Most recently....
I could probably write an endless stream of pages on background and catch up. However, the thought of that bores me to death, while simultaneously terrifying me. While this year has across the board been one of the best years ever, the past few months have been quiet difficult. Emotionally just a crazy derailed roller coaster.
I can confidently say that I've spent a fair amount of time in awe at how life just seems to play out. I’ve constantly been trying to dissect how its possible to be so completely and overwhelmingly happy while also feeling so empty. Its as if the happiness I genuinely feel merely dances a top this pool of infinite sadness and restlessness.
Almost as if no matter how much happiness I acquire there will never be enough to over power the shadow of darkness that has become my own. That is my battle, my struggle, my nuclear war. Myself against this looming darkness.
Most recently my living situation (parent’s basement) and leaving a job that I absolutely adored really had me rocked. Hit me square in the chest. This idea of the independence I believed I possessed was slipping right through my finger tips, like paint on the hands of a finger painting toddler. Unavoidable and messy.
Determined to finish this year off strong, able to truly say that despite this small hick up, 2016 has been the best year ever. I’m focusing my energy into making its through the next month and a half as positively as possible. I am humbly seeking through prayer for acceptance of what is to come, and strength to get through whatever consequence lie before me. I ask to harvest and show love for myself and my person in times of sorrow if they should come.
I vow to rebalance the energy of my person. I will regain control of my independence and I will learn the lessons that the universe is setting before me......
.......After that I’m going balls to the fucking walls.
