#reverse realization au

A month

Thats’s how long it’d been since anyone had heard from you. Or seen you.

Sam tried to text you only to find out you’d blocked her number. She’d gone to your house and knocked on your door a million times, but you never answered.

What a jerk. Getting some fancy new goggles and just leaving her for fucking furniture or whatever it was.

Oh god, if she only knew.

You had watched her face grow frustrated as her knuckles rapped on the door for what seemed like the thousandth time. Watched as she gave up with a heavy sigh, trying to squint in the window to look for you before putting her hands in her pockets and walking back to her car.

You’d wanted to scream. Wave your hands at her and yell “HERE, HERE!!”. But you didn’t. What would it matter if you did? Without the Dateviators, no person could ever see you again.

Part of you blamed yourself.

No, actually, most of you blamed yourself.

You’d looked Skylar dead in the eyes with that stupid fucking smile on your face and nodded eagerly at her when she presented you with that proposition:

“Wooowww, look at you, Casanova! You really understood me when I said Date Everything, huh?? I can clearly see you’ve got a real favorite though. Well, I’ve got a surprise!! That favorite of yours? You did SO well courting them that you unlocked a new feature!”

Her peppy attitude, the huge smile she wore, the way she over exaggerated everything, every word, every movement, like you were a little kid she was trying to get to listen to her…

Why hadn’t you noticed it?

“Haven’t you gotten a little curious lately? Over what it’s like to feel what THEY feel? What it’s like to be like one of us objects? To actually TAKE OUT a Dateable, be able to live in THEIR WORLD? Welllll…..I’ve got news for you!! For just one day only, you can actually become an object yourself!”

You’d been in shock. Was it dangerous, you’d asked. She’d laughed in your face like it was the dumbest question she’d ever heard. It had seemed perfect. You actually got to become an object? To actually be able to not look crazy while talking to your household appliances??

You’d cracked a joke to her, ‘Damn, an object? I don’t know if I’m ready for that step of a relationship, Skylar.”

Itd been a harmless joke, but you’d felt the atmosphere shift instantly. Skylar’s smile didn’t go away, but there was something else in her eyes, and her voice sounded a little strained.

“Oh. I see. Not everyone’s cup of tea. But let’s just think for a minute here. Think of all the stuff these objects do for you all day long. All the stuff they’ve ever done in your life for you. Their whole lives are dedicated towards one objective: service you in the best way they can. It takes a lot for an object to talk to you, as well. Don’t you think you owe them just a day to understand them REALLY? To try and at least show you think of them as more than objects of service?”

And you- stupid, idiotic, you, fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

Objectification was painful. Nobody warned you that your limbs would feel stiff and numb, and your head would feel empty on some days and stuffed full to the point of bursting on other days.

It was terrible. You should’ve guessed that the process of a human becoming an object wouldn’t be painless and easy. But still..

It was only a few weeks later when Skylar finally cracked under your incessant questions.

“Okay, okay, okay!! Listen- it was all for the better. You were lonely. You’re not lonely anymore, right..? Right. Now, you’re with us. One huuuuuuugggee family, right? And you get to be with your objects FOREVER. Literally! You guys are MADE for each other now!! And it’s not going to stop at you, oh no! We’re turning your house into a little rental spot!! Short-term, of course. I already had Phoenicia put up some ads online, and now, we’re really going to make things wonderful! See, you have your little dating thing going on, but there’s SO many other objects in this house who don’t have anyone! And there’s SO many lonely humans out there!! Soon, we’re gonna turn this place into a sanctuary for lonely humans!”

“Shut up, Skylar.”

“What?”

“This is bullshit. You can’t just take human’s lives away just like that! You can’t just turn them into objects and keep them here forever!”

There was a long, long period of silence. Skylar had stared you right in the eyes, unblinking.

“There was not one moment I ever did anything to you without your confirmation and consent. I asked you if you wanted to become an object. You said yes. I never just turned and went BOOM: OBJECT! You gave up your humanity for the object(s) you love. A noble sacrifice, and a WORTHY one! Now, look at you!! You’ll never, ever be isolated EVER AGAIN!! So maybe I exaggerated the amount of time you’d spend as an object. It was all for YOU. Thats my job. That’s what Franklin Lieste programmed me for. To absolute deliver full customer satisfaction and happiness through D.A.T.E-ing!”

You’d yelled something back at her- you don’t remember. You don’t bother trying to remember.

You’d given up completely.

You just sat in the same spot you’d been objectified in, not moving, not blinking, just sitting. Sometimes, other objects would sit down next to you and try to talk, or leave you small little gifts. Some would even try to insult you into giving them a reaction.

You gave none of them the reaction they wanted, and after a while? They got bored of you.

Now you were essentially collecting dust. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting until the day Arma’s batteries ran out and the whole house caught on fire.

This morning, there was a different kind of air in the house. You’d heard Timothy said the words, ‘8:00 sharp, they better not be late’, and Hoove had been around cleaning the little corner you’d stayed in— which he hadn’t really done before.

Skylar was the most energetic. She kept going over to Phoenicia and asking ‘Did they say anything else?? Oh, what if they bring a friend? 2-for-1! Oooh, I’m so excited!!”

After a while of just watching the chaos unfold, you turned to the nearest object, who just happened to be Betty.

“What’s going on?” You asked her quietly. She blinked in surprise, you hadn’t spoken to any of them in forever, but she gave a warm smile and pointed towards the doorway.

“Well, everyone’s so excited because someone’s coming to the house for the rental. A new tenant, basically.”

Your heart sank.

Oh no.

You looked at Betty and then at the doorway, shaking your head rapidly. “No- no- they can’t do that!! Skylar can’t do this to another person!! She can’t-“

Betty quickly forced a freckled hand over your mouth, shushing you softly.

“Shh, shhh….quiet. If you make a fuss, Skylar will probably hide you from them.”

You quieted down, nodding, and she took her hand away as you caught your breath. You looked up at her and rubbed the side of your face.

“Are you…will you stop me if I tell them to leave?”

“No, honey.”

“…why?”

Betty glanced back at the door to the bedroom, before she got up and shut it.

“Don’t let anyone in, Dorian.” She whispered to the man, who nodded at her, standing up a little straighter. She turned back to you and sighed.

“Sorry for being so secretive. We just- we only know most of us in the bedroom don’t think Skylar’s doing the most reasonable thing..”

Your eyes went wide.

“You-“

“Yes, honey. We all love you very much. So much, that we don’t think turning you into an object was a very good idea. I mean…sure, you’re one of us. But talking to you when you were human was something special.”

“Yeah.” Dirk spoke up from the closet, making you jump. “You kinda just mope around now. Who knew taking away someone’s humanity can take away all that life in them too?”

The Hanks all popped up behind him, and Dirk made sure to step away from them as they started talking.

“Yeah, dude!! You used to be so epic, and cool, and-“

“Not that you’re not cool now, but-“

“You’re like…really not feeling the vibe anymore, homie. It’s a bummer.”

“…sorry we lied to you, dude. It wasn’t cool at all, but like- how cool was it that you could like- BECOME like us, dude??”

“But it wasn’t really all that gnarly once you ACTUALLY became an object.”

Timothy was sitting daintily on the dresser, and he didn’t speak for quite some time, but he let out a quick sigh and crossed his arms.

“..You were much more appreciative of timeliness back when you were human. I do often miss watching you rush out the door to be on time to your old job.”

“mmmyeah.” Lux said, picking at a nail. “I mean- you’ve completely abandoned your self care routine and all- so you’re like- gross af. #Bringbackthehomeownerera.”

“…oh- uh, thanks…?”

“What we all mean, really, is we really messed up. Bad.” Mateo piped up from where he was on the bed. “We thought- I mean…”

“We thought it would make you happy. Because Skylar said you were lonely and this would help you out.” Lyric added. “Oh- yes, I am very sorry for giving you fake advice from the book ah- ‘How to Tell if You’re Being Gaslighted’.”

You nodded along with their apologies, sighing in defeat.

“Thanks, guys. I appreciate that you uh- acknowledged that manipulating someone and trying to convince them to become an object is not a good thing.”

There were a few uncomfortable laughs around the room, but they died down pretty quickly.

“It’ll be alright,” Betty assured you, rubbing your shoulder. “I don’t know if there’s anything we can do about it right now, but we’ll be here for you. We can help you adjust.”

“Yeah-“

A loud bang suddenly sounded from downstairs, and everyone’s heads turned. A collective silence blanketed the room before Dorian broke it.

“Front door.” He muttered. “Ouch.”

Nobody had time to even think before Franklin Lieste’s voice cut through the air.

“….oh shit.”

Skylar had told Jerry exactly: "Don't let them out of your drawer. They're completely out of control, and I can't have them hurting themselves. Until they've calmed down, keep them here."

Jerry had gone along with it, like you'd expected, but he wasn't exactly the 'prison warden' type of person. Er- object. You stared his way for a little too long and he'd started fidgeting in discomfort, giving you an awkward smile. You'd turned away with a huff.

Or, you would've, but the feeling of huffing while no air could leave your lungs--lungs you didn't even have--felt disgusting. Being an object was a new kind of feeling, and it was unpleasant in all the wrong ways. The dust collecting on your shoulders from staying in the midst of Jerry's little 'collection' didn't do much to improve your mood either. You wished you'd burned it. Threw it all away when you could. When you were human. Now, it was just going to rot here. Like you.

You grit your teeth silently, gnawing on the inside of your cheek. Damn fucking objects, who'd ruined your life. Now you were stuck with them forever. Why hadn't you fucking died yet?? You'd knocked yourself off countless countertops, soaked yourself in water three times in the same week, hell, you had been about to jump right out the window, but Curt and Rod snagged you, Wyndolyn shut and locked herself tight, and then Skylar had gotten involved...

Ugh.

You stayed lost in your own thoughts for a while, stirring them up and jumbling them about in your mind. Everything felt too light. Like it didn't have any worth at all. Like one day, it would just disappear. Maybe it would be your name, or your address, or your favorite color. Maybe everything just went as it please in an object's head. You didn't know. You didn't want to, either.

You hardly noticed when Jerry's little drawer opened with a creak, items and knick-knacks knocked and jostled around. However, you did notice when you were suddenly hoisted out of the drawer, the bright light of the office making you squint. Lux had been doing that on purpose, you swore. Once your eyes adjusted, after a few mumbled curses and a lot of fast blinking, You barely had to think before you knew exactly who it was who'd fished you out of the drawer.

Five familiar faces, all smiling, though some a little wider than others. Hank #3 shut the drawer almost proudly, turning to you with a similar grin.

"Heyyyy, any little thing you wanna give me for pulling you out, bro?"

Your eye twitched, and he seemed to notice, because he raised his hands up in mock surrender.

"Ooookayyyy....guess not."

"Anyway, homie!" Hank #1 said, beaming at you. He slung his arm around your shoulder.

Too close.

"Weeee heard a lil' something from around the house. You know we're obviously not gonna dog on you, but uh--"

"Stop."

"Don't be embarrassed, dude!" Hank #5 commented, giving you two big thumbs-ups. "We're only gonna tease a little itty bitty itty bitty bit."

"Yeah!" Hank #4 piped up, before promptly putting his hands on his hips. "We heard you tried to go jumping! Without US!"

"Not cool, brah! All of us are supposed to do that kinda stuff together! We're the Hanks! And you're our-"

"I wasn't jumping for fucking adrenaline, are you kidding me?!"

All five men suddenly recoiled, as if you'd thrown something at them rather than yelled. They recovered gradually, though they all looked at you a little differently, both worry and a little bit of upset lining their expressions. Hank #2 was the first to speak.

"..w- but...homie, if you weren't doing something that extreme for adrenaline...why would you do it? That doesn't sound gnarly at all..."

You took a moment, but you managed to answer him, speaking so low you doubted they could hear you all that clearly.

"Yeah. Not gnarly at all. I wanted to die."

A beat.

"Like- like die die..?"

"Yeah."

"Like that's it?"

"Yeah."

"Like gone? Forever?"

"Gone forever."

"Holy shit, brah" Hank #1 whispered, a hand going to his forehead, eyes wide. "That's... that's not sick, dude. That's... that's like, the opposite of sick." He leaned forward, his brow furrowing.

"So..."

"You just... tried to jump."

"Yes."

All five hangers didn't seem to know what to say. Death was-

It wasn't exactly foreign to them. They understood humans were afraid of death, and that's what would have driven you to opt out of any extreme sports they'd thrown at you. Death was something they'd heard about lots of times. But they couldn't really..grasp it. They were hangers. Clothes hangers. And when they came back alive from one killer excursion after another, they kind of drifted away from that idea of death. Sure- they knew it existed, and sometimes they'd think about it. But it seemed so far away. Like it couldn't reach them, or anyone around them. Like they were--not above it, really-- but sort of like any and all consequences of a stunt gone wrong, any possible fatal incidents...just couldn't happen to them. Wouldn't happen to them. Ever.

But you'd intentionally chased death down. You said you wanted it. That wasn't something people or objects did, right?? What were you saying??

Hank #3 shook his head. "Why would you ever do that, homie..? Living is...living is dope af, dude."

"I'm not really living, though, am I?"

Not a word from any of them. You were almost shocked you rendered five chatterboxes entirely speechless. You shook off the surprise, continuing.

"I'm an object. I'm nothing but an object. Maybe it's different for you guys, it's all you know. I had a life. A pretty good one, even with all the shitty parts. And now-- it just hurts that it's just led to this. A dead end. I can't see my friends or family anymore. I can't do anything."

You looked over at them and jabbed a finger in their direction angriliy.

"And YOU. You- you, you, you, and you!!" You uttered, moving your finger to point at each Hank in turn. "You helped her make me like this! You encouraged me to do this, you lied to me and you told me this would be good for me!! That I'd be happy! But honestly??"

A watery laugh escaped your lips, and you ran a hand through your hair, pausing momentarily as you took a shuddery breath.

"I don't even know who I'm upset at anymore. All the other objects? Skylar? Franklin Lieste? Myself? I don't know. All I know is I'm fucking done, and I need to- I need to-..."

A tear slipped down your nose, but you wiped it away instantly.

"Thanks for getting me out of the drawer. I just- I need to be alone."

A long, painful silence stretched for what felt like forever. All five of the Hanks exchanged worried looks with each other, but they followed your request and slowly trailed out of the room one by one. Once the door was shut, Hank #2 let out a heavy sigh.

"Dude..."

"Yeah..."

They all looked at each other as if trying to see if any of them had any kind of solution. Nothing. Hank #5 rubbed the back of his neck.

"This is...not what Skylar told us would happen. I mean- House Homie's an object now, yeah, but...that came at the cost--"

"OH MY GOD DUDES." Hank #4 suddenly interrupted. "I'm getting a reeaaaalll bad case of deja vu right now"

Hank #1 snapped his fingers. "RED BOWL!! This is exactly what they did!!"

"Oh my god, broski, you're right.." Hank #3 whispered in disbelief. "They promised us one thing, and they did what they promised, but also-"

"We lost Hank #6, Hank #7, Hank #8-"

"DUDES, NO WAY!! Skylar seriously screwed us over!"

"What do we do, bros..?" Hank #5 asked. "When this happened with Reb Bowl, we asked casa homie what to do.."

"I think they already told us, bros." Hank #2 answered.

Mac had their arms firmly crossed over their chest as they looked at the two bedroom objects in front of them. Their eyebrows were drawn together not with anger, but with a simple look of pure confusion. Not a word was spoken, until Mac let out a long sigh.

"Alright. Alright. Let us re-route a little. You're informing me that you both would like for the former homeowner to achieve their previous human state because you believe it would significantly increase their dopamine levels? And you require my help in order to contact a hacker who will be able to fix all this?"

Mac squinted at them both, almost like they'd been asked something completely out of the question. Which, in their defense, it kind of was.

"I'm a computer! My main objective includes to protect against any kind of communication with hackers! And what's more, do you really believe it's an intellectual idea to go against Skylar's specific instructions? She said she doesn't want any contact at all from the outside world, in or out."

"That's true," Betty agreed, nodding her head, her dusty rose curls bouncing along with the movement. "But Skylar said she didn't want the homeowner in any contact with the outside world. She never said anything about objects."

Mac raised a brow, obviously noting Betty's point, but they didn't look ready to budge just yet.

"What if the plan is unable to export any productive output? Just to hypothesize, of course, but if Skylar finds out about this, we could all be factory reset. I haven't seen it done, but I have extensive knowledge of the subject. Why would we go out of our way--no, why would I go out of my way to deconstruct a plan I have been following along with since the homeowner put on those glasses?"

Mateo fidgeted with the sleeves of his duvet jacket as he listened to Mac's firm argument, lips pressed together in a thin line as he tried to remember why he thought it would be easy to convince Mac just because they weren't on Skylar's left-hand side.

Betty returned Mac's persistent stare with one of her own.

"A factory reset? Skylar turned an entire human into one of us. Don't you think we owe them for encouraging this plan in the first place?"

"You heard the word 'yes' leave their mouth, just like everyone else in the house. The homeowner condemned themself. None of us could've stopped them if they were that deep already."

Betty let out a dep exhale. "The homeowner isn't the...smartest. But they're caring and loving, and they showed just how much they were willing to sacrifice for us? Isn't that enough, Mac?"

"..."

"Mac, we know you cared about them." Betty told them, taking on her more soft tone of voice again. "We know you hate to see this. Would you just--"

"I'm not going to let myself get reset just because the homeowner isn't satisfied with their own choices." Mac said abruptly, almost unnaturally loudly. "The plan was made in their favor, this is what's best for them. This is what they should've--"

Mac cut themselves off, and pointed to the office door.

"Please see yourselves out. I don't want to say anything else about this."

There was a silence that hung in the air, like fog. Betty and Mateo didn't speak, didn't move, for what felt like forever. Then, Betty looked towards the door, and chewed on her lip, biting the middle of her lower lip as she mulled over what to do.

"The office door." She suddenly blurted. Mac and Mateo both looked over at her, puzzled. She didn't even stutter. "Matito, you used to tell me about when the office door was open."

A dawning of realization on Mateo's expression formed, and he turned back to face the resilient computer.

"Mac." Mateo began. "The living room is right down the hall from the office. The door's open a lot."

Mac paused. "And, the point of this piece of information would be?"

"I could hear the way you talked to them. Back when they were human. I...can admit, I got a little jealous." He mumbled with a light pink flush on his cheeks as he spoke. Betty nudged him gently on the shoulder and he coughed. "Uh- the point is- basically, that I can see how much you care about them. The reason I got so jealous was because I could see and hear that devotion in your tone. You love them. "

Mac stiffened a little, but they didn't interrupt. Didn't protest. Just sat still and listened. Betty nodded along with Mateo's words, giving him a small smile before continuing off his words.

"You know this whole objectification fiasco was damaging for them. You know how bad they're doing. And you care so, so much about them. I know it hurts you to see them like this."

Mac's expression seemed to shift. Not intensely, but their brows relaxed a bit, not quite scrunching as much, and they didn't look at either of them after Mateo had finished speaking. They occupied themself briefly with the tail belonging to the wired mouse on their shoulder. Mac fiddled with the tail for around three minutes, until they looked back over at their visitors.

"I really care," Mac's voice was quiet, and their eyes flicked to the door as if worried someone would barge in right when they said it. "I care very extremely. The homeowner was the only one who could make my wires twist thinking about them, make my CPU flutter like that..."

Mac took off their glasses, the multicolored spectacles hanging loosely in their hand as they shook their head.

"I feel...quite unintelligent going along with this whole thing. To give the full, honest truth, I did often think that the entire thing was really quite drastic, and overall unnecessary. Kind of like the...seventeen different dating apps that are installed on me from before the dateviators."

"Ooh...yeah, that wasn't very fun to watch."

'Mm.."

Mac let out an amused snort at their agreement, but it faded too quickly, and they fell silent once more, running a hand through their hair. What was there to do? To say?

Mac wasn't sure.

Mac was usually very sure, of almost everything. Why wouldn't they be? They had access to the entire world-wide-web. Anything they had ever questioned, they would have an answer to in nanoseconds. They had more knowledge stored on them than even the most intellectual philosopher, scientist, or mathematician possessed, combined. But there was nothing on any platform, any search engine, any website, or even any ebook about what to do in this situation.

Google hadn't exactly been all that receptive to "What to do when a pair of sentient glasses convinces you to get a human to agree to be turned into an object but now they appear to be sad and you aren't sure what to do."

Mac hadn't ever really been faced with a problem so unique that not even the deepest darkest parts of Reddit couldn't solve it. If the problem was really that unique, was it even possible to solve?

"I really don't want to be factory reset." Mac whispered, their left hand finding steady purchase on one of their wheelchair's arms.

"None of us do."

"But we've done more damage to the human than they could've ever done to us. Then they have ever done to us."

Mac let the words sink in, and they gave a slow, yet confident nod.

"That...is factual." They admitted, before cracking a small smile. "Alright. Alright. I will allow you to have me assist you in aiding the homeowner. But I'm...going to say you threatened to cut my wires if we get caught."

Betty gave a light chuckle of her own, her laugh breathy and smooth. "I guess that seems fair. Here, the app that the hacker was on was called 'Thiscord', I think."

"Thiscord, yeah. And the user was 'tinfoilhat.'" Mateo added, watching as Mac slipped on their glasses, and started tapping at their many keyboards with a speed that rivaled light itself.

Mac pulled up the app a second after its name was brought up, and they logged in with ease.

"They're very lucky I autosave every password." Mac mumbled under their breath as they tip-tapped at the keys, fingers flying. "Though- I guess I'm also lucky that their password for everything is 'Alberto'."

"Oh! That's..uh.."

"Not their brightest moment." Mac agreed, moving on from the topic quickly as the familiar chatroom app popped up on screen. Mac made a face as they saw the username, obviously still upset from the fact that a hacker was now officially going to be messaging on them.

"I can't stand hackers.." Mac uttered warily. "They tear through my firewalls like they own the place. I always feel so disgusting when they give me those viruses.."

"He won't give you any trouble," Betty assured the computer. "Phoenicia seemed perfectly fine when he messaged our homeowner before she locked them out..."

"Mhm.." Mac, still not fully convinced, sighed in defeat anyway, and begrudgingly began typing once more.

𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘, 𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚒𝚕𝚑𝚊𝚝. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝙼𝚊𝚌.

𝙼𝚊𝚌?? 𝙾𝚑 𝚐𝚘𝚍, 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎..

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝚈𝚎𝚜.

𝙾𝚑 𝚐𝚘𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍. 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚎𝚛?? 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗?? 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕...𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗??

𝚄𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝. 𝚂𝚔𝚢𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚕. 𝙾𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔. 𝚂𝚔𝚢𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘. 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎, 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚖𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍𝚐𝚎, 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚂𝚔𝚢𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜.

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃?? 𝙷𝚘𝚠???

𝙿𝚑𝚘𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚊--𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎-- 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚞𝚙 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎--𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕, 𝚒𝚗 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝-- 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 '𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝-𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚖' 𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕. 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚊𝚋 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠. 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚖𝚜 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛 '𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜'. 𝚂𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 '𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝' 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚊 '𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐' 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛.

𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗! 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎. 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝!

𝙽𝚘, 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝. 𝙱𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚍.

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃

𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝. 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚎𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎. 𝚂𝚔𝚢𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚎'𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚊𝚕. 𝚄𝚜𝚎 𝚊 𝚏𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕, 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞?

𝚈𝚎𝚜..𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚜𝚔. 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎?

𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚍𝚘. 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚞𝚙 𝚜𝚘𝚘𝚗.

...

One last message pinged on the computer screen.

Now this was some bullshit.

A different kind of bullshit than what Reggie was used to. Sure, he loved his little 'gossips', as Skylar called them--he'd rolled his eyes at the term. It made him sound as frilly and pompous as the candelabra in the dining room. Please. Reggie wasn't dumb, he was aware he liked talking shit, hell, he lived for hate, but stupid rumors weren't his thing.

Bullshit he was used to was the kind of bullshit that came with hatred. He'd tell Skylar often that her chipper way of speaking was bullshit. He'd snicker at the bullshit that came with the flickering of light even though Mister Suave at the breaker box claimed things to be nothing short of perfect.

Bullshit. But it was harmless. Something to giggle at and move on. Hate was like a joke, in a way. The bullshit had a punchline.

But this was some real bullshit.

He'd been lounging around the house, tapping on the table in the kitchen in annoyance. It'd been months and not once had you gotten a single object to hate you. He hadn't been summoned once. It irked him. Nobody's perfect. Nobody clicks with everyone. You seriously couldn't have liked how Tina treated you so confusingly and terribly. Or how long Mateo's stupid dog quest was. Or how intense Sophia was. Or how loud the Hanks were. And don't even get him started on the fucking air fryer...

But he was forced to believe, begrudgingly, that somehow everyone just flocked to you, and somehow, you managed to be just THAT much of a suck up and cater to each objects individual personality and needs.

Ew. Reggie hated when people let others walk all over them. It was pathetic. It wasn't the least bit dramatic or entertaining. Laying down and taking it? Your self esteem must be lower than your salary.

So was the Regina Rejection really going to just lie back and let you charm every object in the damn house? No. Fucking. Way.

Skylar was probably on you. So, at first, he'd figured, he'd look for you.

Yet, every room of the house was devoid of any kind of animate life. Not a soul around who had a beating heart. He frowned. You couldn't have left, right?

No, he determined, as he found Skylar in the office, talking to another object with her back to him. He stood with his hands on his hips, eyebrows raised, unimpressed, as he waited. She was muttering something or other about a 'reset', and he caught a few mentions of your name. He peeked over her shoulder to get a glance at whomever it was Skylar was conversing with.

An odd kind of object, with glasses and tattoos, hands resting on a keyboard in front of them and a few screens floating around and behind them. Ah, the computer-- Mac, he heard Skylar utter. The conversation they were having must be about that update he'd heard them yammering about needing. They seemed to be working just fine. He'd have to yank your ear later and tell you to just leave them as is.

When Skylar finally turned her attention to Reggie, he gave her a little mocking wave, fingers wiggling.

"You must've missed me. Haven't been showing up here all too much, huh?"

Skylar smiled brightly, re-adjusting her own dateviators with a finger.

"Nope! Things are going just swimmingly, our human adores all the objects so much!"

She clasped her hands together joyfully, giving Reggie a wide grin. He eyed her, his smirk slowly morphing into a frown. Unnaturally wide, that's what her little smile was.

"Girl, relax. I just came by to ask where they were, not send you into cardiac arrest." he huffed. "I at least have to meet them."

"Oh!" Skylar chuckled, shaking her head. "No, actually, you don't! They don't ever have to worry about being rejected again, all they'll ever feel from now on is acceptance and love!"

"Barf." Reggie grumbled. "I mean- cough. Nice preaching, now, let's get to business. You know, the whole thing I said about if they don't get anyone to hate them, you introduce them to me and the--"

"Oh, no Reggie. You misunderstood me. I'm not letting you ever meet them."

Reggie's eyes suddenly flicked over to hers, narrowing as one of his eyebrows raised at the comment.

"I must've heard that wrong."

Skylar's smile was just as peppy, but Reggie could feel her eyes drilling into him. Jeez, what was up with her? He didn't remember her being this weird about everything. Had he missed something?

"Okay, I know your whole thing is 'ooo love ooo flowers oooo lalala' or some shit, but this is some of the most hippity hoppity bullshit I've ever heard. You can deny it allll you want, baby, but you know a lil' bit of hate is just what humans are all about."

"I do!" Skylar agreed, nodding along with his words. "I really can't deny that, Reggie. You're completely right."

"Of course I am. I'm hate, baby, all I am is honest and true." He ran a hand through his hair, twirling the ends around his finger as he stared at Skylar. She stared right back, unblinking, hands folded in front of her and head tilted to the side.

Ten seconds.

Thirty.

Reggie pursed his lips, shifting his weight to the side.

"So, you gonna tell me where our homeowner is?"

"There is no homeowner anymore."

Reggie's eyes widened. "What? They looked way too young to just croak-"

"No, no, Reggie." Skylar said, beaming. "As of a few weeks ago, we have a new addition to our household objects! Our lovely former homeowner decided that they loved these objects so much, and felt so loved in return, that they asked me to turn them into an object!"

Reggie paused, standing still, hand halfway through his hair. Then, he burst out laughing, tipping his head back as he nearly cackled. He wiped a tear from his eye, shaking his head as he tried to catch his breath.

"Ha...oh my god, that's even worse than the shit I hear Scandalabra yapping about. Alright, okay...whew. Okay, I'm done with that, now actually tell me."

"I am."

"Skylar, come on, you don't actually expect me to-"

"Reggie." Reggie blinked in surprise at the sudden drop in Skylar's tone. She must have noticed, though, because she hurriedly perked up again, voice returning to normal. "Reggie! I'm telling the truth. And that's not all! Soon, we'll have hundreds of humans pouring into this house, hundreds of new objects that will fill this house with so! Much! Love!"

Reggie stared at Skylar, his regular playful demeanor vanished.

"Wait-" he said, holding out a hand, holding up his pointer finger. "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. You're telling me you've turned the homeowner into an actual object. Like, forever. And your reason for that is it's like...true fucking love?"

"Yes! Isn't it perfect? Lonely for so, so, so long, looking everywhere in the cruel world outside this door for humans who wouldn't know how they like their coffee, or what position they sleep in, or the highest note they can sing? Who wouldn't care about those simple, yet beautiful things? Every object in the house is utterly devoted to them! They'll never feel lonely or unheard or unloved ever again!"

Skylar's cheeks seemed to flush pink with excitement, her whole body buzzing as she spoke. Almost like she was swooning at the idea, the thought. Until her eyes fell upon him again and she paused.

"Oh, but...naturally, every object except you. You're a bit of a...debby downer, Reggie. You'd only ruin these beautiful relationships that they cherish so much."

Reggie wrinkled his nose. "Ruin? Me? Puh-lease. I don't ruin relationships for them, I just show up to laugh once they do! It's my whole thing, if you haven't noticed."

"I have a job too." Skylar said, folding her hands together. "My job is to ensure that they get as much love as they can. And you're the opposite of that. Plus, you clearly don't think my hard work to get them like this is anything special, so I'm asking you to just...never ever talk to them. Ever."

"Love?" Reggie repeated incredulously, staring a her like she'd grown a second head. "That's what you're calling this? Love? Listen, baby-- I'm well acquainted with love, and this ain't it. Love is gross, yeah, but that's what it is. Sappy and gross. This...whatever it is you're doing, is just fucking crazy at this point. Turning humans into objects? Hellooo? Do you even hear yourself, Ms. Specs?"

There was a long, long silence as Reggie finished speaking. Skylar didn't say a word, but her stare spoke volumes. Her smile had dropped. Her eyes remained locked on his for far too long. She walked over to him slowly, and only when she was face-to-face with him did she say something.

"Love?" She said, a snicker creeping into her tone as her gaze bore into him. "What do you know about love? You think you know anything about love? All you know is how to destroy it. I hardly even know why you're a dateable. Who could ever love something like you."

Reggie's mouth gaped, not a word passing his lips. Skylar stepped away, and turned, walking out the door without even a glance behind her. Reggie didn't know how long he stood there, but once he remembered he could move, he straightened and turned on his heel, muttering under his breath.

Mateo didn’t really know what to do.

Why were you so upset?

Being a human couldn’t really have been all that exciting and fun, could it? He’d seen how many times you’d buried your face on your hands and sobbed after a hard day. Being your blanket, he’d been a first hand witness to the amount of snort and tears you’d had to clean off him in the wash. Both he and Betty had noticed how miserable you seemed. That’s part of the reason why they’d even gone along with this whole objectification thing.

It’s…not that he thought it was too drastic. At least, that’s what he told himself.

And you seemed really happy when you realized you could talk to every object around your house and have them talk back.

Especially happy when you met him.

So why did all that disappear the minute you finally got what you said you wanted?

Mateo had still been there for you, of course, and he tried to get you to see how good this was. Just like he’d been doing for weeks, he’d absolutely shower you with affirmations and compliments and reassurance, but-

Nothing worked. You kept just kind of staring at the floor and sitting still.

Mateo didn’t get frustrated at you. That wouldn’t have helped. Instead, he got frustrated with himself. What was he doing wrong? There must’ve been something he did wrong that had made you do an absolute 180 the second you turned into an object. He must’ve done something to make you like this. Maybe he just wasn’t as great as you thought he was. He’d been disappointing, is all, that must’ve been it. You just- needed some time to warm up to being an object.

But as weeks went by and you stayed the same, the initial joy Mateo had felt had turned into something that just made him feel sick.

He’d tried to talk to Skylar about what was going on, but she assured him you were fine! You were living your best life and just couldn’t comprehend it.

You weren’t fine though, and Mateo knew it. He’d tried to tell her that, but she’d insisted you were alright.

He hadn’t talked to any other object about it except Betty. He believed her exact words to him telling her something was wrong were: ‘About time.’

But neither of them could do anything. Could Skylar really even do anything either?

Mateo realized very quickly that he hated seeing you so…empty. He kind of wished you’d yelled or screamed or cried, had SOME KIND of reaction other than just disassociating for weeks straight.

He sat next to you a lot. Usually in silence. Sometimes, he’d place an inanimal in your lap just to have while he was there. When he talked to you, it was about anything else other than the situation you were in right now.

Now, he sat beside you like usual, eyebrows pinched together in worry the longer he looked at you.

“…hey.” He said softly, placing a hand over yours, trying to get you to look over at him. “It’s been a really long time since we’ve had a real talk..”

Not response. He hadn’t expected one.

“I did this for you, you know. I only told you all those things because I thought it would be the best things we could do for you.”

Your eyes finally shifted over to him, but Mateo didn’t like the look in them.

“Thanks.” You said. It was bitter and sharp. “That makes it all better, Mateo. Great fucking job.”

Mateo didn’t say anything back. He just stared back at you, before taking his hand off of yours and walking away. You didn’t follow, or protest, or call after him. You stayed still and silent, like you always did.

That’s when he’d gone to Betty again, and when everyone had turned in for the night:

“We have to do something. I can’t watch this anymore.”

“Me neither. I miss when they’d cuddle up close to me when they went to bed.. they don’t even sleep in their bed anymore.”

“I know.”

“Matito, I don’t think we can do anything about this unless we can somehow get someone to force Skylar to turn them back. She’s not budging.”

“…” His eyes suddenly widened. “Wait! Wait, I know what we could do.”

“Oh?”

“You’ve seen their phone, right? When they’re on it bed right before they sleep? They talk to this…guy on Thiscord about the dateviators.”

“Oh my god…you’re right. And he talks about how he made them.”

“If we could get him here…”

“We’d have to somehow convince Mac…I doubt Phoenicia is budging. But it could work.”

“You think it’ll work?”

Betty paused, twirling her hair around her finger as she gnawed on her bottom lip in thought.