A Prideful Greed: Freedom and Responsibility
Being an adult is being capable of making good decisions in life. Absolutely. But, honestly, even kids, toddlers, and infants make a good decision by chance, by luck or through careful analysis and observation of the situation. Anyone can make a good decision, not just adults and feeling adults and trying hard to be adults.
Being an adult is being responsible for every decision he/she chooses. As an adult, people in society keep an eye on how well you can make a decision. More importantly, you must know to take responsibility.
Responsibility is a hassle in life. That’s why I hate it. But what I hate the most is my love and longing for freedom.
As we grew to be more mature in the eye of guardians, we are given equivalent freedom. The more you get a chance to stand on your own, your responsibilities grew as well.
Making decisions for our life is not easy. It can either make or break your life. You’re an adult so it’s time to take the blame. But taking the blame does not mean you're being responsible to what you did. It’s just accepting the truth that underlies your situation.
Taking responsibility is creating actions to fix whatever you have messed up. That’s how I live my life. Patching every hole I made. What do I patch it up? My pride. It keeps me going.
I love freedom and I’ve been longing for it. But I hate responsibilities. I’m keeping my own self out of happiness. My greed is too much and my pride is so high.
Making a decision whether it’s A or B, left or right, green or black, is easy. You can make decisions in a split second. What not easy is what comes after that. A mighty prediction of what will happen. Should you be optimistic or pessimistic? Easy to decide, hard to commit.
Thinking of what might happen is not the decision itself. But rather an important step before we make a decision. Which most of the time is being taken for granted. It’s deciding without thinking and relying on luck. If ever lucks runs out, time to find a scapegoat. I don’t wanna live like this.
My beliefs and ideas make my life so hard. Why do I need to believe so strict ideas? Why do I need to be so self-disciplined? Why do I have my own set rules? Why do I need such ideas on how I should live my life? Because I’m an adult. Because I want to be an adult. Because I’m trying so hard to be an adult. Because I want others to recognize that I’m an adult. Because I’m so greedy of a lot of things and this is my way of atonement.
It’s not a good combination, greed, and pride. Seriously, I’m just too prideful but greedy at the same time. That’s just what I’m trying to say. Introducing my lovely sins.