#ref ref

and when I figure out what I need to figure out, then I'll get a hang on my life, no matter how long it takes. The worse thing I know I can do is compare my life to others but thats just it- I'm not them, and their life is not mine. Figure out what you need to do, or what you want to do. It seems unlikely but you can take your time. Figure out what you want to do to make yourself happy. We all want you around, and as your friend all we want is to see you succeed and be yourself. (2/2) 

God just...thank you so much okay? I can’t really express how much this message means to me and even the fact that you took the time to right it just brings me to tears...

I hate comparing myself to others and I do it so often for so many things. Art, life, driving, job, just literally every aspect of my life is being done better by like every other person. 

But like...who cares because there will always be someone better than me at anything and everything, but that doesn’t mean that I still shouldn’t do my best, because everyone truly is unique and the world would be darker if any of that magic was lost. 

So I need to do better. I don’t know how or when, but I know that there are many parts of me that I am unhappy with and that I need to improve. 

I think I made a mistake in assuming that I’m super far removed from the awful person I perceived myself as a few years ago, because even though I have changed, I’ve regressed by like...settling with what little change has actually happened. 

So I’m going to cry. And scream and bleed and ride through the wave of awfulness. And then, I’m going to pick myself up and look over the scars and bruises and remember them and learn from them and improve. 

Because I can do better. And I deserve better, and the people I love deserve better.

And I’m going to try my absolute damndest to actually follow through somehow.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I’ll try my best to remember your wise words and keep going.

i realized i would know my seconds like i knew the inside of the tv cabinet.

i realized i could build houses out of movie cases.

i realized i would not watch the movies as much as touch them.

i knew that i knew them better than they would ever know me.