#ren plot

This episode opens with the subplot. We see steam blasting out of Louis’ locker accompanied by “Halloween”-esque tinkering piano. I don’t know why I never noticed the opening line before, but Twitty asks “Dude, are you grilling turkey dogs in your locker again?” Why am I laughing at this?! Louis explains that his locker has had a hot water leak all week. It’s causing moss to grow on his egg salad sandwich and mushrooms to “not only grow, but THRIVE” on his math book. He tries to ask Principal Wexler for help, but.. ya know.. Louis isn’t exactly the most reputable student. So Wexler pretty much ignores his pleas. Probably because he was too busy running off to a meeting with Vice Principal REN STEVENS! 

He finds Ren and approaches her all excited like “Guess whaaaat?!” Ren guesses that he finally bought some red car he’s always wanted. I like this because it foreshadows Dirty Work where Wexler DOES get his snazzy red convertible. The big news is that she’s a shoo-in for Student of the Semester. This whole scene is slightly uncomfortable, like most of their scenes together. Their relationship is so weird. He even calls her “the daughter I never had.” Okay. He suggests that she should write some glowing article about herself in the school paper. Why would anyone ever suggest that? How arrogant would that be? Either way, Ren ends up agreeing to said article but instead of writing it herself.. she assigns two little minions to do it.  

No, really. Am I the only one weirded out by this? lol. 

We meet Carla (Lisa Folies, All That!) and Marla (Krysten Leigh Jones, Remember the Titans) for the first time. They're two young girls who are obsessed with Ren and her ~perfection~. We only see them one other time in Season 2. They’re very eager to impress Ren and dress exactly like her and everything. I never understood how people dress the same as others on TV shows like this. How does that work? Did they break in and photograph all of Ren’s clothes one day and then go out to buy everything??? Do they have cameras in Ren’s room that live stream her outfit choices every morning? And then proceed to reach into their Ren Closet and wear the same exact thing? Like... How else is this even possible at all? 

They’re fawning over Ren and asking her what it’s like to be perfect. Ren insists she’s not perfect, but when she’s asked to list some of her imperfections… She acts all cutesy arrogant like “what do’ya know! I guess I don’t have any! *shrug*” It’s a little off-putting.

Louis’ locker water leak has gotten so bad he needs to wear a wetsuit and goggles to school now, lol. There’s seaweed or something growing in there and it’s also the home of an evil life form that somehow materialized. He tells Wexler “I swear to Pete, there’s something growing in there and I don’t think it likes me at all!” Who are these men everyone in the Even Stevens-verse swear to?! Twitty swears to Bob, Louis swears to Pete. Once Wexler sees the extent of the damage, he lets Louis use an old storage closet for the time being. I never got that. Sure, Louis keeps a whole lotta junk in his locker -- but what normal person needs a giant closet for a few books and a jacket? Anyway, Wexler says “make yourself at home” so you know Louis is gonna run with it. Like, I’ve said before... If you give Louis an inch, he WILL take 20 miles. 

“I can make this work” he whispers to himself as he observes the closet space, lol. I just realized there’s an actual physical lightbulb next to him, signifying the idea. Wow. 

Even though she’s the number one contender for Student of the Semester, Ren really wants to ensure that she gets the title… again. Apparently you get a $25 Honey Ham gift card and it’s really satisfying. Why she gotta be so greedy, tho??? According to Wexler she's already been Student of the Semester for the last two semesters, she’s Student Policy Monitor, lord knows what else, AND don’t forget that she's practically Vice Principal as well. Geeez, Ren! Let some of the other kids have their time to shine. But, regardless.. her plans are halted when she gets a C in shop class, jeopardizing her chances. As you can probably guess, this means it’s the end of the world. Well, what did she expect?! Everyone else constructed things like violins and grandfather clocks. But Ren Stevens thinks she can pass with flying colors by making a pizza paddle. In comparison to everyone else’s projects, hers is honestly worth a D- lol. Sorry, Ren!

LOOK AT HER COMPETITION! She seriously submitted a pizza paddle -- a literal slab of wood -- and expected an A. 

Louis decides to turn the closet space into a Mexico-style club. I mean, what else do you expect from Louis Stevens? He has an entire construction team come in to do the job and forges Principal Wexler's signature to pay for it. I feel like this is an episode that has glimmers of the more outlandish, unrealistic plots we see sprinkled throughout Season 2 and super frequently in Season 3. But, the odd thing about this case.. is that it doesn’t seem THAT outlandish to me. I can actually see Louis pulling this off, lol. I’m pretty sure Shia is ad-libbing all of Louis’ commands to the construction workers. (i.e. “Come on, guys! We should have the ceiling fans by now!”)

Something that made me laugh: Ren aimlessly walks around clutching her pizza paddle repeating “C” to herself in disbelief. She walks by Louis and the renovation crew so he asks her “We’re thinking of going with this Burnt Tortilla paint for our walls… What do you think?” and all she can say is “C” …but, Louis takes it as “Si” and I can’t deal with it.

A conversation between Ren and Wexler is accidentally broadcast through the intercom… letting the entire school know that “Ren Stevens got her first C.” Everyone listens in utter shock and some people even rush to the principal’s office just to stare at Ren with disappointment. Everyone held her to a ridiculously high standard and now they’re all depressed and let down because -- SHOCKER! -- she’s not perfect. How dare she!

Because of this, Carla and Marla completely let themselves go and dress like ragamuffins the next day. I feel like there’s a lesson here: Do not put all of your faith in a mere human being, you guys. This is all too extreme. It’s a C. They’re acting like she committed some morally wrong, unforgivable crime. Hardly. However, in Ren’s world, a C is an unforgivable crime. So, technicallyyy she did this to herself. Oops. She eventually decides to “fight back” for a chance to re-do her project, and suddenly Carla and Marla love her again.

Louis unveils the newly renovated locker/closet to Twitty. I love this scene. Twitty walks in and says “Dude, I’m in Mexico!” and Louis is like “Nooo, my friend. *turns on Mariachi music* NOWWWW YOU'RE IN MEXICO!!!"

He proceeds to show Twitty around the small space saying things like "See that? That's not a guitar, it's a bass and I got it shipped in from Meh-hee-co" with the accent. The line that kills me though is "See that matador painting? The guy at the gas station told me it's on real velvet." - Incredible. This line is actually a very obvious overdub. It cuts away to a shot of the painting and Shia clearly recorded this line as a voiceover after the fact. The quality and volume of the audio is totally different from the rest of the scene. Just something I always noticed. Wexler obviously finds out about this when he receives the work order and pays Discoteca Louis a little visit. 

“You said make myself at home, so I did. Tropical smoothie?”

Wexler tells him “Stevens. I want you, your smoothie, and your tacky velvet matador painting out of here in 24 hours!” and leaves. Feeling like this is an injustice, Louis decides to throw a muy grande farewell fiesta before the place is torn down. We get one of my favorite lines here: 

Twitty: I kinda like the matador painting.

Louis: Yeah. “Tacky”?! HE PAID 12 BUCKS FOR THAT!

Ren goes to speak to her shop teacher after school and we see that his license plate reads “WOOD LVR.” He also tells her “Ren, maybe you haven’t noticed but.. I LOOOOVE WOOD! Wood is ma’lady.” Why do I feel like this is another innuendo? All I can think of is Beyoncé. SERFBORT. Her teacher ultimately gives her a second chance at the project. Of course. All she has to do is make a perfect footstool and she’ll get an A.    

There’s a line half way around the world to get into Louis’ party. He has bouncers, velvet rope, and Twitty is keeping track of a guest list. This is so hilarious it’s ridiculous. To highlight how ~exclusive~ the party is, Twitty won’t even let Carly Blaine, his own cousin, in because her name isn’t on the list. Louis eventually turns it into a free for all and allows everyone to go in. How they all fit, I have no idea.

After completing and submitting her footstool for grading, Ren is anxiously awaiting the outcome in the hallway. Here is where we finally get a fantastic character moment from Louis:

Louis: “You ever wanna be normal? You're always trying to be perfect at everything.“

Ren: “What's wrong with being perfect?"

Louis: “It's not normal.”

YOOOOOOO! How fire is that line, though?! The matter-of-fact, simple way he was able to get through to Ren reminds me of something Shia said irl at his #TouchMySoul art instillation. I love caring, smart Louis! Yes.

Ren ends up getting a B- on her footstool. She’s not too happy, but she accepts it. Sheesh! If I got a B- in junior high, it would be up on the refrigerator door! Dang. She says she’s done with being perfect and goes to have some fun at Louis’ shindig.  

There’s a Ricky Martin - “Livin’ La Vida Loca” knockoff song playing at the party, presumably called "Casa de Fiesta.” IT GETS STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME BUT I LOVE IT. We get a montage of Louis partying it up set to this song, which is truly a vision. Although, I can’t help but feel like Tumblr would crucify him for the cultural appropriation. Or would this count as "appreciation"? He has an authentic Mariachi band and everything. It just hit me -- Where the heck is Tawny?! Surely she’d have something to say. 

Louis is shocked when he sees Ren there. This is another one of my favorite moments:

Louis introduces Ren to the band and I swear this is Shia ad-libbing again. (i.e “This is Arnesto! And Manuuuuel!”)

…and that’s pretty much it.  

This is a good episode. It really is. But, much like Dirty Work.. This popular and memorable Louis storyline is only a subplot. Also, nothing serious happens with Louis as a character here until the last few minutes. Like I said, I adore his mini speech to Ren. GAHH!! When Louis is good, he is REALLY good. He just busts out some profound crap outta nowhere sometimes. Gotta love that. As usual, this Ren main plot just isn’t as strong. It's so unfortunate. But seeing Louis’ words get to her is touching, and it’s great to see her let go at the end.

Thanks for reading as always! Getting back into the swing of things after my trip to New York last weekend. :)

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This episode opens with Ren and Bobby doing homework at The Stevens house. They’re always so incredibly awkward. Like I’ve said before… Bobby Deaver is kind of weird. I don’t get the appeal. He seems very aloof and spineless to me. They’re about to kiss when Steve comes waltzing in on the phone.. which is highly uncomfortable. He becomes a nervous wreck and ends the phone call by saying “Okay I’ll kiss you tomo— SEE YOU tomorrow!” Oh, man.

We find out that he was on the phone with their teacher, Ms. Lovelson. They’re in the same bird watching group and Steve is going to be guest-lecturing their Life Science class. I’m suuure that will be an embarrassment free experience for Ren! (Sarcasm.) Steve basically does everything in his power to keep Ren and Bobby from kissing now. He interrupts them constantly, makes them snacks, and sits riiiiight in the middle of them while telling boring stories. He starts to give Bobby the third degree asking him all sorts of personal questions. There’s a bit where it cuts to a black and white interrogation sequence parody. I always thought this was pretty funny.

“FOR THE LAST TIME, DEAVER! GIVE ME THE INFORMATION!”

“Alright… I have a sister… *cries*”

Now, on to the subplot! Tom got a new (giant) personal pizza oven in his room per Doris’ recommendation. Yes, Doris! This is the first time Tom ever speaks of his mom. Louis is confused and asks, “…Doris?” and Tom explains “Mother. She’s worried I don’t socialize enough with kids my own age. Which is nonsense” while simultaneously playing online chess. It’s pretty great.

“AH-HA! Trying to take my bishop! I know you too well, Mr. Smarty Trousers...” - Tom is a GIFT and the whole reason this episode isn’t ranked lower.

In hindsight, I really feel like this show gave kids very unrealistic life expectations at times. Apparently I can bring a butler to school with me, and I can make my principal quit their job and turn school into one big party. There’s no way my mom would allow me to have a freaking PIZZA OVEN in my room. First of all… why would you want to eat pizza in your bedroom anyway? Crumbs. Ew. This is the episode that made me assume that Tom is rich. We get to see his room though, which is cool! Much like Twitty’s, I feel like they got the characterization correct here as well. I seriously love that they actually put work into stuff like that. All of the rooms we’ve seen so far highlight the character’s personality without hitting you over the head with their interests. For example, this made me realize that Lizzie McGuire barely tried sometimes. Gordo was very into film, directing, and old records. So guess what they plastered on his wall?! It feels very contrived: 

In contrast.. here’s Tom’s! Very neat. Nerdy paraphernalia on his shelves. Something that looks like a pin-up model poster right above his head. Why does that seem extremely accurate to me?

Everything’s chill and then… *dun, dun, dun* The pizza oven breaks. There’s a tiny detail that I love here. Louis dramatically touches inside of the pizza oven and quickly bounces back all shocked when he feels that it’s cold. It’s just really funny to me. But, yeah. The pizza oven is dead. And ya know what that means!!! ...Louis and Twitty suddenly don’t care about spending time with Tom. Ugh. They immediately peace out and Tom is left all depressed and alone. Wow.

The next day at school, Louis is trying to tell a joke to some kids at lunch when Tom comes over all excited with good news (presumably about the pizza oven.) He keeps interrupting Louis by adding funny remarks that ultimately just annoy everyone around him. I feel so bad. The bell rings before Louis is able to say the punchline. So what does Louis do?! He starts yelling at Tom. “What’s so important?! This better be good news about the pizza oven, because right now I’m in no mood.” SERIOUSLY LOUIS?! Well, Tom catches on and can clearly tell they’re just using him. So, he goes and does what I’d do: He lies and says the oven will be broken indefinitely.

Ren and Nelson are waiting for Steve to show up for their Life Science class. (Btw: Every time I hear “Life Science” all I can think of is LIFE SCIENCE EXTREME from Ned’s Declassified, where they took baby dolls and strapped them to rockets.) Ren insists that it won’t be too embarrassing, because Steve “happens to be one of the area's foremost authorities on the Dickcissel" — with extra emphasis on “dick.” The innuendos are too much this season. Nelson laughs.

Just then, Ruby comes rushing over to run her latest gossip column by Ren. It’s here that we find out the oh so devastating Junior High news that Mandy Sanchez has a crush on Bobby Deaver. It’s kind of ridiculous because she says “I’m really sorry, Ren! Should I kill the story?!” as if it’s a serious piece of journalism. Like, do schools even allow gossip columns like that?! I’d be absolutely mortified if “Brittany Butler has a crush on ____” was written up for the entire school to read without my permission. Mandy is super preppy, fake and snobby. She’s played by Bianca Lopez who funnily enough plays another preppy, fake and snobby character in The Princess Diaries named Fontana! A member of Mandy Moore’s popular crew of cheerleaders.

Here she is making heart eyes at Bobby...

...and there she is on the left making fun of Mia. She literally plays the EXACT same character here with the same condescending, high pitched voice and everything. 

Anyway, Steve ends up being thoroughly embarrassing. Who would’ve guessed?! We get a montage displaying just how embarrassing. It starts off with him making the class pronounce “Bird” slowly, as if it’s an entry level English as a second language class. Lord help me. The montage ends with him emotionally saying “And there he was… A Yellow-Bellied Sap Sucker… actually sucking sap.” Yep. The Yellow-Bellied Sap Sucker. Disney's favorite bird. I’ll never forget the time they mentioned it on Lizzie McGuire, as well. 

Steve invites everyone to go on a field trip to Devil Mountain to observe the migration of… some bird, idk. It’s not important. When he asks who wants to join him, Bobby is the first one to raise his hand with genuine excitement. (I told you he’s weird.) So naturally Mandy, Ren, Ruby and Nelson decide to go, too. This should be interesting.  

While walking home, Louis and Twitty pass by Tom’s house and notice him sitting outside chowin’ down on some cheesy pizza. And we get this incredible exchange:

Twitty: “Hey, Gribalski! Thought you said your oven was gonna be busted for a year!” Tom: “Oops!! Guess I made a boo-boo!” Louis: “Is that any way to treat your friends, man?!” Tom: “This hot, delicious pizza is for people that care about me — and not for two faced pizza pigs like you! NOW GET OFF MY PROPERTY!”

I love Tom so much. He proceeds to sassily whip some crust at them before running into his house with a mouth full of pizza. I honestly think Tom is my second favorite character after Louis.

After coming home from food shopping, Eileen notices that Louis sneakily rang up $150 worth of frozen pizza. Wow, what a great kid he is in this episode! Needless to say, Eileen ain’t happy. He says “Look, I’m on a 4-slice-a-day habit okay? So, let’s preheat the oven to 450 and discuss this in a calm and reasonable manner” which is actually a pretty good line, lol.

The next day on the hiking trip, Steve has the kids break off into pairs to explore. He ends up pairing Bobby and Mandy together, and pairs himself with Ren. Of course. Ren and Mandy end up being extremely passive aggressive to each other and are low-key fighting over Bobby right in front of him. (See cover image of the post) Bobby clearly notices and just… walks away. This is what I mean about him being spineless. He just blows with the wind.

While paired off with Steve, Ren spends her time spying on Mandy and Bobby with her binoculars. This clearly isn’t a healthy relationship, lol. Then again, what Junior High “relationships” are?! Deep down, Ren obviously must not trust Bobby. I mean, I’d be pretty angry at Mandy’s flirty behavior too. But it takes two to tango!! Bobby’s just going along with it. Again, spineless.

Ren and Steve have a falling out when she yells that she’d rather be with her “BOYFRIEND instead of up here watching stupid birds with you!!!” The Stevens kids are not their best this week, lol. When storming off, Ren unknowingly heads down the “Devil’s Backside: DANGER!” trail. (Also, “Devil’s Backside”??? Wow.) While wandering around lost, Ren almost falls to her death in the most hilarious way:

She’s clearly just standing on one leg and flailing her arms around in front of a green screen. Amazing.  

She lands holding onto a brittle branch. Even though she could very well die at any moment.. she still whips out those binoculars again to spy on Bobby and Mandy. Priorities. 

The branch breaks and she falls even further. Thankfully, Steve finds her. They have a heart-to-heart and make up. So, that’s nice. This plot ends with Steve separating Bobby and Mandy on the ride home so Ren and Bobby can be together. Bobby claims he missed Ren all day and felt like Mandy was crowding him. Okay. Sure. I don’t trust this guy either. But, yeah. That’s it for that.

Louis calls Twitty and Tawny in for an emergency meeting to brainstorm how to get revenge on Tom. Tawny isn’t impressed and heads straight for the door. Same. She asks them if they even know anything about Tom or care about him. Like the fact that he’s currently representing LJH in their regional chess meet. Obviously, they didn’t know because they’re awful friends. They seem remorseful, but then Louis gives us this gem of a line:

It’s incredibly funny out of context, but in context it’s just extremely immature and flippant. Tawny says “Louis, no one can disappoint me quite like you can” and leaves, which marks the turning point for Louis here. That’s one thing I really like about this episode. It took Tawny’s disapproval for him to realize how terrible he was being. It just goes to show how much he cares about her and values her opinion.

Cut to Tom’s chess meet. Louis and Twitty show up and turn it into some lively, obnoxious sports event. Complete with painted chests and D-Fence signs. I’m sure this would never fly irl, but it’s a really nice gesture in the Even Stevens-verse. They cheer Tom on the entire time, until he eventually wins! Yay! He gets a great final line, too. When asked the classic “You’ve just won… What are you gonna do now?!” question, where an athlete would typically reply “I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!” Tom says, “I’m gonna go get my windbreaker.” I love this. I have said this before and people literally looked at me like ???

One other great thing about this scene is in the final moments of the meet. Louis is sitting with Tawny anxiously awaiting the outcome… and she just glances at him — proud of his decision to be a good friend in the end. They’re so cute.

The end!!

In conclusion, Tom is most definitely the greatest thing about this episode. Since he’s a supporting character, I thought I’d rank this one a little higher than I might’ve otherwise because he deserves the love!

I adore the ending with Louis showing up and being supportive of Tom, and that little look from Tawny. It almost makes up for Louis being generally awful the entire time. The Ren/Bobby/Mandy love triangle isn’t totally bad, though! I live for petty teen drama, tbh.

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Let me start off by saying... To this day, people fondly remember the Lumberjack Club as if it were some major thing, but in reality it was only a (very) small subplot. That’s crazy to me. I did my research, and this Lumberjack Club plot resonated with people so much that students were directly inspired to start their own Lumberjack Clubs at school irl. I’m not joking. Here are some more examples. 

All of these clubs have basically the same mission statement as Louis’ and were formed in the Early 2000s. This alone made me feel like I should rank the episode much higher for “iconic” points. Buuuut, this was never one of my personal favorites *gasp!* and that’s outweighing a lot of things for me. So, please know that I had an extreme internal struggle when deciding where to put this one. I was originally going to rank this around #59-55. But, I didn’t think that was fair enough to the ~cultural impact~ it made, and decided to put it here at #46. That being said… let’s get into it.

This one opens with Coach Tugnut driving up to his school parking spot singing “‘cause I got a brand new suit, and pair of shoes to match! I wish I had a mustache—“ before he gets cut off by Ren. I just felt like those lyrics were worth sharing honestly. She tells him that Wexler has ordered his parking spot to be moved a block and a half away from the school. We find out the reason why when Wexler comes driving up in a new red convertible. He wanted that spot for himself. Idk why Wexler needed Tugnut’s spot though? Surely he has his own prominent spot? He asks Ren to look into some “Lumberjack Club” he came across while looking over the school budget.

What is up with Ren’s pants, btw? This outfit always bothered me. When I was young I always thought they were, like.. freaking Louis Vuitton pants or something, lol. I mentioned before that her wardrobe starts to include loud patterns and gives off an overall “older” and stuffy vibe towards the end of the series. 

The camera pans over to Louis and Twitty, who are accepting and signing off on a syrup delivery. They recycle their code names (Lars Honeytoast and Frenchie Von Richter) from an earlier episode in the series when accepting the order. The delivery man refers to Twitty as "Mr. Honeytoast." This is such a small thing that’s easy to miss, but it’s awesome and top notch casual continuity! I really like it.

It’s “New England’s Finest” syrup. I’m from Boston. This pleases me, tbh.

It cuts to Lumberjack Club! Where Louis, Twitty, Tawny and Tom are cooking pancakes and celebrating the fact that they’ve upgraded their syrup to premium quality, lol. “Lumber Tawn” asks “Lumber Lou” (yes, these are the nicknames they’ve given themselves) to tell them how he came up with the idea for the club again. Louis goes on to tell the story of the club’s origins. The hillbilly accent really kicks in now, accentuated by bluegrass music in the background. He starts off by saying “Well, ‘bout two weeks ago, when yous kids was much younger… everyone was siiignin’ up for cluuuubs.” That is one of my favorite lines though. Not gonna lie. He explains that anyone could get money to form a club as long as they got 50 signatures. So he decided to create a Lumberjack Club after remembering his “deep and loyal love for the pancake.” Incredible. 

Dat face tho.

Right about now is when Ren comes walking in, finding the four of them toasting to The Lumberjack. (See first image.) She grills them about what kind of club they are and what sort of things they do. Louis starts pulling crap out of his butt saying “We sing Lumberjack Songs.” Ren asks them to sing one and it’s great. None of them are in sync. They’re all making stuff up off the top of their heads and clashing miserably. The best part is Tom -- who’s repeatedly saying "Wood... Wood... Wood..." God bless Tom.

Louis says they’re “legit… with a big L!” “…and a small ‘egit’!” Twitty finishes. I feel like this is worth mentioning because one of the real-life clubs’ requirements for joining is that you have to “be legit.” Oh my god. Obviously, Ren vows to shut down the club.

Wexler surprises Ren with her own desk outside of his office. We’re getting into creepy territory again, guys. Wexler makes Ren, a 14-15 year old, do ALL OF HIS WORK while he goes out gallivanting in his new car. Remember when I said that Ren Stevens is basically the principal of Lawrence Jr. High…? Well, this episode really exemplifies that and takes it to a new level. She literally takes over as principal. How is this not illegal?

One of her tasks for the day is to fire the school janitor. Wow. (Fun fact: Jackie the Janitor is played by Knobby Frostybump -- the old elf from the Lizzie McGuire Christmas episode lol) This is the last straw for Ren. She confronts Wexler and quits being his assistant. But much like in Ren-Gate, that doesn’t last long. Over the course of a period, she gets all emo and decides she wants her job back. But, oh no! When she goes back to the office, guess who’s already taken over for her? Larry Beale. Dang, that was fast.

Another lazy name flub happens again here. Larry is polishing his nameplate and it reads "Lawrence M. Beale" when earlier in the series they say his full name on a few different occasions and it's "Lawrence Anthony Beale." I don't understand why something like this is so difficult to remember?! Although, I actually always thought it was weird that Larry's middle name was Anthony because Louis’ full name is Louis Anthony Stevens. Even weirder... The actor who plays Beans is named Steven Anthony Lawrence. What a strange coincidence. 

Ren and Wexler are being extremely passive aggressive towards each other while Larry sits there gloating. Out of spite, Ren decides to become Tugnut's new assistant instead. Like he even needs one. It becomes a petty, all out war between the pairs.

It’s Larry’s job to shut down Lumberjack Club now, so he busts into their meeting the next day. I’m pretty sure they’re not even going to class anymore. They hired a marimba player named Nate to entertain them during club meetings — which I think is absolutely hilarious. It might just be because I'm a musician, but any music-related humor kills me. I mean, a MARIMBA PLAYER?! And this dude is such a Jazz cat. It’s great. This is honestly probably my favorite scene in the whole episode:

So, yeah. Lumberjack Club needs to make an educational presentation in order to stay a thing.

Tugnut is chilling in a lawn chair, eating a burrito and telling his life story (”I thought about moving to Canada, but I don’t speak Canadian...”) while Ren does work on his car. Now she’s a mechanic. This is child abuse, I swear. She’s about to quit as his assistant, but she looks up and sees Larry and Wexler blissfully driving around in his convertible. She gets jealous and keeps working for Tugnut. These student/teacher relationships are so, so strange and not appropriate. Let’s be real... 

Anyway, the whole assistant war thing starts to come to an end when it becomes obvious that Ren is much more qualified and has a better relationship and understanding with Wexler than Larry does. Larry royally messes up as Wexler's assistant and ends up doing a lot of things wrong. Including inviting Wexler’s mother to school, putting nutmeg in his coffee, and forgetting to pay Wexler’s car insurance bill. (Really, what adult would trust a 14-15 year old to pay their bills…) 

Louis organizes the most impressive Lumberjack Club presentation ever within a few hours at the most. I do like seeing Louis at least fully see his schemes through, though. So that’s nice, I guess.

It’s like a freaking carnival.

Nate returns as the musical entertainment. I love this guy, lol. Everything’s going well, until Louis and Twitty chop down a tree during a demonstration which falls on Wexler’s car. Ouch. Wexler’s devastated and sobbing, but manages to mutter “Look what they’ve done to my sweet, sweet ride!” through tears. That made me laugh harder than I probably should’ve. Wexler faints when he finds out Larry didn’t send the insurance payment, and nowww Ren is responsible for Wexler’s literal life. 

Something always gotta go wrong. Louis was actually sort of pulling this whole Lumberjack thing off.

Wexler could be on his deathbed right now and it’s up to Ren to save him. Wow. “Breathe, Principal Wexler! Breathe!!!”

Turns out Ren sneakily sent out the insurance payment the other day and everything’s fine. The episode ends with Ren becoming Wexler’s assistant again. The end. 

So yeah, that’s it. I’m still shocked at how short the Lumberjack Club plot actually is. Pretty crazy how it somehow managed to burn itself into the memories of so many people. I’m also like, 99% positive it was inspired by this Monty Python skit. There’s even a song playing during the school presentation that’s near identical melodically (and lyrically a bit) to the one sung in this skit. The fact that it’s just a subplot also affected my ranking, because I’m not the biggest fan of this episode’s main plot. I love Larry/Ren conflict.. but this situation is just... slightly annoying to me for some reason. ALSO! I realized the other day that I should base my rankings on character development, as well. I’ve actually been doing that subconsciously so far, I think. Barring a few, the majority have been filler episodes basically. No material that actually advances the overall arc of the show. Just random, silly plots -- which makes it difficult for me to really consider it a “good” or “great” episode. And unfortunately, that’s what Lumberjack Club is to me. I’m so sorry. I just love these characters so much, so when there’s little to no character growth in an episode.. it sort of bothers me. I know the show is silly, but there’s a lot of heart there as well. Episodes that have a little meat to them are the ones I’m more fond of. 

We’ve officially reached the point in my list where I drew a line separating the lower half from the better half though, guys! The ball’s really rolling now. I’m excited. 

Thanks for reading! Were you a Lumberjack Club fan? Did you start your own?! Please, do tell. Haha. 

This episode opens with Louis walking into Ren’s room at night, eating a chocolate bar. He asks Ren (who’s asleep) if he can use her laptop and takes a tired sigh from her as a “yes.” Pretty sure that wouldn’t hold up in court. I’m still not sure why Louis needs Ren’s laptop at 1:27AM but with most things Louis does — I’m not even gonna ask. In the process of unplugging her computer, Louis accidentally unplugs Ren’s alarm clock. Which is literally THE WORST. I hate when my alarm doesn’t go off. It’s sort of a fear of mine. So, basically I’m watching Ren live out one of my nightmares. She’s woken up by the sound of a lawnmower and she clearly suffers a “holy crap I overslept” heart attack. Again… The worst. She sees her laptop is missing and her extension cord is covered in chocolate. Which can only mean one thing… Louis.

She gets ready at the speed of light and rushes to school. When she gets there she bumps into Wexler who reminds her about the display project and she assures him she has organized everything into boxes and only needs a few hours to set it all up. I’m laughing because he mentions he’s been called out of town for “principal business” yet he has a snorkel and goggles in his bag. He quickly covers them and tries to act like it’s a “very important conference” simply because he “has to take a plane and everything!!1!” Again, Ren tells him not to worry while he’s gone. She vows to get the display done in time.

Due to Wexler’s absence, Coach Tugnut is put in charge. Ren asks why Vice Principal Mason isn’t in charge, but in Season 3 their Vice Principal is Mr. Landau. Just something I noticed. Anyway, Tugnut’s the “top dawg” and he’s on a power trip. Ren ends up being late for gym and Tugnut makes her sit the class out next to a girl who’s coloring her toenails with a crayola marker (she makes sure to say it’s “non-toxic.”) She’s obviously supposed to be an ~edgy~ trouble maker. As soon as Ren sits down, the girl introduces herself as Chloe and starts talking to her. And then… *dun, dun, duuuun* Tugnut gives them detention for “illegal use of the mouth.” Um…

Ren approaches the detention room after school that day like she’s walking to her execution. The detention monitor is an old dude who’s apparently been “asleep since 1985” according to Chloe. This guy must be a saint or something because he’s obviously dead and there’s no explanation for why he hasn’t decomposed after 16 years. Of course, the room is full of strange kids and Ren is a fish out of water. Chloe introduces Ren to everyone and suddenly Louis walks in shouting “MY PEOPLE!” and they’re all pumped to see him. Yep. Louis is Detention King. Unsurprisingly. 

Louis has this awkward looking scrape on his chin. He plays it off as a “sports injury” but Ren exposes his lies and says he got it from tripping over their TV remote. I feel like they wrote this into the script because Shia actually had a scrape on his chin. It’s so random and I don’t know why they’d decide to give Louis this ugly thing on his face just to casually address it once. Plus, Shia has said before that they would write things into the script all the time (as well as ad-lib.) So, yeah. That’s what I’m betting.

Suddenly a microphone comes down from the ceiling. Louis says “Let the games begin” and within a few seconds they proceed to transform the room into a hamster race arena. I always felt like the surreal element didn’t come in until the second season… but then I remember that stuff like this happened in Season 1. I guess the show always had that element, I just prefer the episodes that don’t. Louis smells french fries which means Tugnut is on the move. They scramble to revert the classroom to the way it was.

Ren tries to show remorse to Tugnut in an attempt to get out of detention early and finish the display. But, a hamster crawls up her pant leg mid-speech and she starts screaming. For some reason, Tugnut gives Ren double detention for it and tells everyone else to leave. 

After detention that day, Ren comes busting into Louis’ room and finds him applying crayola marker (that he makes sure to say is “non-toxic”) to his chest to look like hair. Is using crayola markers on your body and explicitly saying it’s non-toxic a thing that detention kids do or something? Why else have Chloe and Louis both do and say that in the same episode? Louis tells Ren that she didn’t “break the code” by telling Tugnut about the hamster race, so he offers to help her out with getting the display done. Wexler calls Ren from his important principal conference (a.k.a - a hot tub party) and is under the impression that Ren has finished the display. Now she has no choice but to go with Louis’ plan — which involves sneaking into the school at night. Couldn’t they just go on Saturday or Sunday, though? No one will be around then either, but.

“Just wanted to see how it’d look...” 

Wexler’s important conference. 

Louis called on Chloe for backup and she shows up whisper-yelling like “YOOU-WHOO! IS THIS WHERE THE TOP SECRET MISSION IS?!?!” Wow. Everything seems easy enough, but Tugnut is at the school rollerskating in the halls like the strange man he is. So, basically they have to spend the rest of the night making sure he doesn’t catch them. That’s really the rest of the episode. This one was/is hell for me to review for some reason because… not much happens really.

Louis brought Jumbo Size Crinkle Fries to distract Tugnut with. You know where the Faculty Sauna and the Wexlervator once were? Well this week, it’s a closet. They take a fan out from there and try to lure Tugnut to the smell of the fries. All they leave is the empty container so that he’ll have no choice but to go and get fries for himself because he’s a french fry addict apparently. And he does leave but before he goes he makes sure to turn on freaking HEAT, LIGHT, AND MOTION SENSITIVE LASERS, RIGHT IN FRONT OF REN’S DISPLAY CASE. What the heck?! What Junior High school is so important that it needs freaking lasers to keep people away? Well, Ren is storing school artifacts from the last 75 years in boxes underneath the display case. So, maybe they’re trying to protect them?! lol, it’s the only thing I can think of because there’s literally no need for this. Louis says he’s “wispy” and dances his way through the lasers. Aside from the fact that he most definitely hit a few on his way to the other side… he successfully disarms them. This whole sequence is ridiculous but I love Louis too much to care.

The Faculty Sauna, Wexlervator, Storage Closet area... lol. 

Ren and Chloe get to work on the project. But, Louis decides to cool off in front of the giant fan and blows all of their materials away. This pisses me off. When Ren tells him to turn the fan off, he cranks it up accidentally. Instead of just turning the fan around, he leaves it and on stands in front of it as if that’s going to help the situation. He finally turns it around and off, but Ren is left in a mess. This gives me so much anxiety. Thankfully, Chloe suggests that they forget about making it “perfect” and just slap together some funky display instead. I can tell you right now, I am positive that it turned out a million times better than whatever Ren had originally planned. So… shout out to Chloe! It all worked out! :D Of course.

They finish and get out of there just before Tugnut returns. Tugnut is standing in the laser area, so Louis decides to sneakily turn them on before they leave. This totally could’ve killed Tugnut but he happened to be standing so that the lasers perfectly frame him. This is awful. He’s left straddling the lasers ALL WEEKEND. There’s no way. The heat and energy would’ve gotten to him and he would’ve died. Oh well.

Barbra Bushwick, a woman from the first graduating glass of LJH, is a guest at the 75th Anniversary on Monday. She compliments the display and says she loves the fact that it’s random and breaks boundaries! Ren, Louis and Chloe are all smugly proud of themselves. And that’s it.

Idk what it is, but it took FOREVER to even attempt to do this entry. I’ve been sitting here wondering why I didn’t rank this one lower… but, I just remembered that I really like seeing Louis and Ren work together. I just wish Louis had a bigger role in this episode and didn’t mess things up, haha. There’s also something I’ve always liked about being at school at night. Is that just me? Back in the day I loved going to functions at my middle school at night or on the weekends. Maybe I’m just weird. This is another episode that doesn’t have a subplot. That probably has something to do with it. I had trouble tackling Duck Soup for that reason, as well. Idk why. But, yeah. It’s a pretty simple episode. I feel like some people might find this one a little boring. 

Thank you so much for reading! I desperately want… no, need… to stick to a schedule so that this can be a definite, fun weekly thing for all of us.

Chime in below with your thoughts on the episode!

Season 2 starts off strong and continues with a bit of an iconic one! I feel like everyone remembers this episode. I mean, how could you forget those cheeks?!

This one opens with Ren in her room staring in the mirror all self-conscious about her braces. She’s trying to come up with a creative way to smile for her school picture that will hide “the fence across her teeth” (Her words, not mine.) Am I the only one who thinks having braces isn’t that big of a deal? Plenty of kids have braces in middle school. I had braces in middle school. That’s one of the many great, awkward memories you can have! But, this is Ren and everything needs to be perfect so. Just then, Eileen arrives with good news! Turns out Ren’s dentist has agreed to squeeze her in for the morning of school picture day and remove her braces! I personally wouldn’t go for that. The idea of getting your braces off like, an hour before school just seems too rushed. I’m too much of a control freak that I would be worried about something possibly going wrong.... and my worries would be valid. Because something does go wrong here. Big time.

Just about then, Louis interrupts and we learn about his room becoming an environmental hazard. Eileen scolds “Louis! How many times have I told you not to leave leftover sushi under your bed?!” And Louis is so flustered like “I’M SORRY! There are so many rules in this house, it’s hard to keep ‘em all straight!” I love this. Not leaving raw fish under your bed is common sense, Lou. It’s going to take the hazardous waste removal team at least two weeks to kill whatever life form is thriving in Louis’ room, so Donnie decides to let Louis bunk with him for the time being. Bad mistake. 

Fast forward to the dentist. This guy is such an over the top character! I was super confused because I watched a live chat with Christy from last year on FunnyOrDie’s Facebook page, and she said that the dentist was her real dentist and she legitimately got her braces off on-set. Okay. I believe that she got her braces off on-set, but there’s no way in hell this guy is her dentist. This scene was probably just for show and she got them removed off screen or something. 

Ren has an infection apparently so the guy puts some medication on either side of her gums and sends her on her way. He tries to warn her about “mild side effects” but Ren’s too excited to have brace-free teeth to care. Oops. 

The very next scene we see that nasty, spitting principal (Mr. Lawler) from That’s So Raven photographing X-Ray from Holes:

That’s So Raven literally used so many actors and leftover props from Even Stevens. It’s RIDICULOUS. They were both produced by Brookwell/McNamara -- so it makes sense, but still. I’ll be sure to point that stuff out as we go. “X-Ray” is actor Brenden Jefferson and his character’s name here is Ryan Zellpepper. Who comes up with names like this? We only see him one other time in the series. I actually kinda like him as an actor and wish he was on the show more, tbh. Pretty cool he and Shia went on to do Holes together as well. 

The photographer, Mr. Crappizi, tells everyone “Look at Mr. Happy Bunny and say ‘Crappizi’!” Okay first of all, these kids are in junior high, not kindergarten. And telling people to say your last name as they smile is a lil weird. Just saying. It also kills me how these kids seemingly purposely ruin their own photos. Ryan’s like “Huh? Crappizi???” all dramatically and makes that ^ awful face. Like, seriously?! You couldn’t ignore the weird instructions and just smile like a normal person for ONE SECOND?! You had to go and ask a question and move your jaw so far to the side it looks like it’s about to walk away from your face? Come on, man. 

Ren comes running into the room late and they make sure to only show her from the back and cover her face from the eyes down. This, of course, is so we can get the grand reveal of two monstrous lumps on her face! (See cover photo.) I’m assuming her face must be a little numb, because something tells me you’d be able to feel (or even SEE out of the corner of your eye) giant lumps like that. ALSO, even if I was running late.. I would totally still run to the bathroom for a quick touch up or to check myself in the mirror. This whole situation could’ve been avoided if Ren took one minute to do that. You can tell the photographer is a little concerned about Ren’s face, but she’s so happy that he assumes her face must always look like that, lol. 

She goes walking through the hallway beaming with joy and everyone’s staring for obvious reasons. But, she’s under the assumption it’s because of her beautiful teeth. It’s pretty great.

She sees Louis and goes up to him like “Notice anything different?! No braces!” He says he was distracted by her cheeks and explains “It looks like you’re smuggling meatballs from the cafeteria.” I LOVE THIS LINE SO MUCH OH MY GOD. I mention it all the freaking time. Omg. She takes a look in his locker mirror and is clearly shocked: 

Ren: “I look like a.... a....” 

Louis: “....blowfish.” 

I was about to comment on the good makeup job they did... but I just noticed that you can see the outline of the prosthetic under her eye lol

Louis suggests that she ask the photographer for a reshoot. Only problem is that the dude’s company policy is literally “No reshoots.” Wow, buddy. Crappizi ends up agreeing that if Principal Wexler is willing to pay, he’ll give her a reshoot. Ren assumes that she’ll get it easily since, ya know, she’s basically Vice Principal and everything. But Wexler shuts the prospect down immediately because if he authorizes a reshoot for Ren, he’ll have to do it for everybody. There’s a bit here that makes my blood boil every time. Ren explains “But the dentist gave me medication that made my cheeks swollen!” At this point, the swelling has gone down so Wexler is all “They look fine to me.” HOLY CRAP I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT. Like... What? You think she’s lying about it? It’s Ren Stevens. Why would she lie about that? It’s the worst feeling ever when someone doesn’t believe you. It makes you feel like a fraud even though you know you aren’t. Ugh. Wexler insists it’s just a silly picture and Ren argues “It’s my eighth grade yearbook picture!!!” as if it’s her wedding portrait or something. Honey, let me show you my 8th Grade yearbook picture: 

I have braces, greasy hair, a crooked jaw, and a mustache. (Roasted myself there for a sec.) My quote is also a line from “Jesus of Suburbia” by Green Day which I didn’t even fully understand the meaning of at the time -- but I thought I was ~totes punx~ so. I honestly should’ve quoted Louis Stevens instead. BUT! Ren, if you had just taken your photo with ya braces like a normal middle schooler you would’ve avoided this far more disastrous situation. 

Oh, I also always forget that I was on student council. I can’t even remember what my position was omg. 

The next scene is Louis coming home late from school. He got paper pick up duty because “You make one rude sound during the Pledge of Allegiance and it’s like a whole federal case!” I love that line lol. I’m assuming this must be at least a week after picture day.. because he checks the mail and sees that the yearbook photos have been delivered. Yeah, didn’t those take like.. forever to arrive back in the day? Doubt they had next-day delivery lol. We see the outcome of both Louis and Ren’s photos and they’re glorious:

Ren’s photo is truly AWFUL....ly hilarious. Shia does the greatest laugh ever after looking at her picture. I can’t even explain it. But sometimes I end up laughing exactly like that accidentally and I immediately refer to it as “My Louis Stevens Laugh” every time. 

Eileen looks at both photos and is like “Now, Louis you look very handsome in this picture!!” lol. He does look adorable. Aww! Louis brings up the fact that Ren’s photo will be plastered all over the yearbook under every activity she’s done, whereas his will only be in once. “That’s what you get for being a high achiever.” BUUURRRRRN. Imagine seeing those cheeks pop up on every other page of the yearbook though, lol. 

Ren talks to Eileen about the whole “No Reshoots” thing being an injustice and we find out that Eileen used to be a hardcore feminist in the 70s. It’s great. She tells Ren that the women at her college wanted courses in Women’s Studies but no one would take them seriously. They decided to protest and Eileen wrote this iconic jam: 

Cut to Louis and Donnie bunking together! Louis has been living in there for at least a few days I’m guessing.. but there’s no other bed in the room. Has he been sleeping on the floor? Or like.. have they been sharing Donnie’s twin bed? Okay. Donnie tells Louis that he’s free to make himself at home essentially and bring some of his stuff down from the attic. Once again, he gave Louis an inch... and he took 101 miles.

I love little details like the “Three Eyes Wide Shut” poster near the door, which is a short film Louis directed back in Season 1. It should also be noted that Louis brought all of this stuff down from the attic while Donnie ran to the bathroom. That had to’ve given him about 3 minutes tops, lol. Right.

Louis took parts from Donnie’s bed to make a basketball backboard and rim and, well... broke Donnie’s bed. 

Ren was inspired by Eileen’s story and decides to organize a protest of her own in an attempt to get reshoots. Turns out basically every student had a traumatic experience and all of their photos came out terrible.  

Is that girl picking her nose?! Are you kidding me?! Not exactly the most opportune time to go digging for gold. Reminds me of the Ned’s Declassified picture day episode. “Tip #867: Pick a pose, not your nose!” 

Ren vows to protest every day before and after school until reshoots are authorized. Unfortunately, Wexler threatens to expel her if she goes through with it. Uh oh. 

Back at the house that night, Louis strung up some hammocks for him and Donnie after breaking his bed, lol. He also drilled a giant hole in the ceiling or something to make a “skylight.” Except, there’s a serious storm going on so Donnie gets soaked with rain. Wow, Louis. Yeah, right about then is when Donnie banishes him. Louis is left to go sleep on the couch and we get one of my favorite moments ever:

THAT TREE KILLS ME EVERY TIME. 

Ren continues her protest the next day and Wexler has had enough. He demands to see her in his office at the end of the day. Well, the end of the day rolls around and while Ren’s waiting outside the office Louis drops in to share some very important things he found in the trash. 

They found discarded photos of Wexler! He took 17 photos until he found one “dignified” enough for the yearbook. 

It’s obviously a little hard for Wexler to argue now. He ends up approving the reshoots for everyone! Yay! 

Ya know how I’ve mentioned that Wexler and Ren’s relationship is a little.... weird... at times? Well, Bill Clinton peeking over Wexler’s shoulder isn’t helping the situation. 

Wexler says “I admire your pluck!” -- Ren responds “It’s nice to have my pluck admired!” With emphasis on “pluck.” What the actual heck is going on?! *shivers* 

Reshoot day rolls around and Louis trades his adorably handsome picture for his iconic shaved dog butt face: 

Ren sits for her picture and is one second away from sneezing, but Louis puts his finger under her nose and saves the day. Ren’s new picture turns out fine. 

I love how it’s taken from the angle of the camera that’s filming the actual episode instead of dead on from the photographer’s perspective. Mistake, lol. That always annoyed me.

That’s it! This is a good episode. For whatever reason though, it starts to feel a little slow to me once it hits the second half. The first half is super solid though and very memorable. This is a Ren-centric episode as well and it’s definitely one of her better ones. She actually has a good and genuinely funny plot line here! Yay! Obviously, Louis is my fave so any episode that doesn’t include him a lot is not gonna be one of my absolute favorites... but whenever he’s on screen here.. it’s gold. So we’re good, haha. I also love the way Louis comes to the rescue at the end not once, but twice. He discovers Wexler’s secret and saves Ren’s reshoot photo! It’s also a nice brother/sister teamwork dynamic. 

Thanks for reading! Have any memories of this episode? 

I cannot believe we’re entering the #20′s next week. I’m serious. Where has the time gone?!?! Feels like just the other day I was proud of myself for completing 5 reviews. Now here I am with 36 episodes under my belt so far. Crazy. September 14th will actually mark ONE YEAR since I created this blog. The idea of actually finishing the project seemed so daunting when I first started, but now the end is actually in sight... Wow. Let’s do dis. 

This episode opens with a scene the above image is from. Ren and Charlotte are acting overly “BFF-y” and peppy. They’re on their way to the school gym, chatting excitedly about decorating the dance and how awesome their friendship is. Saying things like “You go, girl!” “No.. YOU go, girl!” to each other. (This is important!) I don’t know anyone who acts like this. They walk into the gym, only to discover it’s a gigantic space and their two little bags of decorations ain’t gonna cut it. This always confused me, because… It’s their school gym. I’m sure they’ve stepped foot in there before this moment. They should’ve known that a little banner, some streamers, and a few balloons in the corner wouldn’t suffice.

Ren says that they’ll have to work on decorating every night that week in order to pull it off. Charlotte agrees, saying “Totally! Every night! ……….Except tonight.” Punctuated with a record scratch sound effect and all. Charlotte reminds Ren that she’s having dinner with Yvette. An old friend who’s only in town for a couple of days. Ren is obviously let down (and less than pleased about having to work alone) so Charlotte asks “Do you, like… totally hate me?” She’s so extra peppy, it’s a little insufferable. Ren says she’s okay with it and they do a best friend handshake (also important!) and Charlotte runs off, leaving Ren with all the decorations and visibly upset.

The subplot is introduced by shots of a kitchen that seems to have been hit by Hurricane Gluttony, but nope. The only natural disaster here is Louis, who just made a giant sandwich. He’s with Twitty, who tells him to make sure he eats before he comes over to babysit his little brother the night of the school dance — establishing the plot out loud, which feels a little forced to me. 

Eileen walks in, overhears Louis’ babysitting plans and asks “…Who’s going to watch you?” to which Louis responds “Hey! You in the mom suit, I’m the only funny one around here.” I like this line because it reminds me that this is sweet Season 1. Back when Louis was an aspiring comedian, always cracking smart jokes. Ah, the good old days. Eileen doesn’t think Louis is responsible enough to babysit, (don’t blame ya, Eileen!) so he tries to sway her by telling an ineffective story about how he bird-sat their neighbor’s canary one time and fed it its favorite food every day. It cuts to footage of Louis blissfully feeding a dead bird Fruit Loops. “THE BIRD HAD A DEATH WISH!” he insists. I am laughing. Eileen says she’ll only let him babysit if he can prove he’s responsible. 

Notice he’s distracted because he’s reading! Not only that, he’s reading a book called “The Art of the Joke.” He took comedy so seriously. In other news, that poor fake “dead” bird being buried in a grave of Fruit Loops is killing me. RIP.

Ren and Charlotte are at school getting all their decorations in order and trying to come up with a slogan for the dance. After a bunch of lame ideas, Ren suggests “Awesome 80s” (Important!) but Charlotte shoots it down. It’s interesting to me because Ren says that ”Mad cool” and “tight” are slang for the time (2000). People still say that stuff 16 years later. Another thing that’s not totally dated in this show. Pretty cool.

Louis comes in and pays Ren $5 to sweet talk Eileen into believing he’s responsible. “When you see mom, I want you to start singing praises! Five dollars worth!!” I like this scene a lot.

Ren and Charlotte continue working and start talking about their amazingly great friendship again, calling themselves “The Dynamic Duo” when suddenly someone says “…Make that a trio!!” and lo and behold, it’s Yvette standing in the doorway. She offers to help decorate. Charlotte and Yvette immediately start sharing inside jokes about life back in Topeka, which obviously makes Ren feel like a trash can. This is so relatable, it actually hurts. And it gets worse… Suddenly the two of them tell each other “You go, girl!” “No! YOU go, girl!” before doing the SAME FRIENDSHIP HANDSHAKE Charlotte always does with Ren. Like, wow. That honestly feels like such a stab in the back. I know the feeling. It makes you feel so… not special. Like, the person you thought was your best friend actually does the same exact stuff with other people like it’s nothing. It sucks. Ren just watches them all sad. :(

To Ren’s dismay, Charlotte and Yvette come hang out at the Stevens’ that night to talk to State Senator Eileen Stevens, when Louis walks in. Not-so-subtly reminding Ren to prove his responsibleness to Eileen. Ren’s like “Louis brought me a sweater. He’s really responsible.” and Louis says “Stop it, Ren. Mom’s gonna think I paid you to say that” with a smile. Shia is perfect here. He assures Eileen that he’ll be babysitting with Tawny and that two 13-year-olds is really like a 26-year-old. Louis could swindle me out of a quick dollar with that flawed logic, honestly. Eileen gives him a “maybe.” Louis is elated.

Louis hasn’t actually asked Tawny to babysit with him, though.. so now he’s trying to persuade her last minute. He tells her that them babysitting is the only way Twitty will be able to go to the dance. Tawny says “I can’t believe he’s going. I should have another talk with him about conformity and peer pressure." - I was that friend, tbh. Scratch that. I still am that friend. Louis is on his knees begging her at this point. (He really wants dat babysitting cash.) The final bait he uses to make her say yes is that Twitty’s family have a big screen TV and a DVD player. Okay. THAT is a little dated, lol. She says she’ll only do it if he hops on one foot, rubs his stomach with one hand and pats his head with the other. I love this, haha. Louis and Tawny are a great pairing. They even each other out. Tawny is overly chill and apathetic, whereas Louis is overly hyper and optimistic here. It's cute.

While Charlotte and Ren are working on a hand-painted banner, Yvette walks in with a professionally made, high quality banner with the slogan “AWESOME 80s” on it. Charlotte is like “omg that’s greaaaaat!!” as if Ren didn’t already suggest “Awesome 80s” and she told her it lacked a certain flair. Ouch.

Yvette is so proud and asks “Do you love me or do you love me?" Ren responds, “I don't know, it's just too close to call!" - Christy's delivery is great here. So sarcastic. I love it. Yvette says she wants to join the decorating committee.. because her dad got transferred to Sacramento and she’ll be attending LJH next semester!!! YAY! (not.) But, her dad’s job must not have worked out because we never see or hear of Yvette ever again, so. Oops.

That evening when they’re hanging up decorations, Yvette accidentally knocks Ren off of a ladder and sends her flying through a paper banner and into a pile of balloons. Ren is pisssssed and goes off on Charlotte. She tells her “You don’t need me. You have Yvette. And guess what?! I don’t need you.” Stone cold. Yo, Ren is scary and über dramatic when she's mad.

Ren has a conversation with her mom where Eileen tells her “you’re allowed to have more than one best friend.” But Ren says “Having a best friend is like having a twin. It’s a special relationship between two people. Me and Charlotte… We had that. And, um. It’s over.” - This line was always so cringy to me. Like, were they dating or something?! I mean, honestly. It sounds like she’s explaining how marriage works to a class of kindergartners.

We finally get to see Louis and Tawny babysitting! All Louis really cares about is being able to chill and watch “The TV of his dreams,” and uh... let’s just say… The TV of his dreams shows how far technology has come:

Around here is where we get one of my favorite Louis quotes. He’s telling Tawny what snacks he brought for junk food and says “We got Doritos, Cheetos, Fritos... Basically, we’ve got the whole Itos family." - I literally use this line all the time, you have no idea. I’ve used this at parties where said junk food is displayed, and I’ve actually gotten laughs. Thanks, Louis.

Twitty’s brother is named Milton but they call him Milty. Milty Twitty. Okay. Unfortunately, Louis and Tawny don't even get to enjoy “digital heaven” because Milty is the devil’s child and wreaks havoc all night. His name should've been Damien. That’s basically how their plot ends.

It’s time for the 80s dance! Where everyone’s jamming to royalty-free, 80s rip-off music! Charlotte went as Tina Turner and honestly looks incredible. She’s dancing with Yvette, and Ren is standing there watching all jelly. So she leaves and goes to the bathroom, takes a tube of lipstick out of her bra (a little much for a middle schooler, no?) and melodramatically decides to not put it on. Mumbling to herself in the mirror “Why bother?” HONESTLY. Were she and Charlotte a thing?! This scene is also cringy because it makes it seem like she wanted to look ~good~ for Charlotte, but now that she has Yvette… “Why bother?” Idk. Maybe that’s just me.

Yvette comes into the bathroom and she and Ren have a heart to heart. She tells Ren that she’s been the one feeling like a third wheel all week. I really don’t know why she’d feel that way, though. She was the center of attention the whole time. The freaking episode is called “All About Yvette” for gods sake!! But anyway, Yvette says she feels like she lost her best friend. This makes Ren feel a little better, and she relays the advice from Eileen, “Hasn’t anyone ever told you? You’re allowed to have more than one best friend.” It’s a pretty cheesy moment. As they leave the bathroom, Ren says “Let’s go bop!” This is another thing people say today! Myself included! (i.e. “I’m boppin’” / “This song is a bop,” etc.) Just something else I found interesting.

Long story short — Ren, Charlotte, and Yvette all makeup! They call themselves “The Dynamic Trio” (also very cheesy), they all tell each other “You go, girl!” “No! YOU go, girl!” and dance the night away to a cheap Madonna sound-alike song. Yay!

Obviously the moral of this episode is that “you’re allowed to have more than one best friend.” But all this episode taught me is that “80s Ren” looks exactly like my mother circa 1984:

That’s the best picture I could find of my mom at the moment. If I find a better one, I’ll update this. But, trust me... They are twins. It freaks me out.

This is a pretty safe episode. But, it's extremely early on in the series. They haven't quite hit on what makes the show unique yet. This particular episode feels like you’re watching some generic 90s vibe TV show, as opposed to the awesomeness that is Even Stevens. I really like elements of the subplot though thanks to the Louis/Tawny dynamic and I wish we could’ve seen more of it! I really don’t want to sound like I hate Ren or anything, because I don’t. It’s just that sometimes her A-plots are not as strong for some reason. And without Shia on the screen, certain episodes sort of drag on for me a bit. It’s absolutely nothing personal! I was actually very tempted to rank this one a few spots higher, mainly for the subplot and the relatable aspects of Ren’s story. But, looking back.. the cheesiness outweighs everything else for me. There’s hardly any quotable dialogue or real laughs here. And the Louis/Tawny thing isn’t as strong as it could’ve been.

As always, contribute to the convo below! :)

Okay, so I’m actually not gonna go into full summary mode for Ren’s plot. Just because it’s literally so boring and strange to me. It has its moments... but, it’s giving me a headache thinking about “breaking it down” for some reason. So.. I’m not going to, lol. Let me try to summarize it as concisely as I can:

Ren gets the job at Your Toast. It’s obvious that Assistant Manager, Mr. Squirelli, (Played by Jason Marsden, Boy Meets World) is an absolute psycho. He’s obsessed with toast and is running an incredibly tight ship. He’s creepy, neurotic, and occasionally watches his employees like a hawk through a cut out tile in the wall: 

Ok this screenshot has me dying. What a creeper. 

He enforces things like the 10 Commandments of Toast and ridiculous rules like “No Nibbling” (a.k.a. eating), “No Breaks” (a.k.a. quickest way to lose staff), and god knows what else. He’s basically abusing these middle school kids who are probably just working there for a little experience and enough money to buy the new Eminem CD coming out next week. Chill, buddy. Anyway, Ren studies up and abides by these rules. Since she’d pretty much been preparing for a paying job her entire life, she ends up doing great. 

Ruby gets fired after being caught nibbling (taking a bite of toast.) She thinks Ren told on her. Everyone’s mad at Ren. Squirelli steps out for a bit and leaves Ren in charge. Ruby comes back to visit, and the staff use this as an opportunity to take an unauthorized break.. Leaving Ren to work alone. Larry Beale conveniently works at another restaurant at the mall and brings a massive group of hungry tourists over in an attempt to swamp Ren with too much work. (Wow, Larry.) Ren rocks it, though! The kids watch while on their break and admire how hard and well Ren’s working. (Larry’s impressed, too.) When Squirelli returns, Ren and the rest of the kids have had enough. He ends up being #exposed by them in front of the District Manager, Mr. Hale. Hale overrides all of Squirelli’s asinine rules and also gives Ruby her job back. Everyone’s relieved! The end. *Whew!* That was easier than I thought, haha. Moving on...

The only thing that kinda saves this episode is Louis’ subplot. It’s stronger and more entertaining than Ren’s, and probably would’ve been better off as the A-Plot here. BUT, it’s not perfect. Louis acts a bit too crazy, imo. After banging around on the drums like an insane person without a single musical bone in his body, Steve and Eileen decide to pay for Louis to take lessons. We meet his new drum teacher, Nikki Pox. (nice Nikki Sixx rip-off lol) He’s a stereotypical, washed up musician with a dirty British accent still living in 1981. It’s honestly great though. Because we get the best line of the entire episode thanks to him.

Louis: Why do you look so familiar? Nikki: You ever hear of a little band called KISS? Louis: yEAH, YES I HAVE!!! Nikki: I played in a band that opened for them once in Fresno.

I’m a musician, so any sort of music-related humor will get me. And, this line always gets me, lol.

Nikki starts teaching Louis stuff like “Drummers never wear sleeves.” What invaluable information. Louis is lovin’ it, though. After their first lesson, Nikki and Louis put on a “concert” in the living room that’s basically just Louis acting like an (insane) rock star and destroying the living room. Complete with a new wardrobe, a wig, smoke machine, lights, and boom box playing a cheap cheering crowd track. I can’t.

I have to mention, though - Before this, Steve happened to be complaining about modern pop music and how you can’t get through one song “without someone screaming about their booty.” I actually die because Louis proceeds to walk out on stage and scream “NOW, GET UP OFF YOUR BOOOO-TAAAYYYSSSS! AHHH!” and Steve is like “See? It’s all about the booty.” It’s perfect. Shia’s pronunciation of "boo-tays” is what really makes it, omg.

Steve is about to fire Nikki, but then Nikki tells them it’s all part of the program. He gives students a taste of what it’s like to be a rock star, as motivation to get through all the basics. Louis is annoyed at the thought of having to do all the boring stuff. But, Nikki asks him “Do you want to be a great drummer?!” Louis just smiles sincerely and says “Yeah..” and as I type this I think I just realized that somewhere down the line they replaced “Louis the Aspiring Comedian” with “Louis the Aspiring Musician” …and I’m not too sure how I feel about it. 

Like I said, as a musician myself (who had a thing for drummers and a crush on Louis growing up) I definitely do not mind it. But, I kind of hate the fact that they pretty much abandoned the idea of Louis being funny because he was an aspiring comic. By the end, he became more of a goofy/funny character for the sake of being a goofy/funny character. There’s a difference. And I feel like this change affected the way Shia approached playing Louis.

Younger Louis was pretty chill, subtly sarcastic and smart. Therefore, Shia brought a slightly more deadpan, mature approach to his comedy and delivery. Even the moments where he was goofy or shouty were tasteful and hilarious, without being too over the top. Seriously impressive considering he was, like… 13. Older Louis was next level goofy, and weirdly more immature at times. So Shia started approaching the comedic moments with more physical comedy, screaming, and borderline obnoxiousness to the average viewer. Still pretty genius in a lot of ways.. (He managed to bring out a lot of stunning and different aspects of Louis, as well) But, many viewers wrote the show off as “stupid” because of it. And this is gonna sound awful, but there were also people out there who genuinely thought Louis was a mentally handicapped character due to the extreme amount of silliness he displayed. (It didn’t help when Shia actually did play an autistic character in “Tru Confessions” the same year and acted very similarly to Louis at times.) I feel like the “concert” scene here is an example of that. I can’t wait until I get towards the better half of my list where I get to gush over Louis the Aspiring Comedian because it’s really, truly incredible.

The episode ends with Louis practicing a simple groove with a metronome and the “Basic Beats: The Techniques of Rhythm” book. 

It’s actually really nice to see Older Louis so serious and focused on an activity like this, though. 

It’s clear that this is basically Louis’ new thing he’s serious about. Bye bye, comedy. I understand that kids grow out of certain interests… But, that’s who Louis was. And, that’s what he’s good at. It was such a big part of him. It makes me sad to see it disappear. They even replaced his iconic Kramer portrait poster, (and other pop-culture/comedy film art) with generic sports posters?! Ugh. The headshots of his favorite comedians he once had are gone, too. So, it definitely seems like an intentional shift. Either that or the powers that be told Disney they could no longer use copyrighted images on the show/Disney lost the rights to the images and edited Louis’ character accordingly.

Where the Kramer Portrait once was, there now hangs this random skateboarding one. RIP Kramer Portrait. 

The writers also infused a lot of who Shia was/is in real life with Louis’ character. (I will talk about this A LOT in future reviews lol) We all know Shia was a young comedian, but according to trivia he actually does play the drums and isn’t half bad. So, perhaps this was just another one of Shia’s talents they decided to utilize. Who knows! This is when Hilary Duff’s music career started to take off after all.. and Disney began merging music with literally everything ever. So, maybe they decided something musical would be better for him. (Which is a little overkill because Ren was already a singer. But it also came in handy for the band arc we see throughout the series.) Idk. Drums could’ve been a fun side activity! Either way, I don’t think it was right to just completely drop the comedian goal.

It would've been amazing to see Louis actualize those comedy dreams he had by the end of the series. Like, something as simple as an episode where he performs stand-up at a café, is a big hit, and feels all proud and accomplished. From there, we viewers would know he's gonna go on to make something of himself. I don't know! 

Anywayyy, I know this Louis rant/character analysis was probably way more than you'd want or expect from an episode where he's not even the focus. But, this is the first episode in my countdown that has spotlighted Louis and his interests/talents in some way. Since he's my fave, I've been itching to talk about this stuff! haha. 

Okay, so... I've shared a lot of thoughts and perspectives here, lol so feel free to sound off in the comments below with any of yours! :)

Judging by the episode I picked for the very bottom of the heap, I just want to explain something. I’m not too big a fan of episodes that are kinda unrealistic. Now, granted.. the majority of the series has plenty of episodes that are a little outlandish. But, there’s just something about this one that sort of straddles the line. Ren’s plot is okay, but it’s a little bland. And Louis’ subplot brings out his ugly, arrogant, and lazy side. 

The episode opens with Twitty dressed up in a rather unflattering bowling pin costume to “attract girls to sign up” for Ren’s fundraiser. Monique and Ruby stop by, and Ren encourages them to sign up. Monique complains that she hates doing things with her mother because she always embarrasses her by acting “too peppy.” MONIQUE......... You’re one to talk. They agree to sign up.

As soon as we see Louis with Chives the butler, you know right away that he’s going to be using him more like a complete and total slave as opposed to an extra pair of hands. And that’s why this Louis plot isn’t great. He bosses Chives around with no regard, and is completely self-centered the whole time until about 12 minutes in. It’s not cute. 

It cuts to an exterior shot of the bowling alley -- and I’d like to point out that this is a legitimate bowling alley legitimately in SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA! This makes me so happy. If you look closely, you can see that the sign reads “LAND PARK BOWL” so I decided to google that, and lo and behold... 

The alley as it exists on the show vs. currently on Google Earth. The fact that this is genuinely in Sacramento (as opposed to a random bowling alley anywhere in LA, stock footage, etc.) just makes me feel like they went the extra mile to make the show’s universe “real” imo. I love it so much. I don’t think they actually filmed inside this bowling alley though unfortunately. 

At Ren’s fundraiser, we find out that Monique and Ruby are pretty much mini-me’s of their mothers, Tanya and Babs. Right down to their voices and personalities. (It actually reminds me of me and my own mother. Everyone calls us twins.)

Eileen wreaks havoc on the bowling alley and puts everyone in danger due to her terrible bowling skills. The night ends with her getting her arm caught in the ball return. Everyone’s laughing, but Ren’s absolutely mortified. 

The next day, we see that Louis has brought Chives to school with him (really?!) and we get a montage of him making Chives speak for him, clean his locker, and even go to detention for him. Ok, Louis. But, yeah.. That’s pretty much it. 

Ren is super relieved that the fundraiser was just a one-time thing and she’s never going to have to endure the immense embarrassment she felt bowling with her mother ever again. Until Eileen comes home with a gift for her: A customized bowling shirt with the name “Pinky” on it. (Why she chose “Pinky” for Ren, I’ll never know.) And Eileen got one for herself too with the name “Gutter Queen” on it. (Ayyy, title of the episode.. I see you.) Ren asks why she got bowling shirts. This is where Eileen tells her that she talked to Tanya and Babs about how much fun they all had and that they decided to join a Mother/Daughter bowling league so they can relive the fun they had EVERY SINGLE WEEK! :) You feel pretty bad because Eileen is sooo excited, but Ren is ready for death.

You can see her screaming for help behind the eyes.

Louis is in his room and Beans is just... there... as usual. And Louis is telling him to get out of his house... as usual. They’re talking about Chives and Beans is all “lol do you know butler has the word butt in it?” This makes me cringe slightly because my last name is Butler… And, I’m well aware that it has the word butt in it. Thanks, Beans!!!

He also says “My mom said I can stay as long as I want!!” To which Louis responds “Well, Beans. Doesn’t that tell ya something?!” - I laughed.

Chives comes in with Louis’ laundry and Louis has him remove Beans from the premises, lol. Ren knocks on the door and asks Louis for help. She says that he’s the “king of getting out of things,” and she really needs him to help her get out of this Mother/Daughter bowling league. He acts like he’s listening to her, but then he breaks character and tells Chives to kick her out. 

Chives is kinda disgusted by Louis right about now. (same, Chives.) So he asks to speak candidly and tells Louis: “In all my years of service, I’ve never seen such abominable behavior. Miss Ren is your sister, she came to you for help and you turned her away. A true gentleman would never do that.” - And now we see Remorseful Louis start shining through a bit.

Louis decides to help Ren by sneaking into the bowling alley the night of the league’s first meet-up. He replaces Eileen’s bowling ball with an identical magnetic one and matching magnetic bowling pin. How he got a magnetic bowling ball & pin so quickly is a mystery. But, Louis is the king of engineering and quick schemes so... I’m not even gonna ask.

Once they start playing, Eileen bowls a gutter ball (to no ones surprise) when suddenly.. it magically rolls out of the gutter onto the lane and she gets a strike (to everyone’s surprise). Wow, that’s not suspicious at all!!!! For some reason, no one questions why this happened lol. They’re all just like “How’d you do that?” as if there’s a way to move a 16-pound bowling ball out of the gutter with your mind. Eileen obviously has no idea, but just rolls with it and keeps magically bowling strikes all night. She and Ren are the winners!

They're about to celebrate with Babs’ ~homemade noodleloaf,~ but when they “break out the forks” (as Babs says in an even thicker New York accent than Ruby) all of the forks go flying towards Eileen’s bowling ball. Babs goes over to check it out, and her necklace gets attracted to it as well. This is when Ren puts 2 + 2 together and realizes Louis must’ve had something to do with it.

We see Louis and Chives on the lanes, running away from staff. Clearly, they had something to do with it. Ren’s not too mad though because she understands they were just trying to help out. 

Ren has a talk with her mom about how she’s been embarrassed by her, but Eileen tells her she didn’t care about winning and was just having fun spending time together. Ren feels bad. When the girls ask if they’ll be meeting up again next week, Eileen tries making up an excuse. But, then Ren’s like “No, mom! Let’s do it!!” and everything’s okay. They never mention the league again for the remainder of the series, though lol. So maybe everything did go to hell. 

Louis and Chives get “banned from bowling”: 

Louis and Chives find out they’re banned by noticing the flier while hiding from the alley’s staff. So, as far as we know.. they never posed for those mug shots. They’ve been running from the staff the whole time. Surely, if they had posed for those pictures -- they would’ve been caught, detained, kicked out and well aware of the fact that they’ve been banned. But, nope. They’re genuinely surprised by the flier! Annoying.

Chives tells Louis that the check he used to pay him was bad. I’m assuming because he tried to pay him with the giant fake check you get when you win a contest?! haha, I’m not totally sure. Obviously, Louis won the $500. So where is it?!?! What else could he have spent it on?! COME ON, LOUIS. 

Either way, Chives allows Louis to make it up to him by being his butler. Oh, how the tables have turned. Louis decides to speak in a British accent now that he’s someone's butler, lol ok. 

I don’t know why this review ended up being so long??? I didn’t even want to say much about this one! It’s so easy to get carried away with the summary aspect. ANYWAY, all in all this feels like another filler episode to me. Like I said before.. both plots don’t do enough for this one to pass as good filler. That’s all! Annnnd that’s why it’s at #64!

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