#regulus blurb

His head rested in your lap, the boy curled up on the floor between your legs, hiding in the limbs as if it would protect him from fright.

He’d come into your room a mess. Overwhelmed and in tears, but you’d managed to calm him down to a sedated state of peace. His breathing had evened out, and he sat completely still as he listened to the song you sang him whenever the feelings grew to be too much.

“Baby, can I make you some cocoa?” You questioned softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead, right along the line of worry that had found its home among his gorgeous features.

“I’ll make it,” he tipped his head back to accept a kiss, his tongue sliding against yours in the messy, lazy movement.

You sank back into the couch as he stood, pulling the blanket over your tired limbs. You watched as he started the kettle on the small stove, only a few meters away in the small studio apartment. You hummed softly, the song still floating through your mind.

He listened to you as he made the drinks, watching you change for bed, into your usual sleep attire of just one of his t-shirts. Really, it was an old band shirt stolen from Sirius, but he always admired it more on you. 

Regulus exhaled a deep breath as you wrapped your arms around him from behind, kissing his spine through his thin white tee and murmuring something incoherent.

“Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit?” Regulus hummed softly, asking you what you said.

“I said that I’m sleepy,” you yawned, making him smile as he poured the drink into cups. 

“Mon amour,” he smiled against your lips, kissing you tenderly.

“Go get in bed, then, I’ll bring it to you.”

You peeled yourself off of his body, crossing the room to crawl into the fluffy bed, pushing the extra pillows onto the floor. He set down the drink in your hands once you were settled, sitting down near your feet and lifting the chocolate to his lips. 

“Have you got class tomorrow?” Regulus asked, watching you lick the chocolate from your lips. 

“No, I’ve got the day off,” you shook your head.

“Might have to spend it with me.”

“I’d love to.” 

“You’ve got a little,” he gestured at your mouth, indicating there was chocolate smeared over your lips. 

You frowned, and he leaned in and gently kissed it off of your skin, every movement of his so soft. You blindly set your drink aside along with his before swinging your leg over his lap. 

Regulus lowered down to his back, pulling you to lay on top of him, your lips still moving in slow, lazy sync. His long, slender hands slid up the backs of your bare thighs, coming to squeeze your bum. You moaned, allowing his tongue to slide into your mouth, warmth blooming through you.

Your drinks were quickly forgotten as you lost yourself in him, melting into his body and allowing him to fill your senses. You were so in love, and everything was soft, the heady atmosphere melting into pure pleasure.

.

His curls formed a dark halo around his head as he dropped back against the mattress, you still comfortably curled up on his body. He reached into the bedside table, one hand still resting on your back, his fingertips tracing the dips in your spine. 

He pulled a box out and popped it open with one hand, pulling a cigarette out with his teeth before dropping it back in the drawer. You glanced up at him with hooded eyes, nearly asleep as you curled up tighter on his chest. 

“Y’alright?” he asked, taking the lighter and snapping the flame, lighting the end of the cigarette.

You nodded, relaxing as his hand moved to your head, gently ruffling your hair and massaging your scalp. He tipped his head back and blew rings of smoke into the hazy air, watching them dissipate as his nerves calmed.

“No, they’re bad for you,” he scolded gently, fingers brushing over your face when you asked for a drag.

“Regulus-”

Unrequited until proven per contra

You slip next to Regulus Black on the bench, helping yourself to whatever the elves served. You failed to notice it, as you were too engrossed in watching the boy next to you. How the candles flickered in his eyes, changing their color from a light calcedonia stone to a dark quartz. Involuntarily, as a response to the fluttering of your heart, a smile bloomed on your face.

"Hi, Reggie."

"Oh, hello, y/n," the boy stuttered a little, hiding it with a gulp of his black tea with milk and honey.

"Are you ready for the Transfiguration paper today?" You cringed internally the second the words left your mouth. This was the boy you had a crush on since third year and you couldn't find a better topic to start a real conversation with him other than school work? It was so frustrating!

"Yes," he said quickly and turned back to his almost empty plate. Of course Regulus Black would be prepared for a test. You ricked your brain for something to say, to not let the conversation die, but came up with nothing. Too nervous to think properly around him, you picked at your food miserably.

You've been trying to catch Regulus' attention for a while. But whenever you got close to him, the youngest Black became a well of guarded secrets and sealed lips. Whereas you noticed his usual quiet demeanor and shyness around people, you couldn't help but be hurt when he gave you the cold shoulder. All you wanted was for him to feel comfortable around you, but that seemed impossible.

Last week, you cheered for him during a Quidditch match. His team won thanks to Regulus, who managed to get the Sntich right out from the other team Chaser's face. And when the game ended, you waited for the Slytherin boy with a towel hanging on your shoulder and a bottle of water. He accepted them both with a soft "Thank you, y/n, see you at the party" and a trembling smile.

Four days ago, after Slug Club's meeting, you overheard Regulus talking enthusiastically about a book he needed. So you snuck inside the library at night and hid the last copy of it. "It's at the back of the second shelf, fifth row," you had whispered upon seeing his confused look when he didn't find it where it should be. Regulus took it, laughed nervously and left.

You hoped he'd loosen up his walls around your friendly behavior. But it seemed more and more like you made him rather uncomfortable. Which is something your friend had pointed out the other day.

"Y/n, y/n, y/n," your friend breathed sympathetically. "Still chasing that boy?"

"He's so perfect, y/fr/n! I just want him to notice, really notice me, I can't fight it. What do I do?"

"Have you even spoke to him?"

"You know I didn't."

"Then maybe he doesn't want your attention. Do you want to be that type of person?"

"No," you muttered sorrowfully and decided to try one more time. You were going to ask him out on an actual date. Boldly, fearlessly, confidently. And if he refused, then you'd forget about him for good. That was a promise you made to yourself.

So here you stood now, outside the Transfiguration class, chewing on the inside of your cheeks. Maybe you should wait until after classes, when the pressure of studying and the worries of a student don't mix with the angry butterflies that dance inside your belly. But the courage you've build up would be gone by then. "It's now or never, y/n, you can do it," you told yourself, shaking your limbs to relieve the tight knots of stress and nerves.

"Regulus, hi. Again," you winced at how awkward you started. "Uhm, I wondered if, well, if you'd like to – maybe – go to Hogsmeade this weekend."

"Uh, yes? Everyone is going." Regulus crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow, side eyeing the class to make sure the teacher still hasn't showed up.

"Yes, I know that. But I meant it, I was trying to say that... It's a date!" You shouted, giving up at ambages. The light voices of witches and wizards around stopped their echoes, allowing a deafening silence to take their place. All eyes turned on you and Regulus and you could feel the heat of shame growing inside your body. You closed your eyes tightly, preventing yourself from the torture of seeing the Black heir's reddening face.

"Sorry," you mumbled. "I..." but he cut you off.

"What is wrong with you?" Regulus yelled. "Salazar's breath, y/n, take a hint! No, I don't want you to baby me at Quidditch, no, I don't want your help for school work and no, I do not want to go out with you – Hogsmeade or any other place!" The boy was fuming when your eyes snaped wide open, dwelling in tears.

Your heart sunk, pressed by a constant weight that only seemed to get heavier. Your nose begin to run, your mouth to flatter and you had to blink many times a second to clean your view. Your teeth dig in your bottom lip, ripping off patch after patch of skin to contain the cries summing in your throat.

Air entered and flew out of your lungs with an irregular pace, taking such a speed you grew dizzy. Perhaps that was the reason why you stumbled backwards and almost fainted, not the heartache Regulus pushed on you. Steadying yourself with a hand prompted on the wall, you watched as the young Black hindered.

His long hands stretched in front of him, poised to sooth but hesitant in supporting you. He looked around for help with unease, decidely avoiding your face. In fact, he did all he could to not see your crumbling figure.

"I'm sorry I bothered you so much. I won't do it again."

The next seconds blurred in your mind. Bubbles of laughs broke off on the hallway. Some louder than others, some hidden behind drapes of hair or muffled by palms pressured over mouths. Some resembled mean snickers while others sounded gleeful, unaware of the pain tossed on you.

Whispers and remarks blossomed all over the place. A few witches pitied you, a couple of wizards judged Regulus, but most people just jumped on the opportunity to gossip. As one of Regulus' friends patted him on the shoulder, murmuring about clingy baggers, comforting arms guided you away.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

"Open up, sweets," y/fr/n's voice passed through the wooden door of the bathroom you locked inside of. You sat on the toilet's lid, knees drawn to your face, arms hugging tightly your curled figure. As if they could contain the pain and push it so down it'd go away.

Tears long since had dried behind your eyes and your hysterical sobs died on your lips. Now, you simply stared at the floor, begging it to tear itself apart and swallow you whole.

"Go. You'll miss classes." Your exhausted vocal chords let out in a weak voice.

"Not unless you join me."

You shook your head vehemently, even though your friend couldn't see you. "No-uh."

"Y/n, you skipped Transfiguration. Mcgonnagal will have your head, I'm telling you. But messing with Slughorn too? What, you'll stay in this bathroom forever?"

"Yes. Me and Moaning Myrtle can form a club. It'd be fitting."

"Not funny. Come out, Regulus bloody Black doesn't deserve your crying. Not after what he just did."

You sucked in a breath, ready to answer, but y/fr/n beat you to it. "And, you said you're done with him if he rejects you. Finally, you're free of that stuck up twat. You should be celebrating, not moping."

The words, despite sounding up-fronted and mean, made you snort in amusement. You knew your friend meant well and the harsh truth washed over you like a bucket of cold water to wake you up from a feverish dream. Nodding solely to reaffirm the decision to yourself, you exit the bathroom, link your arm with your friend's and step out.

The following weeks fell under the guise of all sort of funny feelings. The rumor spreaded fast around Hogwarts, obvious through the glances you received. Everywhere you went, there was someone to point and start talking about what occurred between you and the Slytherin star. It got even worse when Regulus happened to be in the same room.

To add to the hurt of being rejected by your crush, the stifling stung of shame it brought clawed at your ribcage. One day, as you were studying in the library, a group of students stopped by your table.

"What's that, y/n? Looking up how to turn into a roach and disappear?"

"That's what I'd do if someone like the heir of Black turned me down like that."

"Honestly, have you got no self awareness? Following the poor lad around like a lost puppy... pathetic."

The corners of your lips crumbled, but you hold yourself together. Still as a rock against waves. They ought to go away and leave you be if you ignore them long enough.

"Sod off, you lot," a gruff voice suddenly came behind you. You turned to see a medium height guy rolling his eyes at the bullies attacking you. Your breath hitched for mere seconds as you took in his fine appearance. The shirt's sleeves, rolled to the elbows, revealed lean arms. His eyes glazed under threatening knitted brows, magic pulsing around him "Being nice with that purist prick is y/n's only fault."

The group took off, not without some grumbles and more nasty comments, though. "Thanks," you hum at him.

"No problem. People love drama too much," he shakes his head. "I'm Niel, by the way."

"Y/n. But you already knew that...?"

"Sorry if I appeared a creep. Your name's on everyone's lips these days. Kinda hard not to catch it."

You inhale thickly. "I see," you bring the mandatory school robes closer around your body, fidgeting with your nails.

"You think it's so bad?"

"Innit?"

He shrugs. "The way I see it, I got a cutesy's name and a chance to introduce myself." Niel smiled, revealing a small gap between his front teeth. Which in turn made you smile as well. The confidence this boy radiate was contagious.

"Oh, really?" You dared to allow a flirtatious note to slip in your speech.

He picked up on it immediately, a large grin falling into place on his features. Niel wiggled his brows comically, feigning pondering over your question. "Really," he yielded.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

Months later, the incident in front of the Transfiguration class was forgotten at last. You and Niel, now your boyfriend, relaxed under the cloudy sky. The nature may be melancholic, but the boy next to you had enough joy to share and turn a demoralizing landscape into a fairytale setting.

With the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of movement. A shadow running in the distance. Someone probably wanted to go down by the frozen lake, but decided against it. Weird, you thought, but let it go easily. It wasn't your business after all.

So you snuggle closer to your boyfriend. He wraps his hands around you to better suppress the chilly wind of early december. You didn't know that the silhouette you saw lingered still. Leaning against a tree, burning holes in Niel's back with silver glares, Regulus Black munched on his knuckles.

The young heir hadn't rest a whole night since he publicly humiliated you. In his dreams, he did things differently and he couldn't decide what kind of torture break through him more. The one in his sleep, when he does what wants and goes to Hogsmeade with you, or the one he has to live with in reality, when you date a better man.

For truth be told, Regulus couldn't explain his outburst. All he recalls is nausea swimming in the back of his mouth, a speedying heart beat he couldn't control. Breathing became hard to let in, but his body kept exhaling. In that moment Regulus' mind emptied and his voice rendered itself to nothing.

The feeling of helplessness, knowing he wouldn't speak his true mind and accept your proposal, sent rage coursing through his fragile frame. And he exploded. Regulus didn't mean to hurt you... nor did he intended to go so far. His sharp tone and vile words spurred from his self loath and had nothing to do with you.

In fact, he started to fall for you just as much – if not harder even – than you crushed on him. No one has ever given him so much affection for free. No one cared enough to bring him out of his bubble and present him the beauty in people. Regulus wished he could behave better socially. Maybe then, he wouldn't have pushed the only real friend he ever had away. The one who could have become something more.

A bitter taste lingered constantly in his mouth. Due to jealousy, of course. Regulus could barely stand the sight of you and your boyfriend, walking merrily down corridors, fooling around at Hogsmeade with free samples of sweets, always touching each other as if the world would stop if any of you got a bit of privacy.

The Slytherin star admitted the irony. He was following you around now, couching his nerves under the guise of bravery to talk to you. He was now the one who glanced at you when you weren't looking and averted his eyes as soon as you picked up on it. Regulus would have laughed at how the tables have turned if it didn't mean he lost you.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

The first snow of the year spin in the air. Flakes carried by a gentle wind touched the hard earth like small feathers, melting into each other until a low blanket covered the grounds of Hogwarts.

You cozied up against the windows of the common room, a pile of pillows and blankets gathered in your lap and all around yourself. The weather slowly lulled you to a blissful peace of mind, where without lifting a finger you feel dreams become real and tangible.

The peace, however, was short lived. An easy touch of fingers brushing on your shoulder brought you away from it, directing your attention to the boy behind you. You had expected Niel to come looking for you, but the one your eyes landed on wasn't him. Regulus Black retracted his hand as soon as you stirred, folding it under his large robes' sleeves against his chest.

"Hello, y/n. Can we talk?"

You frowned, pursing your lips in a tight line. Several seconds passed, your breaths inflating and deflating your nostrils quietly before you changed your position on the window seat. Regulus took the invitation lightly and sat on the opposite end of it. His back was drown forward, leaning over his form protectively. His elbows rested on his knees as he searched for the right words.

"So...?" You pressed when the silence become unbearable.

His body shoot up, startled, and a pair of pleading grey eyes caught yours. The sight of it took you by surprise and a forgotten urge to hug him took over yourself. The winter sun reflected onto his pupils, making them almost white, blurring in an eerie, otherwordly way with the rest of it. Enchanting you.

"I'm sorry," was all he said. And with that, the spell vanished.

A short laugh, guised as a snort, broke through your lips. "That's all you have to say? Really?" At Regulus' lack of response – though he had the decency to look ashamed – you continued. "Fine. What are you sorry for, then? Humiliating me? Hurting me?" Turning me down?, bounced around the walls of your mind, but you pushed it away.

The Slytherin star nodded. "Yes. Both. And for not- for ignoring you, for keeping my distance. For...", he sighed, "for not getting to know you more when I had the chance."

"What are you saying?"

"That I was a bloody idiot, y/n. And I'm sorry. But if you give me another chance, I promise to do better. I know I can do better than that toad of a wizard." Regulus didn't intend to lose his temper over your boyfriend, he knew it wouldn't be in his advantage. But you were defensive – rightfully so, he acknowledged – so all of his plans blew off and fear of losing you, along with jealousy spoke for him.

"You mean the guy who's not embarrassed to be seen with me? The one who's nice and loving and defends me when I need it? That's reach, Regulus Arcturus Black!" You spit and stand up.

"Y/n, wait, please."

"No! Thanks for the apology, but I'm not gonna give up something nice and beautiful because you had an epiphany or something."

"Nice and beautiful," he baited you. "Shouldn't it be more than that? Marvelous, perhaps? Impossible to live without."

You ignored him and walked away, searching for your boyfriend, blatantly disregarding the pang Regulus' words left behind.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

The winter holidays were approaching fleet-footed. Witches and wizards alike hurried to turn in their assignments to pack for home, running their glee out in the snow with snowball fights, sleighs races and snowmen contents. Magic allowed, of course, hexing the projectiles to fly faster or hit gentler, the coal-mouths to move and carrot-noses to twitch in a sneeze.

You had been building a snow fort with Neil and y/fr/n, other joining you against the students on the opposite side of the battle field. Strategies were discussed and roles were given left and right, preparing for the greatest snowball fight Hogwarts has ever seen.

You didn't know who you all stood up against until it was too late. Playing with a handful of snow, Regulus Black threw the first snowball, aiming for your boyfriend.

The game dragged on 'til nightfall. Both teams were set on winning. Your cheer, though, morphed into alarm when you saw one of Regulus' friends handing him a glowing snowball. You might have overlooked it, if not for the evil grin. Regulus seemed oblivious when he threw it, once again aiming for Niel.

"Look out!" You shouted and jumped in front of it. The snow hit you and cold spread through your body. It felt like ice sewed under your skin, expanding joint by joint. And fast, too.

"Y/n?" Your boyfriend's voice sounded muffled, coming from far away as your brain begin to slip into oblivion.

"Y/n!" Regulus' desperate scream anchored you enough to be aware of puffy, red eyes searching your face. His hands roamed over your body, using the friction to keep you warm as he picked you up and rushed to the infirmary.

The next thing you know is the rumble of voices mixing around you.

"None of that here, now, boys," Madam Pomfrey's voice enabled a sense of order through the mushiness of your slumber.

Your lids fluttered open to reveal Niel and Regulus at the end of your bed.

"Of course, we're sorry, Madam Pomfrey." Your boyfriend, always the pacifier amended. As soon as the witch nodded tightly, he glared at the Slytherin star. "You need to go, Black. At this instant!"

"Get off your high hippogriffs already! I'm not leaving until y/n wakes up."

"It's your fault y/n is hurt in the first place. You don't get to decide if you stay or not."

Regulus fixated him with a killing look, but tears shone on the Black heir's lashes and his body shifted nervously at the accusation. You decided it was the best reason to signal your presence. You stirred and moaned lightly.

"Y/n!" Both boys jump to their feet. A flabby smile makes its way on your face.

"Hello."

"How are you, babe? Are you cold?" Your boyfriend steps forward, pressing a hand to your forehead before dropping a kiss on top of your head. But it felt the gesture's purpose was to demonstrate something to Regulus, not to offer solace to you.

"I'm fine, thanks." You move your attention away for a fraction, looking for Regulus. But he left no track behind except the image of broken stardust in his eyes.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

You were once again curled up on the window seat in your common room. Niel ran his mouth about his plans with his family, but your thoughts drifted away every time he breathed. The small, insusceptible pause offered the your mind a getaway for trespassing from subject to subject. All linked to the same boy who broke your heart in every ways a heart can be broken:

Firstly, with so much love and devotion on your part, you thought you might crash under the power of your own feelings. Secondly, with despondency and hate; the stinging rejection, the shameful humiliation, the knowledge of unshared feelings. Lastly, with woe and sorrow. The deep sadness you glimpsed in his eyes, the crumbling figure, usually standing so proud and elegant, the broken voice when he though he froze you to death and the guilt and torment that followed.

Regulus acted like he truly cared for you. More than he let on. And he showed it behind closed door, not meaning to put up a show for attention or manipulation, but in earnest and honesty.

"Babe?" Your boyfriend's wary voice reached you. "You good?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?"

"You seem a bit off lately. Are you sure you don't want to go back to infirmary?"

"Positive. I guess I'm just tired and my mind likes to wander. What were you saying?"

"Never mind that. Now I'm curious what were you thinking?" He conducted himself with the usual confidence, his question bearing a slight tease, not at all bothered by your slip. You suddenly felt bad. For Niel, for being with him while loving another. The sweet guy deserves better. And so do you. And Regulus, a nuisance insisted inside your brain.

You bubbled it all out. How you shouldn't continue the relationship hence it leads to nowhere. How he is worthy of more and shouldn't settle as your second choice. How you can still be friends, but you doubted he wanted to. Niel left the room in silence. He accepted the break up with nobility, but he wouldn't utter a word. Instead leaving you alone to sort through your messy feelings.

Except, you didn't really have time to do that. A snowball plumped against the window and when you peaked outside, a low cry of surprise left your parted lips.

Out in the snow, Regulus signaled for you to open the window. Which you happily obliged, the sight presented to you being pulled out from romance fairytales that always end in 'And they lived happily ever after.'

You bended mid waist over the edge for a better look. Regulus' robes were damped and snowed, his skin flushed and body trembling, but he looked pleased with himself. Caved in the snow, with his own two hands - or feet, more likely - the shapes stood out under the moon rays. It was a shining star in the Leo constellation, but instead of being connected to the others, a line of footprints - his own, of course - traced under the windows.

"What is this?" You shout, unable to hide the laugh from your voice.

"A grand gesture for a splendid soul. I'm sorry for everything, y/n. I didn't know the ball was cursed."

"I know. I saw it. What's the meaning behind it?" You change the subject towards the masterpiece drawn in the snow.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm called to you and I was a fool to try to ignore it for so long."

You hid your teary smile behind your hands before composing yourself enough to tell Regulus to come inside before he catches a cold.

"I can't."

"And why not?"

"You didn't seriously think this was the extent of my apology, did you?"

"There's more?" Your excitement was bubbling up inside your belly as you begin to look for something Regulus could have planned.

"Why don't you come down and I can show you?"

And you did. Of course you did. In the span of one breath, you jumped over moving stairs and excited the school. The Slytherin star offered you his hand, which you took with a trusting simper. This time, Regulus used his magic. A flick of his want and a path glowed under your boots. It looked like he rearranged the moonlight to fall only above the narrow pathway, its shine reflecting back from the snow, creating the illusion of walking on a bridge of sewed rays in an ocean of white shadows.

Despite learning about magic in school, you thought the definition of it will forever be changed in your mind. Because nothing you ever associated with it before could compare to this.

"Regulus, this is... astonishing!"

"It's just the beginning. The night's young and I arranged for a perfect first date. That's it, if you still want one. With me." He was quick to add that even if your answer was not, the surprise at the end of the moonway could be only a peace offering. And a new shot at friendship. But he needn't bother.

"I'd actually like the first option more."

And so, you went on your first date with Regulus Black, sneaking after curfew in a winter wonderland. The boy lead you to the Lake, now covered in a thick layer of ice. With a touch of his wand, he turned your boots into skates and guided you on the frozen water.

Regulus didn't let go of your hand once the whole blissful night. He helped you out until you got steadier on your feet, then he became daring with you. Taking both of your hands and skating faster and faster on the lustrous surface. As the sky did its own stunts and twirled to morning, Regulus scooped you into his arms and swayed on your inner music in a dance only the two of you knew the steps to.

His eyes were strained with war.

Desperation and fear poorly hidden in his iris’s, woven together with a sturdy determination. And they were avoiding your gaze.

His hands were light in yours, trembling faintly and calloused. A fragile boy with only cold eyes and pale skin as his shield.

He was clinging to you. He was touch starved and you were his craving.

If your mind wasn’t so clouded with worry, you might have stressed over the way you were both holding each other like you were more than friends.

But instead you focused on everything else.

Your head on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. It reminded you of times when you’d hold a seashell against your ear to hear the waves of the ocean. Both sounds fighting against something. The tides. The words on the tip of his tongue.

He pulled you closer each passing second. His hands caressing any exposed skin, running through your hair. It felt like he was soothing you and you wondered if maybe it should have been the other way around.

No words were spoken, it wasn’t needed.

His turned eyes and your wavering breaths spoke a thousand words itself.

He wouldn’t be there come morning.

You knew it from the hours spent in library’s. From the turning of pages and the paper cuts. From the chapped lips as he mouthed words. From the purple under his eyes as hours passed and sleep no longer seemed like an option.

And you knew it from the slow knock on your bedroom door and the way he held you.

“Reggie?” You whispered, your voice caressing his skin.

He shuddered, you could feel the way his muscles rippled from where your body kissed his.

“Dont— just lay with me for awhile.” He murmured, tremors laid in between syllables as he tightened his hold around you. He seemed to know what you wanted to ask. Tasted the unspoken before it even crossed your mind.

You can only nod. You felt his heart steady then, matching the rhythm of the light rain hitting your fogged windows.

Clenching your eyes shut, you wished you could stay in this moment forever.

The smell of the burning candle on your side desk mixing with the smell of his shampoo, both taking over your room. His arms tight around you, bringing you impossibly closer with every shift.

Your deep breaths against his chest and the goosebumps that arose from it.

Hearts in sync and eyes seeing each other in a new light. A light that would never get the chance to shine. One that would burn out once the rain clears and the smell of him is no longer staining your sheets.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow?” You asked.

“Yes.” He answered.

You both knew that was a lie. But you instead chose to hope that there was no longer a tomorrow at all, to instead live in a frozen memory of your body intertwined with his.

The moment you hear the shuffling below to the entrance of astronomy tower you know it is Regulus. Whenever you fell he caught you. Whenever he fell you caught him. Its how it worked. Since you were seven years old you promised you would take care of him, you had been his best friend besides Sirius, the one he would go to when he couldn’t stand to see anything in the black household, even his own brother. And you were still there the day Sirius abandoned his brother to be the casanova of gryffindor. And you were there when Regulus had his panick attack after being sorted into slytherin, you were there when he got abused by his parents, you were there when he turned thirteen and cried the entire night, you were there everytime and he was there for you. And this is why you wipe the few rebellious tears that had dared to slip past your eyes.

But this is also why as you look up to see the raven haired boy who doesn’t give you a glance as he looks up to the sky and sits down beside you, you fail to keep the small brave facade you’d planned to trick him with. Instead you lean your head on his shoulder, you breathe in. And you breathe out. You take each and everyone of his rings off his fingers and roll your fingertips across the intricate pattern of each of them. He gives you all the time you need before speaking up, sensing when you are ready to talk.

“I would ask if you’re okay but I already know the answer so instead I only ask you not to run away when I say what I need to say.”

You almost laugh as you nod, you’d never run away from him even if he was threatening you with one of the unforgivable curses you’d never run. not from him.

He doesn’t say anything after a while, you nod your head once more to let him know you’re okay with the terms he’s set down, he simply lays down. his back making contact with the cold stone floor of the tower. You follow suit beside him.

He begins with a slight break in his voice “Have you ever heard of the God Anteros?”

“No”your voice is gruff from being so quiet for so long.

“He’s the god of unrequited love, there’s a tale about how he came to be.”

You tilt your head to the side, encouraging him to go on.

“Apparently, this woman Beneles, she goes to him for guidance unknowingly breaking his heart for he’s been in love with her from afar for centuries. She asks him for help on getting a more famous god’s attention, in fear of losing her company…he gives her advice, the advice she seeks.”

You reach for his hand but he’s already begun tracing patterns on yours.

“anyways, when the god accepts Beneles as his ‘wife to be’ shes thrilled. she tells all of Olympus about it, her friends warn her, hell zeus himself sends her a thunderstorm the night before the wedding. but shes in love, however—“

You hear him stop to take a breath, his breathing shaky, you adjust your head, now your left cheek leans against the floor, your eyes on Regulus. Now observing every feature, trying to find something you might’ve missed.

he clears his throat before continuing. ”just before the wedding when that same god decides in front of all of Olympus that she isnt good enough he breaks it off. she cries for a century, she cries so much many believe she is the reason for Benelese river in south America. Its only when Anteros goes to her that she stops.”

He stops tracing the pattern on your arm, sitting up suddenly.

“But its too late by then, shes taken her place among the stars and Anteros heart breaks so brutally that the gods take pity on him, gifting him a small but present place next to Aphrodite’s children as the god…the god of unrequited love.”

You shift now sitting up once more, breath shaking and uneven. Realizing with shaking regret how bad you’ve been how bad you’ve treated the one person you never meant to hurt.

“But why not the god of something happier? Why let him believe something he never knew was true?”

“Beneles didn’t love Anteros.”Regulus states with finality you’ve never had a reason to be on the other side of.

“You dont know that.” You look up into his eyes, hoping to all of the gods he couldn’t see the small tint on your cheeks.

“She couldnt love him. Thats just not how the Tale of Anteros and Beneles goes.” Even in the darkness you can see his grim smile, the one youd seen when you had told him you had feelings for diggory, the same one he’d worn for all of 15 months.

You feel a thrill in you as you continue looking into his eyes, the electricity you've always felt when with Regulus but always misinterpreted for appreciation and admiration. He looks away before you can say what you need to say.

Seemingly lost in your own thoughts Regulus begins to stand up slowly, the pain in his face covered with a mute expression. Helpless as he begins to turn you say his name.

He stops. You’re surprised enough, remembering you are the one that promised not to leave and that he had every right to flee your presence.

Only seconds pass.

But before you can stop yourself you’re up on your feet right beside him.

You’re grabbing him by the tie as his eyes widen and as your breath hitches with every passing moment. Until your lips are on his, the soft and tender lips of Regulus Acturus Black.

Its moderately short, too short now that youve got a taste. But being this close to him all you need is to feel him. Both of you lean in, your foreheads pressed as you breathe deeply.

A slow and easy grin grows on his face as a small smirk equally as large grows on ur own.

What feels like only seconds later he whispers something only your Regulus would.

“Love that tale, dont you? It just might be my new favorite.”

All you can do is giggle and shake your head as you are tugged toward the balcony of the tower.

The last thing you think before you go into your Utopia of Regulus is something you’ll never forget.

-

regulus was four years old when his brother showed him the stars for the first time

he waved his arms around them, a smile bright on his face despite the tears that had fallen just minutes before

“reggie look, the stars are here. everything will be okay!”

regulus could remember that night even years later, could remember the way the wind brushed his hair, and how the stars lit up the sky brighter than they ever had before.

he could remember the way sirius wiped away his tears, even with his own eyes shining, sporting bruises regulus couldn’t see, not then.

he could remember how sirius pointed to random ones, whispering names that regulus didn’t hear, and stories of far away knights and angels that turned into the very stardust that rested upon the universe.

regulus could remember it being the first night of many wherein he and his brother fell asleep in the garden, the only company found within each other and the millions of specs on the sky above them.

-

sirius was 7 when he found regulus crying in the garden as the sunset.

his younger brother’s body was shaking with silent sobs as he desperately tried to swallow his screams.

sirius hadn’t said a word then, used to being a silent comfort to his brother by then, instead gently brushing a hand over regulus’ head.

the two brothers sat there for hours, until the sky turned from pink to black, and the sun turned into small specs of light.

when regulus sobs turned to hiccups and his body only shook from the cold, sirius wrapped his arms around his brother and pointed upwards,

“look reggie, it’s narcissa’s star.”

his brother just hummed, eyes following his finger, reflecting every constellation he pointed too.

“did i ever tell you bout the princess it’s named after?”

and when regulus shook his head, looking at his brother with wide eyes, sirius grinned. rambling off a story of far away lands and princess’ with golden eyes, not stopping until his brother ed eyes were wide with joy, and his cheeks red with amusement.

-

regulus was 10 when sirius showed him his star for the first time

their parents were throwing a party, with music regulus had never heard and fancy suits both boys were itching to replace with soft sweaters and loose pants

the atmosphere was too crowded and large for regulus inside, so he snuck off to the garden in the mist of the attention, finding a place in the snow as his breath fogged the air around him

he barely noticed his brothers footsteps behind him as he focused on the stars above, trying to reach and touch each one, trying to let himself fade away to become one with them

“whatcha doin’ out here reg?”

his brothers voice didn’t startle him, used to his brother always being there

“nothing, too loud in there.”

sirius hummed, stopping down next to the younger one, shaking off the extra fallen snow on his hair

a few moments of silence passed between them, before sirius spoke quietly

“it’s your star reggie.”

that made him perk up, looking towards the sky with wide eyes, trying to find his

“right there” sirius laughed, pushing his brothers head in the right direction, watching as a smile took over his face, a smile he hadn’t seen since he left for school last year.

“what’s the story behind mine sirius?”

and sirius told of a young angel, whos eyes were grey and wings a little too big for his body. told of an angel who looked over the world and wanted to touch, and love, and dance, and create.

he told of an angel who longed for things and flew around heaven and the earth to find them. told of an angel who found out about the stars from humans, found out about their light and comfort.

he told of an angel who saw the stars and decided he’d be one too.

this story was regulus’ favorite, and he asked his brother to retell it again and again, until his fingers where numb and the party behind them slowly died out.

-

regulus was 11 when he was sorted into a different house then his brother

his mind raced and his body shook as he tried to figure out how to navigate a life where his brother wasn’t right by his side

he panicked and cried that night, thinking his brother didn’t love him, didn’t need him, as he had friends and wore red and gold proudly and laughed far harder than he ever did at home

regulus didn’t even bother talking to sirius, not even having the guts to look at him, feeling like his orbit was light years away from his brothers

so in his desperate need of comfort, regulus found himself outside, whispering to the stars in hopes maybe one of them would relay his message to sirius

and that is where his brother found him, in the dark, the only light being casted by the moon above them.

“i have a star too you know”

this time, regulus did jump, too focused on his prayers that he hadn’t noticed sirius sneaking up on him

“what?”

“got my own star, right up there” sirius shrugged, pointing the a star regulus had seen, but not seen

and regulus looked, and saw . a bright star, right in the center of his sight, flickered in the same way sirius heart beat.

“oh.”

“yeah oh.” sirius sighed, knowing what was going through his brothers head, always knowing, always understanding, and always wishing he could move those thoughts far enough away they reached the sun

“you don’t have to worry about losing me reg, you know that right?”

but the sob that shook his brothers gram told sirius he was wrong, and his own heart ached in a way it hadn’t in awhile.

“if you miss me, you know what to do?”

“hm?”

“look for the brightest star, follow it, you’ll find me.”

regulus stopped, staring into the night sky like it held all the answers he could ever ask for, and maybe it did.

“promise?” he whispered, daring to look at his brother

“promise.”

-

up until regulus was 13, every happy moment that ran through his mind was full of stars and sirius. not a bad thought could enter when either, or both, were present.

until the stars started to fall apart and sirius’ light started to fade.

-

regulus was 13 when he and sirius had their first fight.

sirius had planned to spend his holidays around james and remus, planned to pack his bags and head off the train without regulus.

and regulus had been furious.

because the holidays were theirs, it was the only time regulus saw his brother anymore. it was theirs to run around in their old garden, to watch the stars and hide snickers behind their parents backs.

it was theirs to feel safe and loved and welcome even in a house that was no longer home to either of them.

it was theirs.

and sirius was just giving it up, leaving, for what?

was regulus not good enough for him anymore? he wasn’t dumb, he could see the light in his brothers eyes fading, he could see his smile growing smaller, could feel his hands shaking more.

regulus knew his brother was falling apart, but that wasn’t his fault. right?

and that small doubt is what led to sirius screaming, shouting, throwing his hands up in frustration as regulus tried to explain his own thoughts to him.

that small doubt led to sirius’ eyes filling with his own tears before shaking his head, and whispering a quite

“my world doesn’t revolve around you regulus.”

and regulus knew that, but it didn’t excuse the way his chest squeezed and his breath tried calling it’s way out of his lungs and his body shook, watching his brother walk away from him for the first time.

that night regulus did not look at the stars.

-

sirius is 16 and in love and associates the night sky with something else now.

he stares at the moon with a love he never had for the stars, he whispered about dancing and how his hand felt in remus’ and how he’d never thought he’d be able to feel this way.

and regulus is over the moon for him.

watched happily as his brother now tells tales of a familiar face who regulus knew stole sirius heart.

smiled and laughs and sirius finally gets the love he deserves.

it doesn’t hurt as he watches his brother orbit closer to the moon. it doesn’t hurt as sirius ditches their late night talks for early morning with remus. it doesn’t hurt when sirius stops pointing at stars.

it doesn’t hurt when regulus can’t find his brothers star anymore.

(the moon was too bright that night, figures)

-

regulus was 16 and sirius was sporting bruises across his body and packing his things.

regulus was 16 as the tears streamed down his cheeks as he stood behind the door watching his mother scream and his father spit at his older brother.

regulus was 16 when sirius told him he was leaving.

“for good?” he whispered, fearing he already knew the answer.

“for good reg. this house is full of pain, i’m going to the potter’s”

and regulus wasn’t mad, he couldn’t be. he knew sirius was right. the darkness that crawled through the house wrapped around both of their throats and squeezed until they passed out.

he knew the memories wishing the walls had eyes and ears as they were full of screams and curses thrown at innocent toddlers and heartbroken teenagers.

he knew the house was no good for sirius but,

“what about me?”

it was a horrible card to play, but regulus couldn’t imagine walking these halls without his brother, couldn’t face the drowning if sirius wasn’t there to save him.

“what about you regulus? they love you, you’ll be fine without me.”

and regulus didn’t have the heart to tell him about the bruises painting his own spine, or how empty his night sky had gotten since the winter.

-

regulus was 17 when he watched his brother graduate.

sirius didn’t even look his way.

regulus no longer looked at the stars.

-

regulus was 18 when his father held a wand to his wrist and his body withered in pain.

regulus was 18 when he no longer felt a thing, his eyes cold, his body numb.

he was 18 when he became the very thing he feared, standing on opposite ends of a fight.

he was 18 when he realized he wasn’t a star, he was the darkness that swallowed it.

-

regulus was 19 when he felt himself fall into the water.

he was 19, struggling to breathe, clawing at his chest and heaving, screaming, crying as if his eyes held any tears.

he had decided he’d end this, one way or another. of it meant him dying, then it meant so.

he had to stop hurting the world, he had to stop hurting his brother, had to stop erasing stars from the sky.

regulus felt himself dying at 19.

there was nothing he could do, no longer fighting it, no longer in pain. he let himself fall.

he wondered about sirius in his moments.

wondered if he’d turn into a star as his last breath ran through his throat.

wondered if he would be a story sirius told one day.

regulus was 19, dead, and a new star had popped into the night sky.

-

sirius was 20 when his star died.

he has gotten the note, last at night. broken sobs reaching his throat, but never fully coming out. silent as his heart broke for the boy he couldn’t protect.

sirius let himself break, for a moment or two, alone in his apartment, next to the other letters regulus had sent over the years.

he let himself cry and scream. let himself throw things at walls and ruin the perfectly painted picture of life he created.

the one that excluded his brother.

sirius thought maybe this was his fault, his own star shining too brightly to realize his brothers had went out.

sirius was 20 when he could not find his brothers star in the sky.

 - You dragged him out to a quite spot by the lake, your favorite place on campus and he too began to find a new kind of peace there.  No one else was around so you make sure to play your music out loud. Regulus lays back on his arms and watches you sway your hips, and prance to the songs.  He laughs occasionally at the horror that is your dancing.

 - Then a new song plays and you gasp and turn to him, he pales at the look you give him, already shaking his head no.  “Please,” You beg, he shakes his head. “No, I’m not dancing.” He stared at you pointedly, but then you got on your knees beside him and softly took both his hands in your own, tugging ever so lightly.  Looking into his eyes, you try to beg with looks alone.  “It’s me favorite, this one...” He caved, no man has ever caved so fast.

 - It was because of the softness that you touched him with and the glow of warmth in your eyes, the promise of fun held within them attracted him like no other. Soon you two were up and dancing.  He was awkward, no doubt, so you increased your dance moves to be even uglier so he soon caught on and did his ugliest dance moves too. You both looked liked two headless chickens running around, hands intertwined throughout the song while you moved to the music.  But no laughter on the campus was louder than the two of yours.

- When you first heard of his plants name. you laughed so hard that when he confessed this to you it made him blush.  He wanted to run away forever until you turned to the plant with the brightest smile and said “Good morning Paul, Regulus is going to take great care of you.  Look at you! Such healthy leaves already.”  You cooed, winking at Regulus who only blushed deeper.

- He’d never admit it, and I mean never, but he sometimes talks to Paul.  Before bed, little “mornin’ Paul,” or “night mate.” 

- The worst of it was when he would drunkenly turn the plant to face him, as in the pot you painted for him is facing the side where you painted the lake you two frequent.  And he just rambles on about you “(y/n)?  yeah, (y/n) you know them.  Yeah, they’re pretty great.  Pretty in general.” He’d hum to himself then, some song your currently are obsessing over.  “I think I love them mate..” he’d chuckle to himself, nodding briefly and slurring on his words.  “yeah, I know.  Not so dead in the chest after all.  Wait till mummie gets a load of this..” He’d swallow thickly and seem to sober slightly, then puts a finger to his mouth.  “Shhhh, don’t tell her and I won’t either.  (y/n)’s mine, I won’t let my family get to them too.” He nods to himself dignitly, then turns the plant to face the moon and goes straight to bed.

- He talks to the plant because it “listens”.  It’s not often in his life he feels heard or a deep understanding with things.  But Paul reminded him of you, and you saw who he really was, and still chose to be his friend.  Though the term friend makes him bitter, but rather that, then no you at all.  

- Then one day, when Hufflepuff won the match against Slytherin (god did you rub it in his face. Though you comforted him and complimented his skill as seeker. He still had to find a way to get you chocolate because of the match’s turnout.  You hugged him when Hufflepuff won, he no longer shied from such touches.  He knew he’d give you candy no matter who won.) 

- Anyway, this sore loser Slytherin notices your over pour of joy, and decided to get rude.  Not appreciating your “smugness” on the matter. 

- He said something awful to you, and Regulus without a second thought pulled out his wand and told the ass to bugger off.  He hexed him anyway, as he was walking away, just a small little spell that tied his shoe laces together.

- The guy face planted and Regulus beamed at the way your frown turned into belly laughter.  He for the first time, initiated big contact, and threw his arm over your shoulder and led you away from the scene.  Reassuring your worth with kind words whispered in your ear.

- He thought of you often.  During class, homework, writing the scarce letter home, during break...he couldn’t get you out of his head.  You were such an overwhelming and positive force in his life it would sometimes make him emotional.  He knew he’d do anything to keep you safe, to make sure you are happy and well taken care off.  He’d do anything to protect you and the world you love so much.