#relationshipanswer

Hey. 

I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way, it’s a terrible experience to feel unloved. Just remember that you are never alone. You are in no way, shape, or form unlovable, that is your illness lying to you. I know that it’s easier to say that than to believe it but you have to try to hold onto that. 

I have some self care resources to help you feel better:

You Feel Like Sh*t (interactive self-care guide) 

Self Care Plan Worksheet*

Self Care Exercises and Activities

Also here are some links to help overcome what you’re going through:

Overcoming Low Self-esteem* 

Fact Or Opinion Guide

“What if…” Positive Thinking Worksheet*

Challenging Negative Thoughts Worksheet*

How do I deal with feeling unloved and and isolated?

How do I deal with feeling like everyone hates me?

Just be upfront with them and talk about it! I’d say something like “I know I told you guys about my AvPD but I’m a little anxious about my social interactions. How do you think I’m doing with that? Is there anything I can improve on? I want to better myself so I can be a good friend in return.” I’m a little robotic so of course put it in your own words but I think if you express that you’re just unsure and looking for some feedback, they’ll respond in kind. 

Good luck, anon!

Hi Lauren.

Generally speaking, people with AvPD struggle with the potential to be rejected by a romantic interest and as such find it difficult to maintain romantic relationships. Often people will avoid romantic relationships in order to avoid potential rejection associated with them. People with AvPD believe they are inferior to others, exaggerating the fear of rejection since they think they /will/ be rejected.

In saying this though, people with AvPD are capable of maintaining healthy relationships if they feel like they are accepted unconditionally by their partner.

Hey. 

I don’t have experience with this kind of issue or relationships in general so I can’t speak from that, however I imagine it is a common thing for avoidants. Any of our followers want to chime in on this one? 

Hi.

Have you told your boyfriend that what he’s saying makes you feel bad? I know that it might seem obvious that it would hurt you, but what is common sense to one person may not be for another. He might also say things based on how he thinks he personally would react and not taking individual differences into account. But everyone is different, and he needs to be aware that it’s not okay for him to be saying things that hurt you. You have every right to tell him that it’s not okay.

Here are a couple of Resources from our Self-Help page that may help you:

Assertive Communication* 

Honest Communication Worksheet* 

Conflict in Relationships 

Hello. 

I think you should sit your girlfriend down and have a really honest conversation with her. Set some time free so that you’re not interrupted or have to leave half way through (on break from class would not be a good time). Tell her what your concerns are and ask what hers are- no sugar coating. 

I can’t tell you what to do from here, like whether or not to stay together, because relationships involve compromise, and the only way to determine if you can both live with those compromises is to talk about them. 

It’s important to remember though that the purpose of a compromise is to create an agreement or a balance for mutual benefit, rather than something that only benefits one person and the other person has no choice to accept.

We have some Self-Help resources under Communication that may help.

Hey. Sorry to hear that you’re in a rough spot. 

I really urge you to try and push through this grudge that you’re feeling towards your safe person. It sounds like a flare. Mental illnesses aren’t always predictable and can make you behave and feel things you normally wouldn’t. Recognizing the abnormal thought or behaviour is the first step- so well done. The second is to do the opposite of what you’re feeling. It’s a core feature of DBT. It will be uncomfortable at first but you will adjust as time goes by.

Hey, I know how you feel. I don’t have any personal advice. But we do have this Ask here that Shinji answered a while ago, talking about his experience with relationships (spoiler: there is hope) if that interests you at all. On the forums too, we have a topic asking if any members on there are dating or in relationships, and a lot of the responses are positive. Don’t give up hope. Everything seems impossible until it’s done. Take care.