Mar 25, 2023
–Guy Gavriel Kay, Tigana
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–Guy Gavriel Kay, Tigana
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I’ve been in this fishbowl of change for such a long time now. I like to think that I’m okay with it - everything’s fine! nothing to see here! - but then, suddenly, it's not. I like to think that I’m ta’averen and that everything might fall apart all around me but I am in control of it. I like to think that I’m the Riselka that marks the change. I have tucked and ducked and I have rolled. And rolled some more. I have spoken all of the right words about changing before you have to.
Now I just feel like the girl screaming “Too much! Too much! Too much!” as I ground everybody else and am desperate for solid ground. Just one single aspect of my life that is knowable, that I can understand and trust to not change on me this week. I’d like the time to deal with each individual change and ground it into my being.
Instead, I am spinning in circles. I’m not even sure which crisis to be concerned about. They are all reflections of each other.
It is so hard to deeply understand where I am, empathize with all...seven(?) people involved in this situation, and still not know what to do.