#rehab program

And why you shouldn't allow anyone to send their kids there:

*disclaimer, this is all of my personal experiences with what happened to me and what I saw happen to other people*

*also to clarify it was an all girls program that was 15 months long*

*mentions of self-harm, suicide, drugs, eating disorders. Proceed with caution*

•first things first, I was 13 when I went into the program; October 2013. I went against my will, my parents believed it would help with my issues with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, eating disorder, etc. (they had good intentions, they really did)

•first thing they do is go through all of your stuff. You have to try on every clothing article to make sure it's within guidelines. I spent a lot of time sitting in the shower stall crying my eyes out. Anything that is against the guidelines they set aside and jt goes back to your parent(s)/guardian(s). They took away a paper that I had written down my friend's phone numbers/addresses so I could send them letters

•your first three-four months you're on "pink" which is where you have to wear a pink wristband, and you are not allowed to talk to anyone else on "pink" you can't talk to them, say their name, even making eye contact wasn't allowed

•Your first three weeks you're on "sister" which means another girl was assigned as your sister, to teach you the rules and be like an assigned friend. You had to stay within six feet of each other at all times. For three weeks

•you're not allowed to send or receive any mail from home for those three weeks. And for I believe it was 6 months, it was only people living in your home. If you have siblings who don't live at home, too bad. You gotta wait to send them letters

•No phone calls home for one months. Phone calls were every other week on fridays-Mondays. You had 20 minutes, staff memebers sat in the room with you and took notes about what you were talking about. Phone on speaker. If the staff didn't like what you were talking about/the way you were talking to the phone they could hang up the call.

•so much religion shoved down your throat. Every night 20 minutes of reading the Bible. Chapel on fridays, church on Wednesdays, two church services on sundays. Always praying, in order to graduated you had to complete a devotion curriculum. Also "god god god" and if you weren't Christian they desperately tried to convert you

•extremely strict rules, especially on conversation. Some were: you can't say the names of your friends from home. No talking about previously having a boy or girlfriend, can't talk about tattoos (can't even say the word), piercings , homosexuality, rap music, other religions, and so much more

•required to eat all of your food unless you had allergies

•no medication unless it's for medical reasons. No meds for mental illnesses, they said God and Jesus could make you better, not medication. One girl had a potassium deficiency, and would literally cry because her legs were in so much pain but they wouldn't allow her to take supplements

•the girl from above? She sprained her ankle, and she limped for three months in hopes that they would send her home or her parents would bring her home. Staff took away her crutches and told her she was faking and to get over it (she was faking, but they still shouldn't have done that. Her parents took her home shortly after)

•they were so awful about medical stuff. We had to ask for medication, and the "nurse" on campus decided what we did or didn't get. One of my friends complained about ear aches for months, and they did nothing until her ears started bleeding. I complained the same about a sore throat, did nothing, until I went to a staff memeber sobbing because breathing hurt so bad and there was nothing I could do to make it stop

•we got to visit our families every other months for a weekend, it was called "pass" and it was time to visit and get all of our toiletries and anything else we may need. Everyone cried when their parents left, and there was about a week depression afterwards. (They went through all of our stuff that we brought back. Made us take off our shoes, socks, shake our bras to make sure we didn't have anything we weren't allowed)

•after a year we got six day home visits. Three of them, and you had to have them to graduate. When you got back, you were drug tested, all our stuff searched again

•sometimes they would randomly search your stuff

•20 girls to a dorm, showers were 5 minutes in the shower, 3 minutes to get dried off and dressed. 10 minutes at the sinks in the bathroom (you were assigned a sink and a toilet stall and could only use that one)

•everything was dictated. The bunk bed you slept in, what chair at what table you sat at, even the place you stood while in line

•the punishments were awful. You could get months added to your 15 months, you could be on "loss of privileges" which was: no mail for 3 weeks, no phone calls for 1 month. No "pass" visits, when we went to church on Wednesdays and got AWESOME food, you a bag lunch (a sandwich and chips), no watching movies.

•I remember one girl with a severe eating disorder, sweet girl doing great now. We had a decision to a degree with how much food we could get. She had to get the max amount of food, which actually is extremely unhealthy. You're supposed to gradually work your way up. They didn't care, and her mom took her home after a few months because of how awful it was

•I personally was there for 20 months. 20 months. Two months added because I got behind on that devotion curriculum (it was my way of acting out, by not doing them). One because when I was supposed to visit home, my brother got in a car accident and I wasn't able to go home because my parents had to help him move back to Orlando. Two because they felt I wasn't "ready to go home yet"

•this place did not help me. Not at all, I actually got worse. And you know what did help? Having a support system at home. Allowing myself to be who I am. Since coming out and embracing myself as trans and pan, I've been happier, more free. I still very badly battle depression, but now I have friends and people to help me through it. I have a dear friend who has helped me work through my eating disorder, people who love me. That's what's been helping me. Not shoving religion down my throat, not giving me all these rules and regulations.

So to all my guys and gals and kiddos and friends I made through that place, I love y'all. I made some wonderful friends, and that's the only good thing about that place. Some do the girls rejected the system of that program, and I love and admire them.