#riptide quotes

I FUCKING KNEW ODELATH WAS EVIL I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

Gillion: “I don’t believe in dest- I uh ah AH AH AHHHH”

Charlie: “that is a NATURAL 20 DM. I’m him.”

Grizzly making such realistic antagonistic npc’s is one of my favorite things about Riptide. Like you can follow Odelath’s thought process and you can fully understand it

Charlie: “DM can I make an intelligence saving throw as you put Gillion into the mind of an atheist that’s spitting.”

Bizly: “like unfortunately bars”

Charlie: “I got a ten”

Grizzly: “would you like to take psychic damage”

Charlie:“yes”

Grizzly: “or be stunned”

Charlie: “boff :((“

Gillion: “he mogs me.”

Jay: “Gill-Gillion what did you see?”

Gillion: “but he- he but I- and I- when I went and I went”

Chip: “Full sentences please”

Gillion: “I went Odelath- went to the- man this is confusing IS THERE A GOD??”

Finn: “THERE POSSIBLY ISNT”

Gillion: “Odelath- YOUR GRANDMA. Raft.”

Gillion: “looking at the evidence with a logic based mindset”

Aurora: “oh I like this less.”

Finn: “he was always an intelligent man that Odelath”

Gillion: “thank you- I mean uhm”

Gillion: “assuming my hypothesis is correct we are..arrgh. SO FUCKED.”

Fish cop: “do you remember the circumstances of your birth?”

Gillion: “no I was…just born.”

Chip: “I think we fuckin kill em all”

Gillion/Jay: “WOAH WOAHWOAHWOAH”

Chip: “SORRY I GOT EXCITED I GOT EXCITED”

Fish Cop: “the youngest elder to ever take the seat, after the previous one died suddenly”

Gillion: “what.”

Gillion barely remembering his parents

Charlie: “this is literally like “do you want big government”

Bizly: “bro I’m a fuckin pirate I’m never going to be that guy”

Aurora: “Ehehehe tickles”

Augh baby Gillion :((

OMG WHAT. ODELATH HAS BEEN AGANST HIM FROM THE VERY BEGINNING HE WAS NEVER A SCREWUP

Baby Gillion is so precious I’m actually crying over him he doesn’t understand anything :((

Celeste actually being the one to whole heartedly believe in Gillion is so. It’s just so. ://

Gillion: “are you okay?”

Aurora *sniffling*: “are you okay??”

This old man is jealous of this fucking child LET ME AT HIM BRO IM SO MAD

Condi: “they fed him BL juice dude.”

Aurora: “I saw you…decapitate an elder.”

Gillion: “which one…what time?”

Aurora: “he sabotaged you, and then he fed you stupid juice!”

Gillion: “the stupid juice is REAL??”

Gillion: “I only ever tried my best for him.”

Aurora: “you tried your best for everyone.”

Gillion: “I…he must have poisoned me over the course of years. I must’ve drank that juice every day.”

Finn: “I think it’s because you’re exactly who you’re supposed to be that he has done this to you. And he must pay for it. I’ll kill him.”

Gillion: “do you guys think I’m..short and stupid?”

Jay: “no.”

Aurora: “no”

Chip: “sometimes.”

Chip: “what if he let it get released cus he knew we were out there and we’d kill it cus we’re awesome”

Gillion:”…yeah I buy it.”

Aurora: “what did this Niklaus fellow want at all?”

Chip: “Tattoo on my butt.”

Aurora: “Im sorry..???”

Charlie: “would you see baby Gillion or- wait would you be me as a baby??”

Bizly: “I would like that.”

Chip: “I wanna be you as a baby”

Gillion: “what.”

Odelath has literally been there since the fucking beginning.

Chip: “Am I the chosen one?”

Aurora: “no.”

Bizly: “do you have anything she gave you when you were younger?”

Grizzly: “scars?”

Charlie: “that’s crazyyyy”

Charlie: “well thankfully I had a spot open up recently”

Grizzly: “oh did you take helping hands off?”

Charlie:”…no I took my sword off because it fucking exploded DM.”

Really tall fish in a trench coat

Charlie: “I shouldn’t say what i was going to say then”

Condi: “what were you going to say??”

Charlie: “something along the lines of baja blast”

Celeste: “the frogtopus tried to resist.”

Gillion: “what???”

Celeste: “I am not particularly the most magical of the elders, but I have sensed for some time that there are…gaps in my memory.”

Gillion: “I wish I regretted it more, but it’s hard to regret it when I just found out someone has been feeding me stupid juice for the last 20 years.”

Celeste: “you have unleashed an evil.”

Gillion: “yeh.”

Celeste: “a proper punishment could never be decided with one of the elders being a shady fuck.”

Aurora: “•0•”

Celeste: “I never wanted to give up on you. I would never give up on any of my soldiers or the knights.” Oh Celeste the character you are.

OH ODELATH YOU FUCK YOU FUCKER. Odelath literally lobotomized the elders wtfwtfwtf

Gillion: “you don’t remember so it was all him. It was all him.”

DAMNNN THEY ALL LOOK FRESH IN THEIR TRIAL OUTFITS.

I love Allaroc he’s so fucking stupid I love slow talking bits

ODELATH BEING SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT THIS UGHHH I HATE HIM

Celeste purposefully not having the knights around…Celeste I cannot form a solid opinion about you

Felipe mention oh how I miss you 😭😭

Guys can we have a health check on Tuk are we like sure he’s not some sort of suspended corpse

Odelath: “I’m still glad it chose you.” GET YOUR FICKING HANDS OFF HIM BRO.

Odelath: “I would never vote to banish Gillion.” Odelath lobotomized himself so he’d have the ability to lie I’m calling it now

Jay: “if it pleases the court can we check for his [Tuk’s] pulse?”

Allaroc: “I barely remember the conversation but that’s normal for me”

Gillion: “are you telling me- ARE YOU TELLING ME..that none of you remember, WHY YOU BANISHED ME???”

Gillion’s no good very bad day

Jay: “well sometimes dominoes fall sideways” BARS

Bizly: “my client would like to make no further comments about the bit”

Milo: “I’d like to say bars”

Bizly: “well both sides get to examine the witness so”

Charlie: “well it is fish rules”

Milo: “what the fuck does that mean?”

Charlie: “I dunno”

Milo: “YOURE THE FISH”

ASLANA??????

JAY WITH THAT NAT TWENTYYYYYY. Oh goddamnit Aslana got lobotomized.

ODELATH YOU DICKHEAD.

Charlie: “wait have any of us actually tried to lie in the zone?”

Bizly: “no- is it worth the risk?”

Milo: “what if you blow up?” (Said like Finn)

TUK ALSO LOBOTOMIZED????

Gillion: “you’re the only one who can know if someone has lied in here, so tell us big dog.”

The title of this episode terrifies me

FISH N CHIPS NAT TWENTIES TO START US OFF STRONGGGG

Gillion: “ggrgegrrrrrggrrggrr”

Chip: “don’t mind him he just does that”

Aurora: “IIII WILL HAVE BEEF.”

Gillion: “you can just say if you’re a vegetarian”

Aurora my poor indecisive baby girl

Aurora: “BEEF.”

Jay: “are you sure?”

Aurora: “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

Chip: “can you write me a prescription?”

Aurora: “please stop asking my bear friend for prescription drugs”

Chip: “well how else am I gonna get em?”

Jay: “if you struggle so much with decisions how did you choose to call us?”

Chip: “oh my god she called us to make the decision- IS THAT WHY YOU CALLED US?”

Gillion: “seize destiny by the ball”

Aurora: “wh-which ball?”

Chip: “BOTH. Wait-“

Gillion: “fuck.”

Charlie: “is this beloved NPC about to comment on his big balls right now?”

AURORA IS A FINN STAN??? OH MY GODDD

Jay: “do you have a favorite book?”

Aurora: “oh that’s a hard decision”

Chip: “it shouldn’t be. The decision should be none.”

Aurora: “Ursus…do you have a crevice?”

Ursus:”mmmmmm…what?”

Gillion: “it is your destiny to swipe th-“

Aurora: “thats not necessary”

Gillion: “…no one’s ever done that to me before”

OH GOD WHAT DID FINN WRITE

Gillion: “take a break grandpa, take a break”

Finn: “NO.”

Grizzly: “roll persuasion, or perception to see what he’s writing”

Charlie: “I don’t want to know. 😕”

Finn: “grandpeepa never finishes”

Gillion: “we both know that’s not true. 😕”

Oh god this Finn bit is actually killing me

Finn: “pop pop pop all my memories are gone.”

THE FINN VOICE IS SO FUNNYYYY

I haven’t laughed this hard in so long omg

Finn: “and found it I did, and god it was awful”

Gillion: “Grandpeepa we went down there and the egg..the egg hatched”

Finn: “UGH..FUCK.”

Finn: “augh this is the greatest drawing I’ve ever seen I’m so proud of you” *holding a stick figure with demon horns*

Gillion: “you really mean it?”

Finn: “yes it’s beautiful”

Gillion: “I wanted to tell you…we’re going home”

Finn: “SUBLIME.”

Gillion: “SHE READ…SHE LOVE WORD.”

Finn: “you might have to sneak in but then you might blow up”

Gillion: “wut.”

Charlie: “how much do you have written..?”

Grizzly: “I’m about to start making it up”

Charlie: “I don’t want you to do that…”

Grizzly: “me neither”

Finn: “I am fulfilled. Back into the hole I go.”

Aurora: “that was…magnificent.”

Ok god I need to take a second before I get back into serious mode Jesus Christ

I’ve waited for the undersea arc I’m so excited.

Ursus: “Ursus is not allowed in the capitol”

Gillion: “you and me both buddy”

Aurora: “is this not your home?”

Gillion: “I don’t know.”

God I’m dreading this and am also so excited.

Chip: “do you like me like this yes or no?”

Aurora: “..nno.”

Chip: “that’s progress!!”

Gillion: “I think I used to be able to take it..but I don’t know if I could take it”

Chip: “I’ve never heard you say anything like that before.”

Gillion: “HES NOT RESISTING HES JUST LIKE THAT”

Chip: “YOURE GONNA BANISH MY BOY? I’LL BANISH YOU.”

I need this trigger happy guard to be a reoccurring character get this dude on the crew

Bizly: “I just want it to be known that I am un-pantsable right now”

Me and my homies hate Celeste (she’s said one line)

EDYN?? EDYNS HERE??

Chip: “you guys are a bunch of dickheads”

Gillion: “…😦 CHIP.”

Guys I have no idea how to spell most of the elder’s names so if I get them wrong sorry about that

Gillion: “that was the test, it was lightning they didn’t dodge it.” Okay me and my homies absolutely hate Celeste

That nat 1 is such bad luck god

EDYNN :(((

Gillion: “he [Chip] looks good like this right?”

Edyn: “ssstrangely worse.”

Jay: “about your work with the navy and the grandblu- the grandberry fuck”

Chip: “the grandberry fuck?”

Edyn: “they banished you… and they didn’t even tell me.”

Gillion: “what..?” OHHH MY GOD FUCK THEM ELDERS

Edyn: “I wanted to make it better and then you could come home.”

God the Tidestrider siblings have my whole fucking heart.

Edyn: “Finn…where is Finn?”

Gillion: “…oh my gods you don’t know.”

Gillion: “fuck that’s so evil but it’s so cool.”

Gillion: “and then we released the dark god of kill everything :((“

Edyn: “…uhm. Oh that’s bad.”

Gillion: “it’s like…fish mecha-Jesus?”

Grizzly: “it’s very rare, and only used in cases of breaking banishment”

Charlie: “OH GOOD.”

I feel like Odalath(?) is evil idk why but I’m so scared he’s going to betray Gillion 🫩

Gillion: “Betzel :>”

Edyn: “I like it.”

Gillion: “Thank you Edyn it was a bad name.”

Gillion: “what are they going to do double regress us? What am I going to be a double fish?”

Bizly: “I draw on his face”

Grizzly: “yeah whatever man”

Bizly: “I’m never saying anything again”

Jay: “how many Leviathans are there?”

Edyn: “should I count the evil one?”

Jay:”…yes.”

I cannot take this part seriously with the sneaky snitch in the background

Gillion: “I always appreciate your optimism Edyn, especially about 20% of our gods being dead”

Edyn: “well…I’ve known for awhile now, so I’m just kind’ve numb.”

Gillion: “COOL. Me too….not.”

Jay: “should there be a sign for if things are going bad?”

Aurora: “maybe like a..CACAW”

Chip: “there are..no birds here.”

NAT 20 EDYN MY GOATTT

Odalath please be good please be good Gillion cannot handle you being evil pleasepleaseplease

Grizzly: “you see..Dugon’s head.”

Charlie: “HWAT??”

Edyn: “Y’know. They made me with all of her memories.”

I love these merch plugs so much they’re so funny Charlie please get away from him

DINOSAUR PIRATES?? I need dino pirates.

Caspian: “these are the locked in pirates”

John: “JAYYYYYYYYY”

Jay: “I wasn’t ready for this energy actually”

John stop kidnapping random small beings onto your ship this is twice now (they have a literal MOLE on their ship I’m going to die)

Jay: “it looks malnourished still”

John: “yeah I’ve just been feeding it dirt :DD”

Jay: “John…..”

Caspian: “I’ll be Lieutenant bubblewand and you’ll be..Sargent rosepetal.”

Lizzie: “yeah whatever fuck it.”

Jay: “are they super locked out?”

Lizzie: “no they’re locked in but that’s not the point”

Jay: “have you seen the south sea academy?”

Captain Monsoon: “the one you came from-?”

Jay: “YEAH IT SUCKS.”

God I love Faye Ferin’s whole vibe, her having this terrifying presence and being this huge force while also having her “domestic” moments. I’m terrified of this woman I do not trust this joy

The inclusion of “what do they know, what do you know.” Grizzly I love how you play these characters

Jay: “we stumbled upon a hole in the sea, and I pushed…the scrawny one in”

Grizzly: “PFF-“ OH JAY AND CHIP I LOVE YOU

Jay’s bugged huh?

I FUCKING KNEW IT OH GOD THIS IS SO BAD??? 🫩🫩

Oh. Oh that means Ava was bugged too, that means grandmama has always been listening. OH GOD IS THE ONE GILLION HAS BUGGED???

Faye: “Sorry about that I just got a call from your father”

Condi: 🫣🫣🫣

Jay’s dad asking for time off??? Grandmama being upset about this

Oh Faye Ferin you might be my new favorite character in the sense that you are just so cool and so evil

Faye: “I don’t know what you said to your father to get him to start thinking for himself, but it’s a little blip that I don’t want to deal with”

Faye: “How about a promotion Jay?” CHILLS

Jay: “I still agree with you, that family is one of the most important things in life, but sometimes, you have to recognize when your family is doing something you think is wrong.”

Faye: “is it so wrong to want to save the world Jay?” OHHHH I LOVE YOU FAYE FERIN. YOURE SUCH AN AWFUL PERSON.

Jay: “they say you can’t choose your family, and I always thought I got so so lucky. But, for gods sake, I’m a pirate. Why do I have to follow those rules? and I HAVE chosen my family”

I love a character who is super religious in all the worst ways

Grizzly: “a 3 + 11”

Condi: “really??”

Grizzly: “yeah.”

Condi: “Jesus”

Faye: “is this really where you want to die, do you want to find your sister THAT BAD?” INSANE LINE

Grizzly: “so your grandmother is trying to kill you”

Condi: “I should run the FUCK away correct?”

Grizzly: “I think that would be a smart decision”

NINTH LEVEL?????? NINE?? LIKE LVL NINE SPELLS??? METEOR SWARM??????????? NINTH LEVEL METEOR SWARM???? 40 D6???? GRIZZLY WHAT THE FUCK???

143 points of damage Grizzly what the FUCK. THAT IS ABSURD

Grizzly: “hey don’t forget about the corrupted deck of many things”

Condi:”…🫩”

Lizzie please stop dying Chip is finally on his getting better arc

Jay: “Lizzie, Lizzie EVERYTHING has gone wrong”

Lizzie: “what happened??”

Jay: “Grandma launched meteors”

Lizzie: “Who the fuck- When could she fucking do that????”

Jay: “do you wanna know?? It’s bad, it’s really bad, everything’s bad, everything sucks. I should just die, I think I should die.”

Jay: “someone in my head told me to throw myself into the water”