#rip jade

It was a particularly special day for Jade. The Mountain Lovers Club finally got clearance to do an off-campus hike. To Jade, there was nothing more exciting. Especially when the Prefect was added to the mix. He managed to coax out an agreement from them to come with him for this hike.

And the hike was productive indeed, just as his calculations had predicted. There were many new plants he got to catalog and photograph, and the Prefect's company was a welcome change from his usually lonely hikes. It wasn't until they got to the mountaintop that the atmosphere started to change.

"Jade," It was automatic how he turned towards where they were, used to them calling for him; whether at the lounge, in the lunchroom, or those rare moments they had alone. There was a slight smile on his face, uncharacteristic of his usual disposition. But it quickly disappeared when he saw the serious look on their face.

"What is it, Prefect?"

"This is hard..." They muttered under their breath, dragging their hands over their face. "Okay. Crowley just informed me this morning that he found a way to send me back to my old world. I...wanted you to be one of the first to know."

Jade tilted his head. Was he hearing right? He didn't know how to conduct himself, his face contorting into a painfully polite smile, "Excuse me?"

"I'm going back to my old world, Jade," There was a slight pause before they continued. "I know this isn't something you could be happy about—"

"No, no," Jade insisted, though he could feel his heart clench painfully in the confines of his ribs. "This must be a happy occasion for you. I was just...shocked, really. After all, it has been a long time since you've received any news." Not long enough, a traitorous thought said and Jade couldn't help but agree.

"Right?" They turned their gaze to the view. "I guess Crowley did his work after all that procrastinating." What was once a beautiful view to Jade now all looked like it was dipped in greyscale with the crushing weight of the news they just delivered.

Jade tried to clear his head, "Who else knows?"

"Ah," They smiled sheepishly. "It's just you and Grim. He was there when Crowley told me, he's probably kicking up a fit because I left on the hike right after he was told."

Just him and Grim.

"Your other acquaintances probably won't be as composed as I," Jade bluffed, willing his eyes to curve into a fake smile. "I do wish you luck. And you can tell me if you'd like....assistance with telling them."

"Thank you, Jade," They breathed out a long sigh. "It's sad, but...Crowley said that the end of this month is the only guaranteed time I'd be able to go back. It's either now or most likely never, so... I hope you can understand my choice."

They didn't speak anymore after that. The hike down was quiet, sparse words exchanged to make sure that they didn't lose each other. They parted with a goodbye on their part, and he made sure not to lose his smile till after they were gone.

But how was Jade supposed to look at them the same when he knew he was on borrowed time? When he knew that he would be losing them at the end of it all?

The worst part was that his mind was working well enough that he could understand their choice. They had grown up in their original world; spending most of their life there. All semblance of family they had, all their friends, possessions, and anything that mattered...it was all there.

Not here. Not in Twisted Wonderland.

But there was something here, wasn't there? There was the time that they spent with everyone, no matter how short. It had been almost a whole year that they've stayed here. And the time they spend with him, too. Those memories must count for something...right?

So that was where he found himself now. Digging through his usually-neat desk drawer, trying to catch the memories rushing through his mind like sands slipping through his fingers.

A bookmark. The painfully familiar scrawl on the back reminded him of a favor he did for them in the early stages of their acquaintance. It was a first for him to receive such a gift, and it piqued his interest in them. 

A handful of eel-shaped candies from Sam's. They had brought him one every so often whenever they remembered. And while Jade wasn't a sweet tooth, he still ate them at times. The candy always stained his tongue purple and he remembered them remarking about how they matched.

A pressed flower. Something about how autumn was coming and how the flowers were too pretty to forget. He only kept it because he thought that the sentiment was poetic, and the downcast gaze the Prefect gave the flower was too obvious to ignore.

An awfully burned glove that he should've thrown away sooner. The result of their experimentation in the greenhouse. They had laughed so brightly at the failure that Jade couldn't even bring himself to frown. They had perfected it at the end, and Crewel had praised them. But Jade only cared about the beaming smile they sent him.

A photo from that Ghost Camera of theirs. The couple in the photo moved slightly, and he sucked a breath at the vividness of it all. It was his birthday, and they said that it was their special gift for him. He was looking at them, something so bright in his eyes as they were busy clicking the shutter. He was staring at them so intently that he couldn't remember what it felt like before them.

And suddenly he couldn't breathe.

When. When did they become such an irreplaceable part of his life? Jade had to blink hard to keep the tears from falling down his cheeks. There was a call of his name; just Floyd asking if he was okay. He looked like a mess, still in his hiking gear, rummaging through his stuff like a madman.

He said something along the lines that he was fine, cradling the items to his chest like they would disappear with the wind. He didn't remember much of the next part, only that he somehow found himself all the way at Ramshackle.

It was dark. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't, but when a sleepy-eyed Prefect answered the door he could feel his heart stopping in his throat.

"Jade?" He wanted to sob at the mere mention of his name.

"I'm not okay. I...I lied," Jade couldn't help but crumple to his knees as he made it into the foyer. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." They followed him, his hand clutching at their sleeve.

"Is this...?"

"This. And this, and this," He felt crazy just laying out each item. Crazy hoping that they would understand. "I didn't...realize."

"Realize what?" Their voice was surprisingly level, even as they picked up the photo. Though he could see it was all an act. He saw the way their throat bobbed; glossiness overtaking their eyes.

He cradled their hand, slowly letting his shaking fingers brush over their knuckles, "I am in love with you. I don't want you to leave. And I'm selfish for—"

He was interrupted by their hug, his items scattering as they fell onto the wood floors with a thump. The air was knocked out of him, replaced by an awful warmth as he snaked his arms around them all too desperately.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," They whispered, tears staining his neck. "You weren't supposed to say anything. I was— I was going to leave before we could—"

"We can now," Jade swallowed back another plead. "For you. Even if you decide to leave."

Their face hovered over his, equally as tear-stained, "I'll break your heart."

"And I'll allow it," Jade said firmly, wiping the tears from their cheeks. "I think it would break either way without you here."

The kiss they shared after was quiet; an exchange of silent promises not to forget. A bittersweet uncertainty punctuated by tears. For the time they had left in each other's arms was shorter than both would've liked. And a day would come when all they would have were memories of it all.