#reflection paper

29.10.2024 - 2.30 AM

I am not the kind of person who is confident to write something about herself. I am a mystery of my own self and I like to keep it that way. So, I just decided to tell you about this, anyway this is also a part of who I am today.

I do have a hard time finding myself, but after a series of silent questions while listening to Harry Styles’ music late at night I now have something to share.

This year I found myself liking and loving a lot of new and old things. Yes, I just go over my previous stuff and get obsessed over at it again.

I’m starting to love reading again. I’m not into the genre of romance now but instead, I tried reading horror novels especially the works of Stephen King and I’m falling in love with one of his New Times Bestselling Novels entitled IT. Also, my ultimate favorite for the Young Adult/Romance genre is Jennifer Niven’s All The Bright Places and for the Young Adult/Bildungsroman genre is Benjamin Alire Sáenz’s Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. I won’t discuss why they are my ultimate favorites but if you read these books you’ll understand why I fell in love with them. I started reading novels when I was in 7th grade and I always tell everyone that reading books helped me survive high school.

Then last December 2020, I became addicted in collecting Funko Pops. In case you don’t know, they are a collection of pop culture characters. They are cute vinyl/bobbleheads figurines. I started collecting the Pop Rocks, specifically the PRINCE line and in less than a week, I completed all the 3 PRINCE Funko Pops. Two weeks ago, I bought a Pennywise Funko Pop just to pair with my IT novel.

Currently I am binge-watching some One Direction concert films and listening to their songs. Oh, how I miss them! I remember enjoying a lot of their merchandises which I begged my mom to buy. When they had concert here in the Philippines last March 2015, I was sad because I wasn’t able to go. I was really hoping I’d get tickets for their concert on my graduation. But luckily, the next year I had a good opportunity to convince my parents to let me go to the 5 Seconds Of Summer concert. It was the best day of my life!

7/12/2018 ~ Studying NT and writing reflection papers

Finals are in TWO DAYS.

I know I’m supposed to be super motivated around this time, but I’m so tired Y'all. The grind doesn’t stop though so let’s keep going. Also, I love it when I'm the only person in this section of the library.  

Call it depression, call it whatever.

But I’ve realized exactly why I am unable to consume a lot of entertainment media since the start of last year. 

Something really broke me in 2017, and it shows via my severe lack of creative content on my artblog. It’s because I was unable to make or enjoy anything.

 I couldn’t even listen to my favorite music without feeling indifferent or annoyed at the time.

2018 is when I seemingly flipped a complete 180 in comparison, ever since I started to focus on original content. Most especially when it came to writing.

I’m learning a lot of new things, and the biggest thing I’ve learned is that there is a distinction between “art” and “craft.” I did not know that there was a difference between the two, nor did I know that the differences are worth thinking about.

But since I’ve been made aware between the difference on “craft” and “art” towards writing, I’ve been given some very interesting feedback towards my original work. So far, the state of the content I write is “pure entertainment.”

And now, I’m in the process of learning about the differences between writing “pure entertainment” and “writing for emotional impact.” Prior, I thought just having reactions--any kind of reaction--towards works ARE what defines “an emotional impact.”

I have since learned that the difference between an amateur storyteller and a professional storyteller is whether or not you can curate a SPECIFIC emotional reaction. The more specific you are in your handling of the “craft” can determine whether or not your “art” can garner a SPECIFIC emotional impact. 

And as of now, I realize that this is exactly why I’ve been unable to consume any kind of entertainment. It’s due in part that I am also seeking to feel specific emotions.

I can only, personally react to certain things if they have a specific emotional impact. I can’t indulge myself in mindless entertainment anymore. It has stopped working for me for awhile now.

“Luca is mood” is a reaction I’ve actually received early on, and it continues to prove itself true because holy hell. I’ve been face-palming for two weeks and then some.

You’re probably wondering where the reflection papers for drafts 2, 3, and 4 are considering I only wrote essays on the first draft and the thoughts preceding it’s feedback.

They don’t exist because the creation of the second, third, and fourth rewrites have been a clusterfuck. The battle was against technical online programs SNAFU that killed the whole script that I had to fix by hand in time for submission, which I did very poorly due to the rush. This resulted in wasted time and literal money.

The real kicker is that I have since found myself at a loss since the first draft, which ended up to be more tightly written than the succeeding drafts after it, despite the sucky first ending. At this point, I’m sure it’s safe to say it was because of a lot of conflicting feedback.

Sources at school convinced me that I didn’t need to dial myself back in the script anymore, and continue to beef up the writing.

The next thing I knew, I was given notes back from here saying:

“Alrighty, then,” I said to myself. “Let me fix that.” But then, I read the notes given further.

Thing is, my current problems with writing this dumb script paired with dumb feedback has led down the rabbit hole of headaches.

And I want to address it because it’s driving me insane. I was going to do this in a manner of a more eloquent essay, but I can’t stand beating around the bush. This feedback isn’t helping me.

He what?? He wants to what now his dad?

This is on page freakin 3, yo.

MAYBE....MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE...HIS DAD HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT....

HIS DAD ISN’T A CHARACTER HE’S A FRAMING DEVICE OH MY GOD.

THIS IS WHAT CREATES THE RIFT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Oh, for sure. I didn’t do my research. PSYCHE:

THAT IS LITERALLY HIS JOB. IT IS LITERALLY HIS JOB TO COUNSEL. IS RAISING MORALE A FOREIGN CONCEPT TO YOU? A SAD SOLDIER IS A SOLDIER THAT CAN LAND PEOPLE D E A D.

AND ABOUT HIM BEING A “LITTLE SAD”

HE IS FAILING.....BASIC TRAINING........WHAT ELSE.....WOULD A “DIP IN PERFORMANCE” MEAN?

“OH, BUT VAR,” YOU MAY SAY, “MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE YOU WROTE IT WEIRD AND NOT EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS THE MACHINATION OF THE US ARMY IS WHY FILM PROFESSIONALS WERE CONFUSED.”

THEN!

EXPLAIN!

THIS!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUUUUUTTTTT????!!?!!?!

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

Don’t take your confusion up with me, seeing how you view “animation” as a genre WHEN YOUR WEBSITE CLEARLY SAID:

The bias towards animation is real. It’s not made up. I’m crying.

Anyway, I rewrote this script with what little legitimate criticism I can salvage from these notes despite everything which has been my little circle of hell as of late.

Thankfully, I’m now fully aware and now engaged of what it takes to take screenwriting seriously. I’m also armed with some invaluable texts I can use for educational bolstering. The next feedback competition/session is nigh, and I’m willing to fork over the steep price. 

Draft 5 is complete and I have 3 more days until the deadline. So, what will happen next?

First draft reflection paper HERE.

Last Thursday I received my feedback for the first draft of “Sow Don’t Sing,” so today’s reflection paper will be in accordance to organizing my thoughts on what has been said about it and how I’ll move forward with the second rewrite.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE STORY DISCUSSED BELOW!

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