#realityinyou

Chapter 5 - Part 7/7

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Nell zoomed out of the football match they were watching, her mind had drifted away. She started wondering what it would be like to not wait for someone all day and night, to not be a half of a pair, to not depend on someone else. What would not being in love be like? She had gotten so used to it; she couldn’t remember what life used to be like before Mathias. 

Was this it for her? Was this all she was going to know? Waiting, depending, being a half and not a whole.

“What are you thinking about?” he talked low, but it was enough to snap her out of her train of thoughts. “You’re not celebrating the goals.”

“Love” she shrugged, looking for his hand. “Life. I don’t know; nothing important anyway.”

“Don’t overthink, babe. It’s not good for your health, you know that. Let’s just watch the match, alright?” 

“Okay” she replied, breathing out. He bent to her side then, eyes closed, and she let him press his lips to hers. She knew this; this was familiar, this had always been good. And still, the thoughts filled her mind once again as they kissed:

Chapter 5 - Part 6/7

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“Baby” Nell and Lennox both turned around at that voice. She looked at Lennox from the corner of her eyes, the way he followed Mathias steps with his gaze. He had known Nollaig’s boyfriend was coming, she had told him when they were having lunch. “Lennox, hi.”

“Hi” the boy replied. Mathias laid his hand on Nells back, pulling her to him. She felt uncomfortable; public acts of love, or anything that could prove they were a couple, wasn’t the usual. She felt too exposed. 

“How is it that you’re always together, you’re friends now?” Mathias laughed. Fake, she thought. 

“For the record, yes” she didn’t want to look at Lennox while saying that. The last thing she needed was to receive a disapproving look from him and feel even more embarrassed. “Working on it.”

“Great. Any friend of Nollaig is a friend of mine” Mathias nodded, peeking at Lennox. The boy looked more amused than anything, his eyes going from Nell to her boyfriend, and back, like if he was watching a tennis match. “Can we go now? I can’t wait to spend time with you.”

Mathias leaned in. It all happened to quickly for Nell. She thought about a kiss in public, again, and before she realized she was dodging him, blocking the way of his lips with her hands. What was wrong with him? As far as she knew, he wasn’t big even on holding hands on the street. 

“Baby-”

“Let’s go home, alright?” she smiled sweetly, though she was pushing him away blatantly. She could have sworn Lennox was chuckling in the background. “Bye Len, see you soon!” she exclaimed cheerfully, dragging Mathias away already.

“Len?” Mathias arched his eyebrows.

Chapter 5 - Part 5/7

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“Lennox” Nollaig called when he saw him already walking to his car. He turned around, eyebrows arched as if her voice had startled him. She smiled. “Wait up. Are you in a hurry?”

“No” he smirked back. His eyes narrowed when she got to his side, as if he was trying to decipher what exactly was going on.

“Thank you for lying back there” she bit her lip. “These practices mean the world to me.” 

“I just like seeing the doc on edge, it wasn’t about you” he tilted his head. 

“Right” she sank her hands on her pockets, eyes fixed on him. He was lying. She didn’t know why, but she wasn’t about to ask. He’d stop lying at some point, when the time was right. And she was going to help that time come. “I was thinking about what you said to the doctor on our second session” Lennox looked clueless at that. “About my phone number.”

“Oh” his mouth sifted to the shape of the letter that came out of it. 

“I think it’s a good idea” Nollaig took her hand off her pocket with her phone between her fingers. Lennox looked puzzled, and she laughed slightly at it. “You know, just patient-doctor stuff.”

Chapter 5 - Part 2/7

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“Welcome to Clara’s bakery” Nell heard her friend exclaim joyfully. If River had something, is that he always adapted quickly to any situation. Studying theater also helped, obviously. “How can I help you?”

Nell covered her mouth with both hands. She didn’t know exactly why she didn’t want him to know she worked here. 

“Hi” Lennox sounded distant, but slightly amused. She could picture his eyebrow arching without looking at him. “I thought there was someone else here with you.”

“Oh, mmm-” River started. Nell hit him with her elbow, biting hard on her lip. Her friend kicked her back. “No, there was only me.”

“A girl was here before I came in” Lennox hesitated. Nell wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide in it. She was going to be busted.

“Must’ve been a reflection” River shrugged. “Anything else I could help you with?” he sounded half joyful, half irritated. If Nell hadn’t been hiding, River would have gone all crazy-fan-ish on Lennox, but he was holding himself back. She felt kind of guilty, but her friend was doing one hell of a job, and she bet he was still happy inside that he got to talk to one of his favorites musicians. 

“No, thank you” Lennox said. Nell waited, listening carefully to each of his steps on the tiled floor, picking on her friend saying goodbye and counting the seconds Lennox could take to wave his hand as he always did, and walk out of there. She stood up and sighed.

Chapter 5 - Part 4/7

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“Hello” Nell rushed into the consult.

“Hi-” Dr. Heimirsson stopped talking when Lennox entered the room after Nollaig, waving a hand in the air as per usual. 

“Heyya, doc” he said cheerfully. The therapist’s jaw seemed to drop to the floor as his eyes floated between the people standing in front of him. 

“Ah, we-” Nell began without thinking. She lost her train of thoughts after those two words. She didn’t want to get expelled nor kicked out, that’s what was filling her mind and lot letting her talk with sense. 

“We ran into each other in the elevator” Lennox lied casually. Nell wanted to slap herself; why couldn’t she just make up something like that instead of making everything look suspicious and awkward? 

The doctor opened his mouth as if to say something, and Nell guessed he was still unsure as his eyes urged them for a real explanation from behind his glasses. 

“Did you come together?” he frowned.

Chapter 5 - Part 3/7

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Nollaig was on edge. She had barely avoided answering River’s questions. She had wanted to tell him exactly what all of it was about, but she owed patients their privacy, and making something up would have been a dangerous path. Plus, she didn’t really know how to lie. 

“I knew it was you” someone said from behind. Nell recognized the voice, the mischievous melody to it, before she had fully turned around. 

“Lennox, hi!” she smiled widely, cursing on the inside. Busted, busted, busted. “I was who?” she batted her eyelashes, as if she was purely confused. Theater was River’s thing, not hers.

“Only you do things that stupid” Lennox cocked his head to the side, his lips tilting upwards. Nell opened her mouth to keep on pretending, but dropped it one second after. He wasn’t buying it. 

“Sorry” Nell braced herself, but he didn’t look offended at all. His eyes only talked of amusement. 

“Why did you even do it?”

“Because I respect your privacy” Nell replied. “I didn’t want him to ask where exactly you know me from.”

“And you didn’t want me to see you” Lennox arched his eyebrow. Busted, one hundred percent busted, she thought. “Foolish, Nells, foolish. Now you’ve got me interested.”

“You’re in a good mood” she narrowed her eyes.

“I’m discovering things about you, for a change” he shrugged. “Let’s get a pizza and go to therapy, shall we?” 

She breathed in through her nose, taking a few precious seconds to reevaluate the situation. She didn’t know if all of this information exchange between them was good, and she didn’t want to lose her spot at the mental health center. But she had meant what she said the previous week. She felt she was just Nell here, and she was gonna keep going, cause her job was to help people, and this was the way to help him. 

Chapter 5 - Part 1/7

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“Someone’s coming” River announced, clearing his throat and putting on his best smile for the client that was now coming in through the door.

“Mmhm” Nollaig only made a noise as a reply, focused as she was at the inventory list in her hands. 

“Nell” her best friend called. She ignored him completely. She loved the guy do death but he sure knew how to annoy when she was concentrated. She felt his finger tapping on her shoulder.

“What?” she raised her head, grimacing. 

“Look” he pointed at the door with his chin. A tall boy, golden hair, scanning eyes, hands sunk in his pockets, was examining the place carefully. “Is that the guy from that group? Beautiful Decay? The bass player?”

“Lennox, yes” she murmured, her eyes opened wide. 

“He’s hot” River bobbed his head to the side. 

“Shit” Nell bit her lip, grabbing his friend’s arm as she look for some place she could- somewhere to... “Hide me.”

Chapter 4 - Part 6/6

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Nell was holding on to her phone, waiting for Mathias’ answer. She felt like that’s the only thing she did on her free time, cling to the phone in hopes that he would reply. They had been together for five years, but she had never minded until a few months ago, at the start of summer. He hadn’t changed; he was still hanging out with the same people, together all day, drinking all night, wasted all morning. She had never minded. She had loved him since forever ago, and not once did she think any of it was bad. When he had declared she loved her back, she had been the happiest person on Earth. But five years later, she could feel the frustration and the anger clawing at her soul, at her heart, shouting something she couldn’t understand. 

‘Can’t come, sorry. Got caught up with the guys.’

She leaned her head against the wall. She wasn’t surprised. After all, it was the usual. She felt like making plans with him consisted on waiting for him to tell her he wasn’t coming, and then looking for a plan b. No, he hadn’t changed.