#ri rants

anyway, I had a customer today sorta sneak up behind me (on accident) and he spooked me so I jumped and he got a good ol' chuckle out of it

and I could have sworn he said something about how that would have been a funny TikTok or he wished he could have gotten that for TikTok but I knew I heard the word TikTok and my mind just froze

I said please don't and redirected to ask him what he needed and so he could please stop fucking chuckling and just leave cause that made me uncomfortable--he didn't actually record anything but the fact that...thats your first thought?!

I've already had to tell numerous people during my duration at PetSmart to not record me when im feeding the animals (they can, I just ask they keep me out of it and only ONE PERSON was fine with that boundary) or how someone tried to pull a whole ass prank in my store that my manager had to step in

and you're telling me that even if explained, the fact that people just. go missing. no trace. their families will never know what happened. you don't think that's terrifying? you dont feek deepy disturbed? never to be buried or seen again? Even with all our tech? Your technology cannot save you, that you rely on so much?That one mistake and that's it (in the cases of mountain climbing) "the national forests are just full of dumb people" okay but if you actually bothered to look into them you'd realize the ones that captivate people are experienced hikers. most of the cases that give me that discomfort are the ones where, yeah, he probably fell off the mountain after a mistake, but it's haunting, it's the what if, it's the mystery. not the individual cases, just the otherness of the complete wild.

like that david paulides guy lies all the time, he said something happened on november 31st. fuck that guy lmao, but come on. you don't wonder? you don't find it fun to suspend your disbelief?

but I do wanna say I appreciate all of you and those that have supported my works and have supported me through some low points...I know it feels like I've gone through a lot of them lately...and I am sorry for that, I am usually a positive person I swear its just been a challenging year for me 😭😅

I really didn't want to rant on here about this stuff...

this has been my escape and reprieve for when stuff gets too much in real life...

but this past april...

my close cousin's husband died unexpectedly at 33 years old... the week before Easter

my step-mom's car got stolen...3 a.m. Easter morning and they were in our driveway for 15 minutes with guns...as we saw from our ring cameras...

this past Thursday, April 24th, my mom was rushed to the ER after she got rear-ended that morning...

and today, April 29th, I got a call from the ER registration office asking me to give consent to some forms for my mother's admission TODAY that I didn't know about until the registration lady called me TODAY and I had to call my mom's boyfriend to ask what the hell is going on...

my mother is fine, thankfully, she's getting faint spells and its hard for her to move...they're keeping her overnight for observation...

and lately I've just been feeling inadequate and like a failure as a daughter, as a cousin, as a friend...as an everything...

I've tried to just keep pushing forward, keep writing...because I certainly don't like what I draw here lately...cant even do a simple art trade with a friend or do any of my storyboard assignments...

but after getting the shit scared out of me that my mom was admitted to the ER...I-I think I'm done...

I have an appointment with my therapist Thursday so I hope that helps but...I dont know...I just don't

See ya guys around,

hey random I know but.. you know what actually in reality has a really unnecessary sexual scene that's triggering out of no where to show how bad a situation is? Shawshank Redemption.

It's not an uncommon tactic in media to show a really "fucked up" scene to drive into the audience just how messed up or evil someone is. (Not to mention, again, there's no rape scene in hazbin hotel's first four episodes like people claimed lmao) they don't have trigger warnings because they have ratings. It is rated 18+ (the other episodes are notibly rated 16+ so that's your first hint) it says sexual content in the rating. Trigger warnings spoil things at times and the creator is allowed to choose to not tag it, AO3 literally has a tag for this, dead dove do not open. It's up to you to filter your content in the end, so yeah, you are being sensitive, you don't get to tell a creator they need to trigger warning something becauss it personally bothered you and you need it right now immediately because youre so special. Lots of "think of the children" rhetoric going on here.

y'all I don't know if I'm gonna make it through the weekend hnng