#reump

Trump Is An Incompetent Moron!

Poor Malaria!

Quite True!

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a state of panic after their father dispatched troops to the Middle East, Eric Trump and Donald Trump, Jr., have both sought medical notes from a Manhattan podiatrist.

According to an official statement from Donald Trump, Jr.,’s spokesperson, John Barron, Jr., the two Trump boys obtained the medical notes “out of an abundance of caution.”

The podiatrist’s notes, which were made public by Barron, paint a picture of two otherwise healthy young men with foot problems that can only be described as dire.

According to the podiatrist, Eric Trump is unable to operate his feet while chewing gum, while one of Donald Trump, Jr.,’s feet appears to be permanently lodged in his mouth.

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news

This year's G7 summit in France yielded little progress on many of the most pressing issues facing the global community.

But there was one country that came away with significant gains: Russia.

Russia was expelled from the G8 after it annexed Crimea five years ago. Since then, Russia has done little to make up for its actions; in fact, it's stepped up its aggression against Ukraine, the US, the UK, and other countries.

So it stunned world leaders when President Donald Trump went to bat for Russia during the G7 summit and aggressively lobbied for Moscow's readmittance to the group without conditions.

Trump repeatedly refused to hold Russia accountable, blamed former President Barack Obama for Russia's violation of international law, expressed sympathy for Russian President Vladimir Putin, and even castigated other G7 members for not giving Russia a seat at the table.

Russian state media celebrated Trump's full-throated defense of Putin, and one Republican lawmaker told Insider the president's actions were "embarrassing" and made him look "like Putin's puppet."

Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.

The prevailing takeaway from this year's G7 summit was that it resulted in little progress on many of the most pressing problems the global community faces.

At the conclusion of the meeting, members agreed to endorse just a one-page document, and the summit ended with no tangible commitment on issues like Iran, global warming, and trade.

But there was one country that came away from the summit with significant gains: Russia. That's thanks to President Donald Trump, who lawmakers and experts say behaved more like Putin's ambassador than as the US president.

Trump's defense of Putin was all the more noteworthy given that Russia isn't even in the G7. It was booted from the group — known as the G8 at the time — in 2014 after it violated international law by annexing Crimea from Ukraine.

Since then, Russia has done little to make up for its actions; if anything, it's stepped up its aggression. In addition to continuing to encroach on Ukraine, the Russian government interfered in the 2016 US election and was behind the attempted assassination of a former Russian spy in the UK.

Russia is also a key ally for Syrian president Bashar al-Assad as he slaughters his own people in a brutal civil war, and in recent months, it's begun cozying up to other rogue regimes like Iran and North Korea. US officials also warn that as the 2020 election looms, the Russians are stepping up their cyber activities against the US and that they've repeatedly tried to attack US power grids.

So it stunned G7 members when Trump went to bat for Russia during the summit and aggressively lobbied for its readmittance.

Exactly!

And Trump Inspired Him!