#reneeead

It turns out that there’s a reason wizarding birth rates are so low and that purebloods are so emotionally distant. You see, sex isn’t actually required for conception. All it takes is a kiss immediately preceded by or following a declaration of love and a witch will find herself magically pregnant. Magically raised children are groomed to be prudish and self controlled to so far beyond the Edwardian ideal or Victorian myth that they’ve honestly almost forgotten sex exists. Outliers like the Weaselys are looked down upon more for their lack of emotional control than any other factors. The broom closets at Hogwarts are so heavily patrolled because the staff knows how little it takes for a mistake to happen. Of course, no one ever bothers to warn the muggleborn or raised about this. So when Hermione is panicking because the book she wants isn’t immediately at hand during her O.W.L. prep frenzy she doesn’t understand why the entire common room falls into shocked silence when she says, “I love you Harry!” and kisses him after he ran and fetched the tome needed to calm her down.

Harry and Hermione jet off to Australia to see if they can retrieve her parents. Ron declines to come saying she’s better off without the Muggles in her life. Understandably her relationship with Ron is over. He might even understand it once he regains consciousness. When they find her parents, not only are they apparently happy as the Wilkinses but they’ve recently adopted a 10 year old girl who looks almost eerily similar to Hermione at that age. Obviously they at least subconsciously recognize what they’re missing. Hermione declines to destroy her new pseudo sister’s happiness let alone make her wonder if she’s somehow just a replacement in her parent’s minds. Realizing there’s no real reason for them to return to the UK, Harry offers to buy the house across from the Wilkins. He suggests they pretend to be newlyweds and get to know Hermione’s family as new friends. By the time the next year that a notice arrives letting the Wilkins know their new daughter is a witch and has been accepted to the Australian Academy Harry and Hermione’s newlywed status is no longer a pretense. But now that her parents know about magic for the second time should she finally reveal their true past?

Hermione: Harry! Language! Harry: Hermione! Since when are you a classist bigot? Policing speech for vulgarity and obscenity arose from class warfare where failing to speak the limited language of the prevailing upper class allowed them to shame you as a presumed inferior. One meaning of the word vulgar even explicitly defines it as, “something belonging to the masses.” I don’t know where this attitude is coming from but you need to take a moment and ponder where you really stand on this issue. Hermione: *gapes incoherently* 3 hours later… Fred: How long do you think she’ll stay standing there? George: Don’t know. Want to start a pool on Harry’s survival when she finally snaps out of it?

You will meet and eventually breed with your soulmate(s). It. Is. Inevitable. It starts with traditional meet cutes. If that doesn’t work coincidental encounters will happen enough to make one or more of you look like a stalker. Next up in the toolbox is short and then long term forced proximity. Trapped in a lift is classic but snowed in for the winter is not out of the question. If you’ve still managed to remain blindly oblivious to this point, Magic will start to get down right nasty. Hermione manages to accidentally step into the path of a vanishing charm losing her clothes in the process. Startled, she trips and falls but somehow twists as she does and blindly apparates… into Harry’s shower… while he’s bathing. Flailing she knocks him to the tile and falls on him just barely avoiding sheathing herself upon him. Dripping wet, naked, and staring into each other’s eyes from inches apart these two can’t remain clueless for long or Merlin only knows what will happen next.

A strange infection sweeps through the entire world both magical and mundane. In its wake, a small percentage of those who survive it begin to exhibit random new abilities ranging from the silly and inconsequential to that which could rightly be deemed superpowers. Hermione and Harry were sick but think they’ve escaped this additional weirdness until one day they spontaneously manifest new powers but quickly learn they cut off if they’re more than 5 feet apart. They might have been willing to accept that and go back to being as normal as is ever possible for them but superpowered terrorism and crime rears its head and they step up to be heroes as always. They develop an intricate and intimate battle style that allows them move through encounters in a dance of magic and ability that hopefully hides the weakness that separation would bring from their enemies. Of course, if they’d stop being clueless, they could complete their burgeoning soulbond and the limitation on distance would go away!

In an AU where she never went to Hogwarts, Hermione leads a muggleborn resistance cell at the height of the war. She has been captured and is being tortured for information about the resistance. A figure in robes and a mask opens her cell door but just stares at her.

Harry Potter’s Day Off

When she finally realizes just how much the whole castle- portraits, ghosts, and all is constantly spying on them for Dumbledore and Merlin knows who else Hermione decides to try and teach her friends Sindarin as a secure way way to communicate openly. She had been fascinated when her great-uncle Christopher had given her peeks at his father’s unpublished notes and had learned eagerly.