There was always something special about the ice. Even at such a young age, Sebastian could just tell that the rink was a good place to be. His happy place. Itâs almost a little difficult explain. He certainly couldnât put it into words.
 There was the smell of the ice. It was clean and cold, if cold could be given a smell. It gave him a prickly feeling with each inhale of breath. A pleasant stinging sensation that reminded him of his favorite time of the year, one that could only be received by the cold. There was also the sight of others genuinely enjoying themselves on the shared ice. Each either in their own worlds or enjoying the company of others. Then there was the sound;  blades scraping against the ice as otherâs passed over its surface. Light sounds of chatter and laughter filled the air.Â
He used to love the laughter.Â
Sebastian first took to the ice at the age of six. Wobbly legged and nervous. He didnât particularly enjoy it at first simply due to the amount of times he fell just trying to stand straight. All the while, his older brother, Jac, skated circles around him. Literally.
By the time he was eight, Sebastian had gotten around to actually enjoy skating all on his own accord. By then his brother had already been well skilled at just twelve years old. Jac was training and preparing for his Junior debut in the upcoming yearâs skating competitions. He, unlike Sebastian, had a coach since day one. Jac was the prodigy. The special son. He was going to make it so it made no sense for their parents to pay for a coach for Sebastian as well. Whatever Sebastian learned at that age came from watching his brother. Mimicking his moves as best he could because Jac wasnât going to teach him either. Â
Two years of rocky experience and a solid year of parroting his brotherâs actions on the ice in his back pocket, earned Sebastian the attention of a coach. A coach who just so happened to be in the arena when Sebastian believed he was practicing on his own. Someone who saw potential in him. Someone who actually took interest in him and his dreams. Finally.Â
They trained together for four years. The roughest four years of his life. After all he had a lot of catching up to do to be fully prepared for his Junior debut. Something he never thought heâd get to. He thought he was never going to reach his brotherâs level because he wasnât his brother. They were complete opposites and perhaps he shouldâve given a little more. Perhaps he couldâve done the things that his brother did. After all, Jac was quickly becoming a rising star in the skating world. He won competition after competition whereas Sebastian couldnât even win mock competitions that were designed for him. Â He either tried too hard or not hard enough. He took all of the wrong risks in an attempt to launch himself from his brotherâs shadow. There were small competitions that he was successful in, but those never mattered to him. They werenât the real deal. The big competitions, like the junior world championship was where his standards lie. There was a lot of weight on his shoulders at the age of thirteen.Â
Many factors, including himself, were stacked against him that day. It was competition day. The first free skate of his junior debut. Jac also had a competition in the same rink just hours before the  end of junior worldâs competition. So of course their parents were there. To watch Jac. He could only have hope though. Hope that they would stay. Both of their sons were having a competition in the exact same place. It was the least they could do. They would finally see him skating. Instead of refusing to attend or walking out half way through his performance because they knew he was going to lose.Â
That wasnât going to happen today. Not today. Today Sebastian was determined to perform for them. To make his performance just so captivating that they wouldnât even be able to leave their seats if they wanted to. Their eyes would be glued on him. Their son as he blew everyone away. Â
His heart was pounding in his chest as the nerves began to set in. He could hardly watch the other competitors as they performed. He was afraid heâd glance out into the crowd and confirm what he already suspected to be true. He wasnât going to let that clog his mind now. He already heard the news. His brother won his competition. Of course he did. He was Jac Dubois. The star kid of the Senior division. Sebastian was more determined than ever to do well. He needed to do well. He needed to focus....so he did. He took his brotherâs victory and all of his determination and managed to surprise many people including himself. He scored himself a good position on the leader board. Of course he wasnât the last to go, but he was happy with himself and his performance. Ecstatic even. As soon as he had gotten his score, Sebastian had lept straight into his coaches arms with a grin wide enough that it even hurt a little as it stretched from ear to ear. Â
The young male kept to himself still though. He didnât look for his parents. He couldnât face that reality yet. Besides when he wanted to see them, he wanted it to be a with a medal of some sort. It didnât even matter if it wasnât gold. He wasnât going to turn to them until the medal ceremony in just a few hours. Luckily he didnât have to think about greeting his parents empty handed. The combination of his short program and free skate scores landed him in third place. A bronze medal. It wasnât going to be at all as shiny as his brotherâs various gold medals, but at that young age it was good enough for Sebastian.Â
At least that was until he looked up from his spot on the podium. The lowest spot, but it was his nonetheless. He looked up and met every face except for familiar ones. People were cheering. Some even cheering for him. There were people all around, but those who were meant to be closest to him were far out of sight. Probably off celebrating a more fulfilling win with Jacâs gold. Sebastian had worked for seven years for this moment, four of them included vigorous training while the other three were on his own. Seven years and absolutely no one was there for him. Although he was somewhat victorious he couldnât have felt more defeated.Â
On his way back into the locker rooms to retrieve his things he could hear just how happy everyone else was. Small celebrations echoed all around him. Parents were overjoyed by just how well their children had done, even though only two had really won that night. The one thing that truly caught Sebastianâs attention from the small groups forming around him was the laughter.Â
It was on that day, that he decided he hated laughter in the arena.Â
