#eileen stevens

This one opens with a handsome and famous guy by the name of Barry Hudson Jr. (who’s definitely supposed to be a “Great Value” Harry Connick Jr.), arriving at LJH in a freaking chopper lol. Of course, Ren is right there alongside Principal Wexler to welcome him! We learn that he’s there in search of talented recruits for a new performing arts school dubbed the Sacramento Arts Conservatory for Creative Youth a.k.a. “SACCY” (pronounced “sassy,” of course.) This is a very important moment because Barry asks Ren if she’ll be auditioning and she says “Um, no. I wish I could, but auditions are only for 7th and 8th graders,” yet Ren is still a student at Lawrence. This is subtly confirming once again that LJH does, in fact, include grades 7th-9th! Meaning Louis and his friends have moved up to 8th grade. I wonder why they never made a big deal about that or acknowledged it clearly? I feel like it would’ve been a good plot point for an episode or at least a passing comment like “We’re EIGHTH GRADERS NOW, guys! We’re no longer the Scrubs of the school. We’ve got the fancy bathroom with assorted toiletries!” I could totally see Louis saying something like that as a callback to Easy Crier, lol. Oh well. The common misconception that they stay in 7th grade for the whole series lives on... 

Hello, Not Harry Connick Jr. Nice to meet you! 

Ren is scheduled to be Barry’s “coordinator” for the duration of his stay, I mean... who else?! Actually, I’ll tell ya who else... State Senator Eileen Stevens shows up outta nowhere and gushes over Barry, claiming to be his biggest fan. Ren claims to be a big fan too, which is kinda weird? If he is based on Harry, he would’ve been around 36 at this point in his career and Ren is like... 15. But then again, Wexler mentioned that Barry is a Broadway star and we know that Ren is into opera and theater. So, maybe that makes sense. Anyway, Eileen mentions that she sponsored the bill that funded SACCY which is pretty cool imo, but she ends up fangirling and offers to give Barry a tour of the school as an excuse to spend time with him because she’s State Senator Eileen Stevens and can do whatever she wants.

It cuts to Tawny and Tom in the hallway chatting about SACCY. Tom’s planning on auditioning with a tap dance routine, but Tawny says he should sing instead because that’s really his “strength.” We’ll get to THAT later, lol. Tom is excited about the idea of going to school with ~sophistated artistic~ kids. Tawny tries to argue that there are kids like that at Lawrence, but right about then is when Louis and Twitty come walking over holding a “gum blob” made up of used gum they’ve collected from every nook and cranny around the school. Very sophisticated, indeed. Needless to say, Tawny and Tom are disgusted. 

Tawny and Tom both tossed the blob into the air after realizing how many diseases it might be carrying and Louis is about to have a heart attack. Also this screenshot makes it look like Shia doesn’t have legs below the knee? I’m perplexed. 

At lunch that day, Louis is taunting Tom about wanting to go to SACCY and how embarrassing it would be. Twitty agrees and says “Everyone in that school is gonna be walking around in tights and feathered caps! Does that sound like fun?!” Tom slowly replies “Well..... What color’s the feather?” which cracks me up. There’s an immediate collective groan from Louis and Twitty which is great. Tawny defends Tom’s desire to attend a school where people “appreciate the beautiful things in life,” which... being talented and going to an arts school isn’t a prerequisite to appreciating the beautiful things in life but ok. Louis says that he finds used gum beautiful and Tawny has had enough.

It cuts to the audition room where everyone is setting up. Eileen returns with Barry after giving him that school tour which ran overtime because she didn’t know where anything was. Wow! Eileen also took this opportunity to invite Barry to dinner. Yikes! 

The auditions start up and we get a montage. Louis and Twitty are sitting in to support Tom, but spend their time making fun of the other auditioners while they wait. You might’ve seen these gifs floating around the interwebz: 

As you can see in the first one, Tawny is so over their antics. I love how they’re not even discreet about it tho?! Like, what the heck that’s so obnoxious to do while someone’s auditioning -- especially in a small classroom. I would’a kicked them outta there so fast!

It’s finally Tom’s turn to audition and Doris (who is played by Fred Meyers’ real-life mom, btw!!) is there to accompany him on piano lol. He performs “Dear Old Dad” which is about wanting to marry a girl who is just like your mom. Oh, my lord. Tom’s relationship with Doris is such a strange one. I can’t tell if it’s innocent or a ridiculously inappropriate obvious in-joke like Miranda Sings and Uncle Jim. Either way, he completely butchers the song and it’s fantastic. Part of me always assumed it was a song written for the show and the other part of me always hoped it was a real song. I never bothered to google it until today and I’m oddly happy to discover that it’s legit. After the audition, Tom casually says “So long, suckers!” as he walks off arrogant as all heck arm n’ arm with Doris. He thinks he’s got it in the bag. I can’t. Remember how Tawny said that singing is what Tom is best at? Imagine being so untalented that singing horribly is your strong suit.

It had to be gif’d because Tom is always quality content. 

Louis and Twitty are about to peace out now that Tom’s audition is over, when suddenly... Tawny’s name is called as the next auditioner. AWWWWW, SNAP!!!! The slopski’s hit the fanski now, guys. The juicy drama has arrived. Tawny’s auditioning for the theater department and explains that her reasoning for doing so is because she’s “ready for a change.” Twitty is all “Dude, I think she’s serious,” and Louis retorts “OH, YA THINK SO?!” I love sarcastic Louis, man. 

Tawny proceeds to perform the most melodramatic monologue from fictional production “Fried Green Magnolias” HAHA. (An obvious humorous combination of the films Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias.) I have no idea how Margo Harshman kept a straight face when she hits the reveal “...he wasn’t just a turtle. He was my best friend” line. To be honest though, this scene is a great example of the stark contrast between the talent Disney Channel was churning out back then in comparison to now. Margo is playing a character within a character who’s also playing a character in this scene and she is selling the hell out of it. Whereas newer Disney actors can’t even pull off a regular ‘ol crying scene without looking like they’re laughing. So, yeah. Tawny kills the audition and everyone’s raving about her performance. Louis is immediately torn up about Tawny wanting to leave LJH and the fact that she’s pretty much a lock to get into the school. 

My heart. 

Louis approaches Tawny later that day and congratulates her on a great audition, but he’s clearly itching to know why the heck she wants to leave when Louis ~the love of her life~ Stevens is right in front of her, damn it! But of course, he’s not gonna come right out and ask that. Tawny is pretty dead set on transferring if she gets in. Louis beats around the bush saying things like “You realize what you’ll be leaving behind, right....? Like... Pizza Stick Thursday! And, ya know that water fountain on the 2nd floor? The water isn’t even brown anymore, IT’S JUST TAN!” Tawny is unimpressed and says that it’s gonna take a little more than “almost clear water” to make her stay. I always got a kick outta this, lol. She explains that she wants to be around people who care about things. So, basically, her decision was motivated by being fed up with Louis’ immaturity. You can tell that Louis is crushed about this. I love it. We’ve seen time and time again that Tawny’s opinion means the world to him. 

It cuts to dinner that night at the Stevens house where Barry Hudson Jr. makes his grand appearance. Eileen and Ren are dressed to the nines and continuing to fawn over Barry. The best part of this bit is when Steve finishes preparing cheese and crackers and announces “I just cut some cheese in the kitchen. Why don’t we all go in there!” I love Tom Virtue. The tables eventually turn though when Barry recognizes Steve as Steve “Stiffy” Stevens (which is definitely another innuendo) from his football days when he played for Michigan State. Apparently, that’s Barry’s alma mater and now he’s the one totally fanboying. 

The dinner turns into a nostalgic football sesh between Barry and Steve, leaving Ren and Eileen totally ostracized lol. Louis interrupts and pulls Ren aside to talk. This is really where the episode starts tugging at the heartstrings. Louis pretty much begs for her to help him get an audition for SACCY. Ren immediately knows that the real reason he wants to audition is because of Tawny, she thinks it’s sweet of him -- but all of the slots are already taken. Louis will not take no for an answer and we get one of the greatest moments that foreshadowed Shia LaBeouf’s future. He shouts “JUST DO IT, REN! If ya say ya can, ya can!!!” I made a Vine about this and it was my Vine claim to fame with nearly 1M loops. *takes a bow.*

Ren ends up working some magic and gets Louis an audition the next day. Oh, man. This is so great. Louis drags Twitty into it and the two do a totally improvised interpretive dance narrated by Tom. Tom also has an incredible line before they start the audition: “I’d just like to take this opportunity to say that although I was not selected to attend SACCY, I bear no ill will towards Barry Hudson Jr. or any member of his family.” He says it in the most menacing and creepy voice. TOM IS THE BEST. Louis and Twitty begin their audition and, well... It’s one for the books...

I’ve flip-flopped over how I feel about this scene. I used to be in absolute stitches, then I thought it was cringy for a while, but now I’m back to dying laughing. This is definitely one of the best moments ever, lol. Doris rocked that banjo solo. 

Tawny is me when she witnesses the audition and accepts the fact that she’s unconditionally in love with Louis and the great lengths he’ll go to in order to stay close to her. She kinda melts there for a sec. Same. 

Later that day, Louis comes to terms with Tawny possibly leaving and decides to be mature about it and wish her good luck. But Tawny lies and says she didn’t get in. “It’s okay. I don’t mind staying here with.... my friends. :)” she coos, and the emotional piano kicks in as Tawny heads outside to catch her ride home. I’d like to point out that Tawny has a goofy picture of Louis in her locker here. Precious. She also has a photo of her and Popular Mute Tad Taylor from the Sadie Hawkins Dance too! As well as a photo of the first show The Twitty-Stevens Connection played together. Ahh. I love these tiny details. Again, it makes the show’s universe feel more authentic. 

Just then, Louis runs into Ren and rants to her about Barry Hudson Jr. not knowing what talent is! (“Uhhh... You really stunk up there,” / “No, no, no. Not me! Tawny!”) hahahahaha. He’s so confused as to why she didn’t get in because “her audition was awesome.” Ren agrees and discloses “yeah, that’s why she got accepted. But she told me she wasn’t going...” Louis puts two and two together and runs after Tawny in true rom-com fashion. I’m a sucker for this. He catches her right as she’s getting into her mom’s car and the lil lovebirds share an ~emotional~ glance across the parking lot.

THE MOST UNDERRATED DISNEY CHANNEL PAIRING OF ALL TIME RIGHT HERE!!!! What a love story, tbh.

And that’s it!

The final minute bit is Louis deciding to give up the gum blob and pass it down to Beans. Undoubtedly because owning a gum blob is immature and Tawny makes Louis wanna be a better man basically. Gotta love dat development. 

Note the sad clown painting on Louis’ wall! He painted that back in Season 2′s “Ren-Gate.” Such a small detail I never noticed before. Love it!  

This was always one of my favorites. I love this episode. Mainly because of the Louis/Tawny storyline, of course. I thoroughly enjoy seeing hopeless and confused Louis here doing everything in his power to stay close to Tawny and ultimately grow up a bit in the end. The dinner with Barry is probably the lowest point, but it doesn’t go on for too long so I’m not bothered by it. This is just a solid episode all around. It’s got character development, ace comedy, emotional weight, and a few great quotes! 

Thanks for reading! We’re officially hitting the Top 10 now and I cannot believe it. Wow. 

Don’t forget about the Disqus comment section below ;) 

The opening shot of this episode is Ren in her room rearranging her ridiculous schedule, showing us that she’s absolutely swamped. Eileen comes waltzing in and oddly knocks after the door is already open. I just randomly noticed that. Like, give the girl some privacy. She’s all excited to tell Ren that Councilman Mackenzie (whoever that is) is looking for a new intern and that he’s expecting her call. Ren CLEARLY does not want to do this and even tells Eileen that her schedule is too busy. One look at her calendar cork board would make anybody be like “Guuuurl, you’re only giving yourself an hour and a half each week for relaxation time?! You’re 14!” Instead, Eileen looks at her schedule and says “No, honey. Look! You have Tuesday, 4:30 to 6 available!!” Seriously, Eileen? 

Ren is spending Wednesday at 5pm reading to the blind. Give her a break. 

As soon as Eileen leaves, Ren walks into her closet and screams at the top of her lungs. Except, it’s obviously a stock audio clip of a horror scream. Louis overhears and it’s the first clue to the budding mystery. 

At dinner, Ren is curiously missing. We see that the Stevens are doing some “International Delicacy du Jour” where each family member chooses a meal from a different country to eat or something. I don’t know. Steve cooked a traditional Vietnamese meal, and I swear, the way he pronounces the dishes would never fly today. He’s like, “You already have your pho-taaaaaaiiiiii!” in the most mock Asian sounding accent ever, oh my god. He goes on to say “bon appetit” in Vietnamese, which also sounds terrible. He also cooked sticky rice and there’s a gag where the rice is, well... too sticky. None of them can get it off of their utensils. Ren comes running in late and clearly lies about meeting with the councilman. When asked, she tells them that she got the internship. That is, until Louis notices a yellow feather tucked into Ren’s shirt and makes a scene about it. She immediately deflects from that and brings up some ceramic cat that Louis broke to change the subject. Huummm...

Later that night while walking through the hall, Louis happens to overhear Ren talking on the phone in Japanese. He goes barging in “Hey, Stoolie! Why ya speakin’ in Japanese?” which is honestly so funny. It’s the way Shia says it, omg. He’s officially convinced that Ren is hiding something at this point. He has a meeting with Twitty to try and break down the evidence so far and we get a pretty memorable bit. Twitty’s reasoning is simply “Well, she’s a girl and girls do weird things. HEY! That’s a great song title. *proceeds to sing/play ‘girls do weird things’ on guitar*) This is a great scene so I’m just gonna embed it. There is one issue I’ll mention: there’s an awful overdub here. Listen to when Louis says “little miss perfect.” The audio was so obviously recorded at a different time, his lips don’t match, and he didn’t even bother to speak with an appropriate inflection so it would sound better in context. It makes me wonder what line they had him say originally... 

“Get out... Get out of my house” was always one of my favorite lines lol. 

We move on to the tiniest, most insignificant subplot EVER. Donnie is struggling with Trigonometry, (a subject I literally never studied in high school... is that bad?), so he gets an online tutor named Russell. The guy is a total nerd apparently and wants Donnie to help him out with the ladies. They meet up in person, and the tutor ends up being a little kid. That’s literally it. The plot never goes anywhere else. That’s it. There is a good line here, though. Russell is all “Let’s go meet girls!” and Donnie’s like “Look, kid. The only place I’m taking you is to a moon bounce.” I love this.

The next day at school, some random chick tells Louis to thank Ren for referring her to the Councilman and that she got the internship... not Ren. The plot thickens. We get a montage of Louis spying on Ren all day, even hiding in a darn mailbox, until he follows her all the way to Tokyo Rick’s -- a super random Japanese restaurant. Louis is beyond confused, that is.. until a man comes on stage and says “Up next on the mic, we have the vocal stylings of... Isis.” And we get the big reveal: Ren in a 70s style wig singing “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. 

Can we talk about that fact that Ren’s stage name is freaking ISIS though?! Isis?! Really, Disney? This is honestly Illuminati territory for me. Although, Isis is also an Egyptian goddess, which is probably where they got the name from. But, still. It’s a little disturbing in hindsight to think that Ren’s alias went on to be the name of a terrorist organization. Yikes. Christy is a fine singer, but this is unfortunately not her finest performance. To be fair, she was like.. 15 or 16 here. I definitely look back at my own performances at that age sometimes and.... yeah. Not the greatest. This is another memorable scene though and deserves to be uploaded to YouTube, so... I uploaded it: 

Now that Louis knows her secret, he decides to torture her with his knowledge of the situation. We get another montage of him sneakily posting Tokyo Rick’s karaoke fliers all over school, and Ren subsequently removing them. He also drops yellow feathers on her, and even sends a message for Ren to report to room 109, where he has the school band playing “Dancing Queen” (terribly.) I love this part. This is another thing that counts as music humor for me, which y’all know I’m a giant sucker for. The band is just so bad. It sounds as if every band member is on life support and being forced to perform on the verge of their last breath. They literally sound like they’re dying. Just think of the 20th Century Fox sax, trumpet, and recorder fails for an idea of what it sounds like... and times that by 10. Louis is conducting them and shouts “Javier!! That’s your cue!” which is absolutely hilarious to me. Sometimes, it’s the smallest details of this show that kill me the most. Ren walks in and Louis casually says “Isis!” When Ren asks “What did you call me?!” he responds with “I said ‘Hi, sis!’” Perfect. 

Ren pushes Louis out of the room and into the hallway to scream at him and it quickly turns from a scene I absolutely love to a scene that crushes my soul. Ren gets so fed up and screams “Do you think you’re funny?! I don’t. Nobody does! In fact, we all feel sorry for you because we’re out living busy, productive lives and you have... ugh, I don’t know... NOTHING! So just BACK OFF, Nothing Boy!” - The “nothing boy” remark was always a little cringy to me. Not the greatest insult, but it’s just so sad. She kinda hit Louis everywhere it hurts the most. He’s always struggled with feeling like he has nothing special or unique about him in comparison to everyone else. The one thing he does have is comedy, and she says he sucks at that too. Dang. He just stands there and sadly takes the beating. I’m upset. 

Louis takes ~the gloves are coming off~ approach and suggests that the family should go to Tokyo Rick’s as his pick for the International Delicacy thing to reveal Ren’s secret to their parents. But later on, Ren genuinely apologizes to Louis. She admits to being a little jealous that she can’t seem to relax and have fun the way he does -- so she decided to sing karaoke as a way to let off steam. It’s actually really sweet. I love whenever we get nice sibling moments between them. 

I will say, there’s a funny bit where some random kid is using the water fountain near them -- he’s sort of eavesdropping so Louis BARKS at him to make him go away. Oh my god. It’s one of those out of left field moments that help make this show great. I wonder if this was an ad-lib...? If it was, I love Shia even more and I didn’t think that was possible. 

Is it just me or does the kid look EXACTLY like Coach Tugnut? I’ma bout to ask Jim Wise on Twitter if he’s related to him...

EDIT: I asked. I was right. (tweet)

EDIT EDIT: I was not right. Turns out Jim was pulling my leg??? haha. We cleared this up in our interview with him. So embarrassing. 

Louis accepts Ren’s apology, but it’s too late. Ma and pops are already at the restaurant. Oh, boy. 

Louis obviously feels bad at this point. When he gets to the restaurant, he does everything in his power to distract Steve and Eileen from seeing Ren on stage... but fails. They’re shocked to see her. Ren was singing “Dancing Queen” again btw (is that the only song she knows, orrrr?) and her outfit got an upgrade.  

Ren apologizes again and explains the whole situation to their parents. They’re surprisingly understanding! They agree that everyone should have some crazy fun every once in a while. The episode ends with Steve wearing Ren’s wig and the whole family singing “I’ve Got The Music In Me.” It’s hysterical. And ironic, because none of them have the music in them. Especially Louis. Seeing him dance and sing is truly the 8th wonder of the world. What goes through Shia’s mind while he’s playing this character? I want to know.

How does this kid go on to be a drummer? Explain. 

And that’s it! Like the majority of Season 1 episodes, this one is a little slow paced.. but it works here. It’s part of the charm of the first season. I love it. I originally had this ranked towards the “worst” half of the list, but upon re-watching I found a lot of things to like about it. Between Twitty’s awful hit single, the terrible school band, Ren’s performance and the family sing-a-long.. what’s not to love?! It’s a bit of a rollercoaster between Louis and Ren but ultimately turns out fine, which always feels like a well deserved and happy conclusion. I also like how this episode isn’t necessarily a Ren plot or a Louis plot, it’s blended and I love when they’re able to do that and have it flow so well. Also, if you’ve never seen the episode before.. it’s sort of a genuine mystery leading up to the reveal. It’s actually difficult to figure out what Ren’s been doing. It’s a pretty solid episode, imo. But, not the greatest. 

Thanks for reading! Thoughts? :)

This one opens with the most bizarre shots of Louis "riding a bike" in front of an obvious green screen. It's actually pretty great. Again, it's one of those moments like the fake dummy, or the surfing green screen. You automatically know that it's not meant to be taken seriously. I mean, if Louis meditating on the bike crisscross applesauce isn't an indication that the scene is not intended to be realistic, then I don't know what is. Shia’s genuine laughter at the absurdity of the whole thing is also great.

He’s thinking “what is my life”

The scene is used in contrast to the rest of the Stevens family meeting with Eileen’s new image consultant for her Secretary of State campaign. They’re clearly concerned about Louis’ whereabouts and that he’s missing out on some important information. Steve is all “I can’t believe he’s not here yet” and Ren sarcastically says “Yeah, you know.. It’s not like him. He’s usually so considerate” — which hard cuts to Louis screaming “OUTTA MUH WAY!!!” as he zooms past pedestrians with zero regard. Incredible. He even steals a corndog away from the stoner extra Lefkwitz. I’ll never understand Disney’s obsession with corndogs. I feel like they talk about them so much.

Louis shows up late to the meeting with vegetables growing out of his hair, claiming it’s his science fair project. He also says it could be Eileen’s platform: “End world hunger,” which is a great visual. Imagine if we all walked around with food growing out of our heads. The consultant says “Please, tell me this is the wacky next-door neighbor” and in that moment I so wish that Louis was for the family’s sake. He would be the wacky next-door neighbor if this show was about anyone else on their block. This is definitely a sign of Louis becoming more and more outlandish, though. Growing a farm on his head...... like… come on. One thing I’d like to point out is that Christy always makes the actual best facial expressions when reacting to Louis’ craziness. 

Meme central right there.

This whole scene has a lot of those unflattering close up shots that we saw in Surf’s Up. Both episodes were directed by Paul Hoen. I seriously wonder why he apparently likes those angles so much. It definitely adds to the quirky vibe of the show, but still, I’m not entirely sure it fits. It’s a little distracting to me, almost overkill.

Fast forward to the next day. Eileen is officially announcing her candidacy on the Sacramento Morning News with none other than reporter Cynthia Mills. The image consultant dresses them in the most ridiculous “All American” getups and I have no idea how this guy possibly has a career in image consulting.

Is this Even Stevens or Leave It To Beaver? (Steve holding that spatula gets me every time.)

Of course, Louis is missing yet again. This time he has yet to make an appearance because he hates the outfit he has to wear. It is… pretty cringy considering the character of Louis Stevens. This is definitely something he’d never wear in a million years.

Did Eileen make him clean his room just in case? lol Because it looks immaculate in comparison to the tornado of clothes and junk we usually see.

Donnie literally has to carry him downstairs and Louis shouts “PUT ME DOWN, CRAB GOOSE!” which I’m assuming is an ad-lib. Where does Shia come up with this stuff?! Honestly! God bless him. Cynthia asks him “Is something wrong, little guy?” and all hell breaks loose. This is probably one of Louis’ greatest meltdowns, though. It really made me want to rank this episode way higher. It's absolutely insane! But as great as it is, you kinda get annoyed at the fact he can't even control himself long enough to not embarrass his mother on television like that. He legit destroys the living room and breaks Cynthia’s baby toe. But lines like "I am not a little guy, and these are not my pants" and "I'M NOT SHORTY PANTS KID" make it all worth it. It’s another scene that I just have to embed.

Larry Beale gives Ren a hard time about the fiasco at school later. He actually throws some solid shade by saying “What a circus! What is your mom running for? The ring master? ‘Cause I just wanted to know.” But, Nelson decides to step up and say “Hey, Snarky! For a guy with a tiny brain, you got a big mouth.” He proceeds to get stuffed in a locker. This is what motivates him to learn how to fight. But, we’ll get to that later.

Ren knows that some drama is about to go down.

Eileen, Steve and Donnie are at home watching the news report in horror. Cynthia brought Eileen’s opponent on for an interview and of course they seem like saints in comparison to Eileen’s segment — which basically should’ve started off with “Hi. I’m Louis Stevens, welcome to Jackass!” They desperately change the channel, only to find that the story has been picked up by literally every major news outlet. My personal favorite report:

“The Crazy Child” lol. 

Louis comes downstairs and seemingly has no idea why they could possibly be upset with him. Eileen starts to feel like everything is her fault since she’s the one who hired the consultant. And Louis just… AGREES WITH HER! He puts it all on her shoulders and takes no responsibility. “Ma, you’re a good kid. You are. You messed up, but it happens… right?” Eileen puts him in his place and explains how much damage control she has to do because of him. This scene makes me so mad. Ugh. Louuuuisssss. He tries to reassure her, saying it’s yesterday’s news. When suddenly Cynthia and a news crew bust through their kitchen window hoping for “The Wild Child” to go berserk again.

Now Louis finally starts to show genuine remorse, which is always nice and adds that endearing quality to the character. He confides in Ren letting her know that he wants to be the kind of kid who makes his parents proud. I love this. Louis decides he wants to win the science fair to specifically impress Eileen. Ren encourages him by saying she knows him better than anyone and if he sets his mind to something, he’ll do a great job. This is so true.

We see Louis working on his new, elaborate project for the science fair — The “Eco-Bot 3000.” He’s not exactly sure what it does yet, though. Ren is impressed and tells Eileen that he’s been working day in and day out on the project and that she should really go to the fair. The only issue is that Eileen scheduled her damage control press conference for the same day.

So, yeah. Nelson wants to learn how to fight and enlists Donnie’s help. Donnie knows the kid doesn’t stand a chance, so he teaches him some bogus ancient pinky finger trick he dubs “Ka-Ting.” That poking someone in a certain spot will reduce them to a pile of jelly on the floor. Okay. Nelson falls for it though and thinks he’s suddenly become some sort of blackbelt. He starts intimidating kids at school with his pinkies. How embarrassing. Let’s just wrap this subplot up now, shall we? Ren finds out about what Donnie did, so she tricks Nelson into thinking he’s too powerful and needs to put his pinkies away for good. He falls for that, as well. What a gullible guy. The end, lol. It’s an underwhelming subplot and feels like a total waste of time. 

One of the craziest things ever happens at Eileen’s press conference. Cynthia asks her "Is there any truth to the rumor you have sent him off to a desert work camp?" Holy crap. Did the writers just predict the freaking future?!

I wonder if Shia was already confirmed for Holes and they wrote that in as a little joke?! This episode aired in 2001. The movie was released in early 2003, so it obviously must’ve filmed in 2002. It’s a possibility! Suddenly the entire movie has become a spin-off/Even Stevens AU fanfiction of Louis being sent off to camp for terrible behavior. Let’s be real, though… He WOULD become the leader of the D-Tent pack. Holes will forever be a Louis Stevens at Camp Greenlake story now. Well.. minus the whole “no-good-dirty-rotten-pig stealin’-great great grandfather” mumbo jumbo. And the fact that his name is Stanley Yelnats. Annnnd has a completely different life story. Just forget that. Anyway, I just thought this bit was borderline eerie!! haha. It’s too coincidental. 

Cut to the science fair. The "Eco-Bot 3000” ended up being an automatic recycling machine and can/bottle crusher. HE'S SO TALENTED!!! I swear to god. If there was ever an Even Stevens reboot, Louis needs to have a job in engineering and do stand up comedy on the side or something. Wow.

Eileen ditches the press conference to be a good mother and support Louis at the fair. Everything is great and amazing and he wins first place! Until he demonstrates how it works to Cynthia Mills and the news crew and accidentally has it crush a full carton of milk — which explodes everywhere and the system runs haywire. There was a crap ton of milk in there. How did he not feel that when he lifted the carton??? He’s smart enough to create this machine from scratch but too dumb to realize the carton is full of milk?! Logic. The Eco-Bot pretty much becomes an extension of Louis’ personality we saw earlier, and terrorizes the fair. And… that’s it.  

Look how proud he was, though… :(

This one doesn't have much of a definitive ending. Or maybe it does, but it's just not very satisfying because Louis still basically loses in the end. The thing he worked so hard on ultimately goes wrong for him… on live TV… again. I don't like that. It always leaves me feeling upset and a little empty, tbh. But a memorable moment like the Shorty Pants freakout, and seeing Louis genuinely want to be a better kid redeem it for me. I couldn’t care less about this Nelson subplot, though.

Thanks for reading! And side note: Today is actually Shia’s 31st birthday!! Aww. Time flies. Go wish the king himself a good one.