Should transitioning prove the right path for me, and believe me, I'm still working that out.
While I'm waiting for anything further to happen, from councilling to starting on hormones -because the waiting list is surprisingly long- I couldn't help but wonder and imagine about the "what ifs"
Maybe transitioning will be right for me, or maybe councilling will help me come to terms with the body I have.
I don't expect transitioning to be a cure-all and make me better just because I'm a woman, or anything like that.
The point I'm trying to get to is that, while I'm waiting, my imagination has still been working and, should I become a woman, I have settled on two names.
I'm just having trouble choosing between the two.
Some notes on your opinions might help me make a final decision.
Jessica: a name that I like, goes well with my surname and -according to Google- means God beholds! I like that aspect. Yes God, behold me, for I have fixed your mistake and made myself the correct gender!
According to the urban dictionary "a friendly, funny and kind person. Everyone likes her and wants to be around her. She's the weirdest person you'll ever meet but that makes her herself. She's the bestest friend you'll ever have"
Coincidentally, Jessica was also the name I chose for the main character in the first novel I ever wrote. Who, at the time, was an idealised version of 13 year old me (highly intelligent, fit, strong, etc.) Though, at the time, i thought the female gender came from me mostly knowing strong female persons growing up, from my mother to a multitude of family friends. So I found it easier to write female characters. Still do, actually.
Second name Ashley: a name I have used before, mostly in my young teens when I was too embarrassed to use my male name. Mostly online ordering of comic books & toys that were more female oriented, but I liked them all the same. (For context: this was almost two decades ago and -at the time- I didn't even really know trans existed, so I was coming to terms with my thoughts and feelings in my own way.)
Coincidentally; my mother would have named me Ashley, if I had been born a girl. That's how I originally chose to use the name.
According to the urban dictionary: "Ashley is a good friend. If you are sad she will make you laugh. Ashley can get mad, but deep inside she is kind and nice. She will be there for you no matter what. Some people don't like her but she don't care."
That described the version of me that I think I am.
So, I guess, it comes down to the me that I want to be and the me that I feel I am.
It's a shame that you can't set up a poll on tumblr, because I would like outside help on this.
I like both names and can see myself going by both.
Since I don't really have real-life friends to ask I guess I turn it over to my online friends and see which name might have more popularity here in the hope it might help me choose.
