The first did this thing I've absolutely come to fucking hate – "oh... I should be masking 😔". Maybe if I had stopped for a second I would have offered the patron a mask, but I get so overwhelmed when people do this. It's like they want absolution for their guilt and I'm not giving that to them.

They see the social consequences (someone even *admitted* to my face) and then essentially "compliment" me, as if I'm not struggling intensely. As if I don't spend the majority of my time alone and in isolation. As if I'm not alienated from nearly everyone I'm surrounded by.

This shit is so humiliating to me – and it doesn't make me feel seen at all. It's utterly depressing.

And then the fucking last patron asked me why I was wearing a mask because COVID is over. This is some shit where I just had to shut down or I would lose my job.

Why am I wearing a mask? Because my dad fucking died and he didn't even have COVID. The medical industry was just SO FUCKED that I had to witness him fucking wither away and die in front of my eyes over 6 months. This is what disabled and immunocompromised people have been trying to tell y'all. If you die because medical help isn't available you *still fucking die in real life*. It doesn't matter if it's from COVID or a car crash or cancer. You still. Fucking. Die. And that's the headspace that last patron put me in. One of just rage.