Do you want coffee or tea? I’ll go for tea but I have a coffee machine anyway, so I don’t mind-”

“I’m actually going to go” he stared at her. His eyes didn’t shine, even when he was smiling. 

“Why?” she asked without thinking. She shook her head, trying to clarify her thoughts. “I mean, you don’t have to. You can stay.”

“I remembered what you said about keeping it professional. Maybe it’s not a bad idea.”

“Lennox” she called his name, but she hadn’t planned what was going to go after that. What else did she have to say? “You weren’t mistaken. About us being different people outside of the consult. I’m just Nollaig here. You can talk to me” she felt the weight of his gaze on her, she tried to understand what was going on behind the pair of golden eyes. She wanted to help him. “I won’t tell Heimirsson.”

Chapter 4 - Part 3/6

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He didn’t feel good. He felt upset, and angry, and pissed off by just everything and he knew he had spent the whole week snapping at people. He looked up at the sky when he got to his car; it was going to rain again. He hated the days between season and season, when the weather was crazy and he couldn’t just stay out for as long as he liked. 

He didn’t want to go home. Being alone meant overthinking, and there were things he didn’t want to think about. He needed an excuse. 

He lowered his eyes from the grey clouds still crawling over him, and peeked at the front door of the consult’s building. She was still there, waiting. For a second, Lennox wondered if her boyfriend was supposed to pick her up today, then decided he didn’t really care. He was late, he lost his chance. Now she was Lennox’s excuse. 

Chapter 4 - Part 2/6

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Nollaig turned around as soon as she heard Lennox’s steps crossing the door. 

“Hi” she smiled sweetly. He just nodded at her as a reply. That was weird. Nell was used to him being cold inside the consult, but he always had seemed to be a completely different person on the outside. “Are you okay?” 

“Better than ever” he cocked his head to the side, avoiding eye contact with her. 

“You know-” she cleaned her throat. She felt insecure of her next choice of words, but she would exploit if she didn’t say it out loud. “If you ever need someone to talk to -about anything- I’m right here. I can help.”

“Why do you all want to talk to me these days?” Lennox rolled his eyes, and Nell knew he wasn’t in the mood for a conversation. She didn’t understand.

“I just... If you need-”

“I need nothing” he sighed, irritated.

“We’re not in the consult, I’m not telling you this as a psychologist” Nell bit her lip. She felt as if she were running out of options, of things to say.

“And yet you’d tell my therapist whatever I told you” he pointed out, his eyebrow arched. “So I was mistaken, we’re the same outside. You a shrink, I a patient. No, I’ll think I’ll pass, thank you.”

“Lennox-”

Chapter 4 - Part 1/6

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“You’re moody today” Doctor Heimirsson pointed out. Nell could feel it too, the aura of arrogance that had settled over Lennox. It was usually a game to him, but that day, all the smiles and smirks and sarcasm seemed forced and fake. “Has something happened?”

“You ask me that every week” Lennox sighed. “Do you really think my answer is going to change from one week to the next one?”

“There’s something troubling you. We have to figure that out and fix it.”

“There’s nothing to be fixed. Let’s talk about something else” Lennox briefly stared at Nollaig. It was the first time in the whole day he acknowledged her existence. She gulped, feeling suddenly nervous. “Do you know she has a boyfriend? How cute.”

Nell felt her eyes opening wide, her hands getting tense, her cheeks burn. She felt suddenly embarrassed. She hated making her love life public. Even her parents didn’t know her boyfriend, and they had been together for five years already.

“That’s completely unprofessional and out of the topic” the doctor exclaimed. She thanked him in silent, cause she knew the lump in her throat wasn’t going away any time soon.

“Why can’t we talk about her for once?” the boy snapped back. There was something going on with him, his frustration was so big it could reach Nell. She wondered if it had something to do with what he said the other day: his dad. “You have her there sitting and saying nothing. Let’s let her talk, why not?”