#revisedbellacode

Dear You,

"I won't just disappear out of the blue without proper goodbyes," said the person who recently ghosted me. If there's a complete thought to describe you right now, YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST. I wish with all my soul that our paths never crossed in this lifetime.

Of course, even you could not determine why you did what you did. It's as basic as "you're a guy. It's normal." How I wish waking up knowing that I've been 'ghosted' is easy— but no. I have to constantly ask myself whether or not there is something wrong with me. Am I ugly? Am I too thick? Is there something wrong with how I dress? If you only knew how tiring it is to think of the reason why you suddenly disappeared.

You see, all I ever wanted was to keep you happy, satisfied, and your head afloat since law school is beating that crap out of us. Why hurt someone who never intended to cause you harm? Does it make you sleep well at night?

If only ghosting constitutes an offense under moral turpitude, I doubt that you'll ever achieve your sacred dream; let me remind you that bad karma is just around the corner, and it will come to you when you can't do anything about it anymore.

Time doesn't heal things. You left a void in my heart that I'll carry with me, always.

With all my resentment,

Strings

To the only attachment I had

I remember the day I first saw you, I felt a lingering buzz in my veins, and I knew at that moment you got me. You were the one.

I was so eager to get into you, and I even passed your qualifying test to prove that I am worthy of being with you. You were the first one who reciprocated the love I could offer, and you made me feel that I have a purpose — it felt like I was something in the midst of nothing.

You brought me to places I thought I could never reach; you introduced me to genuine enough people to support me with my ambition. Being with you felt like home. You were my haven. I knew I was good enough when I have you.

As time went by, your expectations from me placed me under deep pressure. You have become too demanding of my time, you gave me sleepless nights, and it felt toxic to the point that I wanted to leave you.

But I can’t. I tried. I am too attached that I don’t have the ample strength to walk out of the door. You were the only one who witnessed me cry and break down. 

You opened my heart for attachments, and I learned how to take a leap of faith in trusting people. You witnessed my growth as a person; you made me see the version of me which I failed to see in myself, and for that, I would eternally be grateful.

Not we are at the point wherein we should part ways. It breaks my heart to detach myself from the only attachment I had. We have to move on and live independently.

I know that I am just one of the many editors you had in your lifetime, but to me, you are the only publication that made a mark on me, and I will always find myself coming back to you.

With love,