Analyzing Remus Lupin and N. Tonks
EDIT: I want to make it very clear that I love Lupin and Tonks. I always did, since "Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix" (the book) came out. I had a massive crush on Lupin back then (still have, to be honest! LOL) and I saw so much of myself in Tonks that I was really happy that they became a couple.
But I do see a lot of flaws in them. I may have read the books too many times and cannot stop analyzing them (and I'm not the biggest fan of the way JKR developed some aspects of their relationship). Sorry. It's an hyperfixation. :/
Many people hate Lupin because he was willing to leave Tonks pregnant.
But here's the thing: He did it out of love for her and self-loathing. He really thought she and the baby were better without him. Hating on him because of it is a rather immature and shallow Interpretation of his character. He wasn't perfect - not a single character was - but he was definitely one of the best people in the whole series, despite all of his flaws (and boy, did he have flaws!). He just felt real.
When he tried to leave Tonks, they were in the middle of a war and almost ALL characters snapped and lost their minds. None of them were mentally sane then. And Lupin... He spent his whole life hurting and running away from people and feelings. He was always self-controlled because he wanted to tame his human form, since he couldn't tame his wolf form.
He had to deal with a war, the constant fear of death (his and his loved ones), the loss of his only remaining friend from his youth, Sirius, and of his mentor who he saw as a second father, Dumbledore (that's the first time Harry sees him loose control), and with a love he thought he didn't deserve and he knew ir would bring harsh consequences on Tonks (and then the baby). He had a nervous brakedown. (I won't even mention the fact that he would have felt guilty for not being able to protect George from losing his ear)
You see how he was in that scene when he tries to leave Tonks?
"Lupin actually seized handfuls of his own hair; he looked quite deranged."
Yes, "deranged", that's the key word. He talks about himself in that scene not as a human being, but as a "creature" whose "kind don't usually breed".
He's totally deranged with guilt. Look at what he says:
"I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgement and I have regretted it very much ever since."
"Don't you understand what I've done do my wife and my unborn child? (...) I've made her an outcast." "Even her own family is disgusted by our marriage..."
"How can I forgive myself, when I knowingly risk passing on my condition to an innocent child?"
"It will be better off, a hundred times so, without a father of whom it must always be ashamed!"
Besides, there are also things he didn't say, but we can see all over the 7th book:
• Voldemort shames Bellatrix for the fact that her own niece has married a werewolf and influences her to kill Tonks. After the Seven Potters, Tonks tells Remus that Bellatrix is targeting her as much as Harry and that she "tried very hard" to kill her.
• He's always looking miserable throughout the book, even when Tonks looks happy (which is actually weird, if I didn't know better, I would think she didn't care if he was miserable as long as she was with him.)
• We do know that he and Tonks got married only a few days after Dumbledore's death, when Tonks basically shamed Remus into being with her (everyone turned against him). Which was actually a bad timimg, since Remus was totally heartbroken over Dumbledore's death. It's the first time Harry sees him losing control, he collapses on a chair, takes his hands to his head and screams: "No!" He was in such a frail emotional state and everyone decided to gang up on him.
Molly, Arthur and even McGonnagal pressured Remus into being with Tonks... And we all know how he hates to disappoint people. He's the ultimate people pleaser.
• Tonks works for the Ministery... But we can see that she and Remus have to hide from Scrimgeour at Harry's birthday party. We can assume that Tonks lost her job because she married Remus.
• If we read his biography in the official Harry Potter website (old Pottermore), we can see that his parents were outcasts because of him. Everyone who was attached to a werewolf would be an outcast. Wouldn't Tonks and the baby be better off without living with a werewolf?
The thing is, Lupin was an emotional wreck in the last two books, mainly the last one (well, he had always been, being bitten as a child and losing all his friends at the same time, but he didn't show it). So, how can we blame anyone for anything they did when they weren't in their right mind?
There's no one single character in Harry Potter that has no flaws. Lupin and Tonks are not perfect either:
Good side: He's a really good person, kind, wise, witty, brave, resilient, always putting other's well-being above his. The scene where he learns about Dumbledore's death and loses his legendary self-control over it, but minutes after he's comforting McGonagall and Hermione…. That always breaks my heart. He always has the right word at the right time to everyone, and people who actually knew him respected him a lot.
Bad side: Although he was really brave on battle, he didn't know how to act with the people he loved. He had never had friends before Hogwarts, he was terrified of losing the ones he got, so he didn't actively stop them from being reckless idiots (although, in his defense, he did make them feel ashamed). Even when he grew up, he didn't tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an animagus. That could have had cost Harry's life if Sirius really was trying to kill him. And the fact that he needed friends so much that he even forgave Sirius for using him as a weapon against Snape says a lot about him.
Remus was - and had always been - an emotional wreck. He needed lots of therapy before he could even think about being with anyone. But he let everyone bully him into being with Tonks, not just because he loved her - which he did - , but because he was emotionally distroyed (with all the pressure from the war, the missions among werewolves, the losses and from having to run away from a love that he knew would bring Tonks a terrible fate) and… yes, because he was a people pleaser and couldn't stand the ideia of everyone being against him.
Good side: She's funny, brave, has a heart of gold, she has no prejudice in her and she loves unconditionally and fiercely.
Bad side: She didn't take a no for an answer - she was an only child, maybe we can assume that she was spoiled, although I hate that theory being an only child myself - and she let her love for Lupin become an obsession. She made the scene after Dumbledore's death all about them, even knowing that Lupin was devastated at that time. And in the last book, she's always happy despite him being miserable (even Harry finds it weird). And in the end, she leaves her newborn baby with her mother and runs to a battlefield because she “couldn't stand not knowing” if Lupin was okay.
I don't think Tonks is analized enough. She's much more than the funny, brave and romantic woman most people see in her. People seem to forget about her (unless we're talking about those Wolfstar shippers who are always bashing on her and Remadora). She's much more interesting and complex than people give her credit for.
They both have flaws, but that's exactly what makes them more human and interesting.
