Ren thoughts stew under read more
So. Ren is a pokémon (Zoroark) who is pretending to be human for multiple reasons: 1- she genuinely loves people. or at least she thought she did from the limited and supervised interactions she had when Prof Maple (her trainer) was still there. 2- from an outsider's perspective, human life seemed so much better than needing to live outside, fight for resources, constantly watching your back, and not knowing when your next meal would be. 3- humans get SO MUCH choice in what they can do/be. 4- even if most pokémon get cushy lives, they still tend to be treated like glorified pets in the best case scenarios. And now, shes kind of experiencing the Paris syndrome for multiple reasons: 1- she THOUGHT she had the hang of "acting human", but she's been proven multiple times that her facade isn't That good 2- she's been going through a trial by fire by being thrown into a group consisting mostly of non-humans AND/OR people with a LOT of baggage and not a lot of emotional regulation skills.* 3- her safe person (and main anchor for what "a person should be") is gone without a trace 4- she might be an adult by definition, but she doesn't have the emotional maturity/social knowledge of someone who would've actually grown up in a human society. On top of that, Ren has been feeling the pull of both sides of their life. The pokémon and human side: 1- their instinctual behavior have been flaring constantly due to stress and events* that remind her she's still just a scared animal fighting for survival 2- she does have fun with her fellow pokémon and she enjoys just letting loose sometimes 3- humans still need to deal with unpleasant things (including being attacked by other humans) except she can't simply fight back and go all out as she would as a pokémon 4- even if plenty of people close to them are willing to accept Ren as being a smart and sapient pokémon, looking and acting human is the easiest way to get treated like an equal with respect. So, as Ren pointed out, they end up feeling like they're failing miserably at both sides of their person. They're not relatable to people...and they're not relatable to most pokémon (those that like being wild and those that like being glorified pets). Their animal side pushes away the people she was slowly starting to get along with. While the "pokémon savior" attitude pushes away some of their pokémon friends.
* As luck would have it, Ren has also been dealing with a lot of things that an average person would very very very likely not deal with in their entire lifetime in a 4-6 months timeframe. AND dealing with people who, as previously stated, are not exactly emotionally stable. So now, on multiple occasions, Ren has been mocked, harassed, physically attacked, and robbed by people who are often doing so because they're lashing out due to something that is not Ren's fault (or when it is, the reaction is often overblown by the other person's stressed/strained/exhausted/desperate state of mind <- Ren is not immune to doing this shit either)
This is causing her to both be super wary of people and keep her distance while craving connections. So she befriended people very quickly, had multiple and/or serious negative interactions with them while she considered them friends. She pulls back/completely shuts off from those friendships. Gets a few apologies/change in behavior from certain people. So she cracks open the door slightly, is met with confusion by people as to why she isn't overly friendly with them anymore. And then she just tries acting completely/mostly detached from people who have not apologised/changed their behaviour. and is ALSO met with confusion. And then she sees those people seemingly getting along and letting bygones be bygones fairly quickly and she ends up feeling a nice mix of jealousy and frustration as she stubbornly keeps her distances. THANKFULLY. She's also been in contact with more normal, calm, and emotionally mature people which have been giving her a healthier point of reference for what human relationships should be like so yayyy <3 Also. This entire thing might sound super serious, BUT, at the end of the day. We're roleplayers who know that drama creates story. My friends live by this post (see below) and it makes the story more eventful
