#resolving conflicts

How "lying in green pastures" helps relationships

Importance of Effective Communication in Resolving Conflicts and Maintaining Relationships

Wherever we, as human beings, interact, it is inevitable that we will reach some point where what “you” want, need, and expect gets in the way of what “I” (or “we”) want, need, and expect. It happens on the playground, in the neighborhood, at school, at work, at home, in the wider world of public policies and resources, and certainly between nations and nationalities. Pretending that it won’t happen, or hoping that it won’t, will not make it go away. Thinking that if you live long enough you get beyond it is another fantasy. We can, however, get better at responding to conflicts so that they are resolved with barely a ripple of discord.

Is This Worth Fighting Over? Glorifying God opens up a surprising option. It gives you a choice to overlook an offense, showing the same patient mercy God shows you.. If a friend says something hurtful, you could straighten out your insensitive friend. Actually, that isn’t always the best approach to peacemaking. In many situations, the best way to resolve a conflict is simply to let go of the wrongs others do to you. Instead of jumping in to address the wrongdoing, you can choose to overlook it.

Most people define success in terms of what someone possesses, controls, or accomplishes. But God defines success in terms of faithful obedience to his commands. The world wants to know, “What results have you achieved?” God asks, “Were you faithful to my ways?” The Lord controls the ultimate outcome of all you do. Therefore, he knows that even your best efforts won’t always accomplish the results you want. This is why he doesn’t hold you accountable for specific results. Instead, he asks for only one thing—obedience to what he shows you to do. “Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). If you have made every effort to be reconciled to someone, you have fulfilled your duty. You are a success in God’s eyes. Let him take it from there.

Each conflict calls you to consider the appropriateness of overlooking. Sometimes you know right away that a single wrong action is far too big to overlook. Other times a fault goes on and on, becoming a pattern in another person’s life. While the offense might not be large, the abrasive effect grinds at your relationship. As time passes, you realize you can’t let the problem go any longer. Then you need to go to that person and work through your conflict, using the specific strategies you will learn in the next chapters of this book. And keep asking God for wisdom to know what to do.

Glorifying God brings him praise and honor by showing who he is, what he is like, and what he is doing in you. And glorifying God benefits you as well, especially in a conflict. Many disputes start or grow worse because one or both sides give in to their emotions and say or do things they later regret. When you focus on trusting, obeying, and imitating God, you will be less inclined to trip up in these ways. As Psalm 37:31 says, “The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip.” Focusing on God is the key to resolving conflict constructively. When you remember his mercy and draw on his strength, you see things more clearly. You respond to conflict more wisely, finding far better solutions to your problems. At the same time, you can show others that God truly exists and that he enjoys helping you do things you could never do on your own.