#renveil

regret, guilt, and sorrow clings to his heart like thorns, the weight of his past sins forever haunted his mind for centuries. he wanted to speak, to say anything in order salvage this faithful reunion. hesitation builds up in his throat, ashveil didn't want to make himself look like a hopeless fool but he's not great at making amends. his opportunity to speak was quickly cut short by blade, who didn't make an effort to turn around and face him.

"small talk is irrelevant, stop overthinking it." his response was hardly a surprise to ashveil and yet it still left an unpleasant ache in his heart. if only things had turned out differently, then it wouldn't be so awkward between them. as an attempt to remain lighthearted, ashveil let out a dramatic sigh as a smile tug his lips upwards. "come on, don't be so harsh. it's been so long since we had a chat, my dear friend."

"friends, huh? that's not how i remember that." the hint of venom and bitterness was noticeable in the other man's tone, his expression twisting into one of sorrow. "i recall a certain wolf wishing to abandon our relationship long ago. surely you remember what happened.. right, la mancha?"

silence engulfs the air once more, a gentle breeze kissing their skins. there was once a time where they were happily engaged but their moment of happiness was very short-lived. there wasn't a single day where ashveil didn't regret his decision in breaking off their engagement. but neither of them weren't in the right headspace and the tragedies they endured played a role in the collapse of their relationship.

his smile fell into one of sadness, stepping closer to blade. "yes, i remember. clear as day. however.." he rest his hand on the other man's shoulder, subtly noticing the faint tremor coming from the stellaron hunter. "would it be selfish of me to say that i still love you, even after your transformation?"

"... your pity is meaningless to me, la mancha." ashveil shook his head, quietly letting out a chuckle. "i'm not pitying you, yingxing. i'm being honest here." his hand eventually withdrew from blade's shoulder, although a part of himself wishes he could bring blade into his arms again. "it's alright if you do not believe my words. but i am being truthful, i still care about you."

the chains of the past still held him down and healing is far from easy. but ashveil wanted to repay his debts, to move forward and start anew. they were young, reckless and thoughtless about their life endeavors, which only fueled their separation. even if only for a moment, ashveil yearns for a different future where they took their relationship slow and steady. "all i wish for is a chance to start over. not as 'la mancha' or 'yingxing.' but as 'ashveil' and 'blade,' if you would permit it."

a familiar silence returns, lingering in the air for a while. ashveil could only assume that blade wasn't going to accept his apology, which he already anticpated that outcome. he already begun to turn around in the opposite direction, ready to return back to his agency with a heavy heart. however, a pained whisper calls out to him, making ashveil stop in his tracks.

"don't leave, stay for a moment.." blade loathes how weak his voice sounded but he couldn't allow their conversation to end on a bitter note. "have you made your decision yet, blade?" a wave of anxiety fills his chest, the anticipation of waiting for blade's answer made him feel a bit nauseous. either forgiveness or rejection, ashveil will accept whatever outcome without any protest.

a shaky exhale left blade's lips, finally turning around to face the other man earnestly. the expression on blade's face stirred a pang of guilt within ashveil's heart, the sight of tears barely clinging to the man's eyelashes. "... i won't give you another chance, so you better prove yourself to be worthy of my love again.. ashveil."

"... i know, i'm not expecting forgiveness immediately. but i will do my best to not break the trust you have given me tonight, so thank you blade." he decided to take a few steps closer to blade, closing the distance between them. perhaps ashveil was making a risky attempt but something about seeing his former lover's tears made him sentimental too. he extends his arms out to blade, offering a small smile.

"feel free to decline but may i hug you, dear?" blade bit his lower lip, a surge of emotions hit him all at once. how long has it been since he had cried? he slowly accepts his fate with a soft nod, allowing himself to fall into the detective's arms. "i'm so sorry, please believe me.." ashveil tilts his head, pressing a light kiss on blade's temple.

the heartfelt apology finally crumble the walls that blade tried so hard to uphold. a trace of humanity still lingered within his soul as a few tears escaped, rolling down the curves of his cheeks. ashveil pulled away from the warm embrace, just enough to use his thumbs to catch the falling tears. "please don't cry, that wasn't my intention."

how embarrassing, blade made an attempt to look away, his cheek pressing into the palm of ashveil's hand. "stop coddling me, it's unnecessary." his response only made ashveil roll his eyes, a slight pout forming on his lips. "i'm comforting you, that's a major difference."

it feels refreshing to have a lighthearted conversation again, just like they did in the past. once the tears finally reached its end, ashveil gently placed his hands on the other man's waist, bringing blade closer to him. "feeling a bit better?"

"i told you already, there's no need to coddle me."

"you are so stubborn, i swear.." ashveil could only shake his head with an amused grin. "at least let me comfort you, dear. don't deny yourself that." old habits die hard and it made blade realize that he's used to punishing himself in any shape or form. he has committed so many sins, the blood of innocent lives rest on his hands. how he could allow himself to feel human, even just for a moment?

"don't think of yourself as an abomination. whether you were yingxing or blade, it didn't matter to me. i still love you, even the parts of yourself that you hate the most." ashveil cup blade's cheek with his prosthetic hand, gently swiping away a tear that fell from his eye. "see? it's okay to cry. at least be kinder to yourself."

"i don't need.. a lecture from you. you're no better than me, ashveil." blade did make a good point, ashveil was incredibly hard on himself all the time. the memories of his fallen comrades and sudden departure from the galaxy rangers left a painful wound in his heart.

"mhm, you're right. faith had been awfully cruel to us, huh?" if only the circumstances were different, then perhaps they would long since settled down and enjoy their married life. but too many opportunities were stripped away from them far too soon.

ashveil pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes for a brief moment. he didn't want to live in regret anymore, he wants to start over. he gently placed a kiss on blade's cheek, not minding the wetness from the tears. he pulls back, just enough to see the other man's expression, silently seeking permission to do something more.

thankfully blade understood his message, nodding his head as he closed his eyes, feeling a soft weight pressed against his lips. they were centuries overdue for a proper kiss, savouring the moment under the moonlight's gaze. ashveil return his hands to blade's waist, pulling him closer.

after a while, they reluctantly separate to catch their breath for moment before ending their night with a warm hug. "i promise i will do better. i won't leave you again. not now, not ever.. yingxing." the mention of his past name made the tips of blade's ears turned a faint shade of pink. but he doesn't mind it, if anything, he secretly wished for ashveil to keep calling him that. "don't make me regret my decision, ashveil.."

"i won't, i swear on my honor. also.. you can still call me 'la mancha,' if you want."

"but that's not what you prefer. didn't you wish to abandon that name long ago?" ashveil rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, it's endearing and frightening how perceptive blade was, even when he was still human. "er.. you're not wrong but it's fine! call me whatever you wish, as long as it's just us two."

"then i'll call you ashveil. no need to look like a kicked puppy."

"you can be so cruel to me sometimes"

"your heart is far too weak to be offended by a statement like that." ashveil sighs in defeat, resting his head on blade's shoulder. he can't ever seem to win against blade, not now and not even in the past. but he wasn't upset, far from it. it feels refreshing to bicker like this, it only reminded ashveil of good memories. "...i missed this, i missed you blade.."

"...'yingxing' is fine."

"wait, huh?" ashveil lifted up his head, finally noticing the pink shade of blush coating blade's cheeks. ".. just call me yingxing, don't make me repeat myself again." this man was far too dangerous for ashveil's heart, how can he be this cute? a fond smile rest on his lips, gently kissing blade's lips once more. "let's save that name for when it's only us. sounds fair?"

"fine, as you wish." blade slid his hand against ashveil's prothestic one, letting their fingers intertwine. they decided to continue their night stroll, holding hands and occassionally sneaking in cheek kisses, mainly on ashveil's part. this was probably the happiest that he has ever been in years.