Jan 15, 2018
lost in a world of flashing lights
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lost in a world of flashing lights
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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my world🌎
DON’T
everyone keeps telling me dont. dont do it. dont text her. dont tell her. dont talk to her. dont think about her. dont go back, you deserve better. but what they DONT know is that i need to. everything i have with her is so unfinished. yes i should want her to chase me considering she is the one who left me behind, but damn. i cant wait forever. the anxiety over these past few days has driven me to not eat. but i cant help but wonder what would happen if i texted her. im probably just getting my hopes up but at least ill know. ill know that im ready to move on. ill know for sure that this is the end. im aware of what happened, but im also aware of how quickly feelings can change whether people like to admit that they do or not. i miss our happy times; the easy nights facetiming, the stupid snapchats to make me happy throughout the day, the endless smiling. i know thats not how our relationship ended but it can go back. we can always get back. it wont be easy, but nothing about a relationship is easy; everything is work. its supposed to be work. thats how you know its worth it. i fucked up.
i should be studying, but...
i know i am not the first person that you have loved. you are not the first person i have looked at as though you put the stars in the sky. we both know pain like the edge of a razor blade searing through fresh skin. our bodies both resemble more scar tissue than untouched skin. our light came in the blink of an eye, in the middle of a cold random night. we met at the perfect time when we thought about giving up on the whole ‘love’ thing. i thought to myself that this has to be a sign. a signal. motivation in a sorts.Â
this is how i heal. i will hold onto you with every last bit of hope that my body contains. i wont let go until my arms are stained red, and purple is the only color that i will see when its all washed away. butterfly bandaids will hold together the edges of emptiness ive tried to let escape, to try to feel again, only just to be disappointed the next day. i will write poems about the sweet vanilla taste you left lingering on my lips. i will draw the way those perfect eyes encompass the beauty within you. my god. id look up every word possible to try and describe the way it felt to have finally found someone like you to get it all out. to let it breathe.Â
but i will be afraid of your scars because i am horrified by mine. i know its hard for you to let me into your shattered pieces of perfection, but ill leave you with this; whether it be the days you are shining brighter than all the other candles, or the nights where you collapse onto your bed unable to move a muscle, your thoughts disheveled into a million questions, you are the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.Â
i will have an eternity of tenderness for you.Â
yeee i did a thing today and finally got my nipple pierced😋
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
ive fallen. my visit this weekend was the best decision ive made in a long time. last night, last night was the first of many. the way you took care of me and made sure that i was okay meant the world to me, i honestly didnt expect it. you handled everything perfectly and i couldnt be more thankful. i trust you with every side of me, i know you can handle it. after the party, after you taking care of me, sitting next to you in the darkness at the beach was everything. when you leaned over and pulled me in to kiss you, i felt it. i felt everything: my stomach turned to butterflies, the goosebumps rose so quickly, the fireworks within my head. i fell in love with that moment, and i cannot be more excited for our future. the way you make me feel is indescribable. that moment will be everything to me. i miss you dooba, but you have me at the palm of your hand. i want everything with you.Â
shes still sleeping
she’s beginning to feel like home. everything she does calms me and i couldnt be more happy. she knows i have finals this week, but she came to visit me, to help me, and sit with me while i study because all that mattered to her was that she was with me; how could anyone want anymore than that? i know i dont; shes already more than i could ever ask for. i get that rush everytime she hugs me and touches me, and shes like a little bug you cannot get rid of at night because she somehow always finds her way back to holding me. it makes me smile everytime LIKE HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY! i dont think ill ever understand but i couldnt be anymore grateful. so thank you for being you.
i fucking hate mental breakdowns.. i hate how anxious i get, i hate how it turns my stomach, and makes me clench every muscle in my body, and i fucking hate how it messes with my head. i wish i never got them. i wish i was back on medication because this strain is really taking a toll on my appetite. i just want to go home and pretend nothing exists anymore. life doesnt feel real anymore, nothing i do ever does.